by Martha Carr
"We can learn," she called back, banging on Yumfuck's door as she passed by.
By the time they were all gathered in the kitchen at the back of the house she had pulled out a box of garbage bags and filled a bucket with soapy water.
"All right men, this kitchen is going to need a complete overhaul, but first let's just make it a little less disgusting. I think that's a layer of bacon grease and smoke on the walls."
"That could work." Yumfuck took a tentative lick and shrugged his tiny shoulders.
Leira shook her head and scooped him up, passing him off to Correk. "Hold on, Yoda. I think I can handle this one. Not sure even your stomach could take it."
"Come here, buddy. Let her show off a little," Correk leaned against the door frame and Yumfuck leaned a paw against the side of Correk’s head.
Leira peered out the kitchen window at the small backyard patio and the rear of the house behind them. The pavers on the patio were broken, and she knew they would have to do it by hand since the neighbors would be able to see everything. We'll get there.
Yumfuck pressed Stop on his new stereo, ending the steady flow of nature sounds coming from the speakers. He took a deep breath and kept his eyes closed as his furry chest slowly rose and fell. He sat perfectly still for a moment, his hands in Vitarka Mudra just like the statue next to him that was a foot taller. He opened his eyes and looked at the Buddha just as his stomach loudly growled.
"To cure the hunger within one must bite the Cheetos." Yumfuck trilled, hopping off the twelve inch meditation mat and running to his closet. He crawled through Ninja turtle gear, hopping over a rolled up poster of the last season of Big Brother and landed behind a moving box. In the small gap between the box and the wall was a stash of Cheetos snack-sized bags, piled on top of each other. "Only nine left. I'll have to resupply soon."
He grabbed a bag, backing out of the closet and licked his lips, plopping down on the floor to open the bag. "Anticipation is the best part." He crawled inside and crunched down, flurries of orange dust flying out of the bag. It wasn't long before the entire bag was eaten. "Not a bad life. Ooooh still hungry." He rubbed his belly, streaks of neon-orange cheese smearing his fur.
Yumfuck stood up and grew to three feet tall, shaking all over, creating a shower of orange dust. He climbed onto a chair at his desk that mimicked the twisted wood of the giant trees in the Dark Forest of Oriceran. A gift to the troll from Jackson.
The windows were outfitted with heavy dark curtains to prevent prying eyes, and the bed included a small pull-out with his own supply of women's panties perfect for naps. In the corner was his favorite fern, the dirt piled to one side where he had created a divot for himself in the moist soil.
He pulled a pen, a piece of paper and an envelope out of the desk, pushing down a pile of letters from Hagan so he could shut the drawer. The Gardener of the Dark Forest made a point of postmarking them with the green outline of a stamp and the date.
Dear Hagan, he wrote. I haven't found a new hidey hole yet, but I will before you visit. Something dark with good onion rings and a pool table. Thank you for the lock pick set, rope and the spade. They were just what I wanted and will come in handy when I'm out on patrol. No, I didn't tell L&C. We made a deal and I'm not rat. I'm a troll. Please tell Rose thank you for the new capes and masks in two sizes. I'm really diggin having a short stack size and this three feet of awesome and I like knowing I can stay in disguise. I miss you big dude and I'll see you soon.
Your best friend,
Yumfuck Tiberius Troll
He folded the letter and put it in the envelope, licking the flap and mashing it down with his paw to make sure it stuck. He left it propped in the corner of the picture with him and Mara Berens smiling at the camera. The troll was blowing a raspberry.
"Gonna save the world today." He grabbed his new sunglasses off the desk and hopped off the chair. "But first, lunch."
Chapter Three
Wolfstan stood a distance from the dark forest, on the far side of the royal gardens patiently waiting. He was hidden by the labyrinth, east of the floating castle and just off the far corner of the gardens. At his feet lay a dead Light Elf from the Dark Market who was never good at paying his debts.
"This will make us even, Gringle," said Wolfstan, nudging the Elf's cold hip with his boot.
Queen Saria came into the gardens, alone as usual, at the same time she always passed through. The corners of Wolfstan's mouth curled up at the edges. "Have to love a woman who knows how to be on time. Don't you agree?" He nudged the lifeless body again.
Wolfstan crouched next to the body and pulled out a leather drawstring pouch, loosening the strings. He pulled out soil mixed with ash and blew it over the dead elf's face whispering, "Quid est, iterum. Sine anima sunt vocem novum." It was an old, forgotten spell, unknown even to Rhazdon and the darkest of magic.
The dead body stirred, not taking in a breath. Its eyes opened but were pale and without an iris. "Stand up," Wolfstan whispered gently. His voice echoed out of the Elf's mouth as the body stood, stretching to its full stature. He leaned close and whispered in Gringle's ear. "Testing, one, two, three." He grinned, listening to his voice echo out of Gringle's gaping mouth. "This should be fun." He swallowed a laugh, draping a dark red shroud over Gringle's head, hiding most of his graying face. "Go find the queen."
Wolfstan opened his hand as a small, green ball of light grew in his palm. He threw it up in the air and watched it bob nearby in the adjoining garden. "Off with you."
The late Gringle walked flat footed out of the meditation garden through an iron gate, swaying slightly from left to right. Wolfstan looked up at the green ball, waiting for the color to grow brighter. Bingo.
He pulled in just enough magic, his fingers glowing and rubbed his neck, disguising his voice into a throaty rumble. "Hello my queen."
He heard her gasp over the thick brick wall and smiled again. "No need to be alarmed. I'm a proxy."
"I know what you are. I know the stories. But how?" She sounded angry more than afraid.
I think I like her.
"Doesn't matter. Not really the point. This isn't a show of my powers. It's a trade."
"Show yourself if you want to trade with me. Don't send your helpless ghoul. I don't deal with intermediaries, even dead ones."
"I know where you can find Harkin." Wolfstan looked at the dark green light. The queen wasn't moving. Good.
"But I want something for my information."
"Fool. I'll find him myself." The light dimmed as she started to walk away.
"No, you won't. Powerful forces are hiding him out of your reach." Wolfstan spit out the words, watching the light grow dimmer. "You never got to put your hands around the neck of your son's killer. Must be frustrating. Care for a second chance?" The light brightened again.
"Fraekin was an old friend, wasn't he?"
"Get on with it," snapped the queen.
Wolfstan licked his lips. "I want something in return. I want a place in the royal court. I want a seat at the table."
The queen let out a bitter laugh. "That will be a little hard without knowing who you are."
"You will when the time is right. But first, I want your word. I know you have never broken it."
There was a long pause and Wolfstan pressed a finger to his lips, patiently waiting. The hardest part.
"Tell me what you know. If the information is good, I'll give you access. That's it. Take it or leave it."
"Deal." Wolfstan squeezed his hands together in delight. "He's being hidden by the mythical Gardener of the Dark Forest on a sanctuary outside of Austin, Texas on the other planet."
"I have no say there," she spit out angrily. "I have no jurisdiction in that damnable forest. It's another realm."
"A minor detail that I may be able to give some assistance. Were you looking to bring him back for trial?" There was no answer. "I didn't think so. Peyton was a friend too, wasn't he? The bodies pile up around Harkin. I'll be in touch."
Hagan patted his belly, frowning. "I haven't been to a grocery store in weeks. No impulse buying. No side trips to Voodoo Donuts. It's not American. I'm wasting away to nothing."
Harkin looked up from his makeshift workbench, his eyes glowing. "We may have different definitions of nothing."
Hagan pushed his chair away from the virtual screen tracking magical activity and rolled closer to Harkin. "Do they have donuts on Oriceran? Tell me one really good thing to eat that didn't fall off a tree or a bush."
Harkin watched the liquid grow around the circuit board taking shape as a smile grew across his face. "Progress sometimes comes in micro steps."
"What?" Hagan got up and came to take a closer look. "Looks like you're growing electronic jellyfish."
"You are not that far off except it's electronic musculature and a lot more complex."
"Sounds like I was a mile off." Hagan hitched up his pants and looked around the room, trying to figure out what to say. "Look, I know you've had a rough go of it for, what a hundred years or so."
Harkin looked up with an arched brow but went back to injecting magic into the liquid.
"But I heard about how you took responsibility for all of it. That's all you can ask of somebody." He took out a white handkerchief and wiped his forehead. "I mean, Correk will come around. Berens was a tough case. Not that I'm her dad, but I was kind of her mentor."
Harkin stood up straight. "Pep talks are not your strong suit."
"Boy, you said it. Leira hated them. I think I only tried it twice." He put out his hand to shake. "But I meant every word."
"What do you want me to do? Do I hand you something?"
Hagan's eyebrows went up and he waggled his fingers in the air. "Really? In magicky land there's no such thing as a handshake? Interesting."
Harkin looked up at Hagan and narrowed his eyes. "You are very sincere even if you are at times very awkward." He turned back to his work. "I am not supposed to tell you, but Lois left a stash of candy for you in case of emergency. I couldn't figure out what would make up a candy emergency but maybe this is it."
"Well?" Hagan turned in a circle in the room. "Am I hot or cold?"
"You look hot. You're sweating profusely." He pointed with a wrench. "The candy is in that cabinet with the glasses. It's hidden behind them."
Hagan stabbed a finger in the air. "You and me, we just might be friends. I don't suppose you drink beer or play pool?"
An alarm went off, splitting the air and startling Hagan. "Mother of... every goddamn time!" His head whipped around to look up at the screen. Symbols were flying across it etched in red. "Oh, this is not good. The fucking dark families are at it again." He rubbed the top of his head trying to keep up with the flashing symbols, reading them as fast as he could. "I could swear that said assassin... headed to..."
Harkin dropped the wrench with a loud rattle, standing up straight and tying his longbow to his back in one swift movement. "It says an assassin from the dark families has a bounty on Correk. They're headed to the townhouse in DC."
"Where the hell... Never mind. I'd be doing the same. I get it. It's your kid no matter how many centuries go by. Do me a favor and be careful."
Harkin already had a portal open to the alley behind the Georgian building and was stepping through. "Warn Leira and Correk," he said, before he was all the way through, the portal already closing behind him, spitting out sparks.
"Like those two wouldn't already know. Damn, now I'm not even hungry," he said, dialing his phone. "Little buddy? Listen, trouble is headed your way. Warn the folks."
Chapter Four
Queen Saria stood at the window looking out over the gardens. Everything looked so peaceful. "It's a lie," she muttered. The vines along her crown were a deep green with buds at the edges that were refusing to bloom.
"Your Highness." A nervous Light Elf in the royal blue colors stayed near the door just in case he needed to make a hasty retreat.
"What is it?" She gazed out at the mountains, her irritation growing. She snapped her fingers, her back to him. "Spit it out."
"We received a card from a carrier pigeon. It has an address on Earth printed on it and it says to tell you. That was it. Oh!" His face brightened at remembering a small detail. "It also had printed at the very bottom, one hour. That was it. No explanation," he said with a shrug.
The queen lifted her chin, breathing harder. "Send two of our guards to that address. Do it now. Don't let me find out there was a delay. Tell them to bring me Harkin, dead or alive. I'm tired of playing games." She pressed her hand against the cold window but turned when she realized she could still hear the Elf muttering something.
"Go!" she shouted.
His body shook and he ran out of the room, shouting, "Altrea Extendia!"
"So much darkness these days. It all started with Rhazdon," said the queen, staring out at the mountains again. "But who will it end with... and when?"
Yumfuck hung up the phone and went searching through the townhouse, sliding down the rail on his feet with his toes hanging over the edge. He got to the foyer and jumped down to the floor, stopping to listen. No sounds.
The troll made his way to the kitchen where there was a note that Leira and Correk were walking to the corner store to stand by the freezer section and wouldn't be gone long.
"Home alone. I've got this. We defend the home." He started down the hall but was shoved over from behind by a pulse of energy moving through the lower floor. Someone was trying to penetrate the wards. "No time for a mask and cape this time."
He pressed up close to the baseboard, running back into the kitchen and toward the source of the pulse. He got up on the counter stepping on a bowl of avocados and peered out the kitchen window. "You are not what I was expecting."
In the alley stood a bespectacled young wizard with tousled hair and a pleasant face quietly trying different spells.
"This is the assassin? They must have used a Groupon." Yumfuck watched as the wizard patiently tried one spell after another, bombarding the townhouse. At best he was rattling the dishes in the cupboards, but the wards were holding steady.
A portal opened behind him and Yumfuck slapped his paws against his face, watching Harkin bound through the opening, his longbow at the ready. "You are not supposed to be here." Yumfuck pressed his face up against the glass.
The teenager turned toward Harkin, his wand raised. But instead of going on the attack, he threw up a shield in defense and retreated down the alley.
"That was quick. That was too quick. No... no, no, no. Don't lower your bow, Harkin." Yumfuck pounded on the window with his paw, getting Harkin's attention. He shook his furry little head, but Harkin looked confused and walked closer to the townhouse, only to be rebuffed by the wards.
A blinding flash of light lit up the alley behind Harkin as he threw his arm over his eyes. Yumfuck squeezed his eyes shut and stepped back from the window, pressing himself against the backsplash. He pushed off and leaped for the edge of the counter, landing on his feet on the ground.
Crash!
There was the sound of glass breaking outside, followed by shouting as Yumfuck grew to three feet tall. Big enough to open the back door. He ran out the door, shrinking back down and slipped through the wards.
Two guards wearing the royal symbol for Oriceran on their tunics were moving in on Harkin, backing him up against the wards and leaving him no room to maneuver.
"I don't want to harm you," he was shouting, peppering them with fireballs meant to push them back, more than wound them.
Yumfuck ran into the space between the guards and Harkin and grew to his full stature of eight feet tall, his claws already bared, roaring in their faces. It was just enough to make them hesitate and gave the troll enough time to place his hand squarely on Harkin's chest and push him through the wards. They were designed to let any of the residents take so
meone through as long as there was contact.
Harkin fell backward but quickly got back up, ready to pass back through the wards and get back in the fight but Yumfuck blocked his way.
"Out of our way troll. We aren't after you."
"You come for someone in my family, you come for me and I always answer a threat. Looks like today I'm here for you." The troll stomped the ground, shaking it and letting out a roar, moving in on the two guards. The larger of the two guards curled his lip and formed a fireball in his hands, reaching back to throw it. An arrow sailed by his ear from behind, nicking the skin and startling him. The magical fire slipped out of his hand and hit the ground, burning a hole in the asphalt and fizzling out.
"Next time I aim just an inch to the left."
The royal guards spun around, more fire growing in the palms of their hand. At the end of the alley Correk had another arrow cocked and ready to go. Leira stood by his side, her eyes glowing.
"We have orders from the queen, Correk. Don't interfere."
"My father has my protection. Tell Queen Saria whatever she's been told, it was a carefully crafted lie. On my honor, I give you my word."
"We can't leave without him. Dead or alive."
Correk pulled the string tighter. "Then you don't leave. Your choice."
Leira formed a ball of fire in her hands and pulled at it till it was shaped like a glowing boomerang. She whispered an intention into it and tossed it, whipping it through the air. It circled the guards, creating rings of fire that extended down to the ground. "Hold very still. That fire will burn till I put it out. If it touches you, it will eat through your bones."
The guards glanced at each other, the larger one clenching his teeth. "Your word as a member of the court?"
"My word and my honor. I will bring her majesty the proof myself."
Leira blew out a puff of air and the flames bent slightly inward toward the guards. They looked behind them and saw the oversized troll, growling at their backs.
