by Jae
But what if she would decide against Shelby? What if Nyla ran away in a blind panic or was disgusted at the mere thought of having a relationship with a shape-shifter?
So many ifs and buts. Shelby sighed. No matter what she did, she couldn’t win. She reached for her car keys and weighed them in her hand. Make a decision. It’s now or never.
* * *
Shelby’s heart hammered so loudly that she almost didn’t hear the approaching footfalls. She jumped as the door opened.
Nyla stood in the doorway. She smiled, and her dark eyes glowed like a star-studded night sky. Her favorite jeans clung to her shapely hips, and a white blouse with the two top buttons undone offered a glance at her soft, tan skin. Mate scent surrounded her like an enchanting perfume.
Shelby’s mouth went dry.
“Hi,” Nyla said. “Come in.”
As soon as Shelby entered, Goliath bounded over and jumped up and down, tail wagging, until Shelby bent and patted him.
He rolled on his back so that she could scratch his belly.
Today, Shelby was too nervous to focus on bestowing some TLC on Goliath, though.
“You’re late,” Nyla said over her shoulder as she led Shelby to the living room. “Did something happen?”
“No, nothing worth mentioning.” I only made a decision that could cost me my life. And yours. The lump in her throat grew until she could barely breathe. She sank onto the couch. “Traffic was horrible.”
In New York City, that was never a lie, but Shelby couldn’t stand the half-truths and secretiveness between them any longer. But what should she tell Nyla? Oh, by the way, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you ... I’m a Wrasa, a species of shape-shifters who has secretly lived among humans for millenniums. But don’t worry. We’re housebroken.
“Are you sick?” Nyla sat next to Shelby and gently touched her arm. “You look like you have a stomachache.”
“No, no, everything’s fine. Don’t worry.” She wrapped one arm around Nyla.
Nyla didn’t look entirely convinced. She cuddled up to her and trailed kisses over Shelby’s cheek and neck. “Are you sure? Because I’ve got plans for you.”
“I’m fine.” Shelby leaned her head against Nyla’s. Each and every one of her muscles ached under the weight of the responsibility she carried. She loved and desired Nyla, but she wasn’t in the mood for passionate seduction.
“Are you hungry?” Nyla asked. “I’ve got some leftover lemon soup my grandmother made.”
Even thinking of food made Shelby clench her teeth. Her stomach revolted. “No, thanks.”
Nyla studied her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m okay.” At least physically. But most of her fellow Wrasa would consider her insane if they knew what she was planning.
Nyla stared at her for a few seconds longer. Then her face brightened, and a smile brought out her dimples. “You’re nervous. How cute.”
Cute? No, that’s not cute at all. For the first time in her life, Shelby felt as if she would throw up any second.
Nyla reached for her hand and entwined her fingers with Shelby’s. “If you want to wait a little longer ...” She lifted Shelby’s hand and kissed her fingers. Over their raised hands, she looked deeply into Shelby’s eyes. “That would be all right.”
“Wait?” Shelby shook her head. She had postponed this conversation for too long anyway. “No, waiting won’t help.”
In the sudden silence, Goliath’s yawning sounded overly loud.
Nyla let go of Shelby’s hand, put a few inches of space between them, and studied her with a baffled shake of her head. “Help? Shelby, I thought we both wanted this.” She pointed back and forth between them. “And now you sound as if you were about to be tortured instead of spending the night with me.” Her scent reminded Shelby of a mortally wounded deer staring accusingly at the hunter with its big, dark eyes.
“What?” Shelby slapped her own forehead. “No, no, that’s not what I’m talking about. I ...” I’m making a mess of things. Maybe I shouldn’t do this after all.
“What are you talking about, then?”
Shelby shook her head. I can’t do this. She jumped up, about to flee.
Nyla held on to her hand. “Shelby, please. Tell me what’s going on.” She stepped toward Shelby and hesitantly touched her cheek. “You weren’t ...? I mean ... did someone … hurt you?”
Hurt me? Shelby blinked. Her brain was on overload and took a few seconds to decipher Nyla’s words. “Oh. You thought ...? No. No, that’s not it. I’m not afraid to sleep with you. Well, I may be a little nervous because I want everything to be perfect. But under different circumstances, I’d drag you to the bedroom and stay there until tomorrow.”
A blush crept up Nyla’s neck. Her eyes seemed to glow when she looked at Shelby. “Then why are we still here in the living room?” Her voice sounded husky.
Goose bumps covered every inch of Shelby’s skin. For a moment, she actually considered postponing all worries and doubts until tomorrow and just enjoying the night with Nyla.
But that wasn’t fair to Nyla. She should be allowed to decide for herself after knowing all the facts.
“Because there’s something I have to tell you first,” Shelby said. “And I’m not sure you’ll want to be with me once you find out.”
“Nonsense.” Nyla wrapped both arms around Shelby and shook her gently. “Shelby, I love you. Nothing you tell me will make me stop wanting to be with you.”
Her whole life, Shelby had waited to hear those words, but now they tasted bittersweet. “I love you too.” Her voice trembled so much that she could barely understand herself. “No matter what happens now, I want you to know that I never toyed with you.”
“You’re beginning to scare me.” Nyla’s hands clutched at Shelby’s sweater. “Please, tell me what’s going on before I imagine one horrible scenario after another.”
She had to tell her. Nyla would never guess what Shelby needed to tell her. Shelby led her back to the couch and urged her to sit. In her experience, humans preferred hearing bad news while they were sitting down. She remained standing. Her whole body tingled as if it were a live wire. “First you have to promise me something.”
“Anything,“ Nyla said without hesitation.
“Promise you’ll never tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.”
Nyla looked up at her. She listened attentively to every word Shelby said. “Of course I’ll keep it to myself. You can trust me. You know that.”
Okay. Tell her. Now. Shelby opened her mouth. And then shut it. Her muscles trembled. All of her joints hurt, and she could almost feel the tiny hairs on her arms grow. If she didn’t get herself together, she wouldn’t have to tell Nyla. Nyla would be able to see who and what she really was.
With determination, she put her inner coyote on a leash. Down, dammit. She breathed deeply. “I know you wondered why I never introduced you to my parents and my siblings. Or why we never went out to meet my friends. And why I never invited you into my apartment.”
Nyla nodded. “It’s not just that. You rarely talk about yourself. I have to drag every little piece of information out of you as if you are scared to say too much.”
“I am,” Shelby whispered. “I’ve been hiding my whole life. It has always been easy because no one has ever asked.”
“Asked about what?”
“Who I am.” Her fingertips hurt as if claws were about to erupt from them. “What I am,” she added and tried to chase away the burning in her fingers by shaking her hands. “I’m ...” She closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see Nyla’s reaction. “I’m not human.”
“Of course you are. Whatever you did doesn’t make you a monster.”
Shelby opened her eyes and rubbed her forehead. “You don’t understand.” And how could she? What Shelby was, was beyond human imagination. “I’m not a human being. I’m a Wrasa, a shape-shifter who can switch back and forth between a humanoid and an animal form.”<
br />
Nyla stared at her as if she had just confessed to being a serial killer.
“Please don’t be afraid,” Shelby said quickly. “Most of the time, we’re a very peaceful species. I would rather chew off my own paw than hurt even one hair on your head.”
Slowly, Nyla crossed her arms over her chest. “I know psychiatrists have a weird sense of humor, but do you really think this is the right moment for jokes that—”
“This isn’t a joke. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
Nyla wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. Her cheeks were as pale as the fresh sheets on a hospital bed. “You want me to believe that you’re ... what? A werewolf?”
“No. No. Werewolves only exist in horror stories. We’re not humans who have been bitten and now howl at the moon once a month. We’re a separate species. We ...” Shelby stopped when she saw the expression on Nyla’s face. She had often seen this expression at work. It was the way humans looked at people they thought were crazy. It’s not working. I have to show her, or she won’t believe me.
Right now, she was so filled with adrenaline that shifting shape shouldn’t be a problem.
With determination, she pulled the sweater over her head and slipped out of her shoes. Her socks, pants, and T-shirt followed.
Nyla blinked. Her arms dropped to her sides as if they were two pieces of wood. “Um, Shelby, it’s not that I don’t want to see you naked, but we’re in the middle of this strange discussion and ...”
Goliath grabbed one of Shelby’s shoes and dragged it beneath the couch.
“I’ll show you,” Shelby said. Her whole body was trembling, and she wasn’t sure if it was due to fear or the first sign of transformation. “But maybe you should lock Goliath in the bedroom first, or the poor dog will have a heart attack.”
“I don’t think that’s ...”
“Please.”
“All right.” Sighing, Nyla bent down and pulled Goliath, along with Shelby’s shoe, out from under the couch. “Be right back.”
While Nyla carried Goliath to the bedroom, Shelby slipped out of her bra and panties. She closed her eyes and focused on her coyote form. Blood rushed through her veins. Her cells seemed to vibrate. Her spine ached and creaked as if it was preparing to lengthen into the tail of a coyote. The smells in Nyla’s house got more intense. She could almost feel the coyote hovering close to the surface.
Normally, she would have been overjoyed. But now she wasn’t in the mood for celebrations. Would Nyla run away if she was suddenly face to face with a coyote? And if she ran, would she ever return?
Her sensitized senses made out Goliath’s howls of protest and the scratching on the bedroom door as he was separated from the rest of the pack. Then she heard Nyla’s breathing and her steps coming down the stairs. Nyla’s heart was beating almost as fast as Shelby’s.
Shelby kept her eyes closed. “Okay,” she whispered when she heard Nyla stop in front of her. “Watch closely. And don’t be afraid. Even as a coyote, I would never hurt you.”
Her breath rattled through her lungs. Warmth flowed through her body. She visualized her joints shifting, her legs shrinking, and her nose and mouth growing into a muzzle. She dropped to her hands and knees. Okay. Now.
Nothing.
She nudged her inner coyote. Come on. Don’t let me down. Not now.
The coyote remained where he was, just inches outside of Shelby’s reach.
Her head pounded as she tried to focus on the mental image of the coyote.
Despite her efforts, nothing happened.
She opened her eyes and realized she was kneeling on the living room carpet, stark naked, still in her human form.
“I’m not sure what you think you’re achieving with all of this. Is this some weird attempt to drive me away?” Nyla rose abruptly. “You better leave now.”
“No, Nyla, please. Let me try again. I …”
Nyla pressed the pile of clothes into Shelby’s arms. “No. This was supposed to be a romantic evening, followed by a beautiful night. And you ... you turned it into a joke. Just leave. I can’t see you or talk to you right now.”
“But ...”
“Call me once you’re finally willing to tell me what’s really going on with you.” Tears in her eyes, Nyla whirled around and hurried up the stairs.
Shelby wanted to chase after her, to comfort her, and if need be to take back what she had said, but she knew that was impossible.
Nyla slammed the bedroom door shut behind her.
Now it was Shelby who was separated from the rest of the pack. Maybe forever. With fingers that felt as if they didn’t belong to her, she dressed, breathed in the jasmine scent one last time, and shuffled to her car, wearing just one shoe.
* * *
As soon as the rapid ringing of the doorbell had finally stopped, Shelby’s phone started to ring. She growled and pressed her pillow over her ears. She didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. But with her sensitive hearing, she couldn’t ignore the irritating phone. She threw the pillow against the wall. “Can’t I even have some peace and quiet to die of a broken heart?”
The ringing of the phone was her only answer.
She snatched the phone from the bedside table. “What?”
“Shelby, open the door,” Jocelyn said. “I’ve been outside your apartment building, ringing the doorbell, for half an hour now.”
Great. Her cousin. Just what I need. Shelby pulled the covers over her head and moaned into the soft material. Why did she have to belong to a shifter subspecies that lived in packs? Why couldn’t she be a lonely bear shifter? “I’m sick,” she said into the phone. “You better leave before you get sick too.”
“Nonsense. You weren’t at the family get-together yesterday. Your father will have my hide if I don’t check on you.”
The family get-together! Shelby groaned. That had completely slipped her mind. She had called in sick on Monday morning so she wouldn’t have to face Nyla, and since then, she hadn’t left her den.
Growling, she shoved back the covers and shuffled to the door.
“What’s going on with you?” Jocelyn asked as soon as she had entered the apartment. “You look like something a wolf swallowed and then spit back out.”
“Thanks,” Shelby grumbled. “You’ve always been the charmer in the family.”
“What can I say ...” On her way to the living room, Jocelyn stopped so abruptly that Shelby nearly crashed into her. “Holy coyote! Are you out of your mind?” She whirled around and grabbed Shelby’s arm.
Shelby growled and shook off Jocelyn’s hand. She wasn’t in the mood for discussions. “Leave me alone.”
“That’s why you smelled as if you had robbed a perfumery at the last family get-together! You wanted to hide that you reek of this human woman!” Jocelyn stepped closer and shook Shelby’s shoulders. “Shelby, you can’t seriously think that you can trick the pack forever. Someone will find out. And then ...”
“Then nothing,” Shelby said. Normally, she would have panicked and begged Jocelyn not to betray her secret, but since Nyla had kicked her out, nothing could touch her emotionally. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Jocelyn finally stopped shaking her. “What do you mean?”
“Nyla and I ... we’re finished. She sent me away like a mad dog.” She hung her head and stared at the wooden floor.
“What? Who does this arrogant human think she is?” If she had been in her coyote form, Jocelyn’s hair would have stood on end.
“Nyla isn’t arrogant,” Shelby said. “She just couldn’t handle ...” She stopped and bit her lip. She’d almost revealed too much.
“Couldn’t handle what?” Jocelyn pierced her with her amber coyote eyes. “Please tell me you didn’t ...? Great Hunter, Shelby! We’ve got to call the council. If she alerts the press ...”
Now it was Shelby’s turn to grab her cousin’s arm. “No! The council can’t find out about this. Don’t worry. Nyla won’t tell anyone
. She didn’t even believe me. I wanted to show her, but …” She hung her head. “I failed again.”
The tense muscles beneath Shelby’s hands relaxed a little. “Maybe it’s for the best. A relationship with a human ... it never would have worked.”
The remark stung like a slap to the face. With tears in her eyes, Shelby looked at her cousin. “It worked for almost three months. It was the happiest time of my life. I know you said no human would ever be able to understand me. But she got me, Jocelyn, better than any Wrasa woman ever did. She knows what it means to be part of a pack, a family. She’s a Greek lesbian, so she knows what it means to grow up as a minority. She loves her grandmother, her job, her dog, and ... and me.”
Jocelyn snorted. “Can’t be much of a true love if she doesn’t even believe you.”
“Would you believe something like that without proof?”
“If the love of my life told me that, I would at least think about it.”
“Thanks,” Shelby grumbled. “You really know how to cheer me up.” She plodded to the living room and dropped onto the couch.
Jocelyn followed. “I’m just trying to be realistic. Maybe she didn’t love you as much as you love her.”
Her use of the past tense hit Shelby like another slap. She straightened her shoulders and took a defensive stance. “Oh, yes, she does. You can’t fake mate scent.”
“Mate scent?” Jocelyn looked like a coyote that had accidentally swallowed a rabbit in one bite. “You mean ...?” She shook her head. “No, that’s impossible.”
“I swear on our grandfather’s fangs.” Shelby put one hand over her heart. “I haven’t seen Nyla in almost a week. If I smell like her, it’s not because I’ve been with her recently. At first, I thought I was imagining things, but what you smell is mate scent.”
Jocelyn noisily sucked in air through her nose. Then she sank against the back of the couch. “But ... but how is that possible? Only two Wrasa who are meant for each other form mate scent. It doesn’t work with humans.”
