by Tina Cambria
“But I don’t know about housebreaking a puppy…”
“You wouldn’t have to.” His eyes lit up as he talked about all the great dogs in shelters waiting to be adopted into a loving home. “A lot of them are no longer puppies and are fully trained and housebroken. Their former owners couldn’t keep them for whatever reason.”
“Not because they were problem dogs?”
“Most of them are terrific dogs. They just want someone to love them,” Shane said.
Butterflies flitted through Kendra’s stomach as she listened to him talk about surprising Matt on Christmas morning with a leash and a promise to pick out a shelter dog after the holidays. She could tell he’d obviously thought this through as he explained how Christmas Day, with all the excitement and noise, was not a good time to introduce a dog to a new home.
Shane was showing her how loving and caring he could be. Why hadn’t she realized that back when they were college sweethearts?
She’d made a lot of wrong assumptions, and now it felt like she was paying dearly for them. It finally sunk in how she’d thrown away something that could have been very precious when she’d casually let him drop out of her life.
“I like your idea of the shelter dog—” She was interrupted when the hostess approached to show them to a table. After they were seated on the edge of the restaurant with a view overlooking the atrium and its sparkling sea of holiday lights, Kendra gushed, “It’s like being in a fairy land.”
Looking from the beautifully decorated scene to Shane’s handsome face smiling back at her, she couldn’t help wishing for a sprinkling of fairy dust to wash away all their misunderstandings and give them a fresh start at their relationship.
***
The dazzling display of holiday lights seemed too much a distraction for a conversation that would require their full attention. Shane reached past the fresh drinks and basket of warm bread on the table and laid his hand on top of Kendra’s. “I think we need to clear the air about a few things.”
Watching her bite down on her lip, it was obvious that he’d jacked up her anxiety level. But he knew things had to be said. And resolved. Because of their son, they were going to be tied together in one way or another for the rest of their lives.
“What things?” Her voice cracked slightly, betraying her anxiety.
“We need to talk about my friend, Tonya. The one you asked about when she left a message on my phone.”
Kendra recoiled, almost as if she’d been struck. But he had to bring it into the open. If she had a problem with Tonya, it was going to change the dynamics of their relationship. And not in a good way.
“What about her?” She shrank back further into her chair.
“Tonya was married to a guy in my outfit in Afghanistan.”
“Was married?”
“Yeah, that’s right.” He fixed his stare on her. “Until he was killed in a roadside explosion.”
Watching her eyes widen, he continued, “Tonya was six months pregnant at the time. She had done some modeling, but it was hard for her to find jobs at that point.”
“I had no idea.” Her jaw went slack as she listened to the story.
“I have a college friend who works at a TV station. He helped Tonya find some voiceover work until after the baby was born and she was able to work as a model again. She received some life insurance money, but it wasn’t enough that she’s set for life. Not even close.”
“I’m so sorry…” She rapidly blinked her eyes, like she was trying to find words to say more. But her mouth hung open, and she turned silent.
“Now that the baby’s born, she’s modeling again,” he continued. “My college friend was able to hook her up with a guy in Los Angeles who makes ads for car dealerships all over California. That’s why I was so interested when I saw her on TV that night.”
“I feel like a Grade-A jerk,” Kendra mumbled. “She’s in such a rough situation. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions about her.”
“I told you before, in my line of work, I’m going to come in contact with a lot of people. And some of them are bound to be attractive women.”
Watching her nod, he knew he had to put his remaining cards on the table. He didn’t know how she would react, but he did know that they couldn’t remain at this emotional impasse.
“The time I’ve spent with you and Matt at your house gave me a taste of what it might be like to be a real family. And I liked it.” He hadn’t expected to admit it, but the family feeling was pretty good. “But it’s a problem if you don’t trust me around other women.”
Taking a deep breath, he knew it was time for him to come clean to her about everything he had going on right now. Locking eyes with her, he said, “And there’s more.”
* * *
Kendra stared back at Shane, trying to steady her breathing while silently praying her racing heart wouldn’t burst right out of her chest.
The gorgeous Tonya was the widow of Shane’s buddy, trying to make a living to support a newborn baby. How could she have read that one so incredibly wrong?
Now, Shane had said he liked the idea of being a real family. Had her suspicion and jealousy added salt to his existing wound over missing out on so much of Matt’s young life? Had he gotten a taste of how nice family life could be, but thought he’d like it better with a different woman? One who wasn’t so jealous or hadn’t kept such a big secret from him.
Or did he have a secret of his own? When he’d said a moment ago that there was more, maybe he was talking about another woman and another child he’d fathered somewhere along the line.
It was crazy. She’d awakened to the realization that she’d found the perfect man a long time ago and foolishly let him slip away. Now they were so close to working things out again. Her mind wildly begged for things not to get any worse than they already were.
“Go on,” she finally said. “Tell me what else I need to know.”
“I have a side business in addition to my job at QJV,” he said.
Sure that her heartbeat and breathing had now come to a dead halt, she sat motionless, waiting for whatever he was going to tell her.
“You know the college friend I mentioned who works at a TV station? About two years ago, I invested in a reality television production company he started. He wants to take reality TV in a different direction.”
“What kind of direction?”
He went on to tell her about his friend’s company and A Better Place, the first show they’d sold to a cable network. “It’s exactly what the title says,” he said. “A show about people who want to make the world a better place. Each episode follows an individual or a group of people trying to do good in the world. It might be a teacher who does volunteer tutoring during free time, an EMT, people who’ve set up a food bank for needy folks—every week has a slightly different spin.”
“That’s so different than a lot of the current programming on the air.”
“Exactly,” he said. “That’s what we’re going for. Literally trying to make the world a better place. And we back it up by donating a portion of the show’s profits to charity.”
She suddenly felt all of her surroundings—the sparkling lights, the music drifting up from the hotel lobby, even the clinking of glasses in the restaurant—come to a halt as though she were watching a movie that got stuck in freeze-frame mode. The food in front of her seemed little more than a cardboard cutout.
The good-looking man sitting across from her was more than her college lover and the father of her son. He had truly become her everything. Looking at his warm brown eyes and the faintest bit of a five o’clock shadow working its way across his strong jawline, she realized Shane was far more than a handsome, well-endowed man who could thrill her physically.
He was a loving, compassionate man as well. Not only to his son, although that was certainly important. But there was so much more to him. He truly cared about the world and the people in it. It was important to him to use his talents to make the wo
rld a better place.
In that instant, she accepted that she bore the brunt of the guilt for how things had turned out between them.
They’d both made mistakes long ago. There was no denying that. But no matter what she’d thought or how she’d felt back then, she’d made the bigger mistake by not letting Shane know about his child.
Could it ever be fixed?
She wanted to scream out that she loved him, every piece of him. That she was sorry for acting like an immature child years ago instead of a young adult about to take on the responsibility of parenthood.
Trying to restart her mental freeze-frame, she said, “I wish I’d known about this before.”
“This is another part of my career. I may have to do occasional out-of-town travel for one of the shows,” he said. “And there’s always the possibility I might move away from here someday. Even as far as New York.”
“I understand,” she said softly.
“It’s going to be awfully hard if you get jealous every time I interact with an attractive woman,” he added. “That’s a part of my job that probably won’t go away. Especially when I get more involved with the television industry.”
She faltered for a second before saying, “I – I think I can work on that.”
“I know we can’t ever go back to yesterday.” He shook his head and reached over to squeeze her hand. “Maybe right now what I really need to do is focus on making the world a better place, like on my TV show. Except maybe I need to direct my attention to a very small part of the world—you, Matt, and me. And what’s best for the three of us. So we all end up in a better place.”
“That’s where we need to be,” she agreed.
Please kiss me, Kendra screamed inside. Kiss me and make love to me, so I know you don’t want to be with anyone but me ever again. Show me you love me as much as I love you.
The look in Shane’s eyes changed perceptibly, as though he’d somehow read her thoughts.
“You know, I have a room upstairs.”
She didn’t hesitate, even for an instant. “I’d love to see it.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Within a few minutes, Shane ushered Kendra into his hotel room. It took a brief moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, with the only illumination coming from the sliver of light through the slightly ajar door to the bathroom.
When he closed the door behind them, she heard contemporary jazz music playing softly in the background. She stepped into the main part of the room. The flicker of city lights twinkled through the slip of sheer curtain framed by heavier drapes.
And then she saw the king-sized bed, with its thick comforter already turned back to reveal crisp white sheets topped with plump pillows.
A fluffy bed of clouds. Waiting for two formerly star-crossed lovers to fall into those clouds and soar to the heavens once again.
She looked questioningly at him.
Even in the dim light, he must have been able to read her expression. “Turn-down service by housekeeping,” he explained.
“Convenient.”
He pulled her close. “We belong together. Like before.”
They quickly undressed each other and moved to the bed. It had been almost seven years, but they effortlessly picked up as though no time had passed at all.
“Shane…”
“I have a condom,” he said, and looked at her with questioning eyes.
“Let me help,” she whispered, reaching for him. “I didn’t realize it until you came back to town, but I think I’ve wanted this to happen again for over six years. I need you inside me right now. No more waiting.”
Eagerly following her cue, he retrieved a foil packet from his belongings on the chair, opened it, and let Kendra ease it onto him. Then he took her to a place she never wanted to leave, finally forcing her to the edge of a precipice, until he let out a long moan of supreme satisfaction with his final plunge.
Kendra felt she was plunging as well—straight off the cliff’s edge into an unsettled pool with wave after wave of pure bliss, such as she hadn’t experienced since she’d been with Shane years before. Before she drifted off to sleep, her mind felt stripped of all cares and thoughts but one.
I can’t lose him again.
* * *
The next morning, Shane awoke to find Kendra spooned up against him, her soft derriere nestled comfortably right where it threatened to awaken his arousal once again. His first thought was that he could get used to waking up this way every morning. When he felt her stirring, his second thought was that he could also get used to a daily replay of last night’s lovemaking.
Gently rolling her over to face him, he whispered, “Good morning, beautiful.”
“Good morning,” she murmured, smiling. “So, it wasn’t a dream.”
“I think it was a dream come true.” He kissed her and felt his masculine urgings again.
“I think so too.”
“We can do it again…” he said.
“Before we go down that road again, I was wondering…” She hesitated and gave him an assessing look. “Last night was so perfect.”
“I guarantee I can make this morning perfect too.”
“It was so perfect,” she continued, “that I’m wondering if you had it all planned.” She glanced at the ceiling and appeared to be turning something over in her mind. “The dimmed lights when we arrived. The turned down bed. The romantic music on that little stereo on the nightstand.”
“What are you getting at?” His fingers froze in place, ending their stimulating dance. “I mentioned that I had a room upstairs while we were having dinner. But I don’t recall that I had to force you up here.”
“I won’t deny I wanted to be here. With you.”
“So, what’s the problem?” He felt his facial muscles tense as he spoke. “Look, are you implying I had some devious plot to lure you to my room and have my way with you?”
“Well, you had a condom with you.”
“That’s normal for men in today’s world. And I didn’t plan to seduce you last night. It happened…in the most natural way.” He stared hard at her. “And you admitted that you wanted it to happen too.”
“I did.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, all I’m trying to do is figure out where our relationship is going.”
“Where do you want it to go?”
“I know where I don’t want it to go.” She sat up and yanked the sheet, so it covered her exposed breasts.
Shane watched Kendra cover herself and wondered if she were having second thoughts about what happened the night before. He was sure he heard her say it had been perfect. What could make it better? He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t.
“So, please enlighten me,” he said, unable to keep a hint of annoyance from his voice.
“I know we’re single parents with a son. And we’re going to be seeing each other, no matter what, because of our son.” Her fingers nervously worked at the sheet that provided her with a touch of modesty. “Okay, I’ll come out and say it. I don’t want us to be…well, single parents with benefits. I don’t want to feel like I’m being used for sex.”
“Not to be rude, but I don’t need to use you for sex. I come in contact with plenty of women. If I’m looking for sex, I wouldn’t have to look that far.”
“That’s what I mean—”
“The fact that it’s available doesn’t mean I’m taking advantage of it.”
“What about with me?”
“Yeah, what about with you? It’s been close to a month since we reconnected, and we’ve had sex one time. One time. And we were living together in the same house for part of that time. I wouldn’t exactly call that taking advantage of you.”
She looked him straight in the eye. “What about other women? Can you honestly say you haven’t been with anyone else since we met up again last month?”
His voice rose in anger. “I haven’t made love to anyone but you since I got back to San Francisco. I’ve been foc
using on my new job. And focusing on Matt, since I found out about him.” He glared at her. “You act like I’m a guy who’s constantly looking to hook up.”
“You had a pretty strong sexual appetite when we first met,” she shot back.
“Yeah, and I still do. I already told you as much. The difference now is that I’ve matured, and I have a lot more things going on in my life. I’m not going to make love to a woman unless she means something to me.”
“So now you’re saying that back when I was in college, I didn’t mean anything to you? It was nothing more than meaningless sex three or more times every week?” Her eyes hardened, and her voice began to rise. “I guess now it’s clear why I never heard from you again after you left for basic training.”
“You’re twisting everything. We’ve been through this before. Why can’t you trust me? I told you I didn’t immediately find another girlfriend after I joined the army, and you didn’t believe me.”
He knew that he was responsible for Kendra’s pregnancy. And now he regretted that he hadn’t kept in touch with her. But she needed to take some responsibility too—she should have let him know about Matt a long time ago. Why couldn’t she let their mutual mistakes go and work on their renewed relationship?
Feeling his frustration mount, he hopped out of bed and pulled on his briefs. “I told you that Tonya was just a friend and there was nothing between us, and you didn’t believe me at first. I’ve never lied to you. Not even once. It seems like I have to prove everything to you. I’m trying to make things work with you, but you make it really hard.”
“It’s hard to trust someone who was so cavalier about a very intense two-month sexual relationship.” Kendra followed his lead, grabbing her bra and panties where he’d dropped them on the floor the night before. She quickly put them on and continued, “I still have a hard time with you forgetting about something like that. And don’t tell me some guy in a black suit shot a laser gun at your head that made you forget me. I’m not buying it.”
