by Wade, Ellie
I place my lips against his skin, and his pectoral muscles tighten at the contact.
“I love it here,” I whisper between kisses.
“Me, too.”
“We need to come here a lot.” I kiss my way down his stomach.
“We will,” he says with a pant.
My hand that’s splayed across his chest can feel the wild beating of his heart as my other hand explores beneath his boxers before pulling them off.
I take Loïc in my mouth, and he groans in pleasure, his fingers pulling at the bedsheets. There is nothing I love more than rendering Loïc completely helpless with want. I crave his release. Watching him come undone with ecstasy is one of my favorite things.
When he’s finished, I kiss up his body. With every touch of my lips, I’m saying a prayer of gratitude. Thank you for this man. Thank you for this life. Thank you.
“I love you,” he utters breathlessly when I reach his face.
The adoration that radiates off of him in waves is so tangible that I can feel it hit my skin, absorb, and then permeate my soul with a satisfaction so fulfilling that it aches.
“I love you,” I say back. Those three little words don’t seem to be enough, as they could never carry the entire weight of what I feel. Ever.
In one swift move, Loïc flips us so that my back is against the sheets. In a matter of seconds, we’re one as he enters me hard and fast. There are occasions for slow, sweet, and savory—gentle kisses, words of devotion, and heated breaths. Then, there are times when the need is so great that nothing quenches it but quick and forceful—bed-shaking, toe-curling, animalistic moaning, and skin-slapping with all-consuming love. And Loïc always knows how I need it.
“Who said England wasn’t magical?” Loïc states through panted breaths as we lie beside each other in post-orgasmic euphoria.
“Supernatural, exquisite, freaking fantastic,” I stammer out.
“Well, now you’re just giving me a big head.”
“Oh, you’re right. I wouldn’t want that. Gotta keep you reaching for perfection.”
“Exactly.”
I roll toward the center of the bed, placing my face against Loïc’s chest. “Do you remember our first Twenty Questions game?” A surge of gratefulness and nostalgia passes through me.
“You mean, on the plane?”
“Yeah.”
Loïc laughs softly. “Of course. You were a persistent and nosy little thing.”
My lips turn up into a giant smile. “You were acting all broody, angry, and closed off.”
“I was all those things.” His fingers lightly trace circles across my back. “But you wouldn’t back off, no matter what. My little tenacious firecracker.”
“Hey, I know what I want,” I say without apology.
“That quality is one of my favorite things about you. I love your spirit,” Loïc says. Although I can’t see his face, I know he’s smiling. “I loved opening my email to see your questions every day during deployment.”
He sighs, and I know his mind is now elsewhere.
“Ask me a question,” I say cheerfully, looking up toward Loïc’s face.
He kisses me on the tip of my nose. “I think we know all there is to know about each other, don’t you?”
“No way. I’ll never be ready to stop discovering new things about you.”
“All right. Well, you go first. I have to think of a question.”
“Okay. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?”
“That’s easy,” he answers. “Wherever you are.”
“No, that’s cheating. If I weren’t in the picture and money and jobs weren’t factors, where would you live?”
“It’s not cheating if it’s the truth,” he says with a grin.
“Just answer.” I playfully poke him in the side.
“Fine. If it were just me and nothing else was a factor…” He pauses. “I honestly can’t think of a specific place. I think the main thing is that I would want to live somewhere beautiful, somewhere where I’d prefer to spend my time outdoors instead of inside. I think endless locations could qualify. Maybe here?”
“It is gorgeous here. We should go explore today,” I suggest.
“Yeah, that sounds awesome,” Loïc agrees.
“Did I mention that I love it here?”
“Yeah, once or twice.” His deep chuckle makes something within my heart twist.
Loïc’s cell rings from the bedside table. Extending his free hand, he grabs it. “Hello?”
I give him space as he sits up.
“Yes, this is he.”
I sit up as well, pulling the sheet around me, as I listen to his side of the conversation.
“Really? How? Yeah, right. I understand. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I will. Thank you.” Loïc ends the phone call, dropping the cell phone to the bed. He sits motionless, staring at the opposite wall, before he turns to me. “My granddad passed away last night.”
Gasping, I cover my mouth with my hands. My eyes fill with tears as I shake my head. “No.” I cover Loïc’s hand with mine. “How? What happened?”
“That was the nurse, Nancy. She said he died peacefully in his sleep last night. She said there was nothing wrong with him physically; it was simply just his time. I have to figure out what I want them to do with his body and call her back.”
“I’m so sorry, Loïc.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad we got to see him.” His voice drifts off.
“We don’t even know where your Nan is. We should call Esther and ask. Your granddad should be laid to rest with her. They would want that.”
Loïc nods. “Yeah, they would.”
Several minutes of silence pass.
Loss is a delicate thing. It’s hard to know what someone needs, but I think the most important thing is that Loïc knows I’m here for him. So, I wait as Loïc thinks, and I continue rubbing his hand.
“London?” he asks after a bit.
“Yes?”
“I know it sounds silly, but do you think he was waiting for me? Like, waiting for me to come to England before he left?” Loïc looks to me.
I shake my head with a small smile. “I don’t think it sounds silly at all. He was your last living relative. I think, on some level, he was waiting for you. He waited a long time to make sure you were okay. Once he saw that you were, he was free to let go.” My voice cracks with emotion.
“Yeah.” Loïc nods. He pulls me into his side, and we lie back down on the bed. “He was free to let go.”
“Now, they can all be together,” I say in a whisper.
Loïc runs his hand up and down my back. “That’s a good thing.”
“It is.”
“I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“I’m always going to be with you, Loïc. We’re no longer fucked up; we’re just together. Right?”
“We’re just together,” he agrees.
I hear the smile in Loïc’s voice, and I’m sure he’s remembering what I told him so long ago. He kisses my head and pulls me in tighter.
The girl I was when I promised that had no idea of the gravity of those simple words. That girl was still learning what was truly important in life, what loss could do to a person, and what love truly meant.
The past couple of years have been full of ups and downs, incredible highs and devastating lows. As is evident from just the past hour, I know that life is going to continue to hand both Loïc and me joy and sadness.
That’s kind of the nature of the game. Life is about balance, and to truly live it requires one to experience the plethora of emotions it brings.
I realize there will be hard times ahead just as there will be periods of complete bliss. Yet what I know deep down in my soul is that I’ve been given the gift of experiencing it all with Loïc by my side.
We will spend our lives together, experiencing all sorts of firsts, and I’m going to cherish each and every one.
London
“Today is the exact opposite of the wedd
ing of my dreams. It’s better.”
—London Berkeley
Every little girl dreams of her perfect wedding. Throughout my childhood, I spent countless hours planning this day. I knew exactly what I wanted, every detail from the crystal vases that would hold elaborate floral displays at each table down to the brand of cutlery I wanted my guests eating with. I envisioned my hair, my dress, the music, the flowers, the colors…all of it.
Today is the exact opposite of the wedding of my dreams. It’s better.
Parties end. It’s what follows the celebration that matters. That’s the good stuff. The wedding’s great, but it’s the life that counts. I can guarantee that the life I’ll have with Loïc will be better than anything I dreamed. True love isn’t something you can imagine until you have it.
Staring back at me is the reflection of a woman I never knew existed but one that I’m so proud to be. I’ve always loved myself, but my self-worth goes beyond simple love now. For me, love was a given, but I had to work for that pride, and it’s an awesome feeling. Life really is what you make of it, and I’ve strived to make sure I’m living a good one.
My hair falls around my shoulders in long brunette waves, covering the straps of my ivory gown. I touch the floral clip holding up a lock of hair. It was first worn by my great-grandmother in the 1920s, then my grandma, and then my mom. All the women who wore it have had long, happy marriages, and I’m about to be one of them. It’s my something old, and I cherish it.
My mother’s reflection appears behind me. Her eyes shine with happiness. “You are a stunning bride, London. Simply stunning.”
“Thank you, Mom.”
My mother and I had a few disputes during the initial planning stages of this wedding. With Georgia being the unpredictable free spirit that she is, my mom has always counted on me to have the big, traditional wedding extravaganza, including the crazy planning experience.
But I didn’t give it to her in the way she wanted.
I no longer coveted the wedding that would cost more than my family’s entire home. My mom was unpleased when I chose a dress off the rack instead of having one custom-made by a famous designer. But all of that lavishness seemed unimportant.
I have a few simple wishes for today. I want to feel pretty. I want to be surrounded by close family and friends. I want to officially promise Loïc forever. And, finally, I want today to be full of quality time, laughs, and tons of love.
That’s all.
I’m about to get everything I never knew I wanted—my happily ever after. And that brings an immense amount of gratitude with it, making me realize what’s truly important.
I turn away from the mirror and toward my mother.
“You were right; the dress is perfect,” my mother says. Her eyes glisten with tears as she squeezes my hands in hers.
“Isn’t it?” I agree with a giant grin. My dress is simple, feminine, and flowy. It’s the quintessential dress for a beach wedding.
“Oh my gosh!” Paige’s excited voice sounds through the room. “You’re so beautiful, London.” She pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. Leaning back, she grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. “I am so happy for you.”
I smile at my best friend. “Thank you.”
I think it’s rare for people to feel pure happiness for someone else. So often, compliments and well wishes are painted with a stroke of jealousy. I don’t think it’s a bad or malicious fact. It’s simply human nature. With a true friend, like Paige, who has such a kind heart, there is no internal but to her statement. She’s not thinking, I’m so happy for you, but…I wish it were me. Where’s my soul mate? When will it be my turn? She’s just happy for me.
Friends that can give you a compliment without thinking of a but are treasures. And I’m lucky enough to have three of them standing up with me today.
Behind Paige are Kate and Georgia in their pale pink dresses that resemble mine, except for the color. My girls are elegant, carefree, and gorgeous, all at once. With our wavy locks and long dresses, we are four Greek goddesses.
“How’s Loïc?” I ask Georgia.
“Happy,” she answers with a warm smile.
My heart clenches with her response. “Me, too,” I agree.
“I can tell. Happiness is just radiating from you.” She takes my hand in hers and squeezes gently. “Are you ready? It’s about that time.”
“I so am.” There isn’t anything I want more than to promise Loïc that I’ll love him till death do us part.
“I’m going to go take my place. I love you, baby girl.” My mom leans in for another hug.
“Love you, too, Mom.”
When she leaves the small space that we’re using as our makeshift bridal room, the elegant music from the string quartet is carried in on the breeze of the salty sea air.
“Oh, they sound great,” Paige says.
“They do, and that’s our cue.” Kate grins.
Butterflies are dancing with glee within my belly. “Okay, let’s grab bouquets.”
We take our bundles of beautiful flowers out of their vases. The multihued pink bouquets look great up against the bridesmaid dresses. Georgia hands me mine as my dad joins us.
He smiles down at me, his eyes shining with joy. He extends his bent elbow out, and I thread my arm through it.
“We’ll see you at the end,” Georgia says as the girls line up to start their procession down the aisle.
“Okay.” I nod.
After a moment, when it’s just me and my dad, he turns to the side and kisses me on the cheek. “You are the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen, and I’m so happy for you.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too,” he answers.
We exit the room and position ourselves at the center of the aisle.
I pull in a deep breath. My lips quiver as I attempt to hold back the tears. At the end of the shell-lined aisle, across the sand, Loïc is standing proudly in his military dress uniform. The beach behind our cottage, here in England, is the perfect backdrop for our wedding.
The string quartet changes songs, indicating my turn to venture down the aisle. As I pass our closest family and friends in one of our most favorite places on earth, I just can’t wrap my mind around how fortunate I am. But it’s Loïc’s face that breaks the dam keeping my tears at bay. I can no longer hold in the emotion as it floods from me.
We made it. After so much heartache…we’ve arrived to our happily ever after. It’s real. It’s happening. It’s such a gift.
I don’t know if Loïc and I were fated to be with each other. Perhaps it was destiny and meant to be all along. Or maybe we are just two imperfect people who fit together perfectly. It could have been fate or plain luck that brought us together, but regardless, it was Loïc and I that kept us together.
Ours isn’t a fairy-tale romance, but it is a love story. No one can help the way they were raised. Our life together didn’t come easy. We had to work for it. But maybe that’s why I value it so much. I know where we came from, and I know what it took to get here. And I know, now that I have this love, I’ll never let it go.
So, when I look to Loïc now, it’s with all of that knowledge in my heart. As his beautiful eyes gleam with unconditional love, I feel a mountain of gratitude weighing on my soul.
My dad places my hand in Loïc’s, and our eyes lock together. I could get lost in his eyes. I could dive right in and never surface from their blue depths. Right now, they burn through me with the intensity of a love that promises forever.
Loïc rubs his thumb across the skin of my hand in small circles. He smiles, and it’s a full-on devastating event that renders me helpless to take in anything else but him, my guy.
We exchange vows.
We slide on rings.
We get lost in our bubble of bliss, oblivious to those around us.
Loïc leans in to kiss me. When he’s a mere breath away, he halts and whispers against my lips, “I’ve discovered a new flaw.”
“What’s that?”
“I can never function again in a world where you aren’t mine.” His low voice is raspy and full of emotion.
“From the moment I met you, I’ve been yours. My greatest flaw is that my heart will never be able to love anyone else the way I love you.”
His fingers splay across the small of my back as he pulls me closer to him. “Good thing you’ll never have to,” he answers huskily.
“Damn good thing.” I inhale his breath. “Now, kiss me, husband.”
“Gladly, wife.”
Loïc captures my mouth with his. I pour everything into the kiss because that’s what Loïc is to me…everything.
Loïc
“Our life has love, beauty, and purpose. I can’t think of anything better.”
—Loïc Berkeley
“All done. The last paint can is stacked up on the shelf in the garage. We are unpacked, decorated, and organized. We are officially moved in,” London says with a sigh of glee. She places a mug of coffee on the small table before plopping down in the lounge chair beside me.
“Good job, babe.” I reach out my hand, and she takes it, entwining her fingers through mine.
We sit out on our three-seasons porch that overlooks the rolling hills of the Great Smoky Mountains. The trees that blanket the vast hills range in color from the deep green of the pines to the burnt orange, golds, and reds of the others. Autumn here is nothing short of breathtaking.
Life for the Berkeleys is awesome.
London and I chose to buy a house near the border of Tennessee and North Carolina. The natural splendor of the area was a huge deciding factor. It’s stunning during all four seasons of the year. The array of outdoor activities, from skiing to white-water rafting, was also a big draw.
London and I both travel some with our jobs. She’s a freelance writer for several papers, including the New York Times. She does all of her writing here but has to travel for research. If I’m not busy, I go with her. Both of the states that border our home have many VA medical centers. I keep busy with leading groups and traveling around the country, giving talks and raising awareness for issues affecting our veterans. London and I are also starting a nonprofit organization to help veterans battling PTSD in hopes of lowering the twenty-two-per-day suicide rate.
