He had always been all in with his relationships, they just hadn’t worked out.
While he liked being alone, he didn’t like being lonely. There was a difference, and not everybody understood. Bristol always did. Even when she was bossing him around, she still gave him his space.
Not even his sisters did that.
Some of his girlfriends had liked Bristol, had enjoyed being near her, and had ended up being her friend, as well. The only time Bristol had ever judged one of his girlfriends was the one who had only been with him so she could move in. She hadn’t wanted to pay rent at her apartment, so she’d figured that she could simply move in and mooch off him. Oh, he had seen beneath the layers of whatever the hell he’d had with her, but Bristol had been the one to lay into him about it.
He hadn’t wanted to be lonely, and he had liked that woman. In the end, it hadn’t worked out. And not because they hadn’t liked each other, and not because Bristol hadn’t liked her.
He changed chords and started to hum a bit, wondering what he was going to do.
He wasn’t going to lazily move into a relationship with Bristol. He also wasn’t going to hurt his mother by continually lying. Because it wouldn’t be a lie if they kept with it. And if he went in, he’d have to go all in. There would be no going back. No tiptoeing around and hurting one another because they were too scared.
After all, he had gone all in with their promise ten years ago. He wouldn’t force himself into something that would hurt them both.
Maybe this could work. Perhaps they could have something. Maybe they could be each other’s someone.
He loved Bristol. He loved everything about her, even the things that got on his nerves. Because it was her. She was the light of his life, something that he had told his family before, even though his sisters had given him weird looks as his mother beamed.
When his mom had been ill, so sick that he’d thought he’d never see her again, and he had broken down, it had been Bristol he went to. Bristol who held him up.
And when Liam had dealt with his family issues, Bristol had come to him for help. And when Ethan had been hurt, she had come to him then, as well. They were always there for each other, so maybe they could love each other the way others thought they already did.
He didn’t know if they could. He’d always told himself that would be stupid. To cross that line would be something they could never come back from. And what would happen if he let himself question that line and let himself feel the temptation he had always buried deep down?
In the end, he didn’t know.
What if she deserved better?
What if he did?
Or, what if they were exactly what they each deserved?
He didn’t know the answers, but as he continued to play, and kept thinking of her, he knew that he didn’t want to go back to the way things were before. Sure, that had meant something, and even if he wasn’t worried about his mother, something was eating at him. Saying that this could be an excuse.
So, he would go all in.
Even if he had no idea exactly what that meant.
Chapter 5
“Oh my God. How is it that I have to hear from your brother that you’re engaged?”
Bristol closed her eyes and knew precisely which brother she would have to castrate later.
Of course, it would be Aaron. Oh, her older brothers might pretend that they were all up in her business and like to annoy her. However, this was all Aaron. The one she was closest to in age. Her baby brother. He was always the one meddling in her life. And he also happened to be Zia’s friend.
The bastard.
“Hey there, Zia.”
“Don’t hey there me. You got engaged to Marcus. Your Marcus. And you didn’t even bother to call? To text? To send a pigeon across the pond?”
“I’ve been a little busy,” Bristol said, wincing. She was very thankful that Zia hadn’t used video chat, she didn’t want to be face-to-face for this. Although her ex-girlfriend—and now friend—was gorgeous, and Bristol didn’t mind looking at her, Zia would be able to see every emotion on her face. The fact that Bristol had no idea what she was feeling meant that Zia would know it before she did, and Bristol didn’t really want to deal with the ramifications of that particular cascade effect.
“I’m so excited for you! It’s about time you married the love of your life. Oh, and I’m totally doing your makeup.”
“What?”
Love of my life?
Bristol didn’t think that was possible. Was it? She loved Marcus, sure. She wanted him in her life and vice versa forever. But love?
Well, that was the question, wasn’t it?
That was why she needed to think, to plan. Because she was going to marry him. And if that kernel of hope within her meant that she loved him more than as a friend, then she needed to think about that.
She wouldn’t change their worlds because she hadn’t thought about love.
“I’m going to do your makeup. And your hair. I mean, that’s a given, right? It would be part of my present to you. I’m not going to actually charge you for it.”
Since Zia was a former YouTuber who now had her own makeup line and was doing wonderful and amazing things with her career, the fact that she wanted to do Bristol’s makeup was actually quite a nice gift. It was the whole love of her life thing that sort of got stuck on Bristol’s mind.
Not that she could actually ask Zia what that meant. Oh God, she was doing this all backward. But she couldn’t go back now.
Part of her didn’t want to, and that meant she had to truly write down her thoughts or something and figure things out.
Because going in circles clearly wasn’t helping.
“Are you still there? Do I need to fly home? Because I will. Oh, I can’t wait for this. You deserve this, baby girl. You and Marcus are amazing.”
Bristol shut her eyes and tried to take deep breaths. “You don’t need to fly here. Do your thing.”
“I am loving London.” There was something in Zia’s voice, but Bristol didn’t pry. While Zia might have done so to her, Bristol knew that she needed to go slow with her friend to figure out what was wrong. So, she kept the subject where Zia wanted it: on Bristol.
For now.
“It’s a beautiful city. I can’t believe you actually live there now.”
“It is. I love it here. It breathes creativity, you know? But let’s talk about you, Mrs. Future Marcus Stearn.”
Bristol licked her lips, suddenly finding them very dry. “Wow, I hadn’t actually heard that out loud yet.”
Zia laughed, the sound sweet and familiar. When the two of them had dated, they had laughed constantly. They’d ended up better as friends than lovers, but that was fine with Bristol. She needed more friends in her life. She had lost a lot of them over time when she hit a new level of success, and others hadn’t quite understood how to deal with that. Asking for money was one thing, expecting it was another. She gave her friends money anyway. She was quite firm on that.
The only person who never really asked her for anything was Marcus. Her future husband. Holy hell.
Thoughts of that kiss floated through her mind, and she couldn’t help but let out a little sigh.
“I heard that. Are you thinking about him? Oh, I just love this. I always knew the two of you would be perfect for each other.”
“What?”
“I told you that. The two of you are great for each other.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess.”
“Well, I would hope it’s more than a guess. Considering that you’re marrying him.” Zia paused. “What’s wrong? What am I missing?”
“Nothing.” Bristol said quickly. “You’re not missing anything. Promise.”
“Okay. Now I know you’re lying.”
“I’m not.” The fact that Zia could tell she was lying right then and not before didn’t really surprise her. After all, Bristol had no idea what she was feeling or thinking, so it technically wasn’t a lie.
More like an evasion.
She was marrying her best friend, maybe not for the right reasons, but if she let herself believe it, perhaps it would be for the right reasons eventually.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. Things happened really fast. I wasn’t expecting this.”
That was an understatement. Or was it? Because it wasn’t like the bet had come out of nowhere. It’d been ten years since they made the promise to marry each other. It couldn’t be that much out of the blue.
Perhaps he wanted this. Or maybe he didn’t want to back down. It was possible he could love her the way she thought she could love him.
“I need to get back to practice, but I promise we’ll talk about it later. Okay?”
“Of course.” Zia paused. “And you’ll tell me what you’re feeling? Because you sound like something’s off.”
“I’m just in practice mode. And I guess things are different. So, I don’t really know what I’m thinking.”
“Okay. I’m here if you need me. Promise.”
Bristol smiled, though Zia couldn’t see, then said goodbye before hanging up.
She put her phone on silent, mostly because she needed to focus on practicing, and then went into her office.
Her cello lay there, ready for her, and she rolled her shoulders back before stretching a bit. Her work was hard on her body. She wasn’t too small for the cello, but she probably would have had an easier time of it when she was younger if she’d been a couple of inches taller.
She had learned to play, however, and had thrived.
She sat down in her chair and set the cello between her thighs, resting the scroll on her shoulder. She took up the bow, getting her fingers into position, and then she let out a deep breath and slowly slid the bow over the strings.
Music filtered into the air, just a note at a time as she fell into the music, finding her rhythm. There was nothing visual on a cello while playing for her to find the correct notes, there were no frets on the fingerboard. Everything was by ear and touch. But she had long since learned her scales and her notes. They were ingrained in her, like the Swan was.
She did her warm-ups and then slowly fell into the music, letting herself flow with the notes.
The first time she had heard Yo-Yo Ma play the cello when she was a young child, she had cried. She hadn’t known why, but it had reached and touched her.
He had played Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major, Prélude, and she had fallen in love with music then and there.
Her mother had put her into music lessons because she had asked, even though they were expensive. Her family had been wonderful and focused and found ways to make do. Just like Liam had done with acting, and Ethan with his science and computer camps. Like with the classes Aaron had taken when he was younger, learning how to blow glass by hand in a way that most would never understand.
Each of her family members used their hands in different ways to create. Whether it was through science, math, art, or words. All of her family used their souls to create in some fashion.
She had wanted to be the next Yo-Yo Ma, even though she knew there could only be one.
She’d thrived within his music but had then fallen for Jacqueline du Pré because she had wanted to see a woman holding a cello. She had learned about Beatrice Harrison, and Caroline Dale. She had learned about Sharon Robinson and others.
However, Jacqueline du Pré was the famous player most thought of within her circles when they thought of Yo-Yo Ma. So, Bristol had wanted to be the next Jacqueline and Yo-Yo.
In the end, she was Bristol Montgomery, the new cello player. The cellist.
She let all of those thoughts flow through her even as she filled the room with music. This was practice. She had a tour coming up, an album to make, but for now, it was only her and her instrument.
And, of course, it was never just that. Her thoughts lingered on Marcus, because why wouldn’t they? He was inside her, always.
She loved her work, she adored performing. But she wasn’t a huge fan of stress. And her job brought much stress.
Marcus always seemed to understand that. He’d help her with her stress so she could relax. Whenever he visited her on tour, she knew she’d be able to breathe and focus on what they had, rather than what everybody else wanted from her.
And even as she thought about it, she realized that maybe there had always been something more to their relationship.
Yes, he was her best friend, but was it something more?
She had never allowed herself to think of them as something more in her mind.
She had always thought to put him in a certain box and prove to the world that she didn’t have a problem being friends with a man.
That was at least how it had started for her.
Of course, she told herself she hadn’t wanted to love Marcus that way. She hadn’t let herself think about him sexually. Because that would be wrong. It would prove to the world that men and women couldn’t be only friends.
But she had lasted how long? And they hadn’t crossed that boundary.
Well, now they sure as hell were. They were engaged. They were crossing all kinds of lines. Just his lips on hers alone had changed everything.
And as she faltered on her notes and told herself she needed to rein it back in, she remembered the kiss. And the fact that she wanted another.
The kiss at first had been to seal the deal, to show that they were engaged. And then she’d wanted more. Now, they were past it being a promise, a bet. They were both far too stubborn to go back on their words now. They were good at being who they were. And now, things were changing. Before, her ex had hated the idea of Marcus and her together, even as friends.
Colin had been an asshole. An egotistical jerk who she actually hated, even though she still worked with him since that’s what their careers needed. Each other, apparently.
Colin had loved to insinuate that she was fucking Marcus on the side. But that was fine. Colin had said that she could fuck whoever she wanted, as long as she came home to him.
She should have known that he was just a bunch of hot air—and he was totally cheating on her.
He was an asshole, and she hated him. She didn’t like that she’d even wasted her energy on him in the early days of her career. However, their careers were entwined in some respects. And her label even wanted her to do a song with him, not that she wanted to. She didn’t really have a choice, contractually, though, and they might have to work together again soon.
She let out a groan and set her bow down before rolling her shoulders back so she could stretch.
Oh, she was going to have to see Colin again. Damn it.
The man who had never understood her relationship with Marcus—not that she really understood it herself now, but that was her prerogative, not her ex’s.
Zia had always understood that she and Marcus were nothing more than friends, at least at the time. But the other woman had thought there possibly could be more. The fact that Bristol had always pushed that to the side was her issue. Even now, Zia wasn’t too surprised that they were engaged, even though no one had thought they were actually dating. Right? Oh, yeah. There were always laughs and jokes about it, but did anyone really think they were dating?
Was this all a farce?
Maybe she was the farce.
The doorbell rang, pulling her out of her thoughts, and she felt a clench. What if it was Marcus? What if he was there again? What if there would be kissing? And talking. Then more kissing.
She stood up quickly and made sure her cello was safe before practically running to the door. She was wearing loose yoga pants and a tank top with a sports bra. Not the greatest outfit, but she’d wanted to be loose and comfortable for her practice, and now this is what she’d be wearing when she saw her fiancé.
Oh, dear God, she was engaged to Marcus.
And the more times she said it, the more real it felt. Not like she was playing house. And that meant she was standing there trying to look better, not that M
arcus had ever cared about what she wore.
He had seen her in practically everything.
And almost nothing, considering what she had worn when she answered the door the day before.
Then, she supposed, it would be his turn to be completely naked. That was going to be fun.
She froze before she opened the door.
Fun?
Oh, good, now she was thinking of herself having sex with Marcus.
Him plunging inside her as she screamed his name and begged for more.
She squeezed her thighs together and tried to stop thinking of that.
Because if he was the one behind the door, this was going to be really embarrassing.
She looked through the peephole and cursed.
No, not Marcus. Though not someone she could ignore either.
She opened the door to Colin.
She knew she shouldn’t have thought about him too much. It was like she had conjured him out of thin air.
Say his name three times, and poof, he’s suddenly in your house, annoying the fuck out of you like Beetlejuice.
“Hello, Colin,” she said, pulling down her yoga top. She didn’t want to show him everything. Oh, he had seen it before, but he didn’t have a right to now.
“Darling,” he said, his crisp British accent annoying the fuck out of her. He leaned down and kissed both her cheeks, and she took a step back.
Of course, that was a mistake, because he took that as an invitation to walk right into her house.
“Wow, you haven’t done much with the place, but I love seeing you. It’s been a while since we’ve been near each other, don’t you think?” he said.
“Sure,” she said. Not long enough, she thought, but she knew better than to say that aloud.
“So, what are you doing here, Colin?” she asked, wanting to get back to practice.
And thoughts of Marcus.
“Well, I know our studios have talked about the new tour.”
“I’m going on a solo tour.”
“And then after, there’s talk of the one we’re doing together. You know, we are forever entwined.”
Embraced in Ink: A Montgomery Ink: Boulder Novel Page 6
