Damnable Grace

by Tillie Cole

  And we made love. As the minutes passed, he took me once again, eradicating any man from my past. Healing the scars my body had endured, and burrowing his heart inside mine.

  As our breathing became labored and we followed the blinding lights of our pleasure, I let the tears fall thick and fast. Healing tears of joy, washing away all the shame and guilt remaining in our hearts. And as AK laid his head against my shoulder, I held him close, vowing to never ever let him go.

  “I am forever thankful for the day you tied me to that tree.” I felt him still.

  AK lifted his head and smiled a sweet, confused smile.

  “It was the first act of grace I had ever been given. And as I stared into your eyes, I saw myself. My reflection looking back at me . . . my wounded soul.”

  “Yeah,” he rasped. I knew he was telling me he had felt it too.

  “The devil’s man with the angel eyes.”

  I breathed. He breathed. We kissed. Broke apart. “The damned souls who together found grace.”

  “Red,” he whispered and held me close to his heart. And I closed my eyes and smiled. Because for once, there were many things to feel happy about.

  At last.

  Epilogue

  AK

  Two weeks later . . .

  Ky and Styx sat awkwardly in their seats as we waited for them to speak. Church had been called.

  “That wasn’t the first time we’ve encountered Garcia in Mexico.” Ky shifted in his seat, and Styx nodded at him to continue. “Y’all didn’t know I had a sister until I got hitched to Li. Elysia, or Sia as we call her.” He shrugged. “She wasn’t brought up in this life, so we never talked about her.” He paused. “But when she was seventeen, me and Styx had to get her out of some trouble . . . trouble caused by Garcia.”

  “What kind of trouble?” Hush asked. The brother was tense. Fuck, so were we all.

  Ky’s jaw clenched, and I could see he was one second from losing it. “She got involved with him. Then he took her. Y’all saw what he deals in. Trafficking motherfucker. Me and Styx got her out before it was too late.”

  “He’s been looking for her ever since,” Styx signed, then took a shot of his Jack. “Sia’s been in hiding all this time. That’s why she ain’t here often. We can’t risk it.”

  “He wants her back,” Ky said, and I had to give the brother credit, he kept his cool.

  “Diablos have been in touch. Garcia’s sniffing around again since our little trip to Mexico. Trying to get intel on us.” Styx paused, then met each of our eyes. “He’s looking for her again.”

  “What does that mean?” Cowboy asked. Ky’s eyes narrowed on our two Cajun brothers. Fucker didn’t like them sniffing around his sister either.

  “Means that fucker’s not done with my sister.” Ky leaned forward, eyes fucking flaming. “And if he comes back to Austin for her, I’ll be slicing the prick’s dick off and making him eat it whole.”

  “Graphic, brother.” Vike wiggled his eyebrows. “I like it.”

  “For now, we protect her. Watch the situation and see how it plays out. But y’all needed to know what could be coming our way,” Styx signed.

  “We ever gonna get the full story on what went down years back with him?” I asked, and Ky sat back in his seat.

  “Eventually. But not fucking today.”

  “We should know,” Hush said. “I wanna know what she went through.”

  Ky’s suspicious eyes were back on Hush and Cowboy. Neither brother even flinched. “I said not the fuck now.”

  “Any other news?” Styx signed, stopping Ky from castrating the Cajuns for their interest in his sister.

  No one said shit, so I lifted my hand. “Going to my lodge this weekend for a cookout. Y’all are welcome. Bring tents and shit if you wanna stay over.” I heard their silence. I hadn’t mentioned the lodge since Dev died. I straightened my shoulders, ignoring it. “My nephew is coming. Zane. Wanna introduce him to y’all. He’s . . .” I cleared my throat. “He’s a good kid. Loves bikes. Looks like me. Fifteen.”

  “Future fucking Hangman!” Vike said. I smiled, wondering what the fuck Claire would have to say about that.

  “Then we’ll be there,” Ky said. “Grace is at yours almost as much she’s at ours anyhow.”

  I laughed. Her and Sapphira were attached at the hip. “Saff ain’t met none of y’all either. Gonna try and get her to come out too. She’s kinda fucking shy. Hasn’t dared meet no one yet.”

  “We’ll all be there.” Styx signed, and I saw all my brothers nod their heads. I fucking loved this club. Fucker was getting married in a couple of weeks, probably didn’t have the time, yet he was making it for me.

  Didn’t matter when you needed the club, it was always there.

  “One more thing,” I said as Styx went to slam the gavel down. “I’ve invited Rider too.” The silence was thick. “Fucker did wrong. I get it. But he saved my bitch and her daughter. Wouldn’t have either of them if he hadn’t stepped the fuck up. He took out Klansmen at the shootout and, fuck, Phebe likes him, and Bella.” I met Styx’s hard, hazel gaze. “I get he ain’t a brother, but I vote for him being allowed back onto the premises for cookouts and shit. He’s a good doc, saves us from having to go to the hospital and raise the suspicion of the cops, and he can fight. Don’t patch him in again as a brother, couldn’t give a fuck. But that’s where I’m at. Thought y’all should know.”

  Styx rolled his lips together, pissed. “Second it,” Smiler said. No surprise to anyone.

  “Ah, fuck. Me too,” Vike said, shrugging.

  “And me,” Flame said. I hid my smile. The fucking Psycho Trio never failed to have my back.

  “Us too,” Hush said, pointing at himself and Cowboy. Cowboy rolled his head toward me, lifted his Stetson and winked.

  Styx slammed the gavel on the table. Church was done. No decision would be made anytime soon.

  I didn’t care.

  I’d said my piece.

  *****

  The lodge

  A few days later . . .

  “Will they all stare at me?” Sapphira asked Phebe. Phebe paused in brushing her daughter’s hair. They were in the second bedroom, with the walls now bright white and a new bed just for Saff. Vike and Flame had helped me get this place together. New paint, new staining. New everything.

  We had to start again.

  “They are eager to meet you.” Phebe wrapped her arms around Sapphira’s shoulders from behind. I saw Sapphira’s eyes duck at the gesture, a fucking small smile on her mouth. These two fucking killed me on a daily basis. “No one will judge you. And Lilah, Mae, Maddie, Bella and Grace will be there too. We are all of the same background. You like them, feel safe with them. And we will all be there with you.”

  “Okay,” Sapphira said. Phebe stepped back and turned Sapphira to face her.

  “You are so beautiful, sweetheart,” Phebe said with tears in her eyes. Sapphira was dressed in a long purple dress. Phebe was in her white off-the-shoulder dress that I fucking loved. Both bitches were stunning.

  Both mine to protect.

  “Thanks, Mama,” Sapphira said. I took that as my cue to go. But not before I saw the fucking blinding smile that came on Phebe’s lips.

  She never got sick of that word: Mama.

  I entered the living room of the cabin and stopped dead. Zane was looking at the pictures above the fireplace. I walked beside him. He didn’t move. Didn’t think he could speak even if he wanted to. “Had that fucking photo with him every time he went on tour,” I said and heard Zane’s slow release of breath. I fought back the tightness in my chest. “Would stare at it for hours. Missing you.” My gaze moved to the one beside it.

  “I remember that day,” Zane said.

  “You do?”

  “I remember the moment the shot was taken.”

  I stared at the picture, as did Zane. I reached into the pocket of my cut and pulled out what I wanted him to have. When I looked at Zane, he was already watching me. And he’d
seen what was in my hands. “Ain’t sure if you’d want them.” I felt the cold metal in my hands. “It’s a fucked-up situation we got. And ain’t sure if you’d want anything of his like this. I just wondered, because he was your dad—”

  “I want them,” Zane said quickly.

  I nodded and dropped the dog tags into his hands. The kid had me fucking choked up. His eyes watered as he ran his fingers over Dev’s name and number. “I’m . . . I’m proud of him, you know?” He ignored the tear that rolled down his face. “I’m proud of what he did for our country.”

  I nodded, because I couldn’t fucking speak.

  “I’m proud of you both.” He lifted his eyes to mine. “I get it didn’t end well. But . . . but Claire told me how proud Mom was of you both, you and Dad. And I remember her saying that what you were doing was important. That you were both brave.”

  “He’d be proud of you too, you know?” I said.

  Zane smiled. “You think?”

  “I know it. You were his life.”

  Zane’s head dropped, and I threw my arm around his shoulders. “And you got me now. I ain’t your dad, but I’m your uncle, and I’m here whenever you need me.”

  ‘I know,” Zane said, and I led him outside.

  Ash was straight over. “Zane, you shoot?” he asked. The two fuckers had hit it off from the minute Zane came to the compound two days ago. Knew they would. Good kids, the fucking pair of them.

  “Nah, my aunt didn’t let me. Always wanted to though,” Zane said.

  Ash looked at me. “AK’ll show you how, won’t you?” Zane looked up at me hopefully.

  “Sure.”

  “Now?” Ash said. “You gotta show Zane the target you can hit in the trees.” Ash turned to Zane. “Your uncle can fucking shoot. Never seen anything like it.”

  “Can you?” Zane asked, and I saw the fucking pride in his eyes. “Show me, I mean. I know you’re good. Sniper and shit.”

  “Sure,” I said. “Ash?” He looked up. “Talk a minute?” Ash’s eyebrows pulled down in confusion. “Zane, give us a few?”

  Vike walked past just at that moment. “Zane! You can help me decide which tits I like better on these porn stars. It’s like fucking Sophie’s Choice!” He threw his arm around Zane’s neck and led him away.

  I walked to the side of the cabin, taking a bottle of Jack from one of the tables. When Ash and I were alone, I said, “I ain’t had much time to speak to you over the past few weeks.” I took two shot glasses from my cut and poured out the Jack. I handed one to Ash. “But I’m gonna tell you what my brother said to me when I got my first kill.” Ash raised his eyebrows. “It gets easier,” I said, hearing fucking Dev’s voice in my head. “From this moment on, it becomes second nature and don’t bother you as much. I promise.”

  “I know.” Ash lowered his eyes.

  “You do?”

  He shrugged. “Flame sat me down afterwards and talked to me.” He gestured to the bourbon. “He gave me a shot too.” He smirked. “Told me you did the same to him when he got his first kill.”

  “I did.” I remembered.

  Ash nodded. “He reminds me of you sometimes. I think . . . I think in some ways he models himself on you.” I was shocked, fucking rooted to the spot. “You mean a lot to him.”

  “He means a lot to me too,” I said. “As do you, you little shit.” Ash laughed at me. “Speaking of, I’m getting some plans drawn up to get another bedroom in my cabin. Then you can come back home.” He’d been staying with Flame since Sapphira had moved in. Ash went silent, then looked away. “What?”

  “AK . . . Flame has asked me to move in with him and Maddie.”

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “When?”

  “A while ago.”

  “And?”

  A smile pulled on his lips. “I said yes.”

  I blinked, not sure I could believe it. “You good with it?”

  “Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “I want to. Since I’ve been staying there . . . he’s been good with me. Different. I . . . Better than I could have imagined.” He shrugged. “I like it.”

  “Well, fuck, kid,” I said.

  “AK?” he said. “I . . . I just wanna say thanks. For everything you’ve done since . . . you know, I came here. I . . .” He rocked on his feet. “You’re my brother too. Like Flame. And I . . . I just wanted you to know that I’m grateful.” I swore these fucking teenagers were gonna give me a fucking heart attack. Turning me into a weeping fucking pussy.

  “Get here, fucker.” I pulled him into my chest and kissed his head. “You need anything from me, I’m right next door. You’re welcome anytime. Doesn’t work out with Flame, you’re back with me. Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” he said and stepped back.

  “She needs to be with her mom anyway,” Ash said. “Sapphira.” I nodded, knowing it was true. Little bitch was jaded at the world, a fucking hermit. “We ever gonna get to see her?” Ash asked. “We all wanna see what she looks like. Speak to her. Never got a chance to even see her at the shootout, and she’s been hiding ever since.”

  “Maybe today. Bitch is real shy, kid.” Ash nodded. I held out my shot. “Well, kid. Here’s to you saving my ass and moving in with Flame.” He laughed, and we knocked back our liquor.

  “We’d better go rescue Zane from Vike,” Ash said. I followed him back to the fire pit. Some of the brothers had returned from their hike to the waterfall. Styx and Ky had started the grill. They all looked good here.

  Dev would have loved it.

  “You’ll look out for him, yeah?” I said when I saw Zane’s eyes widen at something Vike had said.

  “Yeah. I like him.” Ash put the shot glass on a table. “He’s like you in a lot of ways.” I glanced back across to Vike and Zane, who were sitting with Hush and Cowboy. Zane was laughing. “He’d make a good prospect too,” Ash said as he walked away. I met his black eyes. He was smirking. “Just saying.”

  Ash walked over to Zane, and the two of them made their way to the target range. I followed behind. Another kid to teach how to shoot.

  Two hours later, when night had fallen and the fire was lit, I sat down on a chair. Zane, Ash and Slash were across the pit, drinking beer and shooting the shit. I watched them, a new fucking trio.

  Shit, I felt old.

  Someone sat down in the chair to my right, another in the one to my left, as I looked around for Phebe and Sapphira. Sapphira hadn’t wanted to come out yet. Wasn’t sure if she ever would. She was freaking out.

  I knew who sat beside me without even looking. “Your old lady making an appearance anytime soon?” Vike handed me a fresh bottle of Bud.

  “Hopefully,” I said.

  “She doing better now?” he asked, serious.

  “Yeah. She’s better. Now realize she wasn’t addicted to drink or smack. She was addicted to forgetting all the shit in her life. Forgetting the fact she had a daughter she was banned from.” I thought of the past couple of weeks, of her smiling face, her fucking kind heart. Her on top of me telling me she loved my sorry ass. My chest filled with warmth. “She’s good.”

  “She’s ginger.” Vike smirked. “What?” he said when I raised my brows. “We gingers are a fucking unique species. Nails. We’re all fucking nails. Made from pure Viking stock.” I laughed, hearing Flame do the same. “And you sure do have a thing for us. Needing me in your life, then Phebe. Shit, brother, if you were that hard-up for freckles I would have let you see my anaconda years ago.”

  “I’ve already seen it a million times . . . not by choice.” I shook my head.

  “And every fucking time you were impressed.”

  “AK.” Flame nodded toward the door of the lodge. My heart fucking pounded, near breaking from my chest, when I saw Phebe holding Sapphira’s hand, slowly leading her outside. Saff was nervously looking around the backyard, looking as if she were about to bolt any second. I saw my brothers all look her way, giving her a nod of their heads before getting back to whatever they’d been doing.
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  Phebe led her toward the other cult bitches on the other side of the fire.

  Vike elbowed me in the side. “Look about,” he said and pointed to Lil’ Ash. Ash was frozen, beer suspended in the air, as he watched Sapphira walk past him and sit next to Lilah and Grace. I shook my head, groaning, when Zane and Slash tried to pull his attention. But his huge fucking black eyes wouldn’t get the fuck off Saff. She clearly saw it too, as she looked up, gave him a small fucking stunning ghost of a smile, then ducked her head again. Ash looked as if he wanted to go over and speak to her, but he just sat back, never taking his gaze off her.

  “Ash just got a huge fucking boner for Saff,” Vike shouted. Then he jumped from his seat. “Gotta go and rip into him over this shit. Priceless!” Vike rushed to Ash, who was still staring at Saff, like his eyes were glued on her or some shit. “Ash! Me and you need to talk about a new development, fucker!”

  Fuck my life.

  Vike sat down next to Ash, and I saw the kid cover his face in embarrassment when Vike threw his arm around his neck and started giving him shit.

  I turned to Flame. He was watching his kid brother too, no emotion in his eyes. “He’s moving in with you?”

  Flame tensed. His eyes drifted to Maddie, who was sitting with Mae, feeling her bump. “Yeah.”

  “You asked him?”

  He nodded and took a sip of his beer. “Maddie thought it was time.”

  “And you?”

  “I agreed.”

  “You gonna be good with him being there?”

  Flame’s head dropped, and I knew he was having doubts. “Don’t know. I can’t . . . I can’t talk to him like you. Don’t know what to do if he gets upset or shit. Probably fuck him up.”

  “Nah. You’ll be good,” I said, and Flame lifted his head.

  “Yeah?”

  “I know it.” Flame’s hands tightened on his bottle. “He told me you talked to him after the shooting.” Flame nodded. “That was good.”

  “It’s what you did to me. Just copied you.”

  “I know. So just keep doing shit like that.”