by Nana Malone
“Well, yeah. Didn’t you just say you needed a job?”
“Yes, but—”
“Max said to give you whatever you wanted. You want a job, you have one. I'll check with some of the other models I know. Some actors too. Everyone needs a good photographer.”
I blinked at him. “How do you know I'm any good?”
He nodded toward Sophie. “Sophie brought home that one you'd taken in Brixton with the kids krumping. It's pretty killer.” He shrugged. “Besides, it's good karma to help out a beautiful girl. Just tell me anything else you need, and it's yours.” His smile was just this side of interested and super sexy as he headed into the kitchen.
Something told me he was offering me more than just a job. But unfortunately, he didn’t do it for me. It didn’t matter how pretty he was.
After he vanished down the back stairs to the kitchen, Faith and I stared agog at Sophie.
“Did he just offer to sleep with you to make you feel better?” Faith squeaked.
I stared after him. “I’m not sure.”
Sophie shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt. Best way to get over someone, and all that.”
I shook my head. “Just what has Max told these guys to do for me?”
“Oh, I don’t think that had anything to do with Max, babes. I think he genuinely wants your body.”
Oh. Well, then. “As pretty as he is to look at, I'm staying away from uber-hot guys for a while. It's probably safer that way.”
Abbie
Under the cover of night and away from Sophie's judging eyes, I climbed into bed with my phone. The good news was, I had a paying gig lined up. A decent paying gig. I just needed more of those.
Max had gotten two new models in the house that night so the spare room I’d been sleeping in was occupied. I’d taken Jasper up on his offer and was frankly glad I did. His bed was soft, and the electric blanket chased the chill away.
The bad news was that I still had to face the outside world come morning. I couldn't very well ignore my assignment, which meant I'd have to head out into Soho tomorrow to capture street fashion. Maybe I could convince Sophie to go with me. Faith had to work. I could always ask Angel or somebody to tag along with us for the day and grab some shots of him, but when they weren’t working, the boys tended toward sloppy hipster chic with skinny jeans and faded ironic T-shirts. But it wouldn’t hurt to ask. They also knew a load of female models, so that could make my assignment pretty easy.
With a deep breath and a silent prayer, I sat up under the blanket and turned on both of my phones. As I waited for the screens to light up, my breathing and my heart rate increased. Both phones immediately started to vibrate. Shit. Between the two, there were eleven missed calls and fifteen texts. My hands shook as I checked the voicemails first.
Alexi.
“Jesus, shit. Abbie, I'm so sorry. I—”
I deleted it without listening to the rest of the message.
The next was from my sister Akos. “Fuck, Abbie, what kind of mess have you gotten yourself into? I mean of all the moronic—”
I deleted that one too.
The next one was from Ilani. “Oh, you dark horse, you. Look, I know it's probably messy and all right now, but if you need to chat, I'm here. Call me.”
My shoulders slumped. It was sweet of Ilani to call, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone. I’d just have to wait and see her at school.
The rest of the messages included one from my mother telling me she’d already pulled the funds for my second semester out of my bank account and stating her disappointment. Silence from my father. So much for him admiring me. Two more from my sisters, and one from Easton, insisting that I call him right away.
Right. On to the texts.
I squeezed my eyes shut when my screen lit up, slowly opening one lid at a time. Alexi, Alexi... They were all from Alexi.
“I'm sorry.”
“Please let me explain.”
“Please don’t shut me out.”
“I'm coming over.”
They were all a variation of the I-know-I-fucked-up-please-believe-me theme.
But I wasn’t going to do that any time soon. I couldn’t deal with him right now. Couldn’t deal with any of it. It wasn’t so much that he hadn’t told me who he was. But more about the way he'd gone about it. He'd had a million opportunities. He'd slept with me knowing he was deceiving me. Knowing I had no idea. I'd slept with a total stranger. One who had more secrets than anyone I'd ever met.
Tears stung my eyes as I deleted all his text messages. How had I gotten it so wrong? He’d said he cared about me, but that wasn’t how you showed someone you cared. I'd fabricated all of that in my mind. I’d need time before I could deal with him.
I eventually drifted into a fitful sleep. Tossing and turning, wishing that Alexi would call, then wishing he wouldn’t.
It was three in the morning when I heard Jasper and Max finally stumble home. They weren’t being too loud, but since I was up, I heard every footstep.
When Jasper opened the door to his room, I immediately sat up. “Hey. I’m sorry. You said I could sleep here so…” I cleared my throat. “Faith stayed the night, so she’s on the couch.”
Jasper just blinked at me like a kid on Christmas morning who couldn’t quite believe he’d gotten the gift he’d asked for. “Ahh, that would explain why the bundle on the couch didn’t slap me when I suggested I might snuggle in.”
He laughed when I rolled my eyes.
“It’s cool. I like you in here. Now my sheets are going to smell like you.”
Oh Jasper, always outrageous. I hated the weakness that made me consider staying, and I didn’t want to be alone, so I hesitated but finally said, “I’ll grab a duvet and head to the media room to sleep on one of the recliners.”
Jasper halted me with a hand on my foot. “No, don’t.”
“But I’m in your bed. Where are you going to sleep?”
He grinned, and I stammered. “O-oh, no, I don’t think that will work.”
“Look, we’ll just sleep, okay? I can be a friend.” He smiled sheepishly. “Besides, I’m knackered. And you look like you could use a friend.”
I chewed my bottom lip. I didn’t particularly want to be alone, but I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression either. “Just friends. And you’ll keep your hands to yourself?”
Jasper put his hand over his heart. “I swear to be on my best behavior.”
I nodded.
After changing in the bathroom, he slid into the bed next to me. If I closed my eyes and snuggled into the cocoon of his warmth, I could pretend he was Alexi. Just to help me sleep…
Jasper kissed my shoulder and wrapped an arm around my waist, tugging me close to his body. Just as my eyes fluttered closed, he whispered, “But if you did want me to go down on you or something, I promise I’m willing and very good. I like to take my time with a woman’s body. You can pretend I’m anyone you want.”
I swatted the arm around me. “Hands off, Jas, or I’m sleeping on the living room floor.”
With a sigh, he rolled away. “Okay. Fair enough.” His hand twitched against mine. “How about your hand? Can I hold your hand?”
I rolled on my back to match his position and stared at the ceiling even as a tear rolled down my face. “Yeah, that would be great.”
When he took my hand, his was firm and warm and comforting. And he was kind enough not to say anything about the sound of my tears in the silence.
Chapter Thirteen
Lex
The following morning, my head throbbed as Jasper, Angel, Nick, and Max all convened on the barge. I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep, and I wasn’t in the mood for the mental beat down I was about to endure. And to make matters worse, Abbie hadn’t replied to a single one of my messages.
“Mate, what the fuck were you thinking?”
I glared at Max. I really didn’t need my friend taking the moral high ground with me. “Look, it wasn’t supposed to happen like that
. The whole thing just got fucking messy, okay?”
“She’s a nice girl. You really should have left her alone.” Jasper’s voice was barely above a snarl.
“And what, left her for you?” I growled.
“Maybe.” Jasper stood to glare at me.
Nick stepped between the two of us. “Come on, you two. Are you really going to get in a row over some bird? Use your brains.” He turned his attention to Angel and Max. “A little help here?”
Angel shook his head. “I was just looking for a lift to the agency. I’m starting to think I should have taken the tube.”
Max shrugged. “I didn’t think I’d agree with Nick on this one, but he’s right. We’ve been mates for how long? Stop being mad for just a moment and use the brains God gave ya.”
I dragged in a breath. “I just want to know that she’s okay.”
“She’s fine,” Max said. “Well, as fine as she can be. Sophie’s got her holed up at the house, and she and Faith are pretty much circling her like mother hens.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn’t been able to reach her, which was to be expected, but I was worried that she wasn’t okay. And when I’d seen the paparazzi camped on her lawn, I’d really worried. “Okay good. At least she’s not all alone in her flat with the vultures circling.”
“Would there be any vultures if it weren’t for you?” Jasper grumbled.
“No, I’ll admit, I cocked this whole thing up. But there were some extenuating circumstances I couldn’t avoid.”
“Oh, you mean like already having a fiancée?” Jasper made to stand again, but Nick shoved him back into his seat.
“Easy, both of you. Jas has a point though. What about Gem? Have you seen her, talked to her?”
Gemma was staying out of sight at Jacinda’s. She’d stayed with me a couple of nights, but then the press had gotten so ridiculous she’d needed to escape. “I talked to her this morning. She’s fine.”
Nick frowned. “What do you mean fine?”
“I mean fine.” What the hell could I tell them? That Gemma had seen it coming? That she’d apologized to me profusely again because she suspected Jacinda had gotten pissed enough about Gemma’s closeted status to call the press and force her hand? That my relationship with Gem had been a sham? I was sick of this shit. But I couldn’t really tell them with Angel there. “Look, Gemma and I have some logistics to work out, but we haven’t really been intimate for a long time.”
“I know that’s what you said before. But why stay with her?” Nick asked, his brows furrowing.
I swiped my hair off my forehead. Habit sounded too callous, but it was the truth. Gemma probably hadn’t needed me to shield her for nearly so long, but I’d done it because I had no one in my life that I wanted to be single for. “It’s complicated.”
Nick shook his head. “You lot are a pair. When I talked to her this morning, she seemed more concerned about you and how you were handling things with the press than she did about your relationship.”
I nodded. “See, there you go, she’s fine.” I turned my attention to Angel, Max, and Jasper. “Now come on, do me a solid. I need to speak with Abbie, if I can.”
Max merely shook his head while Jasper muttered, “Fuck no. I look like a better option if you remain a fuck up. To the victor go the spoils and all that.”
Max slid a narrowed glance at his flat mate. “Jas, for once, give it a rest. He’s clearly already shattered.” Max turned his attention back to me. “Look, no can do. Sophie will kill me, and honestly Abbie looks like she needs a break. Maybe when she’s more settled.”
I scrubbed my face with my hands. How the hell was I going to fix this if I couldn’t even talk to her?
Chapter Fourteen
Lex
“Lex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t intend for this to happen.”
I shifted uncomfortably on the park bench. When Gemma had asked me to meet her in Hyde Park, I’d been a little dubious, considering Jacinda and her penchant for calling paparazzi. “Gem, I know it’s not your fault. You wouldn’t have ever done something like this. You’re not responsible for her actions.”
“But you got hurt because I couldn’t be an adult and accept some things about who I am, so I feel terrible.”
I shook my head. “Still not your fault. She retaliated and that was uncalled for. Especially the way she did it.” I shoved my hands into my pockets to ward off some of the cold. “Look, I’m not telling you who to be with, but you should be with someone who doesn’t try to manipulate you into the outcome they want.”
She rubbed her nose. “Yeah, I know.”
“You’re far too smart for that, and you deserve better.”
“You know, you’re probably the safest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.”
Laughter bubbled up from my chest. “Then aren’t we a pair, because we are royally fucked up. This whole thing is fucked up.” I shook my head. “I thought I was doing you this favor, but I probably did more damage in the long run. As for me, I was just hiding from a real relationship. I’m as fucked up as Xander is with his string of women.”
She wrinkled her nose. “You’re nothing like Xander.”
A cold fist of ice wrapped around my gut. After the hell we’d gone through as kids, neither one of us had ever learned to fully trust anyone. And God knew how fucked up our love lives were. What would she think if she realized I was more like Xander than I could ever admit? Worse, what would Abbie say? “He’s my brother. He’s part of me and vice versa.”
“I wish you wouldn’t say that. You go through life separate from people, and you’re secretive. You act like no one could ever love you, and I just hope you find someone who can, because you deserve it.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I want Abbie. Yeah, well, no amount of wanting her was going to make her manifest in front of me. She was my only chance at a real human connection in the last five years, and I’d fucked it up. “Maybe one day.”
“I still think you should let me talk to her.”
“No dice, Gemma. It was my fuck up. You don’t have to clean up my mess for me.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You mean like you’ve been cleaning up my messes for me? Without you, I might not have survived the last five years, and I’m well aware of it. You’ve been my rock, and you’ve kept me sane and made me feel loved. It’s the least I can do.”
“And I said no.”
She pursed her lips and turned to face the lawn. I knew that look; she was stewing. But let her stew. Abbie wanted to be left alone; I wouldn’t have my life intrude on hers. I cleared my throat. “So, I guess we should officially do this then.”
She sniffled. “Yeah, it’s about that time.”
I took her hand out of habit, like I always did when I wanted to tell her something serious. “Gemma, I love you, but it’s time for us to break up.”
Chapter Fifteen
Abbie
It had been exactly three days, nine hours, and fifty-seven minutes since my London life imploded. And now I had to deal with this shit. I scowled at the brunette beauty in the foyer. When Jasper had told me someone had come to see me, I’d expected Ilani. Not Gemma.
“If you’re here to shiv me, I think Lex already beat you to the punch.”
Gemma glanced around. “I’ve never actually been back here before. Max has tons of parties, but I never managed to accompany Lex to one.”
I stood and raised an eyebrow. “Are we going to talk home and gardens, or are you going to tell me what you’re doing out here? I know South London is a bit out of the way from posh Mayfair, or wherever it is you live.”
Gemma blew out a breath. “I’m not here to bother you, I swear.”
“Then you’re failing, because I’m bothered. I don’t want to listen to any more apologies from him. I’m done with listening to his voicemails and reading his emails and his personally delivered messages. There’s nothing he can say to make me forget what he did to me, humiliating me like that.”
Gemma blew out a breath then rocked back on her heels. “I’m actually to blame for it all. This had nothing to do with Lex.”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I don’t—I can’t...” I tried again and reined my emotions in. My heart screamed that I needed to listen to Gemma, but my brain silenced the voice of dissent. “You and him and your screwed-up relationship is none of my business. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go before more of your paparazzo friends see us talking and decide to splash me on some more magazines.”
“Look, I wasn’t followed. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.”
I crossed my arms. “Your minute is ticking.”
“Wow, you’re tough. I can see why he likes you.”
I didn’t need Alexi’s fiancée patronizing me. “You’ve got forty-five seconds.”
“I’m a lesbian.”
I shook my head to make sure I heard correctly. “Excuse me?”
“I’m a lesbian.”
I still wasn’t sure I’d heard her correctly. “Wow, I’m not an expert in coming out, but I get the impression this is a very awkward version of it.”
Gemma chuckled. “It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud since I first told Lex.”
What the hell was I supposed to say? There was no follow up to that, except, uh, okay. “I’m not sure why I need to know this.”
“It’s important because, back in Uni, Lex agreed to be my sometimes boyfriend to keep my parents off my back. At first, it was just this thing we did when we were out. Then it was like we were really going out, except for all the sex stuff. He has been protecting me for years. Keeping my secret.”
“This can’t be real.”
“It’s the truth, Abbie. My parents will disown me when I tell them, and I was terrified of being left without family or a support system, or I would have cut him loose years ago. The truth is I used him. I knew I was being unfair and did it anyway. I needed him. I didn’t care that he only had these half relationships with women, that he never got close to anyone. I suspect there’s a reason he never wanted a real relationship, but he’s never told me what it is.”
