by Olivia Grey
“You’re not having a good time, are you?”
“I am. I’m having a really good time,” she lied.
“You hate it here, Frances. Don’t lie to me.”
“I don’t. It’s just that…” she paused. Fiddled around with her fingers and avoided eye contact as best as she could.
She knew that I didn’t do the no eye contact bullshit.
I touched my index finger to her chin and tipped her head up. “If there’s something wrong, you know that you can talk to me about it.”
Her head desperately wanted to venture back down to focus on the nothingness in her lap. I kept my finger on her chin. Looking at me wasn’t an option, it was mandatory.
“I’m just scared,” she finally uttered and I dropped my hand to her shoulder, kneading my fingers in.
“About what I asked you to do?”
She parted her lips, but didn’t speak.
“Frances, I’m not forcing you into something you don’t want to do. We’re friends and whatever you decide, I’ll respect your decision. I just thought that maybe… you know… you’d enjoy it.”
She shook her head. “It’s not about that.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
3
Frances
What’s the problem?
Maybe I should have told the truth.
Maybe I should have grabbed life by the balls and told Jemma to suck it. She’d asked the question as though it were just a walk in the park. Maybe to her it was. But I wasn’t her. And despite all the morals I’d shoved to the side in my quest to play ‘Jemma’s best friend’ this wasn’t who I was.
“Why the hell are you being so goddamn moody, Frances?”
“I’m not moody, Jemma,’ I said softly, defeatedly. “I’m just not comfortable with being here.”
“Did someone bother you?” She replied defensively, her feet already halfway on the ground. It was all for show, I knew that. But how long do you have to pretend to actually fall into a role?
How many times did Jemma have to defend me before it became second nature to her?
“No one did anything to me,” I replied. “It’s just that I snuck out and if my parents find out-”
Jemma’s shoulders relaxed and she eased herself back on the chair. “Well, if you’re that worried about it, maybe you should leave.” She threw the words over her shoulder, cold as the ice surrounding her heart.
“But I…” I stumbled to find the right words- the words that didn’t remind her that even with a face full of makeup and an uncomfortably short dress, I was still a fucking nerd. “I drove here.”
“Yeah, that’s good. That means you can leave whenever you want.”
“That’s not exactly the problem.”
Her blue eyes pierced mine like she was trying to pull the words out of me without having to ask for them.
“I might have had a little too much to drink.”
“Should I get Axel to drive you home? He’s only had like a beer or two.”
“Why Axel?” The words left my mouth a lot more quickly.
“If you don’t want Axel to take you, I can ask one of the other guys, but trust me, he’s your best choice if you’re not keen on ending up in a ditch somewhere.”
“No, it’s fine.”
Jemma sat up straight and moved around so that my knee and her shin pressed into each other. There was so much vengeance in that movement. But no more and no less than there was in everything Jemma did. “Jesus fucking Christ, Frances, stop acting like I’m gonna bite your damn head off if you speak your mind.”
I pressed my lips together. Bit back the words I wanted to launch at her. Because no matter what she said, she would bite my head off if she didn’t get what she wanted. Was this really worth it? The drinking. The dress. The need to let go of my dignity for a quick moment in the sun. Most definitely not. But somehow I felt like I’d made too far a trip down the road to hell to turn back.
4
Jemma
I could have taken Frances home. Living in one of the most prestigious neighborhoods in all of South Florida meant that we weren’t afraid of things like serial killers, kidnappers or Bigfoot, because they just didn’t exist here. Plus, daddy’s gun in the glove compartment was enough to repel any level of discomfort I might have otherwise felt. The point of the matter was, I didn’t want to drive Frances home.
If our relationship as best friends was going to survive, Frances needed to warm up to Axel. There was no point in having unnecessary tension between them. There was a method to all this madness, of course, and like hell was I going to have Frances take a shit all over my plans.
Plus, this whole prude crap was getting old pretty goddamn fast. Frances and her old friends – the Nerd Central crowd – they’d brushed shoulders with the popular kids before. And sure, maybe conversations about science weren’t real conversations, but they counted for something. If she could open her yap to flirt with Axel back then, what the hell was the problem now?
I reeled my shit together and sauntered into the house, plastering a practiced smile across my lips. Axel was by the bar, laughing his ass off with the other Rebels – Thomas and Carter. He had a beer in his hand – likely the same one he’d been nursing for hours.
‘Axel,’ I weaved my fingers into his.
He steadied his hold on my hand, then blabbed a few words to Thomas before giving me his full attention.
“What’s up?”
“Frances isn’t feeling so hot. Care to give her a ride home?”
And there I was, thinking that Frances’ awkwardness couldn’t have been beat. Axel went as pale in the face as a damn potato and his big brown eyes squinted together liked I’d asked him to sell me his left kidney.
“Axel!”
“You said you want me to take Frances home. Yeah, I got it.”
“And…”
“I said yeah. Yeah, I’ll take her home.”
“In an hour? Two hours? A lifetime?”
He huffed out a breath and, hand still in mine, pulled me away from the Rebels. “When does she want to leave?” It wasn’t just his voice that let on how irritated he was. The clench in his jaw, the annoyance in his eyes, they were pretty fucking hard to miss. Good thing I didn’t give a damn.
“Now,” I answered, then rose to my tippy toes to whisper in his ear, “but when you get back, I’d like to take you home.”
Axel smirked. “Right now, you said?”
“The sooner you leave, the sooner we can have some real fun.” I moved even closer now. Took his ear between my lips. Between my teeth.
Axel sucked in a deep breath and let it out audibly, his plump lips trembling as the air passed over it. “If you’re not here when I get back –“ A warning, a dare. Another sin he was so very willing to commit.
Axel thought he was winning.
Axel was also a fool. A fly caught in a web he was too stupid to spot.
5
Frances
When Axel called my name my heart did one…two…three summersaults. In that instance, it became clear to me why some people drink and drive. A heart attack seemed like a more humiliating death than driving into a tree. At least the tree wouldn’t be able to laugh at my awkwardness but if I passed out or ceased up in front of Axel, there was no doubt that they’d be laughing years after I was gone. My gravestone would read, Here lies Frances Hilltower- her heart was attacked by an Axel.
“Earth to Frances,” Axel laughed and I felt even more like a fool.
Maybe I really should have just driven myself home, but he already had his hand reached out to me like I was incapable of lifting myself from the chair.
“Thanks,” I said ensuring that he knew I appreciated the gesture despite the fact that I didn’t take his hand.
“Keys?”
“Oh… I… um…” Once again, I was a blubbering mess – a combination of the alcohol and a crush on Axel that was older than time itself.
“Left them inside,”
he completed my statement. “I’ll wait here.”
I practically sprinted inside the building, stumbling as my foot connected with the side of something. Luckily, the couch was there to break my fall. I looked around, relieved to see that no one was peering in my direction.
My purse was on the coffee table and I tried hard not to attract too much attention to myself. I moved slowly, safeguarding that my heels didn’t clank too loudly with each step I made. There was nothing that demanded more attention than Jemma’s heels tapping on tile, wood, or even concrete. You could hear her coming from a mile away and though it was a walk that I’d tried desperately to mimic- I knew that in the confines of my bedroom was the only place it was warranted. By the straps, I pulled my purse from the coffee table and quickly, but quietly, made my way back to Axel, taking a few deep calming breaths before he was in sight.
“Almost landed on your ass in there,” he chuckled and my cheeks went crimson red.
“I… um… tripped a little,” I replied.
“Eh. Happens to the best of us. Come on, let’s get out of here, Jemma’ll throw a fit if I’m gone for too long.” That hurt. It shouldn’t have, but it did. Axel was Jemma’s not mine.
“She won’t,” I said, feeling the need to defend her though I knew his statement wasn’t exactly mean or untrue. That was what brainwashing did to you. And I wouldn’t be lying if I said Jemma gave my brain a nice, big scrubbing.
“So, what’s up with you and Jemma being friends?”’ Axel asked, throwing me one of those sideway glances that made me feel like I’d robbed a bank.
I dug out my keys and handed them to Axel.
“You know that thing they call fate?”
“And your old friends, Ginny, Lola, Preston and that girl with the pixie-cut…fate took care of them for you?”
“How do you even know them?”
“I’ve been in this school just as long as you, Jemma. Plus, we have class together and it’s not like I’m blind.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t exactly think you’d…”
“Know their names? I’m good with names, plus, Ginny was kind enough to make sure that I didn’t fail that last biology exam.”
“She let you cheat off her?” Ginny wasn’t exactly the type. If there was anything she valued, it was smarts. Which was a part of the reason we parted ways. In Jemma’s book, my decision to stream behind Jemma like a damn puppet was a decision that kicked my intelligence down a few notches.
“She noticed that I’d done pretty shitty on the pop quiz and invited me over to join her study group. But thanks for having so much faith in me.”’
“And Jemma was okay with that?”
“The other side,” Axel said once we’d gotten to the car, tossing my question to the wolves.
I walked around to the passenger side of my Beetle, pulled open the door and squeezed myself in. Axel did the same, then adjusted the seat and mirror, before revving the engine to life. “Why on earth do you think Jemma would mind if I hung out with Ginny? Especially considering she’s taken you under her wing.”
Touché.
Axel burst out laughing. “Oh come on Frances, lighten up. But to answer your question problem, of course Jemma had a huge problem with it. But then again, Jemma has a problem with almost everything. What is it that she calls them? The kids from Nerd Central?”
“So why did you go to her study group?”
“Because Jemma’s not my mom,” he snorted. “Plus, I like getting her a little riled up. Someone’s got to remind her that she’s still human, you know?”
No. I didn’t know, actually. That Jemma was human was still up for debate. Vampire? Maybe. Later, I would come to find out that monster was the more fitting term for Jemma.
Axel checked his rearview mirror and swerved into the other lane. “I’m so goddamn sick and tired of everyone making her out to be little miss perfect, you know? She’s got her secrets- secrets that keep her under control.”
Interested as I was, I didn’t pry. The likelihood was there that this was just some kind of test. Jemma trying to get Axel to pry the shit-talking out of me. No way in hell was I going to fall for that.
Axel bowed his head in my direction, his brown eyes staring deep into mine and his lips pressed tightly together. “Aren’t you as loyal as they come,’ he teased. “Everyone has secrets Frances. Even you.”
“You think so?”
“I know so,” he said, his voice barely lifted past a whisper. I swallowed hard. Not just because of his words, but because of the way his eyes pierced mine.
“Hang around Jemma for long enough and you’ll have a coffin of skeletons in your closet.”
“Axel,” I raised my voice a little; a controlled raise, but a raise nonetheless. “Cut it out.”
“You think I’m bashing Jemma?” he laughed. “She’ll eat you alive, Frances. This is just me giving you fair warning to run as far away as you can.”
We were coming up to the street my house was on, the wonky streetlight already flickering in recognition. I focused on that rather than on Axel’s words. He was right about one thing – running wouldn’t be a bad idea. Somehow, however, I felt like it was him I needed to be running from.
“You can park just on the corner here,” I said and Axel veered the car to the right and hit the parking breaks.
“Thanks for the ride, Axel.” I already had one foot out the car, intent on putting distance between us as soon as possible. I wasn’t a weakling. I could deal with whispers and gossips, but I also wasn’t made of stone. Maybe glass. The fragile kind. Sitting here and listening to Axel, it was breaking away pieces of me and I didn’t want to stay until my entire self crumbled to the ground.
Axel’s hand stuck out and he latched onto my lower arm, steadying me back in my seat.
“Why?” he asked. “The mini dresses, the makeup, the change… Why?”
“What does it matter to you?”
“We used to be friends, remember? Ages ago, before any of this stuff mattered.” He waved a hand at my outfit and shook his head. Axel wasn’t wrong. A long, long, time ago, before puberty took its toll, we had something similar to friendship, none of that existed now. None of that existed for more years than I cared to count. “Why Jemma, Frances?”
No longer feeling like I needed to count my breaths, I spun around and fixed my eyes on him. “I’m not gonna do this whole pot calling the kettle black thing with you, Axel. Sure, I’ve changed. But what about you? What the hell are you doing with Jemma?”
“Guys have different agendas. I get something from her that not many girls in high school are willing to give up.”
“Yeah, of course this is about sex.” The laugh that left my throat was about as humorous as a kitten being kicked.
“What, would you prefer I told you that Jemma and I are great together. Well, okay, let’s say that. But there’s a big fucking difference between dating someone and being their puppet. I get to have my fun with Jemma but you… I don’t see what the hell you get out of it.”
“What the hell is your agenda, Axel. Not too long ago, you couldn’t have given two ticks I existed. Now, you think you need to protect me from the big, bad Jemma? Is there some kind of shine that my friendship with Jemma’s stealing from you? Do you want Jemma all to yourself? Is that what’s bothering you?”
I wasn’t the quiet little Frances, anymore. I wasn’t a damn pushover anymore.
“See, you even sound like her now,’ he nodded, his lips pursed together. ‘Yup. Definitely got a little Jemma streak running right through you. And to answer your question, no, I’m not the least bit intimidated by the weird friendship you have going on with Jemma. For some strange reason, I feel the need to have an eye out for you. Maybe it’s because of what I’ve heard from your friends. Maybe it’s because even behind your newfound popularity I can tell that you’re still the same girl with the thick glasses and bushy eyebrows.”
I wanted to tell him where to shove it. I wanted to tell him where exactly
he could take his concern. But then, he was moving in my direction, his head leaning in closer than it should ever be. My brain short-circuited. And I wouldn’t be lying if I said, I didn’t know what the hell was happening.
Not until his lips were pressed against mine, sucking the air from my mouth. I closed my eyes, repelled all the thoughts that threatened to overcome me and I kissed Axel back. The kiss, it wasn’t like kissing Julian Smith in the ninth grade. It was a smoother, riper, crisper kiss. My mouth widened with his, my tongue rejoiced in the moist and velvety sensations that his tongue introduced. And when his fingers lost themselves in my hair, pulling and tugging, wanting and needing, the sensation became too much to handle.
“Stop,” I whispered into his mouth.
Axel pulled back, his hand still caressing my head and his eyes searching mine.
“I just…” I continued, feeling guilty, lost and petrified all at the same time.
“No,” Axel shook his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
He was right. No matter how much my body wanted to feel complete with him close to me, this was nothing short of unforgivable.
“I miss you how you were,” Axel said, before exiting my car and disappearing into the darkness of the night.
I sat for a while longer, trying to gain the composure I knew was impossible to come by. I shouldn’t have felt bad. After all, I wasn’t the one to initiate the kiss. I’d never do something like that, not to Jemma. Except I did. I could have stopped Axel. I could have pulled away sooner and the guilt of knowing that gnawed away at my conscience like a beaver high on a fine piece of cottonwood.
6
