by Vera Hollins
It had gotten way out of control a long time ago, but after yesterday, I’d almost lost all hope it could get better. What was next? Would he steal Mom’s jewelry or other expensive possessions? Would he sell his precious Audi TT, or had he already done so?
Mom was shaken too, especially after I told her about yesterday’s episode with Steven, and had finally lost the last scraps of trust she had in him. She’d told me she would have to call the police the next time he did something, because we couldn’t let him get away with this anymore, and although I agreed with her, it still went against my instincts to protect him. He was my brother. I was ready to give my own life for him if needed, but what could one do in this situation? What was the solution? I didn’t know.
At least right now he was still alive and not in jail. That had to count for something.
“You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” Sarah told me, stopping next to the table with refreshments and snacks we’d put on the patio. We would’ve prepared a whole buffet if Mr. J. hadn’t insisted that we didn’t make a big fuss out of this day, which was, according to him, just like any other day.
Sarah’s brown eyes glowed with joy, and as I doubted she’d won the lottery, I could only assume her happiness had everything to do with Hayden Black. She and Hayden could be poster children for the type of all-consuming love that could either destroy you or give you life, and it was equally scary and baffling. Luck had definitely been on Sarah’s side when she’d played love roulette, because even with all the challenges they had gone through with Hayden’s BPD, they were still going strong.
Kudos to them, but I never wanted to give anyone that kind of power over me.
I never would.
I smirked. “Actually, I do have a lot on my mind. I’m wondering whether there will be a duck invasion and we’ll all have to start quacking. Or whether this cake is going to give me diarrhea and make it so I’d have to spend the whole day on the toilet, spreading a smell that would turn everyone around me into poop-zombies.”
Sarah shook her head at me, chuckling. “Since cherries upset your stomach, that’s more than likely.”
“Yep. If only chocolate cakes with cherries weren’t my favorite. But no, we all want what’s bad for us.”
I nudged her with my shoulder and gave her a crooked smile to let her know what I was referring to with that last sentence. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t totally supportive of Sarah and Hayden’s relationship. I supported them, like, 99.97%. Or 99.96%. There was a teensy-weensy part of me that couldn’t get over how Hayden had treated Sarah before, and I liked to point it out from time to time. Call me a grudge holder, but it was what it was.
She pursed her lips together as she tucked a strand of her wavy, chin-length hair behind her ear. “Will you ever drop it?”
My lips widened into a grin. “Only when I’m ninety.”
She let out a resigned sigh. “Whatever makes you happy. Shreya’s filled up the balloons. She’s bringing them out now.”
“Ah, yes, sweet, sweet Shreya,” I said as I spotted her coming up to us with several balloons on strings. “She’s like a beaver, always working so diligently.”
“Thanks,” Shreya said with a beaming smile.
“Well, you are! I’m always saying how you’re going to end up taking my spot as VP if you keep working like someone’s put a curse on you!”
This was Shreya’s first day here, but she’d been handling it much better than I’d had when I started. Maybe it had something to do with her sick grandparents she often had to take care of, so she knew the drill. She’d blended in from the moment she arrived, making friends with half of the retirement home, and everyone seemed to like her. And why wouldn’t they? She was all quiet and cute, and the moment they heard about her academic achievements, they all wanted her as their granddaughter.
Such a precious angel.
Perfect for Mateo. Hehe.
“Where do you want me to put this?” Hayden asked, carrying a huge speaker. His taut, bulging bicepses were huge, matching the rest of his athletic body, and I had to admit I could see his appeal. Both he and Blake looked as though they could easily earn a living only by doing commercials. I was sure all the ladies would buy products if those two advertised them.
“There.” Sarah pointed at a spot underneath the weeping willow.
He placed it where she’d indicated. “I’m going to bring the other one.” He went back inside.
I watched him until he was gone and turned to look at Sarah. “We should prepare for World War III.”
“Why?”
“Because Hayden and Mateo are most likely going to start a clash of the titans. How are those two going to play nice while they’re at the same place?”
Sarah looked away, uneasy. “It won’t be easy for Hayden, because he thinks Mateo still likes me and will try to get me back.”
I arched my brow. “But he won’t. Everyone knows you love Hayden, so Mateo would have to be a fool to believe he could get you back.”
“I know, but . . .” Her face told me everything. It was because of Hayden’s trust and abandonment issues that stemmed from his BPD. I had yet to fully grasp the fact that he could be very sensitive and so insecure that he thought he was at risk of losing Sarah to Mateo.
“You dated Mateo?” Shreya asked Sarah.
“Yes. You know him?”
Shreya glanced at me. “Melissa introduced us a few days ago, but I actually know him from way before.”
“You do?” I asked her.
She nodded. “He and my brother hang out at the same places, but we were never introduced.” She looked away, shy. “I kinda had a crush on him before.”
I raised my eyebrows at her, my lips curving into a broad smile. “Really, now?”
This is getting better and better. They’re obviously made for each other! There’s no better opportunity for her to forget about Barbie.
“Yes. But not anymore!” She raised her hands in defense, as though trying to convince us she felt nothing for Mateo, but I refused to believe her old crush couldn’t be rekindled.
A few residents joined us on the patio, and the excitement wafted up. We didn’t often throw birthday parties here, so everyone was stoked to spend the morning drinking and celebrating. Hayden brought out the other speaker and played music from his laptop, assuming the role of the DJ. Everyone mingled with each other, and I patted myself on the back for coming up with the idea of throwing Mr. J. a party. After all, it was his seventy-ninth birthday. He was almost as old as the Egyptian pyramids. You never knew, sadly, which day was going to be his last.
Mr. J. wheeled himself down to the patio, followed by Adelaine and Mateo’s parents. Mateo was the spitting image of his dad. His dad had the same curly brown hair, dark skin, and attractive face that defied aging, except for his eyes. He had dark-brown eyes, while Mateo got his lighter-colored eyes from his mom, a tiny brunette with fair skin. They were some of the most cheerful people I’d ever met, always smiling and cracking jokes. Mr. J. could learn a thing or two from his daughter, because I doubted the man even knew about the concept of joking.
Mateo appeared after them, wearing an expression that was far too tense for someone who was celebrating his grandpa’s birthday. He glanced at Sarah, who stood next to Hayden, and his eyebrows dipped even lower.
Usually, Mateo ignored Sar every time he came to visit Mr. J., so they had barely exchanged more than a few sentences during the last couple of months. But this was the first time that Hayden was present too, and I could already see a battle in the making.
“Happy birthday, Mr. J.!” I jumped in front of him and handed him my gift, wrapped in decorative paper, which was a radio.
Mr. J. was old school all the way. He didn’t use any iPads, iPhones, or other i-and-not-i-Something devices. He hardly even watched TV, preferring his radio from the seventies more than anything else. But that radio had died a peaceful death a week ago, and Mr. J.’s room had been quiet ever since.
&nbs
p; He looked at me from under his brows, his lips pursed. “I told you I didn’t want gifts. Wasn’t this party enough?”
“Now, now, Mr. J. We really have to work on your way of showing gratitude! You’re going to love this beauty.” I pointed to the radio.
He grunted. He could act cool all he wanted, but I could see he was touched. “If you say so.” He motioned at my face. “Did you have to put on that much makeup? You have bigger black patches around your eyes than a raccoon.”
I rolled my eyes, chuckling. Mr. J. was always complaining about my heavy makeup or my punk clothes. This man couldn’t appreciate the true beauty of my style. “And miss you complaining about it? Not a chance!”
Sarah came to a stop next to me. “Happy birthday, Jonathan. This is from me and Hayden.” She handed him a bottle of an expensive French wine.
Mr. J. looked at Hayden. “Did you choose this, son?”
Hayden nodded. “Yeah.”
Mr. J. studied the bottle with a frown before he looked back at Hayden. “Good choice.”
Hayden nodded again, a ghost of a smile dancing at the corners of his lips. “Thanks, old man.”
“Don’t call him old man,” Mateo snapped at Hayden.
Aaaand this was my cue to save the world.
“Mateo, darling!” I linked my arm around his and pulled him to the table with refreshments. “Help me out and give everyone drinks, would ya?” I smiled at him, but my eyes sent a clear message: “Don’t mess this up for Mr. J.” Thankfully, he picked up on this and started rigidly pouring drinks into cups.
I turned toward Shreya. We needed reinforcements. “Shreya, sweetie! Help him out.”
She worried her lip between her teeth. “Sure.” She scurried to the table and avoided looking at Mateo.
As residents stopped one by one to wish Mr. J. a happy birthday, Sarah whispered something to Hayden, stroking up and down his arm with her hand. Hayden didn’t take his eyes off Mateo, his face a picture of rage. He was fisting his hands, the tick in his jaw visible from Venus, and I expected him to lunge at Mateo any moment now.
He needed a distraction ASAP, so this would be a good opportunity for me to ask him what I’d planned to since he and Sar had arrived. I approached them.
“Haydee—” I halted and licked my lips. Maybe this was not the time to use that nickname. He’d never liked it, and he didn’t need any extra reasons to blow a fuse and attack Mateo. Judging from when these two fought, Hayden was in a different class than Mateo. Hayden would make a minced beef out of him.
“Hayden, I need to ask you the most important question of your life.” I gave him a lopsided grin. “Do you know where Steven is?”
He tore his gaze from Mateo and frowned at me. “No.”
My heart gave a disappointed thud, even though I’d expected this answer in the first place.
“Is he still missing?” Sarah asked.
I glanced away, running my fingers over my knuckles. I didn’t want to admit that Steven had hit rock bottom and had come home only to take things he could sell to buy drugs. It was humiliating and cringe-worthy.
“Yes,” I replied.
“What happened to your hand?” Hayden asked me, motioning with his head to my red knuckles, and I stopped moving my fingers over them. I’d gotten so used to the dull pain that I didn’t even recognize it anymore.
“I pulled a Kill Bill and tried to break some wood. Because I’m planning to kill Bill or some other B-named asshole in the future, you know.”
He stared at me for a long time, but he didn’t dig for the real reason. Some of the tension had left his body, and I let myself relax. There wouldn’t be a war. At least, not yet.
“Do you know about any gang-related stuff? So I know where Steven might be?”
“There was a fight last night,” he said. “Mace was there, but there was no sign of Steven. Mace told me Steven doesn’t show up there that often anymore, so I wouldn’t bet on that.”
Wouldn’t he have problems with T if he didn’t race or fight anymore? Unless he had swapped it out for drug dealing.
Fuck.
Something cold tugged at my stomach, and I went the extra mile to not let fear show on my face. I smiled, danced, and shot the breeze during the rest of the party, making sure everyone had the time of their lives and Hayden and Mateo didn’t cross each other’s paths, but inside—inside, I was a screaming mess. I just wanted my brother back.
I didn’t believe in fairy tales.
I didn’t believe in miracles.
But for Steven’s sake, for the first time, I hoped I was wrong.
Sunday rolled around, and I stopped my car in Eli’s driveway, scowling at the sight of Barbie’s Corvette parked in front of their garage. It was so stupidly yellow. I wanted to use black spray paint to write exactly what I thought about him all over its surface.
“I should learn magic one of these days. That way I could eliminate Barbie and ride off into the sunset with Eli,” I muttered.
I rang the doorbell and prayed to all of Mercury’s gods that Barbie was locked in his room and would only be able to get out once I was gone. However, Mercury’s gods failed me because it was Barbie himself who opened the door, with a deep scowl I might add, staring at the floor like I was too unpleasant for him to look at.
“Get in and try not to make a mess,” he growled, already turning away and leaving me at the doorstep.
“Not make a mess. Copy that. Then how about making spaghetti? From your intestines?” I made a slicing motion with my hand, but he didn’t even turn to look back at me.
I flipped him off behind his back for ignoring me, imagining him dying the most gruesome death, but then I stilled because that reptile marched straight into Eli’s room.
No, no, no, go back, go back. That was a wrong direction. Go back.
He didn’t go back.
Damn him.
Take deep breaths. Activate Zen mode.
Happy thoughts. Think about . . . hell, there was nothing I could think about that would take my mind off the fact that I had to be in the same room with him.
I took a deep breath and fixed a smile on my face. I could do this. I was Melissa Brooks. No one could defeat me, especially not that gonorrhea container.
I entered Eli’s room. He was seated in front of his TV, holding his modified PS4 controller on his lap. Need for Speed: Most Wanted from 2012 was paused on the screen, right in the middle of a race.
“Hey, General Fabulous!” I saluted him. “It is I—your every dream come true!”
Eli offered me a smile—yay, he was smiling!—and said, “Hey, General Awesome.” Barbie rolled his eyes and dropped into the beanbag next to him.
“Be careful, Barbie. Your eyes might get stuck in the back of your head forever if you keep rolling them.” I put my finger against my lips. “Actually, don’t be careful. Keep doing it.”
Barbie grabbed the other controller, his expression bored. “As you can see, we don’t need you here. So, you can go.” He shooed me away with his hand. My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.
“How about I make you eat that controller?” I hissed.
“I want her here,” Eli said before Barbie could respond, and I clapped my hands.
“Bravo, Eli! Show him who’s the boss!”
Barbie clenched his jaw. It seemed as though he wanted to kick up a fuss but was holding back because of Eli.
“Have you played Need for Speed before?” Eli asked me.
“Have I played . . .? I’ve played every installment at least five times each! And I beat my brother every single time in multiplayer mode!”
“Okay. He didn’t ask you for your gaming resume. We don’t care,” Barbie growled. “If you want to play, you’ll have to wait your turn.”
He returned to his race, dismissing me. Eli shrugged his shoulders apologetically.
“Don’t worry about it,” I mouthed to him.
“You can bring in a chair from the living room to sit in,” Eli told
me, his eyes glued to the screen. “You can play next race.”
“Sure.” I went to fetch the chair, moving deliberately slowly because I was in no hurry to be anywhere near that asshole.
Who did he think he was? Was he even supposed to be here? It was Sunday; he should be out hooking up with some random chick, smoking, or whatever other sleazy thing he liked doing.
I returned to Eli’s room and placed the chair as far as possible from Barbie but still close enough to be able to play, arming myself with the world’s finest insults in case he wanted to test my patience right off the bat. However, he didn’t pay any attention to me at all.
I could almost relax as I watched them play the game, but then the churning feeling of envy slowly crept into my stomach. It grew stronger with each smile or joke they shared and every glance filled with care and devotion, and as much as I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t—they had a good relationship. Their bond put the one I shared with Steven to shame.
I couldn’t remember when was the last time Steven and I had done something together, and I missed him more than anything. I missed the times when we were kids and he acted like my protector when someone teased me but cried each time he fell off his bicycle and scraped his knees. I always had to comfort him and put bandages decorated with strawberries on his wounds.
I closed my eyes and dug my teeth into my lip hard, because I needed some physical pain to numb the mental one.
“Are you okay?” Eli asked me, and my eyes flew open. They had finished their race, and Eli had turned his wheelchair to look at me.
I put a wide smile on my face and nodded. “Never been better.”
He tilted his head to the side. “You look tired and sad.”
I looked tired and sad? No, I couldn’t allow myself to show any weakness in front of my enemy! I had to snap out of it.
I fortified my smile and flexed my muscles like a bodybuilder on stage. “What ya talkin ‘bout? I’m as energetic as Arnold Schwarzenegger on alien steroids!”
