Malik winced. He’d been steadfastly ignoring the fact that when he moved back, his mother would take it as free rein to matchmake.
Khalid sat forward. “It has always been a great regret to me that I don’t know you well. But I know that even while being expelled from school after school, you managed top marks. I know that you and Léo graduated from Oxford with honors. I know that you are highly intelligent and competitive, and I am certain that you do more with your time than just attend parties, especially within the past five or so years.” He smiled wryly. “I just haven’t been able to find out what—and believe me, I’ve tried.”
This is it. Malik swallowed hard. He’d wanted acceptance from his family; here was Khalid, offering it to him on a silver platter. He just had to take it.
But he doesn’t know yet what you do.
What if he thinks it’s business related and this disappoints him?
What if he thinks it’s stupid? Not good enough?
Father never would have accepted writing as a career.
Why do I even need to say anything? That’s over now.
But then another part of him spoke, stronger than the rest.
Khalid has faith in you. He doesn’t think you’re just a layabout, even though all the evidence points toward it. He knows you’re capable of more, that you’ve done more. He’ll be proud of your achievements because you achieved them.
He took a deep breath. He’d always felt like an outsider in his own family. Had always wished he could be closer to them. Here was his brother, offering him that opportunity. A chance to confide in him. What it came down to was how much he trusted this—trusted Khalid.
“I’m an author,” he blurted. “I write books.” And then, because Khalid looked surprised and he didn’t know how to take that, he began a rambling monologue about his books and his pseudonym and his career, until he wanted to strangle himself so he would just stop talking.
By the time he managed to stumble into silence, Khalid was grinning.
“You are a published author! See, my friend was right—you’re a creative soul. I don’t read much, but I will buy your books and read them all—and Mother will, too.” He stopped. “How did we not know this already? You must have taken great pains to keep it secret.”
Malik’s lips twisted in a wry smile. “I did,” he admitted. “I wanted my career to be separate from the rest. My public life has not always been exemplary, and I didn’t want my books tainted by that.” The memory of some of the wilder parties he’d been to floated in his mind. “And… Father would never have approved.”
“True.” Khalid nodded. “So you’re a writer. This is your vocation. Wouldn’t it be much harder to write if you are also working for the company?”
“I—I would stop,” Malik admitted. “Father would never have approved.” Suddenly, he felt like an idiot. Was he trying to gain his father’s approval? That was never going to happen. And even if it could, did he truly want to give up the things that made him happy just to please one man? A man who should have loved him regardless of his life choices? Khalid, his brother, had admitted to not understanding Malik or his life, but was still enthusiastic about it. Had still expressed a wish for them to be closer. Why couldn’t his father have done the same?
His volatile relationship with his father was not because of him and his choices. It was because of his father’s inability to accept anything different.
He looked up and met Khalid’s gaze. His brother was watching him intently, a small smile on his face.
“I’m an idiot,” Malik said, and Khalid laughed.
“Perhaps. Does this mean you’re not coming to work in the company after all?” he teased.
Malik shook his head. “And I don’t think I’ll move here either, although I will come and visit more,” he promised. In fact, he’d come for a nice, long stay and get to know his siblings better as soon as he had his next deadline out of the way. He could take a month or two off before he began work on the next book. Dani had already said—
He groaned. Fuck.
“What’s wrong?” Khalid asked, alarmed.
“I’m an idiot,” Malik repeated. “An absolute imbecile.” He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. “Shit.” He lowered his hands and saw Khalid watching him with an expression of sympathy.
“A woman?”
Malik snorted. “How did you guess? I… shit, she’s never going to forgive me.”
Khalid settled back in his chair. “Tell me about this woman.”
Chapter Thirteen
Once the fog of grief and stupidity had cleared from Malik’s brain, he decided he wasn’t doing anyone much good in Saudi Arabia right then and begged Uncle Charles for a lift home with them. His uncle had studied him with a sharp gaze, then asked, “Are you back to yourself?”
Malik winced. Had he been so obvious? To everyone? “Yes. I was confused, but I’m not anymore.”
Charles nodded. “And you will fix things with Léo? And Ben?”
“I will,” he promised. And Dani. “It might take a while, though.”
A shrug. “It takes as long as it takes. You and Léo should not be at odds.” He’d paused then, and an expression of discomfort had crossed his face. “Malik, I think of you as my own. If there is anything….”
It was a shot to the heart for Malik. Uncle Charles had never been an affectionate or demonstrative man, not with him, not with his own sons. But Malik had never in all the years he’d lived in Charles’s home felt excluded. Charles had praised him and scolded him just as he had his own children.
“I know, Uncle. Thank you.”
Charles cleared his throat, and the moment had passed.
Next had come a long chat with his mother. She had at first been devastated that he was leaving so soon, but when he’d explained why and promised to come back as soon as he could, her distress had morphed to acceptance—and scolding. His mother, it seemed, was thrilled that he had a career he loved, was bursting with pride at his accomplishments, and was dying to meet Dani. She’d lectured him for half an hour about his foolish decision to end the relationship and then made him swear that he’d call her as soon as he’d fixed it so she could “meet” Dani.
He’d agreed, part of him all warm and gooey with the knowledge that his mother cared so much, although another part wished he had her confidence in his ability to fix his relationship woes.
Then he’d gone in search of Léo.
Unfortunately, it seemed Léo was not ready to talk to him.
Dani listened with half her brain as Ben ranted in her ear. He was legit pissed at Malik, and she couldn’t blame him, since her own anger had resulted in her needing to buy Léo and Ben some new glassware. Thank God she’d restrained herself to the everyday stuff in the kitchen. It had still been expensive to replace, but not as much as the crystal would have been.
How could he have done this to her? What was he thinking? Didn’t he know that she would have gladly moved to Saudi Arabia if that was what he truly wanted? He didn’t, though; she knew him well enough to know that. Malik was not cut out for a desk job and a rigidly defined life. But if he’d wanted to try, she would have supported him every step. That he hadn’t wanted her there—didn’t want her there, didn’t want her… that hurt.
Fuck hurt. It eviscerated her.
She took a slow, deep breath, careful not to let Ben hear it hitch. She was not going to start crying again. It felt like she’d done nothing but cry or scream or throw things since she’d hung up on Malik last night. She was exhausted, wrung out, and the skin under her eyes was almost raw. She was stuffy-nosed and basically a mess, which was why she’d said no when Ben suggested FaceTime or Skype. He was already worried about her, had been since the moment she called and told him she needed somewhere to stay. He didn’t need to see the physical traces of her misery—not yet, anyway.
“…back in the early afternoon,” he said, and she tuned in. “Léo said not to even think about dinner; he’s already ar
ranged for a meal to be delivered, and we’re just going to veg all night.”
Right. Ben and Léo were coming home tomorrow. They’d originally planned to stay until the end of the week, but things were apparently very tense with Malik, and Charles had some business commitments he couldn’t get out of. Miryam was staying, though, to be with her sister.
“It’ll be good to see you,” Dani told him, even though it hadn’t even been a week since they’d left. It felt like longer, like an eternity since she’d seen Malik.
Pushing the thought aside, she asked, “Do you want me to meet you at the airport?” She would have to take one of Léo’s cars, but she could manage it.
“Nah, we’ll get a driver. I was thinking, we should go back to the UK later this month. This is the best time of year, weather-wise, and you wanted to see more of Scotland, right?”
“Yeah,” Dani said, her throat tight. Scotland. Australia. The moon.
Anywhere but Monaco, where all her memories of Malik were.
The atmosphere on the plane was grim. Malik hadn’t managed to speak with (and profusely apologize to) Léo and Ben the night before, and when he’d approached them earlier, Léo had shaken his head and put in earbuds, while Ben had glared so vehemently that Malik had decided a tactical retreat was in order.
But he had to act, and soon. In just a few hours the flight would be over, and it would be much harder to apologize and explain then. He knew Léo would eventually forgive him, and he wished he could give him the time he clearly wanted, but the longer he left things with Dani, the worse it would be. He’d checked with his building concierge, and she had taken a bag and gone, leaving the key and the rest of her belongings. He was absolutely certain that she would have gone to Léo and Ben’s apartment, and there was no way in hell he’d be able to speak to her unless he got them on side.
Now was the time. They were a captive audience; with the plane in the air, the only place they could go that had a lock on the door was the lavatory, and he was fully prepared to shout through the door if necessary.
Taking a deep breath, he rose and crossed the cabin. His uncle gave an approving nod as he passed, and Gabriel merely seemed concerned, but Celine had a sour look on her face. She liked Dani and adored Ben and Léo and was taking this whole affair as a personal affront.
He’d win her back over. She’d always loved him, too, had called him her unofficial brother-in-law.
How was I ever such an idiot as to think I didn’t have a real family?
He sank down into a chair opposite the sofa where Léo and Ben sat. Ben glanced up from his phone and glared, but Léo remained focused on the book he was reading.
“I’m sorry.” There, that was a good beginning. Ben’s expression turned suspicious. He wasn’t prepared to relent just yet. Léo didn’t look up. “I let my insecurities get the best of me. I made stupid decisions and acted rashly. I was wrong. I was especially wrong to let my decisions affect the people I love most.”
Léo put his book down and met Malik’s gaze, but said nothing.
“As you can see”—Malik spread his hands—“I came to my senses and will not be leaving my home and throwing away the career I love. Oh,” he remembered, and turned to face the rest of the cabin. Charles, Gabriel, and Celine were watching avidly, not even pretending not to eavesdrop. “I’m an author. I write suspense thrillers under the name Raphael Martin.”
Gabriel’s jaw dropped. Charles blinked. Celine gasped. Malik left them to their shock and turned back to Léo and Ben.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen when you tried to help me, to show me I was being… misguided. I’m sorry I didn’t trust your judgment and wait before making big decisions. But most of all, I’m sorry that I dragged you into the middle of my personal issues.”
Ben sighed. “You were doing so well until that last one,” he chided. “Malik, you’re family. We don’t care that you drag us into your personal issues. What we care about is that you did something really stupid for no good reason.”
“What are you going to do now?” Léo asked.
“Beg,” Malik replied promptly. “My first priority is to repair the damage I have done. If you both can’t forgive me yet, I will wait, but when we get back to Monaco, I will start groveling to Dani.”
“Oh?” A dangerous gleam lit Ben’s gaze. “So you don’t think she’d be best off going back to Australia?”
Malik winced. “Hell, no. The absolute dumbest thing I’ve ever done was tell her that. Even if I had lost half my mind and decided to work for the company, I should have asked her to come with me, not broken up with her.” He shook his head. “It’s not even been two full days, but already….” No texts, no calls, not even the knowledge that she loved him and was waiting to sustain him. His chest felt hollow. Instead, he had to live with the fact that he’d hurt her—deliberately—and at the same time hurt himself.
“And you’re prepared to grovel?” Ben seemed oddly intent. Malik met his gaze.
“I will crawl for as long as it takes her to forgive me.”
“What if she never can?” Léo asked, and Malik jerked.
His chest tightened, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe very well. Forcing himself to suck in air, he said, “Then I’ll need to learn to live with my mistakes. But I still need her to know how sorry I am that I hurt her, and that she is the best part of my life.”
A heavy silence descended on the cabin. Malik kept breathing, one breath at a time. That was what he needed to focus on, one moment, one breath, until it was time for the next one.
Finally, Léo broke the silence. “You’re an idiot,” he said, and there was a note of fondness in his voice that sounded more wonderful to Malik than anything else ever had.
Dani was sitting out on the terrace, staring into space, when she heard the front door open. They were back. A minute later, Ben came out and sat beside her.
“Hey.”
She turned to see him studying her with a frown on his face.
“You look like shit,” he said bluntly.
She shrugged. “It’s been a rough couple of days. It’ll get better.” Maybe. God, she hoped it did. She didn’t think she could handle this pain forever. None of her previous breakups had felt like this, not even when she was in Year Ten and her boyfriend dumped her because she wasn’t ready to have sex with him. She’d always thought that the betrayal she’d felt then would be the worst she’d ever feel, because she’d lost part of her innocence that day… but even it paled compared to this.
How could Malik so easily have left her behind?
“Yeah… so….” Ben hesitated. “We need to talk.”
What now? She raised an eyebrow. “Are you breaking up with me too?” If she joked about it, that would make it better, right?
Judging by the flat look Ben shot her, he wasn’t in the mood for humor. She sighed. “Okay, what is it?”
Ben swallowed hard. “Malik came to his senses and decided not to move to Saudi and take a corporate job,” he said fast.
For a moment, her heart soared. Yes! Then she remembered that he’d made the choice in the first place, that he’d hurt her, and the oppressive grief returned.
She said nothing.
Ben winced, then pressed on. “He wants to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to him,” she said, but oh, this was going to be a problem. He was Léo’s cousin. They were closer than brothers. They saw each other almost every day; Malik was used to coming and going from this apartment like it was his own. How could she live here without causing upset to everyone’s lives?
“Then you don’t have to,” Ben promised. She waited for the rest, but he said nothing else, and eventually she sighed.
“Go on, tell me.”
“No.” His voice was firm. “I’m on your side, Dani. Always.”
She leaned over and hugged him tight. She’d really missed him over the last forty hours since Malik had broken her heart, even if they had spent a lot of that time talkin
g. “I know,” she muttered into his shoulder, feeling him squeeze. “But tell me anyway.” She pulled back. “I know you, Benji. If you thought it would hurt me more, you wouldn’t even be thinking about it.”
“Damn straight,” he declared, then took her hands. “You don’t have to talk to him,” he reiterated, “and I don’t actually think you should talk to him today. But I do genuinely believe he’s sorry. That he made a stupid, grief-fueled mistake. He’s ready to grovel, do whatever it takes. So… if you want to think about it. I mean, you can just say no and it’s all done. Or you can say no for now, and see how you feel in a few days or a few weeks.”
Dani thought about it. “Is he here?”
Ben hesitated, then nodded. “But I don’t think he actually expects to see you today,” he added. “I mean, he wants to, but we all kinda thought you’d just tell him to fuck off.” He grinned, and she smiled back.
“Part of me wants to,” she admitted. “But that’s mostly because I hurt, and I want him to hurt too.”
“He does,” Ben said quietly. “Even before he came to his senses, he was… not himself. Since then…. I know Malik pretty well, and I can see that he’s suffering.” He shrugged. “He brought it on himself, literally, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt him.”
“Yeah.” She stared out over the ocean. “I’m not ready to see him today,” she said finally. “But it’s not fuck off. Not yet, anyway.”
Chapter Fourteen
Three days later, Dani was ready. She’d done a hell of a lot of soul searching, and although she wasn’t sure if she was quite at the point of forgive and forget and happy reunion, she was at least prepared to hear what Malik had to say.
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