Damnable Grace

by Tillie Cole

  I ran her image through my head, comparing it to the bitch I’d seen in Meister’s arms. I closed my eyes and let my memory do what it had been trained to do. Her hair was the same shade of red, the length similar. I thought of her arms, their size and length. The bitch in Meister’s arms had been similar but she was thinner, a lot thinner.

  My cheek twitched as a surge of anger swept through me. I shook my head to rid myself of the tightness in my chest. A good sniper never let emotion fuck with his head. Always objective, clinical, assessing.

  I pictured her blue eyes. Those fucking ocean-blue eyes that had stared into mine. But the eyes of the red-haired bitch over Meister’s arms were closed.

  Drugged? Unconscious? Knocked out? I didn’t know.

  “Next,” a guard ordered, ripping me from my thoughts. I filed the details away for later when I was alone, when I could figure out all the information in my head. “Preference?” the guard asked. I shrugged, playing my part again.

  “Just want pussy to nail,” I replied.

  “Booth twenty-three,” he said. I set off down a narrow creaky hallway. Grunts and groans of men fucking their sluts filled my ears. Beds had been sectioned off by faded curtains, with handwritten numbers scrawled on scrap pieces of paper attached to the musty material. When I arrived at number twenty-three, I pulled back the curtain and stepped inside.

  I drew in a sharp breath as I laid eyes on a bitch lying in the center of what looked like a small hospital bed. She was naked, her bones jutting out under her white-as-fuck skin. Her dark hair was slicked with sweat and dirt. Her eyes rolled as she fell in and out of consciousness, her head restless on the thin, drool-stained pillow beneath her. An IV was in the vein of her skinny, upturned arm, and a bag hung on a stand at her side.

  Heroin, I assumed. Knew traffickers pulled that shit on the regular. Kept their captives docile.

  I closed my eyes to keep my shit together, to keep my hand from reaching for my gun and going postal on these fuckers, adding to my record of 132 confirmed kills—the sniper in me couldn’t help but keep track of each heart I’d stopped. The psycho within fucking liked to.

  The sound of some cunt coming next door made my eyes snap open. The bedsprings groaned under the rapid movement of his hips, and his breath came in short bursts. I imagined some pasty, overweight Klan fucker slumping, exhausted, over a fourteen-year-old kid. His putrid breath blowing on her passed-out face, his sweat dripping onto her bruised skin.

  Calm, I ordered myself.

  Unable to look down at the young trafficked bitch on the bed, I sat down on the edge of the mattress and tipped my head into my hands. Keep your shit together, Xavier Deyes. I took my head to where it needed to be . . .

  The sweltering sun pounded down on my back as I waited, unmoving, for one of the fuckers to appear. “Two o’clock,” Bones said from beside me. I shifted, moving my gun to the new position. Through a small window, I saw a flicker of movement and braced my finger for the shot. “Wait . . . wait . . .” Bones said. “Now.” I shot a bullet straight through the window and into the fucker’s head.

  “Direct hit,” Bones said under his breath, but I could hear his fucking joy. Direct hit . . .

  I pictured the dusty, arid land, not too dissimilar to this fucking hellhole, in my head, pictured myself taking the shot, and let the calmness and training from my sniper days fill my every cell.

  I pictured the map of the ghost town, plotting every detail of its layout. I saw myself standing at the corner of the main street, staring at the town from the side of this barn. Three guards walked the rooftops. The road was a mile long, around one hundred yards wide. The saloon was the busiest area. Two exits—the main entrance and a side door to the left. Three locks—one bolt, two padlocks.

  I imagined staring at the dentist building. One way in and one way out. The entire building no more than one hundred and twenty-four square feet. One window in the front wall that was partially blocked by bars and dirt. Tin roof and decaying wooden walls.

  Then I pictured the best spot to shoot from in this town. High range, southeast. Clear shot for almost every conceivable angle.

  I blinked as I pulled myself from the depths of my mind. My hand ran over the handle of my gun. My foot tapped on the floor. A moan came from behind me, and I glanced at the drugged-up bitch on the bed. Whether I wanted them or not, flashes from the past came slamming to my head like a damn battering ram.

  I tried to push the punishing sounds of gargling, of choking, from my ears. But the fucking memories came as fast as the bullets from an Uzi. When I opened my eyes, my always-steady firing hand was shaking. I curled my fingers into my palm and forced myself to look at the Klan-made whore on the bed.

  Track marks ran like red stripes over her crepe-thin skin. Her lips were dry and cracked, and lesions mottled the ashen skin on her cheeks. Bruises created a palette of black, blue and yellow on her inner thighs, and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at the state of what lay north of that.

  As I got to my feet, I ran my hand through my hair and scruffed up the long strands. I rubbed my hands over my face to make them look red, and lastly, dipped my fingers in the small water basin that sat beside the bed. I opened the rubber that was on the side of the bed, wrapped it in a tissue and tossed it into the trash. The can was already brimful of used rubbers.

  I took one last look at the bitch on the bed and a pit caved in my stomach. She was here for the use of the paying Klansmen. And she looked a fucking state. What the fuck was Phebe gonna look like when I got to her? What the hell kinda drug concoction would she be on? Because I fucking would get to her. Even if I had to take out Meister with a single shot between the eyes.

  End his reign as the head of Klan Kunt.

  Then see if whatever was left of Red would be salvageable.

  After this, I wasn’t holding out too much hope . . .

  . . . but I had to try.

  Chapter Four

  AK

  I burst through the doors of the dorm to see Cowboy sitting on the floor outside our rooms. His Stetson was in his hands, his blond hair sticking up in all directions, and he was staring at a spot of dirt on the opposite wall. He looked up when I kicked his thigh with the tip of my boot.

  His face was like thunder as his blue eyes met mine. He got to his feet. “What now?” he asked coldly.

  “Where’s Vike?”

  Cowboy tipped his head toward Vike’s room. The door was shut. I brushed past Cowboy, hearing his footsteps following behind me. I opened the door and saw my brother sitting on his bed. His huge arms were tense under his tight shirt. His hair was scraped back into a bun on the top of his head. And for once in his fucking dumb life he wasn’t laughing. He looked me dead in the eyes. “I’ve done some fucked-up shit in my life, can kill without remorse, fuck any kind of bitch in all different ways, but what they’ve got those bitches doing in this place makes me wanna cut off some cocks and eat them for breakfast.”

  “Keep your shit together.” I looked at Cowboy. “Both of you. Get some sleep. Tomorrow we get into that fucking saloon. I need to scope this place some more. I’m gonna try to get a shack, the barber shack. I need to get as close to the dentist shack as I can.”

  “You’ve seen her?” Vike asked, his voice harder than normal.

  “Saw Meister carrying a redhead into the dentist cabin. Her weight was different to when we last saw Phebe, but I’m pretty fucking sure it’s her.” I ran my hand down my face. “Go into the barn again tomorrow. Same shit, different day. Once I get a visual on her, confirmation she’s here, and I’ve got a full assessment of the layout and the guards’ shift patterns, I’ll get my shit together and work up a plan to get her out.”

  Vike and Cowboy nodded. I went back toward my room but stopped outside Flame’s. I silently opened the door and looked inside. My fucking chest tightened when I saw him, shirt off, sitting on the cold, hard floor. His head was tipped down, and blood trickled around him from the freshly cut slashes on his arm.r />
  A jet-black soulless gaze met mine. I entered the room and shut the door. Before I even had a chance to speak, Flame growled, “I don’t fucking like it here.” He shook his head, and his lips curled over his teeth. “They need to die. They all need to die.” Flame hissed as he cut into his forearm. “I need to kill them.”

  There was the old Flame, the one I knew better than the calmer brother he’d been lately. “And you’ll get your chance,” I promised. “You just need to give me time.”

  Flame glared at me, reading my face. When he’d made eye contact too long, he dropped his eyes and said, “Just get me a fucking kill.” His face tightened. “I . . . I can’t help what I’ll do if you don’t.”

  Back in my room, I slumped on the bed and dropped my head back against the headboard. I closed my eyes. Then, like they did every night, the fucking storm of memories came crashing in; guilt and shame ran through my every fiber. Visions of blood drowned my mind and choked the breath from my lungs . . .

  “We gotta go.” Bones ripped through the opening of my tent. I was on my feet in seconds. I grabbed my gun and my helmet and ran outside toward the truck. The place was fucking chaos.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as we pulled out of the gate.

  Bones tensed. “Ambush.”

  “Where?” I asked.

  “In the north, X.”

  “Devin,” I said and stared out of the window. Sand stretched for miles. Sand and fucking derelict buildings.

  Bones’s hand came down on my shoulder. “We’ll get there. He’ll be good. He’s a fucking good solider, X.”

  But Bones’s words meant shit.

  The sound of gunfire and RPGs led us to the ambush. “Go, go, go!” our sergeant screamed as we fled from the truck. “X, Bones, get me some fucking eyes from above. Need to see what we’re dealing with.”

  I let my feet follow Bones as we darted behind the crumbling buildings, searching for one where we could get some height. “Here!” Bones said, and we climbed the stone stairs that led to a rooftop. Bombs screamed around us, sand and debris spraying into my face in the hot breeze.

  Devin. Where the fuck are you.

  I dove to my stomach next to Bones. I propped up my rifle and looked through the lens. Bones searched through his binoculars. “Fuck,” he said. “Fuckers are everywhere.”

  One soldier, then another, fell to the ground as they were hit. Blood poured from their arms and legs, and I felt myself fucking burning with anger. “Bones, get me a fucking kill,” I snarled and focused through my lens.

  I saw the men on the ground, and my anger burned even brighter when I saw they were two of Devin’s men. “Oorah!” Bones shouted, the cry of the Marines and ducked down beside me.

  “North,” Bones said. I switched my gun in that direction. “West, two clicks.” My nostrils flared when I saw the prick with the RPG come into focus. The world fell away.

  I lined up my shot with the fucker’s skull. “Target on.” The hot wind blew against my face, the sun burning the skin. And I waited. I waited until . . .

  “Now!”

  I pulled the trigger.

  Shouts went up around him as he dropped off the post he held and smashed to the ground.

  “Direct hit,” Bones said, then, “Shit! Incoming!” He reached for his radio to warn the sergeant of the two trucks coming from the east, but it was too late. I scrambled to turn my rifle, and as I did, I caught sight of a familiar face, hunkering down behind a building with three of his men. “Devin,” I called, grabbing Bones’s arm. But the trucks opened fire, raining bullets and RPGs from the back. Explosions burst around the buildings, and the smoke clouded my vision of my brother.

  “Get me a fucking visual!” I demanded.

  Bones searched through his binoculars and steadied his out-of-control breath. “Northwest, three clicks.”

  A flash of a body came across my lens. “Sighted.”

  “Wait . . . wait . . . now!” Bones called, and I fired. I fired shot after shot, but the fucking bombs kept coming. And I lost sight of Devin. Through the smoke and blood and heat, Devin disappeared . . .

  My eyes snapped open. I was drenched with sweat. I stared at the end of my bed and the ghosts that fucking came every night. They ain’t real, I told myself. They ain’t fucking real.

  But they never left.

  Closing my eyes, blocking them out, I pulled Phebe’s face into my mind’s eye and focused on her pale skin, spattered with freckles. I envisioned saving her from this hellhole and taking her back to Lilah. I pictured her free from drugs and smiling. I held on to that image, to the stone-cold fact that she would be safe.

  She fucking had to be.

  *****

  “You see anything useful from the barber shack?” Viking asked as we walked toward the saloon.

  I flicked my eyes around us to make sure no one was near. “All quiet. Couldn’t see in. But there was no movement in or out. I got the guard schedule figured out though. That’s something.” And I’d watched the dentist shack all night from my window. I’d slept on and off for a grand total of two hours. Night terrors, they were clinically called; at least that’s what the Marines’ shrink had said. The dead, staring at me with black empty eyes, watching the man who’d sent them to their deaths. They crowded in on me, taunting me with their gaunt, drawn faces. I sat and watched them from my spot on the bed. Frozen, paralyzed by the pain their images brought. Guilt’s claws digging deeply into my chest and ripping open my ribs to gnaw on my exposed heart.

  I tried to convince myself they weren’t there, night after night. But when you see the blood seeping from their wounds—fresh and hot—leaking to the floor . . . when you smell the cloying scent of death lingering in the air . . . hear their ragged breathing . . . knowing they aren’t real falls to shit. When every one of your senses tells you that your victims are here to make you pay, you fucking believe them and just let the torture begin.

  Flame grunted beside me as the four of us walked into the saloon. It was full of Klansmen, white-power band music spitting from the crackling speakers. No one even glanced our way as we walked up to the bar. Four American beers followed by four whiskeys were slammed onto the bar top without us even ordering. The bartender glared at us; I got the message quick. These American and European drinks were the only drinks that were served here.

  Nothing outside of the Klan’s particular WASP agenda.

  We took our drinks to a far corner, out of sight and in the shadows. The spot offered me the perfect location to view my surroundings. I’d been right about the exits. Two guards kept vigil around the room, while drunk-as-fuck Klansmen talked and laughed loudly, drunk on liquor and high from fucking the drugged sluts in the barn.

  Forty minutes later, Meister entered the bar with the same guard I’d seen him with before. The Himmler to his Hitler, no doubt. Men darted out of their way as Meister strutted through the crowd, his swastika and Totenkopf skull tattoos flexing in the dim light. He took a drink from the bar. When he turned, holding what looked like a file in his hand, I saw claw marks etched on his face.

  My hand tightened on my beer. Was that the work of Phebe? I pictured the red-haired bitch fighting the fucker off, the image making my fingers twitch with pride. Then the asshole was moving toward the jukebox. He snapped the wire from the socket and stared out over the crowd. Every man fell deathly quiet.

  I’d give the prick his dues, he was an intimidating fucker. Intimidating to everyone but us Hangmen.

  The room was quiet enough that you could hear a pin drop. Meister held up his hand. “Heil Hitler!” he yelled, and we all echoed it back.

  His right-hand man brought a whiskey to him. Meister knocked it back in one. He was dressed in black camo pants tucked into black boots and a tight wife-beater. Tank and Tanner could stand side by side with this cunt and not look out of place.

  He took a step forward and held up the file. “You’re all here because we serve the great cause.” His voice was low and his movements
measured. My eyes narrowed as I studied every inch of this bastard.

  “You are all here because somebody recommended you, or thought you deserved to fuck pussy for a service well done.” The fucker let his blue eyes run over every one of us in the room, then he smiled, showing a mixture of white and gold teeth. “The pussy here belongs to the Brotherhood and the Klan. Good, all-American, white pussy, making us money for the war that hangs over us.” He ran his hand over his shaved head. “And the dick that plows this pussy, that fucks and sucks and drinks on the juices from their cunts, is only white cock. Klan cock. No Jews. No blacks. No spics. Or any other fucking poisoned blood that infects this planet like a plague, and robs the true race, the Aryan race, of what is rightfully theirs.”

  Meister paced back and forth on his patch of floor. “All the brothers here are pure.” He stopped. Slowly, a savage grin spread on his lips. “Or they should be.”

  I darted a glance at Vike, Cowboy and Flame. Flame had his hands on his blades, ready to fight. Vike nodded a single discreet nod without looking my way. Cowboy tapped the tip of his Stetson, his free hand moving to his Glock. I had my eyes set on the fastest path out, hand braced on my gun.

  Meister opened the file. “We background-check all who enter my town. And we leave no stone unturned. For the race war to begin, we need good white soldiers. Soldiers who are dedicated to the white way and will do anything to bring our dream to reality.” Meister took a sheet from the file. “The pussy here is Aryan. We are all Aryan. Because we are the motherfucking ARYAN BROTHERHOOD!”

  Slamming what I now saw was a photo into the air, he said, “And no motherfucking Aryan would fuck black pussy!” Meister waved the picture around for all to see; it showed a black woman smiling.

  My eyebrows pulled down. The sound of chair legs scraping the wooden floor came from the far left of the bar, as someone jumped to their feet. Heads whipped in his direction.

  He looked in his late twenties. Some skinny blond who seemed to be strung out on meth. Meister glared at the guy, his lips curling in disgust. The traps in his neck bulged as he seethed on the spot. “You dare to call yourself White Power when you fucked this cunt’s pussy, lived with her for a year?”