Manhattan Moon

by Jae

  Shelby hesitated. If a Wrasa saw her jogging with Nyla, that was one thing. But to be seen holding hands with a human ... “Um, we better not. My hand is all sweaty.” She wiped her hand on her pant leg.

  Nyla didn’t say anything, but the playful mood abruptly vanished.

  Shelby bit her lip. She knew she hurt Nyla every time she pretended they were mere acquaintances when they were out in public, but she had no choice. “How about we go to the holiday market tomorrow?” she asked when the silence between them grew.

  “Really?”

  “Sure. Why not? I heard the Union Square market is really nice.”

  Nyla turned her head and looked at her. “But you said you don’t celebrate Christmas.”

  “I don’t. But I can help you find a few presents for your family.” At least they could hold hands without a problem at the Christmas market. With all the smells, the noise, and the crowd, no Wrasa would ever want to visit a Christmas market.

  They reached the end of the park. Shelby looked left and right before crossing the street.

  Nyla followed. “That would be great. I haven’t found presents for everyone yet.”

  “We could—” A sound to her left made Shelby whirl around.

  A yellow taxi hurtled toward them without braking at the red light.

  “Nyla!” Shelby leaped.

  Nyla stood frozen to the spot. She threw her arms up as if that could protect her.

  Seconds before the taxi hit her, Shelby pushed her out of the way and tackled her. In mid-fall, she wrapped her arms around Nyla and rolled so that she, not Nyla, would hit the pavement.

  Shelby’s elbow and hip skidded across the pavement. Brakes squealed. Someone shouted.

  Then everything fell silent.

  Slowly, Shelby lifted her head. “Nyla?” She took Nyla’s face between both hands and stared into her eyes. Nyla’s pupils were wide, but even. Good. No concussion. “Are you okay?”

  A car door banged shut. The cabbie ran over to them and tried to help Nyla stand.

  Growling, Shelby slapped his hands away and let her gaze trail over Nyla. “Are you hurt?”

  Nyla shook her head. “No. But you are.”

  Shelby realized that her running pants were torn at the hip and her elbow peeked through a hole in her shirt. Blood dripped down her arm. Her skin burned like crazy, but it wasn’t just from the abrasions. Adrenaline pumped through her veins and made her forearms itch. Age-old instincts screamed at her to shift and protect Nyla from any danger.

  “Can you move your arm? How about your leg?” Gently, Nyla palpated Shelby’s limbs.

  “Yes. I’m okay. Just a few scrapes.” If she were a Wrasa who could effortlessly shift shape, one transformation would have healed the superficial wounds.

  With a guilty expression on his face, the cabbie stepped closer. “Are you hurt? Want me to call an ambulance?”

  “No! I mean … no, that’s not necessary.” She couldn’t let herself be treated by a human doctor. Even a first-year med student would realize immediately that her lab results and her wound healing weren’t those of a human. She turned toward the gawking audience, which had gathered around them. “Nothing to see here. Please move along.”

  Hesitantly, the cabbie climbed back into his taxi and drove away. The crowd dispersed slowly.

  “God, Shelby.” Nyla caressed her uninjured arm. “I didn’t hear the taxi coming. If it hadn’t been for you ... How did you manage to react so fast?”

  Despite her tense muscles, Shelby tried to shrug casually. “When it really matters, humans are capable of amazing things. I’m sure you heard the story about the mother who lifted a car to save her child.” Of course, the mother had been a Wrasa, but fortunately, the media had found a different explanation. She pulled Nyla into her arms again.

  Nyla trembled.

  Or maybe it was Shelby who was trembling. Her arms itched. She pressed her face to the crook of Nyla’s neck. “If something had happened to you ...” She didn’t want to finish the thought.

  Nyla trailed her fingers through Shelby’s hair. “Let’s head to the diner over there so I can take a look at your elbow and your hip.”

  This time, even the possibility that a Wrasa might see them couldn’t stop Shelby from taking Nyla’s hand. She wouldn’t let Nyla out of her sight again. Hand in hand, they entered the diner.

  * * *

  The phone rang upstairs.

  Taking two steps at a time, Shelby raced up the stairs. In her haste, she almost dropped the keys before she finally managed to unlock the front door. “Yes?” she said into the phone.

  “Hi, stranger.”

  Shelby dropped onto the leather couch and smiled as she finally heard the voice she’d been missing for the last five days and seventeen hours. Since they had been on different shifts this week, they had barely seen each other. After two months of spending almost every day together, being alone took some getting used to. “Hi, Nyla. I missed you.” She pressed her lips together, unsure if expressing her feelings so openly was a good idea. Sometimes, she still thought she shouldn’t commit her heart and soul to Nyla because their relationship couldn’t go anywhere.

  “I missed you too,” Nyla answered without hesitation. “Maybe next time you’ll let me come with you when you go running with your cousin, then you won’t have to miss me for so long.”

  “Um, yeah, maybe.” She couldn’t tell Nyla that Jocelyn and she hadn’t been running. A run through the forest meant something entirely different for a Wrasa. It had been almost two years since Shelby had last managed to shift shape. The next family get-together was coming up, so she had wanted to practice shifting. She had hoped it would stop her from making a fool of herself in front of the entire pack, but she had failed again.

  “Do you have plans for tomorrow night?” Nyla asked. “You could come over and ... um, if you want, you can stay over.”

  Stay over ...

  A meaningful silence filled the phone line. They both knew what it meant. In the eight weeks since their first date, their kisses had become longer and hotter, but they hadn’t yet slept with each other. Normally, Shelby would have answered Nyla’s invitation with an enthusiastic “yes.” She wanted to explore every inch of Nyla’s body, wanted to cover it with kisses and find out if Nyla smelled of jasmine everywhere. “Nyla ... you’ve got no idea how much I want that, but I’m driving upstate to meet my family for the weekend.” She stared at the family portrait in her living room.

  “Oh,” Nyla said. She sounded as frustrated and disappointed as Shelby felt. A hopeful tone entered her voice as she said, “How about if I come with you? I would love to meet your family.”

  Shelby had been scared of this conversation for weeks. She had long since met Nyla’s parents. Even though they weren’t happy about their daughter’s sexual orientation, they had still been friendly toward Shelby. “That’s not a good idea.”

  “Why not?” Nyla sounded hurt. “You haven’t told your family that you’re gay?”

  Shelby rubbed her forehead. “That’s not it, but ... Maybe another time, okay?”

  Nyla inhaled and exhaled audibly. “You know … I really get the feeling you’re hiding something from me. Shelby, I hope you know you can tell me anything, no matter what.”

  A lump formed in Shelby’s throat. “I know.” She had been as open as possible with Nyla. About everything except for who and what she really was.

  “So? Is there something you want to tell me?”

  Want to? Shelby snorted. Of course she wanted to, but it was inconceivable to tell a human the truth about the Wrasa’s secret existence. “No,” she said, even though lying to Nyla hurt. “There’s nothing.”

  Nyla sighed. “That’s exactly why my last relationship failed. The constant lies and secrets my ex kept.”

  Shelby’s forearms tingled. “Are you comparing me with that two-faced snake? Jennifer cheated on you with half of the women in New York.”

  For a few seconds, only the ticking
of the grandfather clock interrupted the silence. Then Nyla sighed. “No. No, of course I’m not. I’m just frustrated because I don’t understand why you always keep me at arm’s length. You refuse to introduce me to your family and friends. We’re always at my place, never at yours. Shelby, I don’t understand. I thought things between us were going great.”

  Shelby tore at her hair. “They are.”

  Nyla was silent for a moment. “Let’s talk about it another time, okay? I have to take Goliath to the vet. He’s due for his vaccinations.”

  Normally, Shelby would have offered to accompany her and help soothe her little friend, but at the moment, she just couldn’t face Nyla. “I’ll call you when I get back on Sunday.”

  “Okay. I’ll talk to you then,” Nyla said, but she didn’t sound as warm as usual.

  After Nyla had hung up, Shelby laid on the couch, stared at the ceiling and listened to the phone’s beep-beep-beep. Finally, she fell into an exhausted sleep, the phone still pressed to her ear.

  * * *

  Moonlight filtered through the leafless treetops and made the snow beneath Shelby’s feet glitter like silver. She shivered in the cold winter air. Her feet felt like lumps of ice. Forget the cold. You’re a Wrasa. Focus. She called up the mental image of her coyote, just as she had been taught. She visualized the brown-yellowish fur on the coyote’s back and the lighter hair on its flanks and chin. She imagined feeling the bushy tail wag back and forth. With all her might, she longed for the tingling, itching, and aching that announced a transformation.

  Nothing.

  She opened her eyes.

  The pack around her was gone. Only paw prints in the snow indicated where they had gathered around Shelby and waited to see if she would manage to turn into a coyote this time.

  Jocelyn, now in her coyote form, paused at the edge of the clearing, lifted her muzzle to the sky and howled.

  Shelby grimaced. She felt like crying too.

  The voices of half a dozen other coyotes answered. Shelby could make out her father’s smoky voice, in perfect harmony with her mother’s higher one. A tired smile darted across Shelby’s face as her nephew added his unmelodious howl to the chorus.

  Even Robbie, barely more than a teenager, could shift effortlessly.

  Only Shelby was still sitting here in her human form. Her shoulders slumped. She rushed over to the fallen tree where she’d left her clothes. Hastily, she slipped into her pants, socks, and boots and then put on her sweater and coat. Shivering, she sank onto the tree trunk and breathed into her hands to warm them. Her breath condensed in the cold air. Wrasa don’t feel the cold. Yeah, right. Maybe that was true for Wrasa in their animal forms, but in her human form, Shelby was freezing.

  She wanted to take her father’s car keys from his pants pocket and drive home. Or even better—drive to Nyla. But, of course, she couldn’t leave the pack behind.

  She kicked at the snow. A fountain of snow rained down on the shrub across from her. With a frustrated growl, she leaned forward, put her elbow on her knees, and buried her hands in her hair. I’d give anything to be with Nyla now. A mental image of Nyla appeared before her mind’s eye, much more clearly than the image of her coyote form a few minutes ago. Her dark eyes. The sensuous lips. Her dimples when she smiled at Shelby.

  She hadn’t smiled as often in the last few weeks, though. Nyla felt excluded from Shelby’s life.

  The secret of the Wrasa’s existence was about to destroy her relationship. It’s all so pointless. I’m a shape-shifter who can’t shift. The life she led was that of a human. And still her laws forbade her from living happily ever after with a human.

  Shelby dug the toes of her boots into the snow and gazed at the clearing’s edge, waiting for dawn and the return of her pack.

  * * *

  “Are you taking a break?” David, a fellow psychiatrist, asked when he saw Shelby heading toward the staff room.

  “No,” Shelby said without turning around. “I need to use the copier. Mr. Wilkins’s therapist finally sent over the treatment report, but Mr. Wilkins wants us to return the originals.”

  “Why don’t you get one of the nurses to copy them for you?”

  Now Shelby stopped and turned toward her colleague. “Have you looked around? All the nurses are running around like chickens with their heads cut off. They’re already stressed enough. I’m sure it won’t hurt me to do it myself.”

  David shrugged. “Whatever.” His scent—that of overripe tomatoes—let her know what he thought about her answer.

  Shelby walked away and entered the staff room. She opened the copier’s lid and stared down at the sheet of paper in her hands. Was she being too protective of the ER’s nurses? Would her colleagues start to suspect that Nyla and she were a couple?

  Steps approached. Before the door opened, Shelby knew who it was and what she was about to eat for her very late lunch. She pressed the copier’s start button and turned around, smiling.

  “Hi, you,” Nyla said. She walked over to Shelby and leaned against the copier, holding a white paper box from the Chinese restaurant across the street.

  Sesame chicken. Shelby grinned and breathed in the scent of chicken and jasmine. Weird. Somehow, Nyla smelled different today. Her familiar jasmine scent was still detectable, but another, tangier undertone had joined it. Instead of clashing with Nyla’s scent, the new scent fit perfectly and brought out the jasmine even better.

  I wonder what that is. She shrugged. Maybe there was a new soap in the nurses’ station.

  Nyla moved back a little and regarded Shelby with a furrowed brow. “Am I reeking?” She lifted the neck of her hospital top and bent her head to sniff herself.

  “Oh, no, no, I ...” Shelby rubbed her neck. Great Hunter, how embarrassing. Now she had been caught sniffing Nyla like a pup. “You smell nice. New soap?”

  “I don’t think so.” Nyla opened the box and fished for a piece of chicken with her chopsticks. “Did you know you’re the only psychiatrist who didn’t lose the ability to make copies when you received your medical degree?”

  “David just pointed out that making copies is a job for you lowly nurses.”

  “You.” Nyla slapped her shoulder.

  Shelby grinned and watched Nyla push pieces of broccoli to the edge of the paper box. She lifted her hand to polish off the unwanted vegetable for Nyla, even though she wasn’t overly fond of broccoli either. She stopped in mid-motion and pulled back her hand. In the last few weeks, she had become much too careless and had almost eaten food from Nyla’s plate a few times. She needed to be more careful even if Nyla had no idea what sharing a plate meant.

  “You okay?” Nyla asked.

  “Oh, yeah, sure.” Shelby realized Nyla was no longer leaning against the copier. Instead, her hip and shoulder rested against Shelby’s body. Nyla didn’t seem to be aware of it. She leaned against Shelby as if she were a beloved piece of furniture.

  An intense wave of love swept over Shelby. She pressed her cheek against Nyla’s and tried not to be too obvious about sniffing her. She really smells different. And I don’t think it’s a soap. “New perfume?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you wearing a new perfume?”

  Nyla chewed and swallowed before she answered, “No. I never wear perfume at work.”

  Whatever it was, the beguiling scent made Shelby’s head spin. She sniffed again. The scent was familiar yet totally new, as if it were a new mix of ingredients she knew well. She almost smells like a Wrasa. Or more exactly: she smelled like a coyote shifter. She smelled like ...

  Shelby stared at her. She smells like ... like me!

  No, that wasn’t totally true. The scent was a complex mix of jasmine and Shelby’s own scent.

  Mate scent! Shelby rubbed her eyes. But how is that possible? We haven’t even slept together.

  Shelby gave herself a mental kick. Only clueless humans thought that sex was the determining factor of a relationship. It seemed their bodies had decided that they belon
ged together, so their scents had joined.

  As a doctor, Shelby understood the chemical processes taking place between a mated couple, but that didn’t matter now. She was stuck on one thought: There was no way out now. Nyla was the woman she would spend her life with. Her heart rejoiced, but her common sense whispered, “Impossible.” How could she share her life with someone when she couldn’t even tell her the most fundamental truth about herself?

  Chapter 5

  Shelby paced the living room like a caged animal. When she almost collided with the coffee table, she forced herself to stop and looked at the old grandfather clock next to the bookcase.

  Shit.

  Time to head out. She had to be at Nyla’s place in half an hour. Today, she would stay over for the first time. Nyla’s grandmother was at bingo with her sister, so they had the house to themselves. Normally, a pack of wolves couldn’t have stopped Shelby from showing up at Nyla’s doorstep on time, but she knew that taking this step in their relationship implied a decision that she wasn’t ready for.

  Nyla wasn’t a woman who did things by halves. She deserved a relationship without secrets and a partner who trusted her—if need be, even with her life.

  And Shelby did. Still she hesitated. Everything she had been taught since she’d been a pup warned her never to reveal their existence to a human. But this wasn’t just any human. This was Nyla.

  Nyla, whose life was on the line if a Wrasa found out about their relationship and called the Saru. Shelby rubbed her palms over her face.

  How long do you think this would work? How long until her pack suspected that she didn’t just smell of human because she worked in a hospital full of human colleagues and patients? Even if her pack kept Shelby’s relationship secret, one day another Wrasa would find out. And then what?

  Shelby glanced at the clock again. Maybe she should just stay home. But the thought of never seeing Nyla again pierced her heart like a dagger. She couldn’t break up with Nyla without offering some kind of explanation. Nyla deserved to decide for herself.