by Katie May
Am I as bad as Man? Is that why she’s fighting me? Do I deserve this?
I have hurt so many people. I don’t want to become the monster I once hid from.
“No,” I say at last, my voice reverberating throughout the room. The screams and jeers of the crowd become dimmer until they’re merely background noise. I focus entirely on Tessa’s heavy, erratic breathing.
“No?” She pauses mid-assault, the warmth from her hand burning my throat.
“No, I’m not fighting you.” My steel voice rings out clearly. The raucous cheers turn into murmurs of confusion.
“Nina, what are you doing?” Kai roars from the edge of the arena. I ignore him. I ignore everything.
“I’m not fighting you, Tessa. Not over this,” I repeat softly. A second later, her fist connects with my opposite cheek. Pain blossoms as I collapse onto my hands and knees. I feel like a wilted flower that has been trampled on until it’s merely a husk of what it once was.
She takes the opportunity to step on my back, bringing me completely to the ground. Tears cascade down my face, but I refuse to openly sob in front of her and the crowd. The pain is unbearable, agonizing, but I keep my reactions to a minimum. I have dealt with it before, and I’ll deal with it now.
If I were to follow Damien’s training, I would sweep my leg out and knock Tessa off balance. Instead, I keep my face pressed to the icy cement. I have no doubt nasty bruises are now marring my pale face. Fear makes my brain go blank, makes me retreat to the place I used to go as a child. Unlike before, I can’t just hide under a blanket and hope the monsters don’t get me. This is the real world with real monsters, and they don’t only come out at night.
“Fight back!” Tessa screams, grabbing a fistful of my hair, lifting my head up, and then shoving my face back into the ground. A resounding crack echoes around me, and I know my nose is broken.
She waits until I amble back to my feet before attacking me again with renewed vengeance. Each kick, punch, and scratch causes lightning to radiate through my veins.
“I’m. Not. Fighting. You,” I hiss. The crowd has gone eerily silent as if they’re waiting for something. But what they’re waiting for I haven’t got a clue. “Take your anger out on me. Give me your pain. I’ll survive it all because you know what? I have lived my entire life in hell. This is child’s play.”
I don’t want to talk about the next few minutes. I don’t want to discuss the agony that crawled up my spine as her foot stomped on it. The pain in my fingers as they were snapped back. The crunch of my nose as she punched me while I huddled in a fetal position on the ground. Kai’s enraged snarl. Bronson’s melancholic howl.
I know pain. Heck, I’m even an expert on it. This is nothing compared to what I’ve previously endured.
Unlike the previous times, however, I know I’m going to survive it. For the first time in my life, I have people looking out for me, people who are just as full of shattered glass as I am. They’re painstakingly mending the holes in my body and soul; I’m not whole, but I’m no longer the carcass I once was.
“Enough!” I’m vaguely aware of Kai screaming. “I said enough, dammit! The fight’s over. It’s fucking over.”
Pain. Pain everywhere. It’s all I’m aware of.
So. Much. Pain.
My eyes are shut, head lolling to the side, as strong arms wrap around me.
“Where the fuck is Cain?” I hear Kai shout. I open my mouth to confess the truth—that my sins and transgressions have finally caught up to me, killing me—but I’m unable to move. My eyes are swollen shut, and the pain in my ribs threatens to consume me completely.
This is how I’m going to die.
But, no. I’m not going to die. Not yet. Not when I still have so many things to live for. First and foremost, I’m a survivor. I’ve always been. This is just another obstacle I have to hurdle over.
“Stay with me, baby. Stay with me.”
Screams and shouts pierce my brain from all directions, and I dimly hear someone crying.
It’s the last thing I hear before I succumb to my injuries.
Chapter 44
Cain
I hurt people I care about. It’s my thing, always has been. My heart is shielded by barbed-wire and prickly thorns. Anyone who dares to get close will get stabbed.
I can still picture Nina’s tear-stained face as she stared up at me. The pleading in her voice. The sudden paleness in her cheeks as if all her blood had been drained. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms, promise her that we’ll be okay, and hold her until she was able to fight the demons plaguing her gorgeous mind.
Instead, like the asshole I am, I left her. Fucking left her. One look into her milky eyes, and I was putty for her to mold and shape. Whoever she wants me to be, I’ll be. It’s terrifying to think about the hold she has on me.
Fucking shit.
And now, because of me, she’s no doubt distracted in her fight against that bitch, Tessa. If anything happens to her...
I throw my fist against the wall in the throne room, the cement denting with my enhanced strength. Blood seeps from my cracked knuckles, but I embrace the pain. Welcome it, even. Snarling, I prepare to punch the wall again when a warm body wraps around me from behind in a tight hug.
“Let me go, Abel,” I hiss, my voice nearly unrecognizable as my demon makes an impromptu appearance.
“Nope!” My brother pops the P. “It’s cuddle time!”
“For fuck’s sake...”
It takes some maneuvering, but I finally manage to untangle myself from my brother’s arms. Able pouts petulantly before some of his signature cheer returns.
“What has your panties in a twist, brother?” Despite the amusement in his tone, I can hear the genuine worry and curiosity just beneath the surface. My brother is more than just the flirty, joking man others perceive him as. He has a side to him that most of the world has never seen.
I mask my pain by being an asshole. He masks his by laughing. Sometimes, those with the largest, brightest smiles are the ones who are hurting the most.
“Nina,” I answer at last, forking my fingers through my blond hair. I slowly slide down the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.
God, when will her face not haunt me? Those damn, soulful eyes...
I had promised myself I’ll never hurt her, and what did I do the next fucking day? Hurt her. She had lied to me, sure, but that was no excuse for my explosive, vitriol reaction. She had flinched back as if my words were the slash of a physical whip.
Fucking hell.
“What happened?” Abel asks cautiously, moving to sit beside me. His eyes flicker toward the door before focusing back on me. I know he wishes he could be with Nina right now, supporting her at her first fight. Instead, he’s stuck dealing with his selfish, asshole brother who once again put his foot in his mouth. My guilt blows through me like a December breeze, when the snow is a white blanket on the ground and the sun barely peeks over the canopy of clouds.
“Nina’s power changed today,” I explain subduedly, glancing at my hands. White scars still line my wrists and palms from numerous years of captivity. There are very few things that can scar a demon, but cuffs laced in holy water are one of them. It was Boris’s preferred method back at the sex club.
“What do you mean?” Abel inquires curiously. No doubt, he’s wondering how Nina’s shift in abilities caused such a volatile reaction from me to the point where I ran from the room like a little bitch baby.
“She was able to see through Tessa’s eyes and hear through her ears.” My fingers tap a staccato against my pants leg as my mind wanders. “She let it slip that she had done it twice before...through us.”
Abel is silent for a second, but unlike me, he doesn’t get angry or even upset. Instead, his expression turns thoughtful and almost curious.
“So she was able to go inside our heads and use our ears and eyes?” he surmises. At my nod, he goes silent again. Processing. Unlike me, Abel thinks t
“Are you mad that she kept this a secret, or are you scared about what she saw?” Abel, as always, is able to read me better than I can read myself. In a matter of seconds, he puts a name to the tumultuous thoughts spattering around in my brain.
Sighing, I scrub a hand down my face. “Both? Neither? I don’t know.”
We were both hurt at first that she had kept her abilities a secret, but we understand now why she had to. She hadn’t known whether we were friends or foes. I certainly hadn’t given her any indication that she could trust me. Once the hurt waned, I understood why she hadn’t wanted to tell us. I would do the same if I was in her situation.
But this?
What could she have seen that would make her so hesitant to share? My mind sifts through memories of the last few weeks.
I haven’t been with any other girl, so surely that wasn’t it. Had she seen me murder that man in the visitor’s room? Or, before that, had she seen me flirt with him? Does she feel like I betrayed her?
My thoughts continue to run rampant, unintended, in my head. I know that my abrupt departure will only add tinder to the already blistering flame.
Did I ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me?
“She’ll forgive you, you know,” Abel pipes up. “Knowing her, she’s kicking herself for keeping it a secret in the first place. I know you hate lies and half-truths, but you have to remember where she came from. She was tortured her entire life. The only person she ever trusted left her. She’s weak and delicate, Cain, and she needs us now more than ever.”
“I know,” I growl, trying to push down another wave of self-loathing. “I fucking know that, okay? It doesn’t change the fact that it hurt that she lied to me.”
“She didn’t lie to you,” Abel points out. “She just omitted the truth.” He hits my shoulder with his own. “But I see how happy she makes you, how happy she makes me. I know demons don’t have fated mates or whatever, but I genuinely think she was made for us. Both of us. Yeah, we have to share her attention with the others, but I’d rather do that then not have her in my life at all.” Abel trails off, voice turning contemplative. I risk a glance toward him to see his eyes wistful and smile serene. For the first time ever, he looks at peace. The ghosts once inhabiting his body have been exorcised.
“Do you love her?” I whisper, suddenly desperate to hear his answer. My own feelings for the female are confusing at best. I don’t know love, but I do know that I can’t imagine life without her in it. This daunting, dark world doesn’t seem as terrifying with her by my side.
Once again, Abel doesn’t immediately answer. He takes his time to think over my question and formulate an articulate response.
“Yes,” he replies after a moment, eyes widening at his own epiphany. “I think I do.” He pauses, scratching at his smooth-shaven chin. “I’m not even going to ask you if you love her. I know you do, but you’ll never admit it. Emotions terrify you. You shut them behind a locked door in your brain where you keep all the other unpleasant and painful things. But emotions and feelings shouldn’t be scary. Love shouldn’t be scary. It breaks my heart that your past is affecting you to this day.”
My heart thunders in my ears as I consider Abel’s words. He spoke them with such certainty that it almost felt as if he was speaking about himself.
“When did you get so wise, asshole?” I quip, not daring to express my true feelings. Maybe Abel’s right. Maybe the thorns around my heart actually conceal a rose desperate to bloom. All it needs is sunlight and nourishment, which Nina supplies in spades. It’s like I’ve been sleeping this entire time and only just now learned how to open my eyes. She’s awakened me and given me courage to face my demons.
Just as I’m about to rise to my feet and go to her, raised voices erupt from the hallway. A moment later, the door to the throne room is thrown open.
Kai enters first, face haggard and drawn. Damien, directly behind him, is impossible to read. He emanates a frigid aura that warns prey and predators alike to stay as far away from him as possible. I notice a cat scurrying between their legs releasing a pitiful cry.
And then, I see her.
She’s lying in Bronson’s arms, her head resting on his shoulder. At first, I’m unable to get a good look at her due to her face being twisted away. As she shifts, moaning in pain, I catch my first glimpse.
Her eyes are swollen shut, the skin around them already beginning to turn black and blue. Gashes disfigure the side of her face, the jagged marks seeming to come from fingernails or claws. One of her fingers is twisted at an unnatural angle, and blood pours from her cracked lips.
For a moment, I’m stunned, unable to do anything but gaze at her. How had this happened? None of us had expected her to win the fight, but we sure as fuck didn’t expect this type of damage. It’s like she didn’t even try.
Abel bursts into action a moment before I do, racing to her side. His eyes are wild and crazed, his carefree persona nowhere in sight.
“What the hell happened?” he demands. When he takes a step closer, Bronson growls, baring his sharp canines. There’s no doubt in my mind that his wolf is fully in charge. Seeing his mate hurt tipped him over that steep edge. Already, I feel the flimsy hold I have on my own emotions exploding like a dam with too much pressure applied. I can barely think straight through the sudden rush of panic.
“Cain. Cain. Cain!” Damien’s voice pierces the clouds fogging up my mind. I stare into his cold, icy eyes and then to the dagger pressed to my throat. “Fix her.” There’s not a shred of warmth or sanity in his gaze. His actions are purely instinctual, not a coherent thought swirling in that calculating mind of his. Numbly, I wonder what Nina’s death will do to him.
I’m not sure any of us could recover from it.
Forcing myself into action, I race forward until I’m directly beside Bronson. The wolf continues to growl at me, amber eyes bright in his face, but I hold his stare steadily. Calm. I can be calm. I don my apathetic mask with practiced efficiency.
“She’ll die if I can’t help her,” I warn. “Set her down.”
“Bronson! Fucking do it!” Kai screams. Anxiety clouds his normally harsh face.
Bronson struggles for a moment to control his wolf’s instinctual reaction. Slowly, he places her on the ground, refusing to budge from her side. I can deal with that.
As Bronson pointed out earlier, I never went to medical school. However, I was a licensed nurse with ambitions to gain my medical degree before I was kidnapped by Boris’s men. My training has come in handy to save not only my and my brother’s lives, but the other inmates’ as well. In both prisons.
The last thing we need is to involve Brina, the psychotic prison doctor who makes Damien look sane. She’s a fae who thrives on pain and suffering—I still have nightmares from the one time she worked on me, back when I was forced to fight in the ring to prove my worth.
“I’ll be okay,” Nina murmurs now, voice garbled and pained. She tries to crack a smile, but her lips are unable to move more than a millimeter. The swelling on her face has intensified in the short time it took the others to bring her to me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper hoarsely, starting my inspection at her ribs. I pray that none of them have punctured an important organ.
“It’s my fault,” she whispers, so softly I have to strain to hear her. “I refused to fight. Does that make me weak? Does that make me stupid?” Her lashes flutter against her red cheekbones.
“It makes you brave,” I reply, voice choked with emotion. Emotion...for her. I regret our stupid fight earlier with my entire being. If I could take my words back, I would in a heartbeat. “You have a kind, gentle soul, and that makes you different than the others here but not any less strong.” Her eyelids flutter, unconsciousness beginning to pull her under once more.
“Cain?” Her voice is a hushed, barely audible, murmur.
“Yeah, Trouble?” I try to keep my tone light and teasing, but it wobbles slightly. Shit.
Hold yourself together, Cain!
“I’m sorry.”
Even when she’s on death’s door, she’s still thinking about those around her. Apologizing to me, the asshole who left her. If anyone should be saying sorry, it’s me.
“I know, honey,” I soothe, gently using my talons to claw open her shirt. I hiss at the collection of bruises and protruding ribs on her once pale and unblemished stomach.
Come on, Nina. Fight. Fight harder than you ever fought before.
She may have chosen not to fight in the ring, but I’ll be damned if she makes that same mistake now. Because if she dies, I’ll relinquish my horns, gain a fucking halo, and fly up to heaven to be with her.
Chapter 45
Kai
It’s been two weeks.
Two weeks since I watched the love of my life get beaten to a pulp by a jealous bitch.
Two weeks since I saw the life drain from her eyes a moment before they shut indefinitely.
Two weeks since I heard her lilting laugh and saw her breathtaking smile.
Two weeks since her body has slowly, gradually begun to heal itself. With anyone else, anyone human, she wouldn’t have been able to survive. Her injuries were intense, and one of her lungs had been punctured. However, Nina isn’t human.
Two fucking long weeks.
Tessa’s dead.
Ironically enough, it wasn’t any of my men who killed her. None of them—except for maybe Damien—would hurt a female, though I was sure tempted that day. Instead, we usually rely on other devices to subdue the threat. Banishment, for one.
Fortunately, we didn’t have to worry about any of that. The second the fight ended, Braelyn strolled up to Tessa and snapped her neck. It didn’t do anything to help shifter relations, but it made me feel better.
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