by Daniel Hurst
‘So this is your mid-life crisis?’ I ask, putting the empty bottle back into the sink and taking a few steps away from her so as not to be overwhelmed with the fumes from the dye.
‘I just thought I’d try it,’ she says, turning to look at me again, and I try to focus on her eyes and not the bright mess of hair around them. ‘A fresh start, maybe.’
I suddenly feel bad for judging her because I get what she is alluding to. The whole thing with Rupert. The guilt and remorse of what she did. She probably hates herself every time she looks in the mirror. This must be her way of changing the picture.
‘I think it looks nice,’ I say, trying to cover for my initial surprise. ‘I just wished you’d warned me, so I didn’t think there was a stranger in the house.’
Mum laughs, and I realise that’s the first time she has done so since that night over a week ago. But it’s as if she catches herself, and she quickly returns a blank expression to her face.
‘Sorry about that,’ she says, moving her head around to get a glimpse of it from all angles in the mirror. ‘It was a spur of the moment decision.’
‘Maybe I’ll go blonde too,’ I suggest, standing alongside her again by the mirror and trying to visualise what I would look like with a different hair colour.
‘We can talk about that another time,’ Mum replies with a small grin, and I laugh before I too am reminded of the realities of our world and return to a more serious demeanour.
‘Have you got the money for Jimmy? I ask as Mum turns on one of the taps and starts to clean the sink.
‘Yeah. I’m meeting him today,’ she replies, scrubbing at the porcelain.
‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘No, you stay here.’
That was a firm command, and I know better than to challenge it.
‘Are you sure he’s going to recognise you when you turn up?’ I ask, referring to her new look.
‘I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ she replies, not taking her eyes off the sink as she cleans.
‘Okay, be careful. And call me when it’s over,’ I tell Mum, trying not to worry though that’s easier said than done.
‘Will do.’
She’s still busy with her work, so I decide to leave her to it and exit the bathroom, returning to my room and closing the door. But something is troubling me, and it’s not just the feeling of guilt I have had since that night with Rupert or the sense of unease I have battled ever since Jimmy approached me on the street. It’s something else.
It’s the fact that I feel like Mum is keeping something from me.
She might have played down the change in hair colour and passed it off as something she wanted to try before she turned forty, but I’m not buying it. Of all the days she could have done something like that, why has she done it on the day when she is going to hand over thousands of pounds to the man who is blackmailing us?
That doesn’t make much sense, nor does the way she almost snapped at me when I suggested that I accompany her to the meeting. I get that she might want to protect me and think it is safer if I don’t go, but then who is going to protect her if she’s alone? And it’s not as if I haven’t met Jimmy before. Surely there is less chance of something going wrong if we both drop the money off together.
I hear Mum leave the bathroom and listen to her footsteps as they move past my door and go into her bedroom. Checking the time, I suspect that she will be leaving soon, and that’s when I decide that I am going to follow her.
Of course, I will tell her that I am staying here and waiting for her to return, but I’m secretly going to tail her and see what is really going on, because one thing is for sure, she hasn’t told me everything. She’s been acting strangely ever since she came back from that first meeting with Jimmy yesterday, and I don’t just mean with the sudden change in hair colour. The fact she sat and drank wine so brazenly in front of me last night at the kitchen table was a sure sign that she wasn’t thinking straight and had bigger things to worry about than setting a good example to me. If Jimmy’s request for money really was as easy to deal with as Mum has made out, then why was she hitting the booze so hard? I know she went back downstairs and had more of it last night when she thought that I was asleep too. And why is she spouting some nonsense about wanting to know what it’s like to be blonde? She is not behaving like the woman who has brought me up over these last seventeen years.
That must mean she is lying, so I am going to find out why.
I will wait until she leaves before sneaking out of the house and following her. I’ll watch her as she meets Jimmy and gives him the money. And I’ll see if there is anything else to this story than she has let on. There must be. I know her too well for there not to be.
Lying down on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling and decide that I will wait like this until Mum tells me she is going. I should be revising. There’s the small matter of my sixth form exams to get through if I want to get out of here and go to university at the end of summer. But you try concentrating when you have all this going on in your life. Between Rupert, Jimmy and Mum, I’ve got more than enough to think about, never mind the fact that Zara is constantly messaging me with rumours and fake news about what may or may not have happened to the missing teen from our college. I can’t even go on social media without being bombarded with posts from people I know appealing for information or stating how bad the whole situation is for Rupert’s family. And if I have to see that photo of him sitting by the sea one more time, I think I’m going to scream.
Needless to say, with all of that on top of me, I can’t quite find the brain capacity to read my English Lit books and prepare for an exam that I know I should be able to pass anyway without too much trouble. All I can think about is following Mum and making sure that the money drop goes okay, if that is really what she is doing. But if not, then I am going to find out.
I just need to wait for her to leave.
27
HEATHER
I managed to say goodbye to Chloe by only sticking my head around her bedroom door, meaning that she wasn’t able to get a good look at what I’m wearing and question me about it.
I have the red dress on, although I have covered it with a coat in case she did see me, but I will make sure to remove it before I get to the hotel so as not to risk disappointing Jimmy and breaking the clear rules he set out for me. I will also need to slip on the black heels that he requested I wear, which are currently in the small rucksack slung over my shoulder, which I was going to tell Chloe was to be used for carrying the money in case she asked me about that too. I also figured that it would be much easier to walk to the hotel in trainers than heels, and I am glad of the comfort my current footwear provides me with as I walk away from my house and onto the street, heading in the direction of the town centre.
It’s a mild finish to the afternoon, too warm for wearing a coat, but I keep it on as I move past my neighbours’ houses, hoping that none of them look out and wonder what the hell happened to my hair since they last saw me. I knew there was no way of hiding my new hair colour from Chloe, other than wearing some kind of large hat which would have only attracted even more attention, so I just gave her some cover story about wanting to try being blonde before I was forty and left it at that. She seemed to buy it, but then again, she’s got more important things to think about than what her mum is doing with her hair these days.
She was lying on her bed when I looked in on her to say goodbye, and I saw an open textbook beside her, so I presume she is going to be revising, or at least thinking about doing it at some point. But she was staring up at the ceiling when I saw her, and I had obviously caught her in some kind of daydream because she looked a little surprised when she saw me.
‘I’m just going, love,’ I had told her, peeking around the door. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
‘Be careful,’ she replied, and for a second, I had worried that she was going to get up and give me a hug because then she would have realised my choice of
clothing was as unexpected as my change in hair colour. But she just stayed on the bed, and I smiled at her before closing the door and leaving her alone.
As I leave my street, I think about how I can’t wait to get back here again because that will mean it’s all over. I will have spent an hour in that hotel room with Jimmy, and I will have kept my part of the deal, meaning that he should be happy to keep his. That will at least put to bed some of the nagging fears that are swirling around my tired brain, although I’ll still be a long way from being content. I hate the fact that I have to give my body to this man, but maybe this is my punishment for what I have done in my past. I’d have hoped that all the guilt, regret and constant looking over my shoulder would have been enough, but I don’t get to decide that.
When you break the law, all bets are off.
I check the time as I walk past the bus stop, aware that to stop and wait for public transport would be easier on my legs but less so on my mind, which is only being kept clear by the fact that I am walking in the fresh air. That’s why I set off a little earlier than I needed to. I wanted to try and experience some of the benefits of getting a little light exercise out in daylight before I must subject myself to another form of exercise behind closed doors in a dark room.
There’s much in my life that I have learnt to live with, and today will just have to be another one of those things. Like everything else, I will find a way to cope, whether it’s with alcohol, throwing myself into work, or getting myself to the point where I’m so exhausted that my tired body has little option but to give me the brief reprieve of sleep.
Maybe when all of this is over, and when Chloe is away at university, I can think about making some permanent changes in my life that might help me deal with my troubled past. I could sell the house and move to a different part of town, or maybe even the next town over if I really wanted to. I could distance myself from not only the places that hold so many memories for me here but also many of the people too. A different town would mean different stories in the newspapers and less chance of being reminded constantly of things I’d much rather try and forget. I don’t have to cut ties with my family or friends, but I can see them a little less, maybe taking the opportunity to forge new relationships with people who give me the feeling that I’m a different person now and have unburdened myself from the shackles of my old life.
Maybe Jimmy has actually done me a favour by getting me to change my hair colour. Now the person staring back at me in the mirror looks a little different, and that might be a good thing. I wonder what else I could change. Like a snake shedding its skin, perhaps the more I lose of my old self, the more I will be free to start the next part of my life.
There is no doubt that it would be easier to do with Chloe away at university. Many of my daily responsibilities will be removed instantly when she packs her things and heads to Newcastle, and the change in my routine can be a welcome one. It’s not that I won’t miss her, of course I will, but if everything stays the same, how will anything ever get better? I know the change will be good for her too. The sooner she finishes college and gets away from all those people talking about Rupert, the better. Like I could do if I move town, Chloe will meet new people, and the change of scene will give her the feeling that what happened in her past doesn’t have to weigh her down forever. Maybe we can both be alright. I don’t know about me, but I pray that my daughter will not suffer too much from all of this.
I’ve walked at a fairly slow pace for most of my journey through town, but the sight of the hotel at the end of the street tells me that I am almost at my destination now. I get a little closer before I stop and lean against a lamppost, removing my trainers and replacing them with the heels from the rucksack. Then I take off the coat, revealing my best red dress, the type that Jimmy requested and the one I haven’t worn for what must be at least two years. I think the last time this item came out of the wardrobe was when I had a date with a guy from work, although the fact there was no second date says it all about how well that first one went.
I was always told not to date another copper when I entered the police, and that tip-off turned out to be good advice.
With my coat folded over my arm and the rucksack over my shoulder, I march on towards the hotel, prepared to walk in and find Jimmy waiting for me inside. He might not be thrilled that his first glimpse of the “sexy blonde in the red dress and heels” he has been hoping to see is also accompanied by my unmatching coat and an unfashionable rucksack, but he has to give me some leeway. I couldn’t leave home looking like I was going on a date, even if that is essentially what I am doing.
As I totter up the steps of the hotel entrance, careful not to break my ankles in these heels, I try to console myself with the fact that just like my date with the policeman two years ago, there will be no second date in this instance either. Jimmy and I will get this over with, and we will go our separate ways, never to see each other again. Nobody has to know what we got up to in this hotel room apart from us, and soon, this will be just another bad memory that I try to forget along with all the others.
Striding into the hotel lobby, I see the man I am meeting relaxing on one of the plush sofas opposite the marble reception desk.
This is a nice hotel.
It’s just a shame that the person welcoming me into it is not a nice man.
28
CHLOE
I followed Mum after she left the house, and I trailed her all the way through town, wondering where the hell she was going when she continued on in the opposite direction to the park where I had been told the meeting with Jimmy was going to take place.
My suspicions about her lying to me had been proved correct long before I saw her lean against a lamppost and change her shoes, as well as remove her coat which showed to me that she was wearing a red dress underneath it that made her look like she was going for a night out, not to pay a man a bribe. But things got really weird when I saw her walk into the Royal Tree Hotel. That was over half an hour ago.
She still hasn’t come back out.
I resisted the urge to follow her straight in there and find out exactly what she was up to just in case I ruined whatever had been set up between her and, I presume, Jimmy. He is still blackmailing us, so I didn’t want to risk messing things up and giving him the chance to pass on our names to the detectives who are looking into Rupert’s disappearance. But I’m starting to wish I had just followed Mum in because I’m not learning much more about what’s going on by waiting out here on this busy street watching the hotel entrance for any sign of the blonde in the red dress again.
All sorts of crazy theories and ideas have come into my mind since I have been standing here trying to figure out what Mum is up to. I have thought about if she could be on some kind of undercover operation for the police. That might explain the sudden change in hair colour. I’ve considered the possibility that she is just on a date, although the idea that she has somehow managed to find time to arrange something for her love life right now is a ridiculous one. And I’ve even wondered if she has started working as a prostitute as a way of paying for the money that Jimmy has demanded from her. But the truth is, I have absolutely no idea what is going on right now, and I don’t like feeling this way.
I don’t just want to know. I need to know. But there are no answers for me out here.
I’m going to have to go inside and find them for myself.
Crossing the busy road, I reach the hotel and head up the steps that take me into the lobby of this posh venue. I’ve never been inside here before, but I know plenty about it. This is the best hotel in Bolton, although gaining such a lofty title isn’t as hard as it might seem when you consider the competition it is up against. But it is famous and attractive enough to have featured on numerous TV shows set in the North West, as well as being the place where a couple of local celebrities were famously caught carrying out an affair by the journalists who pictured them coming out one fateful day a few years ago. The thought of that scandal
almost makes me wish I could go back to that simpler time when the story on the front pages of the newspapers was a silly one and not about the teenager who Mum and I know is buried in the ground not too far from here.
Entering the large reception area, I look around for any sign of the peroxide blonde in the red dress, although I know it is just my mum in disguise. But I don’t see her anywhere, and although that is disappointing, it does almost confirm where she must be instead.
She must be upstairs in one of the rooms.
I consider going over to the reception desk and asking the uniformed man standing behind it if he knows what my mum is up to, but that will most likely be a waste of time, so I decide to take a seat on one of the sofas in the lobby and wait for Mum to reappear again.
Keeping my eyes on the lifts nearby, I watch as the doors slide open and closed, depositing various guests of the hotel out into the lobby from their rooms upstairs, but none of them look like my mum. I see bellboys, security staff and hospitality workers rushing by looking busy or bored, but still no sign of her there either.
After a while, I check the time on my phone and see that it has been almost an hour since she disappeared inside here. The suspense is killing me.
I have to know what is going on, and I have to know now.
I’m just about to get off the sofa and try my luck with the receptionist when the lift doors slide open, and I see a flash of red mixed with bright blonde. Slinking back down into my seat, I watch as my mum walks out of the lift and hurries past the reception desk, her heels clattering loudly on the marble floor of the lobby as she goes. She hasn’t seen me from where I am sitting, and part of me feels a little nervous about making myself known to her in case she is on some kind of job for the police, so I wait until she has left the hotel before I go after her.
