by Lyn Forester
"Shut up, both of you," Declan growls. He reaches for my arms, and I swat him away. "Sparks, I think you have the wrong idea."
My brows arch. "So you and Felix didn't have sex last night?"
"Well, yes." Declan rubs a hand over the back of his neck, suddenly flustered.
Heat blooms in my cheeks, but I push on, determined. "So you and Felix kissed, right?"
"Bro," Connor's fingers muffle Felix's horror filled whisper. "We need to explain sex to Sprinkles if she has to ask that."
I should have connected the dots last night. Felix told me he knew how Declan kissed. I should have realized it was from personal experience and not something guys talk about with each other. My naivety caused this confusion.
"So if you already have an us," I gesture between him and Felix, "then we," my finger points to Declan and myself, "can't be an us."
Felix straightens, pulling away from his brother. "Why not?"
"What?" Flabbergasted, I stare at him.
"We kissed last night, too." He grins, eyebrows waggling. "We would have done more than that if not for my brother."
My eyes narrow. "We were never going to do more than that."
"Bro, no." Connor shakes his head, hand on his twin's shoulder. "Remember what happened last night?"
"There's nothing for her to throw, right?" Felix glances around the empty hall. "Sprinkles has a temper."
Declan holds up his hands. "I think we're getting off track."
"How so?" Felix bounces forward to link an arm through Declan's. His other arm slings over my shoulders. "We've all kissed, so we're good, right?"
"Why do I feel left out here?" Connor grumbles from his place outside our circle.
"Because you're too slow, bro."
His happy mood is infectious, and I step away, unwilling to be pulled along by him. Out of reach, I fold my arms over my chest. "So what are you saying, Felix?"
He raises a palm toward me. "Isn't it fine the way things are now?"
I hug myself tighter. "I need you to be clearer."
"All of us together," Connor says as he moves up to Declan's other side. His serious gaze studies me, "as a team."
"You can't be serious." My mind can't wrap around the idea. He can't mean what I think he does. Panic cramps my stomach. "You want me to..."
"Is it really that difficult?" Connor moves toward me, his calm presence trying to quash my alarm. "You like all of us, we like you."
I sway toward him, knowing that if I let him hold me, everything will feel clearer. But this isn't something I should be wooed into. Logic tells me what he suggests won't work.
Head shaking, I back away. "I don't know what I feel toward you guys. We've only known each other for four days."
"You know." Declan's eyelids lower to veil his gaze. "You're just afraid to accept it."
My spine stiffens.
Felix pushes away from him in disgust. "You really don't know when to shut up."
"I'm leaving." I turn away from them and force my legs forward. "Don't follow me."
PERFECT CIRCUIT
Myrrine spins in her chair as I slam into our dorm room. Bastian, on the floor between our beds, aborts his motion to stand when he recognizes me.
"Sorry." I close the door quietly, embarrassed to have taken my annoyance out on an inanimate object.
"Is something the matter, Caitlyn?" Pink brows pinched with concern, Myrrine rises from her desk.
"No, everything's fine." I step over the bodyguard and throw my school bag on my bed.
"This is the human's version of fine which means the opposite, correct?"
Covering my face, I laugh as the anger leaks away to leave confused unhappiness behind. "Yeah, it is."
Her cool hand alights on my shoulder. "And, this is not a happy laugh."
"No."
Hesitantly, her slender arms curl around my shoulders in a gentle hug. "Tell me what troubles you."
My nose stings at the kindness, a slow burn that creeps toward my eyes. Arms dropping to my sides, I hang my head. "I don't want to be weak."
"I do not believe you to be, Caitlyn."
Father would disagree. He would send me back to the mind specialist if he knew how emotional I've become in only four days. Such hysteria cannot be allowed in one of the future leaders of Leton's city council.
I stare at the white comforter on my bed to give myself a focus. It still hasn't become familiar. The starry night blanket, stashed under my bed, would look better.
It perfectly represents the octagonal panel over the Lonette family residence during Lights-Out. Father's secretary gave it to me for my fifteenth birthday. A present meant for a child, I knew she picked it out herself. I've always wondered if she carried me in her womb, the incubator for my father's progeny.
If I chose to follow the path set for me, I would need to choose someone to carry my heir. Lonette's do not marry, they do not go through the indignity of childbirth. Whoever fertilized my eggs would be chosen through a special selection process, overseen by the family head, my grandmother.
"Caitlyn, you are very quiet."
I blink away the thoughts as I pat Myrrine's arms. They slide away from me, and I push my school bag out of the way to sit.
My roommate hovers over me, tugging on her pink braid. "I will listen to your worries, if you so choose."
"It's stupid." I scoot until my back rests against the wall and fold my legs in front of myself.
She perches on the bed's edge. "If it concerns you, then it is not stupid."
I smile at her earnestness. "You're a good person, Myrrine."
"As are you, Caitlyn." She climbs further onto the bed to pat my knee with reassurance.
"I'm not so sure sometimes."
"Tell me what bothers you. It will lesson this weight."
I pick at the black leg of my slacks. "You sound like a counselor."
"A byproduct of my family, I am sure." The bed rocks under her weight as she settles at my headboard. "Now speak. I will not judge you."
I glance out the window over our desks, at the lawn dyed orange as the dual suns set on the other side of the city level. With the overhead light still off, the fading light makes it easier.
"Last night, Declan kissed me."
Next to me, she bristles. "This was forced on you?"
Startled, I glance at her. Blue swirls roll in her cheeks. "Why do you say that?"
"You did not say we kissed." Her narrow eyes lighten in shade, more crystal than blue. "You specifically said he kissed you. It implies it was not desired."
"He surprised me." My brows wrinkle in thought. "I didn't agree to it. But if he'd asked, I'm not sure if I would have said no, either."
"So it was not unwanted?"
"I don't know." I duck my head. "It was my first kiss."
"Ahh." She relaxes and leans forward. "How was it?"
"Weird, I guess." I shrug, unsure how to describe the brief encounter. "It didn't last long."
"Then it was not done right." She shakes her head, pink braid swinging against her arm. "Your Declan needs instruction." She pats my knee. "This is not something to be burdened by. He will improve with practice."
Surprised, I snort out a laugh. I can imagine his face if he knew about this conversation. "That's not the problem. Well, it is. But it's also not."
"Continue."
"Later, Felix kissed me." I hurry on before she can jump to conclusions. "The point is that they both kissed me."
"And then Connor marked you." She straightens with a nod. "They are angered your Connor presumed to mark you while you were alone. This is the strife that worries you."
"Huh?" I wave my hand in the air. "No, Felix bit me."
Her pink brows pinch together. "So it is Declan and Connor who will take Felix to task for his actions?"
"No." I slump forward over my knees. "They're not fighting with each other."
"Then I do not understand."
I bite my lip, uncertain I should divulge thi
s to someone outside our group. But I need to talk it out, and Myrrine won't tell anyone. "Today, I found out Felix and Declan are lovers."
"This is a problem for you?"
Surprised, I straighten to stare at her. "It shouldn't be?"
"Every Mulnupti is different. But it is not uncommon." Her head tilts to one side. "Was this not discussed prior to accepting them as your men?"
"Wait, what?" I roll my wrist. "Back up. What's a mupti?"
"Mulnupti. I am not sure what the human word is for it." She glances at Bastian, and I blush. He'd been so quiet; I forgot he was in the room. "What would this be called for humans?"
His broad shoulders roll with a shrug. "I am unsure. Perhaps, group marriage?"
"No." Myrrine tugs her braid in thought. "More like group cohabitation?"
"No," Bastian objects from his place on the floor. "Cohabitation does not always include a romantic relationship. Mulnupti is multiple lovers."
"Wait, that happens in the colonies?" I unfold my legs to scoot to the bed's edge. Bastian pulls his feet out of the way as I stand to pace.
"Yes, of course." Her tinkling laughter fills the room. "A household functions more smoothly with multiple partners."
"But if your men falsified their relationship to you, you are in the right to reject them," Bastian rumbles as his head moves to track my path in front of him. "If that is what you choose."
"This is a hard concept to accept." I stop to stare at the pair of them, fully registering how different our races are. "Humans don't have Mulnupti. And they're not my lovers."
"No, we know that." Myrrine presses a long finger against her purple lips. "Last night was, of course, your first kiss. But is this not the path you walk toward?"
My arms hang limp at my sides as confusion rolls through me. "With all three of them?"
"You are quite close to them."
Bastian nods in agreement. "It is obvious it is what they desire."
How did they come to that conclusion? Is this a halion thing or simply another facet of my inexperience?
Shoulders sagging, I plop down on top of my dresser. "But what about Felix and Declan?"
"Does what they have together interfere with what you would have with them?" Myrrine moves across the bed to sit next to me. "Are you concerned they will love you less if they also love each other?"
"I don't know." Her intense gaze confuses me more, so I glance away to stare at the open closet. "I don't think I love them."
"I do not think you hate them, either." Her hand settles on my back. "You desire them. Perhaps that is enough for now. The body can lead to the heart."
A blush creeps up my neck. "Shouldn't the heart come first?"
"I am not sure you know what your heart wants." Her hand rubs in comforting circles. "You have lived without hugs for too long. There is no shame in the pursuit of happiness. If it brings you joy, then it is good."
Up until recently, only disc-bike racing gave me any form of happiness. It's why I love it so much, why I've fought so hard to build my life around it. When Father took it away from me, it left me without purpose. I have to make sure whatever I feel toward the guys isn't transference.
They remind me of when I was happy. But is that why Declan makes me buzz with energy every time he touches me? Why Connor calms me, and Felix makes me laugh?
"I need to think." I stand to pull a zip-up hoodie from my dresser, more for the comfort than because I'm cold. Myrrine frowns at my weak smile but nods with understanding.
Out in the hall, I hurry down the stairs. On the last step, I hesitate as I peer around the corner into the main room. I half expect the guys to be waiting to ambush me at first sight. But after a quick scan of the room, I don't find them. They must have taken me seriously and gone on to the entertainment hall.
I pass a crowd of upper level students on the couches, engrossed in a live stream of news. Nothing special, just a list of the harvests expected for Summer-Cycle. A few have digital notepads in hand as they jot down info as it scrolls past. Must be for a class.
Outside, I turn right down the circular path, away from the entertainment hall. As I pass the cafeteria, my stomach rumbles. Dinner will be served soon, but I don't want to risk a run in. I can always grab a snack at the dorms later.
I pause in front of the red brick library. Its tall, black door judges me from the top of the stairs. I should be in there reviewing what I missed in class today. Instead, I walk on and take the shadowed path that leads toward the administration building.
Hard to believe we came through here only four days ago. Life seems so different now, so much less stable than it had when I wobbled my way in on high-heeled boots. In hindsight, a perfect foreshadow for how unstable my life has become.
The lawn spreads out on either side of the path, green and useless. The upper levels use lawns as status symbols. The larger the lawn, the richer the family. An enormous waste of water resources spent growing useless ornamentation. Spaces like this should be filled with crops to help feed the school inhabitants.
I step off the hard stones onto the soft green expanse. The ground adds an extra bounce to my steps as I walk toward the far edge of the glass dome. Its curved surface shimmers as I approach, growing taller and wider the closer I get.
This high up, the dual suns set early. Already, the sky tints with red and purple streaks near the rim. Soon, complete darkness will fall. The holo-skies don't bother with all these colors, the transition in time cycles a subtle brightening, then dimming of lights. I haven't taken any time to admire the phenomena; too caught up with the guys to appreciate a view of the real sky.
I lie down next to the glass wall. On the other side, less than an arm's length away, asphalt covers the ground, black and pebbly with glints of crystal. Equal in beauty. A black sea held back by the thick, see-through barrier.
Fresh bruised greenery perfumes the air. I drag the clean scent into my lungs, wishing it could scrub out the ugliness inside. Try as I might, Father's influence sinks its claws deep. As inescapable as the Lonette blood that flows through my veins.
My dream to leave home had come with the promise of a fresh start, a new identity. I would have purchased it from Black Corporation, the legalized mob that oversees the illegal business side of things within every stacked city.
I wonder if Declan has his plan in place. What name will he choose? What about the twins?
My fingers leave streaks on the glass. Cold to touch, it shimmers and the marks disappear. Self-cleaning. The dome must have cost a fortune to commission from the Koevhern clan. It's magic, no matter what Declan and Connor say.
A shadow falls over me. I turn my head, unsurprised to see Connor. I glance past him at Felix and Declan, close behind.
"How'd you find me?" I turn back to the glass, run my fingers over it again just to see the magic at work.
"We saw you leave." His shadow moves, disappearing as he sits down. "We were waiting for you to come back, but I thought maybe you fell asleep."
"It might be fun to sleep out here." I peer at the dome overhead. "Have you ever seen the real stars?"
"A couple times since we came here."
"Oh." I guess I was the only one who didn't pay attention.
He moves to lie down next to me and points back toward the left. "Over there, the stars match the panel over our family house."
I tilt my head to follow the line of his arm. Sky skippers dance in the wispy clouds, their gelatinous tentacles only visible when they spark with lightning. "How do you know?"
"Should I tell you something romantic?" His arm bumps against mine. "I was lonely. So every night since we arrived, I've come out here to search the sky for a familiar constellation."
I snort. "What's the truth?"
"They're the coordinates for our family house, one level down."
"That makes sense." I picture Level 13 as seen from the shuttle, but can't orient myself without the spoked map of city streets for reference.
Felix squats
over my head to peer down at me. His spread knees bracket my head, which draws my gaze up his muscular thighs. Heat fills my cheeks as he grins knowingly.
"Don't do that." I reach back and shove his knee, satisfied when he tips over onto his butt with a yelp.
"Ow, that hurt, Sprinkles." His foot nudges against his twin's shoulder. "Bro, Sprinkles bruised my butt."
Connor pushes him away. "You have a weird way of pronouncing pride, bro."
"I do take pride in my butt." He shuffles around to prop his elbows on either side of my head so he can peer down at me once more. "Whose butt is nicer, Sprinkles? Mine or Connor's?"
I frown up at him from way too close. "You have the same butts."
He glances at his brother. "Bro, Sprinkles was checking out our butts."
"So I hear."
I elbow Connor's arm. "Stop encouraging him."
"Dec, gimme the food." Felix disappears from view. A moment later, he pops back with a carrot in hand. He nudges it against my cheek. "Nice yummy treat for Sprinkles."
I slap it away. "I'm not eating that."
"But you missed dinner." He snaps the purple vegetable between his teeth. Determined, he crunches it and swallows. "Oh, so yummy."
A smile tugs at my lips. I force it into a frown. "You're not enjoying that at all."
He pokes me with the end he bit off, leaving a wet smear of vegetable juice on my face. "I suffer for you."
I scowl. "I suffer because of you."
"Aww, don't say that." His smile wobbles as his eyes drop. After a moment, he leans down to nuzzle against my ear. "I won't lick you anymore. Just don't run away."
An ache pools in my chest as I stare at the darkening sky. Warm breath ruffles against my neck as he snuggles closer. I don't want to push him away. When he clings to me, it makes me feel special. Until today, it didn't bother me when he did the same to the others.
I turn my head slightly so our cheeks touch. "Do you really like me?"
"Yeah."
"And Declan?"
His cheek moves against mine, and I picture his grin. "Most of the time."
"Hey, I can hear you." Declan moves into my line of sight, a small basket in his hands.
Felix rolls onto his back, head still next to mine. "Yeah, well, you're an asshole sometimes."
