by Wade, Ellie
“You don’t know me at all, Sarah.”
“Wrong. I know you better than anyone. Your experiences might have left you jaded, but they haven’t dulled your shine. Something about you makes you this enigma, Loïc Berkeley. Something about you makes you great.”
She scoots her body closer to mine until our faces are mere inches away. I can see the dark blue ring that circles her brilliant eyes.
“Once upon a time, you saved my life. The hope that I would find you and see you once more saved me again and again every day that we’ve been apart. You are my angel,” she says.
“And you are mine.” I wrap my arms around her, relishing in her living, breathing warm existence.
“I’m never leaving you again.”
“Promise?” I say against her soft hair.
“I promise you.” She nuzzles her face against my chest.
I sigh as my current life comes to the surface.
“What is it?” she asks.
“I’m leaving in two months on deployment. I’ll be gone for a year.”
I used to love being in the military. I lived to go on deployments. While overseas, I volunteered for numerous missions that didn’t need me. I’d be lying if I said that I had done it because of the love of my country. I know that’s the right answer, but it’s not my answer. I put myself into dangerous situations because I felt disposable. And to be honest, if I were going to go out, why not go out with some excitement, fighting for some cause? It felt good to fight for something when there was nothing good left in my life to fight for. I wanted to die as a man with convictions even if they weren’t mine. I’m not sure if that makes any sense, but it’s the truth. The other glaring truth is that I had no one on this earth who needed me or would miss me. Yes, I’m sure Cooper would have missed me some. But he’s in the military, so he would have understood.
But, now that I’ve fallen in love with London and gotten Sarah back, I’m leaving. And though a year isn’t forever, it sure seems like an eternity in this moment. The timing of all this just blows.
Sarah’s voice is calm and measured, as if she senses my inner turmoil, which she probably does. “It’s okay. We’ll be in contact while you’re gone, and I’ll be here when you get back.”
Her statement makes me realize that I have no idea where she lives.
“Where have you been living?”
“All over. That part hasn’t changed much. I’m currently in Orlando, Florida.”
“Oh, yeah? What do you do there?”
She giggles. The sound does something to my insides, bringing me back to when it was Sarah and me against the world.
“I work for Disney. I’m Princess Aurora. You know, Sleeping Beauty?”
“You’re a Disney princess?” I ask in amusement.
“Yeah, I dated Aladdin for a while. He got me the job,” she says casually.
I can’t help but laugh. The vision of her out with a guy in poufy silk pants and a barely there vest is a priceless sight.
“That’s bloody brilliant, Sarah.”
“Oh, I love when you use your British words!”
I chuckle. “It happens a lot less than it used to. Being around you makes me think of the past and my parents. I guess that’s why some of my dad’s phrases slip out. So, who would have guessed you would grow up to be a princess?”
“Yeah, not what I thought I’d be doing with my life, but it pays the bills.”
“I think it’s great. You deserve to be a princess.”
She lets out a disapproving sound. “It’s not really all it’s cracked up to be. Ninety percent of the days in Florida are scorching and humid as hell. The princess dress is heavy, hot, and stinky. The makeup that I have to cake on my face makes me sweat more than I already do, and to top it off, I get to have thousands of grimy kids’ hands pawing me all day. I’d gladly leave that job to move up here.”
“Well, maybe you should wait until I get back. The winters up here are no joke, and if you thought that the winter months in Texas were cold, just wait until you live through one up here. There’s no point in being here and suffering, like I know you would be, if I’m not here anyway.”
She groans. “Why did you choose to be stationed here?”
I chuckle. “Cooper wanted to live with Maggie, and he’s really all I had, so I agreed to follow him up here. Actually, you get used to the winters. I kinda dig ’em. I love snowboarding and skiing.”
“If you say so,” she says with definite speculation lining her voice. “Maybe I will wait until you get back.”
“How long can you stay?”
“I have a week’s vacation.”
“All right. Then, we have a week to figure out what you want to do.”
“Sounds good,” she agrees.
The two of us talk for hours, both eager to know every detail of the other’s life that we missed in the past eight years. When I think about it, it seems like we’ve been apart for a lifetime. The person I was back then and the person I am now are so vastly different. But, at the same time, lying here with Sarah in my arms feels like no time has passed at all.
I’m not sure how late we stay up, talking, but at some point, we start to drift off. Right before sleep takes me, I am overcome with complete and utter contentment, and for the first time since I was a little boy, a powerful emotion is present in my chest. It feels a little like hope.
Hope is the building block for miracles, but it is also the catalyst for disappointment, depending on which way the coin falls. But, maybe for once, the coin will land in my favor.
London
“Love makes me weak—it’s true—but it’s in that fragility where I will find my true strength.”
—London Wright
“How do I look?” I ask Paige.
“You’re a hot babe, as always,” she responds.
“I don’t need you to blow smoke up my ass, Paige. I need the truth,” I say, irritated.
“Rawr,” Paige growls like an angry cat. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”
“You rarely cook.” I roll my eyes. “Sorry. I know my earlier comment was a tad bitchy, but I need honesty.”
Paige lets out an exhausted sigh. “I was being honest.”
I exhale loudly, pouting out my lips. “Okay. Just checking.”
“You’re so annoying sometimes.”
“Thanks,” I say as I spray myself with more body spray. “I’m sorry. This is serious. I need to be hotter than everyone else today.”
“Loïc doesn’t love you only because you’re pretty. I’m quite sure he likes you as a person as well. You should focus on that aspect a little more.” She gives me a pointed stare. “You have no reason to worry. Seriously, stop getting your chickens in a twist.”
“Isn’t it panties?”
“What’s panties?”
“Ugh, never mind.” I let out an exhausted groan. “I’m sorry. I don’t like feeling like this. This is new territory for me, and I don’t like it. I’m telling you, when you meet her tonight, you’ll see. She’s a freaking model.”
“So what? There will always be tons of gorgeous women in this world. You can’t freak out every time Loïc talks to one.”
“I know, I know. But they have history.”
“Not that kind.”
“Right. I know…I’m being stupid.”
“Yeah, you totally are. You’re not acting like the London I know and love. No offense, but this whole week, you’ve been rather whiny and annoying. Just being honest.”
“You’re right.” I sigh. “Please feel free to kick my ass.”
“That won’t be necessary.” Paige laughs.
“Remember back when you were in love with Troy? Did you feel neurotically jealous all the time?”
“Yeah, but that’s because I could sense something wasn’t right. Turned out, he had been cheating on me with every Delta Zeta who would put out. I had reasons. You don’t. Loïc is a man, not an immature douche bag, like Troy was. Totally different
.”
“Fine. So, I don’t have any good reasons? I’m just a dumbass?”
Paige chuckles. “Everyone handles love differently. You’ve never truly been in love before. You’ll figure out how to navigate through this without all the jealousy. It’s a learning process. Plus, Loïc isn’t always the most open, so you have some additional obstacles.”
“True. All right, let’s go hang out with the woman Loïc loves.” I grab my purse and head toward the door.
“Like a sister,” Paige says behind me with obvious mirth in her voice.
“Whatever.”
Paige and I are meeting Loïc, Sarah, Maggie, and Cooper at the bowling alley. Loïc’s been hanging out with Sarah the past few days, but he really wanted everyone to do something together before she leaves on Saturday morning.
I see Cooper’s car in the parking lot when Paige and I arrive, so I know they’re already here. We find them sitting at a table in front of a lane, ready to go. They’ve already input the six of our names into the computer, evident by our names being up on the monitor above our lane.
They’re all laughing at something Cooper said.
“Hey,” I cut in, waving to the group.
Loïc stands and pulls me into a hug, a huge smile on his face. “Hey, I’ve missed you,” he says before planting a quick kiss on my lips.
I introduce Paige to Maggie and Sarah. Sarah gives me an awkward hug. All right, maybe it’s just weird on my end.
Why do I make everything so uncomfortable? Ugh, I hate emotions.
“So, Loïc tells me that you want to be a journalist?” Sarah asks with what appears to be sincere interest.
Fine, maybe she is truly a nice person.
“Yeah. I actually got a call yesterday to interview with a local paper. It’s a small writing gig, but if I get it, I’m hoping it will grow into more,” I say to everyone, as they are all listening in on the conversation.
“That’s awesome, babe. Why didn’t you tell me?” Loïc asks, grabbing my hand and squeezing gently.
“I don’t know. I forgot. I guess I just figured I’d tell you the next time I saw you.” I shrug, smiling weakly, before taking a drink of pop that Maggie just poured for me.
“That’s awesome. When’s your interview?” Cooper asks.
“Next Thursday.”
“Make sure to let us know how it goes,” Maggie chimes in.
“I will. Thanks. So, what have you all been up to?” I direct my question to everyone.
I know that Loïc and Cooper had to work the past three days. They usually get home from work around three in the afternoon.
“Well, it’s been great because Maggie has had the last few days off, so I’ve been able to spend time with her during the day while Loïc has been at work,” Sarah says.
“Yeah, it’s been great. Unfortunately, I have four straight twelves, starting tomorrow. So, tonight’s going to be the last time I really get to see anyone again until Monday.” Maggie makes an exhausted face.
“What does that mean?” Paige asks. “Twelves?”
“Well, London’s probably told you that I’m a nurse?”
Paige nods her head.
“Well, at the hospital where I work, we do twelve-hour shifts, but if you include driving time and the amount of time I have to stay extra to finish charting, I can be gone for up to sixteen hours on the days I work. So, I basically just come home and go to bed. I don’t have much time to do anything but work and sleep.”
“Ugh, that sounds horrible.” Paige scowls.
Maggie chuckles. “It’s really not bad because I only work three days a week. Depending on how my workdays fall in the week, I can have a bunch of days off in between. So, that makes up for it.”
“So, what did you do after the guys got home?” I direct my question to Sarah.
“Just hung out basically. It’s been such a gorgeous week, so Loïc and I spent a lot of time outside. We went kayaking and hiking, and he took me to the shooting range. That was fun!”
Of course it was. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I hate feeling like this.
I plaster on a smile. Fake it till you make it…right?
“What are you going to do tomorrow while everyone’s at work?” I ask.
“Loïc’s going to let me borrow his truck, and I’m going to drive around to look at some possible apartments and check out a few jobs.”
“Oh, wow. So, like, you’re moving here?” I try to mask the worry in my voice.
“At some point, yes. I’ll probably wait until Loïc comes back from deployment, you know? But we’ll see. If I find an amazing job before then, I might move up sooner.”
A long lock of her beautiful Rapunzel hair falls over her shoulder and comes close to the plate of pizza in front of her. My eyes bulge as Loïc reaches over and places her hair behind her ear, so it doesn’t fall onto the greasy pepperoni.
What the hell?
“Oh, great!” I exclaim a little too cheerfully.
Paige squeezes my knee under the table. I turn to her, and she smiles reassuringly. She knows I’m about to lose my cool.
At least when Loïc leaves me for the blonde beauty, I’ll still have Paige.
Can the confident London, circa June, please return? This current model is driving me insane.
“So, should we get this game started or what?” Cooper asks.
“Yes, let’s do it!” I cheer. God, who am I?
Bowling is actually really fun. I haven’t bowled since I was little. I suck—like, totally suck—but that works in my favor because Loïc spends a lot of his time helping me get my form right.
The annoying Sarah-focused conversations are gone as well. In between turns, everyone chats about random stuff or jeers the current bowler. Loïc and Cooper have this crazy competitive thing going, and it’s quite hilarious. I think Paige and I are also in a rivalry, but we are duking it out to see who’s the worst bowler.
Many times throughout our game, I find myself laughing until my sides hurt, and to be honest, I need it.
We’re all in a fit of giggles as Cooper completes his pre-bowl ritual. He’s standing in front of the lane. First, he places the ball down on the ground between his feet while he stretches his hands up and then out in both directions, swinging his arms back and forth in front of himself. He ends his stretch by shaking out his hands. Then, he touches his toes before completing some sort of lunge. That move is followed by the rolling of his neck. Finally, he picks up his ball, blows on it, rubs it, and appears to whisper to it.
“Fucking-A, Cooper! Bowl!” Loïc laughs.
“Don’t be a hater just ’cause I’m going to kick your ass,” Cooper calls out.
“You can sprinkle pixie dust on that shit, and you still won’t beat me, so stop making a fool of yourself.” Loïc shakes his head in amusement.
“Who knew bowling was so competitive?” I laugh, leaning my head onto Loïc’s shoulder as he sits next to me.
“Everything between Cooper and me is a competition. When we were stationed at Fort Sill in Oklahoma, we went bowling all the time. There seemed to be nothing to do in that city, but for some reason, there were four bowling alleys really close to the base. So, Cooper and I spent a lot of our free time trying to beat each other at this game.” Loïc smiles.
“I’m glad we all got to do it. It’s fun. I haven’t bowled since I was a kid,” I say.
“Yeah, it’s cool having everyone out together.”
“It is,” I agree.
“You sure you don’t want to get together tomorrow or Friday? Sarah will love it. I promise,” he says.
“No, really, that’s okay. You two haven’t seen each other in years. You should spend her last two evenings catching up. It’s fine. I’ll see you Saturday after she flies out.”
“Are you sure?” Loïc doesn’t sound convinced.
“Totally.” I pat his leg. “Enjoy your time with Sarah, but when she leaves, you’re all mine. Got it?”
He laughs.
“All right. I can handle that.”
I have Loïc all to myself today. Finally. I’ve been patient for a week now.
That’s a lie.
I let Loïc believe I was being patient when, in reality, I’d been complaining my ass off to Paige for seven days straight. She’d had to endure my bitching and moaning from sun up to sun down.
That’s also a lie.
I wouldn’t get out of bed until at least noon—most days, two in the afternoon—so the complaining was endured from lunchtime on, at best. But, regardless, I’m a nightmare when I’m in a foul mood, and Paige is the best for putting up with my shit.
The crazy thing is, I can’t complain to Loïc. What kind of insensitive bitch would I be?
Hey, you, boyfriend. I know that one of the only people you’ve ever loved, who you thought was dead, just showed up, undead, and you’re over the moon with joy as your heart unshatters from the million pieces in which it had previously shattered. But do you think you could pay me more attention?
See? It wouldn’t work.
In truth, I truly am so happy for Loïc. He has had such a hard life, and he received such a gift last week. He deserves it. He’s such a great man. He is worthy of happiness. I can’t even imagine how he must be feeling, having Sarah back. The entire ordeal is hard for me to wrap my mind around, and she’s not even my long-lost best friend/sister.
So, while my head tells me to stop being selfish and to think about someone else’s happiness for once, my heart is beating with more urgency this week…in warning. Of what though?
Loïc’s told me many times that he’s always loved Sarah like family, like a sister. There has never been anything romantic between them. But I have a hard time sitting back while my love spends quality one-on-one time with a gorgeous woman he loves and cherishes, regardless of the way in which he claims to love her.
Rationally, I know I have to give him this. I have to trust him. But I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him. My fragile heart is so fearful of the things that could happen. Because, let’s face it, stuff can happen. I have friends who have had betrayals happen with boyfriends who had a lot less invested in their mistresses than Loïc has invested in Sarah.
