by Lori Ryan
Chapter 38
If Heath thought he was stupid back in high school, he hadn’t come anywhere close to the idiocy he had demonstrated with Eleanor.
Seeing her face on the video conference screen— no, not just her face, her tears— had destroyed him. He should have stayed when she insisted he go. He should have seen through whatever it was that had made her send him away. Should have been there for her when she needed him.
He didn’t know if he could get her to talk about why she’d sent him packing, but at the very least he was going to go there and try like hell. He was going to tell her how much he loved her, and how sorry he was he hadn’t been enough for her.
He went back to the room they’d been working in, watching those stupid Code of Conduct training videos for the last three hours, and grabbed his bag. Jangles and Zip trailed him down the hall and were now standing in the doorway watching him as Merlin and Duff stared back at him from their seats.
“It’s about damn time you’re going to her,” Duff said, surprising them all.
Jangles looked at all of them. “Uh, I hate to burst your bubble Woof man, but the CO says that’s a no-go.”
“We’re on lockdown until this training is done, remember?” Zip added.
“Yeah, I remember,” Heath said. He remembered and didn’t give a shit. He would take whatever punishment Roe dished out.
“You’re looking at desertion if you do this,” Merlin said quietly.
Heath met the eyes of the men on his team. “I gotta try. She’s worth it.”
“Damn right she is,” Duff said.
Jangles and Zip stepped into the room. Zip was the one to speak and he was grinning again. “We got your back. We’ll tell the CO you had to see about a woman.” Zip was laughing at his use of the line from Good Will Hunting.
“The hell you will,” Heath said. “If Roe finds out you knew I was leaving and didn’t stop me, you’ll all be in hot water. You’re not taking that on for me.”
Merlin stood. “Fuck off, asshole. We can take the heat, same as you. Now go get your woman.”
Heath didn’t have to be told twice. He ran from the room never wanting to be somewhere faster in his life. He needed to get to Nori. He needed to make it right and tell her what she meant to him. That she was more important to him than anything. Any mission. Any assignment. Even his career.
Chapter 39
Eleanor thought a hot shower would be a good idea. She was wrong. It turns out when you bawl your eyes out in a hot shower, blotchy doesn’t begin to describe what happens to your face.
Now she sat wrapped in a fuzzy old bathrobe in her room with a cold towel over her face. The nurse had thought she was crying over her frustration at the process of her recovery and she hadn’t tried to change that perception. Truth was, her recovery was going faster than she’d thought it would. She would go home in another few days. She would have outpatient physical therapy for weeks to come and she wouldn’t be running anytime soon, but she was up and moving around on her own now.
She should call a friend. She laughed. Was she kidding? She didn’t have a friend. Not any real ones. She and Beth were friendly at work and she liked her a lot, but they didn’t get together outside of the office. If Beth called her or she called Beth, it was to tell each other something about work.
Maybe she should get a Kindle. She could start reading romance novels so that she could at least see what a happy ending looked like even though she wasn’t going to live one anytime soon. She squeezed her eyes tighter under the cold cloth. She didn’t think she had any tears left but damn it, she was wrong again.
She was really getting tired of being wrong lately. Someone knocked on her door, bringing her up to a sitting position much too quickly. The rehab facility had a front desk and no one got in without a call up to let her know who was there. Not to mention, she almost never had visitors. Not unless it was someone from the office bringing her a file or something.
She looked down at her fuzzy robe and the cold cloth that was now in her hands instead of on her face. Fabulous.
She went to the door and looked through the narrow glass window pane at the side of it.
And then she yelped because Heath was standing outside her door.
“Nori?” he asked.
“Shit,” she muttered and stepped back. She was so not in any condition to see him.
It wasn’t only that she looked like shit. She just couldn’t do this. She couldn’t get up her hopes again and have them dashed.
For so long, she had put memories of Heath Davis behind her only to have him walk back into her life in a time and way she never could have imagined.
And it hurt like hell knowing he was even more incredible now than he’d been back in high school. He was a man of heart and strength and courage. A man who fought for his country and what he believed in. She’d never known a better man than him.
And she’d sent him away.
“I know you’re in there, Nori. I saw you.”
She pressed her lips together, capturing them between her teeth as though maybe she could somehow be quiet enough to convince him she wasn’t here.
“You realize I can get in there if I want to, right?” He paused and she could picture him assessing the situation. “I can pick the lock, of course. Or I could just take the whole damned door off its hinges.”
Her phone rang and she stupidly looked at it where it sat next to her bed like that would somehow tell her who was calling.
Heath went quiet on the other side of the door and she thought maybe he was trying to call her.
She crossed the room to lift her phone and looked at the screen.
It was Merlin. She’d given him her number when he visited.
“Hello,” she said quietly after swiping the phone to answer it and putting it by her ear. She was speaking as though she might still be able to play possum and pretend she wasn’t in the room.
“Eleanor, it’s Merlin. Heath is on his way there. I wanted to let you know you should open the door for him. He didn’t ask me to call, but you should know he left the base against orders to come to see you.”
He seemed to be waiting for her response, but she didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t an idiot. She knew that leaving the base against orders was sure to get you into a lot of trouble.
“You there, Eleanor?” Merlin said on the other end of line.
She gripped the phone with both hands. “I’m here. He’s at the door now.”
“Let him in, Eleanor. Please. Hear him out.”
Eleanor hung up the phone and turned to face the door. She didn’t know if Heath still waited on the other side or if he’d given up.
But she walked slowly toward it. She’d made a mess of things but maybe they could fix this. They were still both headed in completely opposite directions, but at least maybe this time they could say a proper goodbye instead of the way she’d left things.
She opened the door, only then realizing she was still in the fluffy robe with her hair pulled back in a sloppy tail and no makeup on her face.
Heath stood in the doorway, looking a little surprised to see she had opened it.
“Hi.” Wow. Eloquent, Eleanor.
“Nori,” He breathed. He looked wrecked, pain evident in the lines on his face and the sorrow that filled his eyes.
Tears came to her eyes at the sight of him there. She couldn’t stop them. He was here in front of her and there was so much she wanted to say to him. But she didn’t know how to say any of it. She didn’t know how to do this.
“Shhhh. Don’t cry.” He reached for her and pulled her to him and she could feel how gentle he was being as he enclosed her in his arms.
“You came,” she said.
“You were crying. Of course I came.”
She leaned back and tilted her head up to look at him. “What?”
He brushed the back of his hand down her cheek. “On the video call with Zip and Jangles. You were crying. So I came.”
&nbs
p; She cried harder at that and his arms went around her again as he shushed her. He lifted her and walked to the armchair in the corner of her small room at the rehab facility. When he settled into the chair with her in his lap, he brushed the tears from her face.
She didn’t want to know what she looked like.
She was worse than a wet, soggy tissue with the way she kept crying but she couldn’t help it.
“Shhh, don’t cry, Nori. Please don’t cry.”
As Heath held her, there was hope sliding into her chest now and she didn’t know if she could handle that. But God, how she wanted it. Wanted him. Wanted a future and possibility and all that came with giving herself to the only man who’d ever been able to claim her heart.
“Tell me why you sent me away.”
His words hit her heart hard but she forced herself to tell him the truth.
“I heard you talking on the phone. You’d started doubting yourself again like you did when we were younger.”
He shook his head. “You heard me doubting myself and that made you send me away?”
She took a deep breath. “When we were younger, you always looked like you knew what you were doing, like you were the king of the high school and no one could knock you down.”
He snorted. “Hardly.”
“Yeah, well that’s the thing. I saw through that. I knew it was an act back then. You were insecure about a lot of things.”
He touched her face again like he couldn’t help the contact. “You always did see through me. You saw it all.”
“When I met you again back in Turkey, you were such a different man. It was clear from the minute you found me at that airport that you were damned good at what you did and you knew it. Not in an arrogant way. Just in a way that said you had no doubt in your ability to keep me safe. To get the job done. And it was clear your teammates knew that, too. They trusted you even when it was clear we had a history.”
He kept his gaze locked on hers. “I didn’t keep you safe.” His voice broke at the words and tears came to her eyes again.
She was causing him so much pain. She hated that. “That’s just it. It wasn’t your fault I got shot. It was my decision to go in there. And my boss approved it. You didn’t make that call, Heath. I did. And I’m not sorry if it meant you and your team had the time you needed to get those hostages out of the bunker without anyone getting hurt.
“But when you came back from that mission, you were different. I saw all the old doubt in your eyes again. I heard you talking to your teammate about how you’d failed. I couldn’t take that. I didn’t want to be responsible for bringing you back to that kind of thinking.”
He dipped his head, touching his forehead to hers. “Yeah, I doubted myself after that mission but it wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Me and my team are all confident in our abilities but we all second guess ourselves sometimes. We just have each other’s backs. If one of us is having a hard time, the other guys pick up and make sure we get the job done.
“But none of that changes how I feel about you. I love you Nori. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped. There was just too much guilt getting in the way of my feelings when we were younger. I thought the best thing I could do was clear out of there after what Jason did and leave you alone. But I know now that you’re the only woman I could ever love. Now that I’ve found you again, I never want to walk away.”
She didn’t answer. She just wrapped her arms around him and kissed him, trying to put all she was feeling, all the love she had in her heart for him into that kiss.
When they broke apart, he met her gaze. “Tell me that’s yes. Tell me we can try this even though we’re in different cities and we’re both basically slaves to our work. Please tell me we can give this a shot.”
She nodded. “We don’t have a choice. I love you. There’s no other choice but to make this work.”
He let out a whoop and lifted her, fluffy bathrobe and knotted hair and all, and spun her around.
She didn’t think it was possible for her to feel any lighter than she did now, any happier.
And then he kissed her and she knew she was dead wrong. His arms around her as he kissed her was everything she ever wanted in her world. Everything she didn’t know she so desperately needed.
When they kissed, it was like they’d never been apart. Not just now and not all those years ago when things had first gone so horribly wrong.
“You’re so beautiful, Nori,” he whispered against her lips. “I’ve never wanted another woman the way I want you. Never felt like this with anyone.”
She smiled. “Ditto,” she said quietly. She had been with other men after him but nothing had compared. When Heath touched her, it felt so right.
“I know you’re not ready to make love yet, but I want to touch you, to look at you.”
He grinned wickedly and leaned in, whispering all the things he wanted to do to her in her ear. Eleanor whimpered and squirmed in his arms. She might need to try to convince him she was healed up enough to do at least a few of those things. Maybe the one where he bent her over ….
“When you’re well,” he said, running his hand over her shoulder as though he could read her mind.
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
She snuggled into his arms and let her heart soak up the fact he’d come for her. He loved her.
“I can’t believe you came because I was crying.”
“Always,” he said again and she believed him. She knew there would be times when he couldn’t do that. She was realistic about his job and the fact he could be called away at any moment and not even be able to tell her where he was going or when he’d be home.
The truth was, she could be moved any moment to a new post. They’d need to figure all that out as they went along. But not being with him was no longer an option. Her heart couldn’t stand that.
“I need to go back to my base and take whatever punishment my CO has for me.”
She ran a hand over his chest. “Merlin said you left after your CO told you not to. You shouldn’t have done that. You could have called.”
He was shaking his head. “Not good enough for my woman. I wanted my arms around you. I wanted to hold you and stop the hurting.”
She tilted her head back and looked in his eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”
He huffed a laugh and shook his head. “You deserve a whole lot better than me but I’ll have to do.”
Chapter 40
Eleanor didn’t know how Heath had convinced his CO to let him come back a week and a half later when she was discharged from the rehab center, but she didn’t care. He’d been home with her for three days now and it had been heaven waking up beside him each morning.
Even if he did insist on sleeping over the covers so he wouldn’t be tempted to make love to her at night until she was ready for it.
At his pace, though, he’d keep her waiting for months and she wasn’t having that. She was still moving a little slowly, but she could handle having sex and she wanted her man.
She stepped from the shower and drew on her robe, knowing she would find Heath in the kitchen with coffee and breakfast ready for her.
Whatever he’d made was about to get cold, if she had her way.
She towel dried her hair then left it loose and padded down the hall to the kitchen.
As she approached, she undid the belt at her waist and let her robe hang open at the front.
Heath had his back to her at the stove. His muscles bunched as he stirred whatever was in the pan. His T-shirt was stretched taut over hard muscles and she couldn’t help but ogle at him, letting her eyes travel over the large bulge of his biceps. Her hands tingled with the need to pull that shirt off him and run her hands over his warm skin.
She was wet already. If she couldn’t manage to seduce him, she was going to lose her mind. This was the worst part of being shot. The waiting to have him touch her again.
She almost laughed at herself. How quic
kly she’d forgotten the terror and pain of that time in the tunnels with Demir. But Heath did that to her. He took away the fear and pain and kept her grounded here in the moment with him instead of back in the horror and memories of that underground nightmare.
Heath glanced over his shoulder at her, then turned away, putting his hands to either side of the stove and letting his head drop.
She heard him cursing under his breath.
Good. She was getting to him.
She walked to him and put her hands on those shoulders. God they were so hard, so damned strong. Just touching them had her wanting to press herself against him. She stepped closer, letting her body melt against his.
He cursed again and she laughed. She heard him flick off the burner and move the pan off the stove before he turned.
And then he had her.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he asked, his hands gripping her shoulders as he waited for her answer.
“More than sure,” she whispered. “Please, Heath.” It was plea and prayer wrapped in one. She needed this man. Needed the connection of making love to him. Of knowing he was hers and she was his. That the years of being apart were gone.
He used the fabric of her robe to pin her arms in place as his head came down and he captured her nipple in his mouth. Having him hold her in place increased the erotic sensation and she pressed herself forward, wanting more as she moaned her response.
He went to the other nipple and sucked, then nipped with his teeth and she was lost. She felt herself growing wet for him as her body throbbed in response to his teasing.
“I want to touch you,” she panted out, wriggling to try to escape the way he’d wrapped her in the cloth.
His response was to lift her and carry her to the bedroom where he lay her back, still not loosening his hold on her arms as he trailed his mouth down her body to her belly. And then she was breathless and moaning when his mouth went lower, covering her mound, his tongue laving her clitoris in teasing circles.
