by Vera Hollins
I shut off the phone, even though I didn’t care if he’d somehow already tracked his phone down or not. If he came to my house to demand it back, he would find a closed door.
By the time I was done with his phone, I could almost forget my life had become a tangle of fear, anxiety, and a need for control that was always out of reach. I dressed in my black, skull-patterned pajamas and brushed my teeth before I went to Steven’s room. It was dark and emptier than ever, but I clung to the desperate mantra that tomorrow was a new day. New Monday, new beginning. And maybe, just maybe, my brother would come back.
He better have had a good place to sleep and regular meals. I didn’t even want to imagine him sleeping out in the open like a homeless person. Or in his car.
I typed him a text.
“Look, whatever you do, just take care of yourself, okay? I worry about you. A lot.”
My thumb hovered over the “Send” button for a long moment. Finally, I pressed it, feeling hollow inside. I ran my hand through my hair once, twice, staring into the darkness of his room. There was something else I needed to say, and as hard as it was for me to say it, I had to. I had to swallow my pride and get it over with.
“And I’m sorry.”
I stared at the message for quite a while before I worked up the courage to send it. It wasn’t much, but I hoped it would be enough.
I yawned as I parked in the school’s parking lot. If my sleep pattern continued to be this messy, I would end up with dark circles under my eyes the size of Russia. Or I would become a vampire and give up on sleep altogether. I could become more famous than Dracula, and then one day tourists would visit my castle and tell tales of how bloodthirsty I’d been. Maybe I would even have a movie made about me, and it could be called Hotel Melvania.
My gaze shifted to the group of students passing by as I got out of my car. I’d been absent from school for only a week, but it felt like a month, and I never thought I would be so glad to be back at the jungle that was East Willow High. At least I could focus on some stupid bullshit instead of constantly pondering about things I’d rather lock in a titanium box and send to Mars by express mail.
Hayden parked his black Kawasaki Ninja nearby, Sarah sitting behind him, and the girls around us began their let’s-drool-over-Hayden-Black-and-his-bike-because-we-are-that-creepy stares. Typical.
“My sweet children!” I rushed over to them with my arms spread wide and wearing a gigantic smile. “My eyes have been gifted with such a soul-stirring sight!”
Hayden gave me an impassive look. “Are you on drugs?”
“Yes! On the drugs of your love!”
He didn’t even blink, remaining stone-faced. Sarah giggled. She slid her hands off his waist and removed her helmet.
“I didn’t think you’d be this happy to be back at school,” she told me.
“I’ve never been happier in my life. I may pee my pants from happiness any moment now.”
“Spare us the details,” Hayden said and secured the helmets to the bike.
“Why would I when I can broadcast it to the whole world?” I stuck out my tongue at him. “Anyway, I want you to take something.” Hayden raised an eyebrow, observing me warily, and I chuckled. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not as if I’m going to give you rat poison.”
“Knowing you, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
I pulled Barbie’s phone out of my backpack and handed it to him. “Give this back to Barbie.” He looked at the phone and then at me, narrowing his eyes.
“You stole his phone?” Sarah asked.
“Borrowed it, to be precise. It’s in one piece, so don’t freak out about it.”
She frowned. “What did you do?”
“Nothing he didn’t deserve.” I winked at her, but she didn’t seem to find that funny. Her frown deepened.
“So, it was you who messed with his Instagram?” Hayden asked.
“I guess you saw that picture, then. It was funny, right?” I grinned. “I can just imagine Barbie’s reaction.” I rubbed my hands together like the true evil mastermind I was.
“Yeah, I saw it,” Hayden said, his tone sharp. “But you and I obviously don’t have the same sense of humor because I thought it was lame.”
“Mel, why are you like this?” Sarah asked. “That’s so wrong.”
“Oh, come on! It’s just a little tit for tat. It’s not like I’m some career criminal!”
Hayden’s accusing gaze bored into me. “What else did you do?”
I raised my hands in the air in supplication. “Nothing, okay? I just snooped through it, no biggie. Seriously, you should know that better than anyone. Didn’t you do almost the same thing to Sar? Go through her phone and stuff?” I winked at him.
His eyes flashed with rage, and his facial lines gained an edge to them almost instantly. I spotted Shreya on the other side of the parking lot, which I took as a sign for me to vanish in an imaginary puff of smoke before I died a terrible and drawn-out death.
“Aaaand now I’m going before you devise my murder and funeral. Bye-bye!”
I jogged over to Shreya, almost expecting Hayden to come after me and start a fight, but he remained right where he was. I looked around for any sign of Steven’s Audi, but I didn’t see it. Shreya smiled at me and waved, and together we headed into school.
The brown color of her eyes was transformed into hues of gold under the sun’s light, and her long, shiny hair cascaded down her back instead of being pulled back in a ponytail like usual. I wished I had hair like hers. I couldn’t grow my hair long, because it was too weak and broke easily, so I always kept it shoulder-length.
“It’s good to have you back. The council meetings weren’t the same without you,” she said.
“I bet. The council is one big, boring bunch without me. They’re all so serious they need a guide on how to smile.” I tapped her shoulder. “Except for you, of course.”
She giggled. “Thanks. There’s something I’ve been dying to ask you.”
“I’m all ears.”
“There’s a rumor going round that says you got suspended because you punched Masen Brown.”
I gaped at her and erupted into a fit of laughter. I wish! “Me likey that rumor. Me likey a lot!”
She observed me quietly, her lips pressed together. Even after he’d broken her heart, using her as a one-night stand and turning her into a fountain of tears, she was still part of his fan club. But she always knew how much I loathed him, and I made sure to vocalize my hatred for him every chance I got.
“There’s another rumor,” she said as we entered the school.
I clasped my hands together. “Oh, goodie! What does this one say? That I tied him up, roasted him over a fire, and put an apple in his mouth? Oh, oh! And I sold him to aliens, who are now feasting on him for the rest of eternity?”
“Actually, it says you two are dating.”
I shrieked, halting. The students around us gave me weird stares. “What the what? Who’s said such a scandalous lie? There’s no way I’d ever date that walking sack of STDs.”
There’s no way I’d ever date, period.
Shreya shrugged, looking at me sideways. “Okay, okay. I get it.”
“How did they even come up with that?”
“Someone heard you’ve been visiting his house, so . . .” She shrugged again. I sucked my lip in between my teeth, staring ahead at the students crowding the hallway. How did they know that?
I didn’t like this one bit. It wasn’t something I wanted to hide, but people could jump to the weirdest conclusions, and the next thing I knew, they would be saying I’d eloped with Barbie in Vegas and popped out ten children.
“Their imagination exceeds even mine, and that’s saying something. I’m going to his house because of the program Mrs. Aguda forced me to join as a part of my punishment. It’s like volunteering. That’s all.”
She smiled widely. “I see. Okay, then.”
I eyed her carefully. “You seem oddly relieved that
I’m not dating him. Don’t tell me you’re still hoping to be with him?”
She tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Maybe. A little.”
I scoffed. “Don’t be stupid. You don’t stand a chance with him, because that parasite never dates. The only thing he does is walk all over girls, and the sooner you wake up to that, the better.”
She nodded, her eyes downcast. “I suppose you’re right.” She didn’t sound convinced at all.
“Of course I am! And don’t expect him to change, because people like him never change. Besides, Mateo is a much, much, much better choice than Barbie. Barbie isn’t even a choice! He doesn’t deserve anything other than a permanent place in hell.”
“But Mateo isn’t interested in me. He barely even looked at me on Saturday. And if you think he’s so good, why don’t you date him? You two seem really close.”
I grimaced. “Eww, no. Mateo is like a brother to me. That would be like dating Steven. Eww, double no.”
“All right. Although, I don’t get it, because Mateo is hot. I could never see him just as a brother if I were in your shoes.”
We arrived at my locker. “That’s why you two would be perfect together.”
“M-Matchmaking again?” Kevin Burks asked me with a smile that revealed his dimples as he stopped next to us, hand in hand with his boyfriend, Marcus Robinson.
I grinned at them. Kevin was a bundle of cuteness. He was shy and lacking confidence, which was why Marcus was more than good for him. Marcus was confident and friendly, and he really cared about Kevin. Marcus helped Kevin build his self-confidence and showed him that it didn’t matter if he stuttered or not—those who truly cared about him would accept him just the way he was.
Today, Kevin wore a blue tartan flannel shirt that matched his blue eyes, and he’d paired it with khaki trousers and white Converses. His wavy hair was styled to the side, falling over his forehead. Marcus was dressed in a plain, black T-shirt and ripped jeans, and sporting a twist-out hairstyle, which surrounded his rectangular face.
“My babies! Look at you two! Picture-worthy,” I exclaimed. “You’re making my young, young heart melt!” I watched the imaginary heart slide down my body to the floor, and then away from me. “Oops, there it went!”
Kevin chuckled. “I missed your humor last w-week.”
“And I missed you two!” I pinched their cheeks. “We should organize a Best Couple competition! You would win!”
Shreya chuckled. “I think since we’re already helping organize prom and other activities, that would be a bit too much.”
I flexed my arm. “Never say never!”
Chuckling, she waved goodbye to us and set off for her class, and Marcus bade us farewell, too, headed in the opposite direction. Since Kevin and I shared the first class of the day, we headed there together, talking about our weekends.
The morning was uneventful, save for the gossip about Barbie and his Instagram. The whole school had seen that picture and his new username, and they hadn’t stopped cracking jokes at his expense, which was like a balm to my poor, poor soul. I waited for him to kick down the classroom door and vow to kill me in the most horrid way imaginable, but there was no sign of him, and I liked to believe he was hiding in the restroom and biting off his nails in worry. I cackled at the thought. It served him right.
My good mood gradually evaporated as it became clear that Steven had not shown up, and Mrs. Aguda’s warning to expel him danced at the edges of my mind. Just that was enough to obliterate any focus I had during lessons. I gave up on trying and opened the Kindle app on my phone to read Neverwhere, tuning out the whole world.
By lunchtime, I had to make a serious effort to keep a smile on my face. I went to Jess’s locker and found her sandwiched between it and Blake, who seemed to be on a sacred mission of plunging his tongue into her mouth as deeply as he could. They’d gone through a lot just two weeks prior when they’d been kidnapped by the same people who had kidnapped Blake and held him for ransom when he was fourteen, and Blake had gotten shot and gone into cardiac arrest. Luckily, the bullet had only grazed his head, and his wound hadn’t needed more than several stitches, but psychological damage remained.
Now, apparently, they used any chance they got to express their love, subtlety be damned. I had to clear my throat twice for them to separate.
Jess giggled, a blush coloring her cheeks. I had to admit, that look of love she had on her face all the time now suited her. She’d always been beautiful, but ever since she’d started dating Blake, she’d become even more beautiful, if that were possible. Like she was glowing, or something poetic like that.
“Hey,” she said in that sweet, childlike voice of hers.
“Hey to yourself. Are you okay there? Can you breathe? That was an awfully long kiss, if you ask me.”
Blake’s icy gray eyes met mine. “No one asked you.”
I mimicked his sour expression. “No need to be so serious,” I said, copying that too-deep voice of his. “You should apply to one of those longest kiss competitions. You’ve got skills.”
Blake just rolled his eyes. With a giggle, Jessica put her notebook in her locker and closed it. “Are we going? I’m famished,” she said.
“Absolutely. I can’t wait to see what awful food they have on the menu today,” I chirped, adding a bounce to my step.
“It’s not that bad,” she replied.
“It is when you’re a vegetarian. I’m tired of eating French fries and salad all the time.”
“Start a petition for the school to serve us better food,” Blake said. His face was blank, but I caught the undertone. He was mocking me.
“Thank you! That’s exactly what I’m going to do,” I bit out. “Right after my petition to send you to Pluto.”
Barbie wasn’t in the cafeteria when we entered, and I was seriously starting to think he was hiding somewhere. I chose the creamy vegetable soup with noodles and followed Jess and Blake to our table, sensing Hayden’s glare on me all the way. I had a lot to say to him, but I didn’t, choosing to keep my mouth shut to avoid any argument for Sarah’s sake.
I glanced at the empty place at our table as I sat in between Kevin and Jess. Kevin had told me Barbie was sitting with us now, and everyone else was okay with that. I was outnumbered, and even if I complained, it would mean nothing. That alone was enough to kill all my appetite. Or force me to concoct a fantasy in which I stabbed my fork into his eyes.
“There he is,” a girl sitting nearby said.
I looked in the direction she’d pointed and clamped my teeth together. Barbie strolled into the cafeteria like he owned it, with a blonde wrapped around his arm and a cocky smile, which made my blood boil. He was unperturbed by all the stares, totally in his element, and I wanted to do everything in my power to remove that smile from his face and make him miserable.
He winked at the girls they passed, and instead of teasing him or responding with mocking laughter, they giggled and blushed. I did a double take, refusing to believe they were that shallow. No one treated him like he was a loser who got humiliated for all his twelve thousand followers to see. They treated him like he owned this school, which was completely unfair. If he’d been some pimpled, ugly loner, they wouldn’t have thought twice about making sure he never forgot that humiliation.
He took his tray of food and made a show out of kissing the blonde. Then they separated and he started out for my table, his eyes instantly locking on mine. His smirk remained fixed on his face, but his eyes turned into two laser beams that I supposed were meant to incinerate me on the spot. I clenched my jaw hard, curling my hands into fists as I returned his glare, refusing to look away first.
His seat was on the other side of the table, but he chose to pass right behind me, and every single hair on my neck stood up, my body locking up in preparation for . . . I didn’t know what.
But I found out a second too late. He tilted his tray, and the plastic container of salad slid over the edge and fell right into my lap. All i
ts contents scattered over my thighs, dressing soaking my jeans, and a crushing pressure ramped up in my head.
Gasps and giggles erupted from surrounding tables, and the noise in my head grew louder and louder, until it was all I could hear. I gathered every single particle of strength I possessed to keep myself in check instead of pouncing on him and clawing his face off. I kept my eyes on my lap because if I moved even an inch, I would lose it.
Breathe. Just breathe.
“Oops,” Barbie said, his voice sounding as though it came from the end of a tunnel. I raised my eyes slowly to look at him and blinked to clear my blurry vision. His smirk grew even bigger. “Sorry about that. But can you blame me? I don’t have a brain.”
With his smirk intact, he continued around the table, so sure of his victory. I was seconds away from showing him exactly who he was messing with.
“Are you okay?” Kevin whispered to me. He was probably weirded out because I still hadn’t moved a muscle or said a word.
I unclenched my trembling hands and forced myself to take deep breaths. The noise in my head didn’t let up, powered by a violent tension that pumped through my veins.
Sarah glared at Barbie. “What’s wrong with you?”
He glared back at her. “What’s wrong with me? You better ask her that. She’s the one who stole my phone and did all that shit.”
“That doesn’t mean that what you did now is okay. You—”
“Don’t bother, Sar,” I interrupted her. I didn’t need anyone fighting my battles, especially not against this skunk. “It doesn’t matter.”
“But—”
“Really,” I insisted. “It’s okay.”
Jess placed her hand over mine. “Come on. Let’s go to the restroom to clean you up,” she said quietly and stood up, but I didn’t move.
“No,” I replied loudly enough for Barbie to hear me, looking straight at him. “I’m good.”
