Mangled Hearts

by Felicia Tatum

  A loud thunder rumbled in my head, over and over again. I clenched my eyes tighter, wondering where the sound was coming from. Rolling over, I grasped the edge of the couch inches before I fell off. The empty bottle I downed an hour before fell to the floor with a thud. A deep groan sounded in my throat, and I stirred myself to consciousness. The loud banging continued, so I shot to a sitting position, looking around in my disoriented state. My phone rang and buzzed seconds after it stopped.

  Reaching in in my pocket, I pulled it out and answered quickly, “Hello?”

  “Cade, answer your door, man,” Cason’s voice filled my aching head.

  Grunting, I stumbled my way to a standing position and trudged to the door. Opening it wide, I saw my bigger, little brother standing there with a case. “Cason,” I said, reaching out to give him a hug. It had been far too long since we spent any time together.

  “I brought you a present,” he grinned, holding up the box.

  “And a good present at that. Get in here,” I demanded, stepping back to allow him access.

  “Dad told me about your new lawyer, thought you may need a pick me up,” he said, giving me a knowing look.

  “Yeah…Francesca.”

  “I can’t believe it,” he said, shaking his head as he sat on the couch. “I haven’t seen her in years. How is she doing?”

  “I’m not sure. She didn’t seem too happy to see me, though. I hurt her so bad, dude. It seems like it’s more, though. She’s doing good for herself. Got a house, she’s a lawyer, she seems to be living well.”

  “You shouldn’t have dated that skanky bitch, Jade. She was so mean to Francesca,” he explained.

  “What do you mean, ‘mean to Francesca?’ They didn’t know each other,” I said, my voice rising.

  “Jade said some pretty awful stuff. How did you not know? She ripped Francesca apart one day after school.”

  The panic was rising. No wonder Francesca had stopped speaking to me a few months before the accident with her sister. She had been hurting. And once again, it was all my fault. “Stupid whore. Does she still live around here?”

  “She’s not worth it, man. You’re getting another chance here, so fix it.”

  I nodded, opening another drink and chugging it. Francesca didn’t want to see me tonight. She said she would talk to me Monday. So I had all weekend to drink away my issues.

  Cason had stayed over. He was more responsible than I and didn’t let himself drive after drinking anything. I rolled in my bed, seeing the clock said it was close to noon. There was something I was supposed to do today…but I couldn’t remember what. I shuffled through the apartment, realizing Cason was already gone. He was such a morning person. We were complete opposites. He was light where I was dark. He was everything Pops had expected of me, while I was a complete failure in his eyes. Stretching, I scratched my head, then searched for my phone. Something was really tugging on my mind. I missed something. Forgot something…I couldn’t place what it was. I finally found it, tucked securely under the cushion.

  Ten missed calls. Shit.

  I threw it on the table, grabbing the half full bottle I had after the case last night, taking a swig and looking to see who had continuously called me.

  Work and Pops.

  I bent my head back, closed my eyes, and wondered if I still had a job. Cason had helped me get this job and I now remembered they’d told me I needed to work half a day today. I leaned up, took another long drink, and called my boss, Ms. Thorpe back.

  “Cade,” her voice came through the speaker firm and shrill.

  “Hey, Ms. Thorpe, sorry about not coming in. I’m getting ready now and will be there in about twenty minutes,” I explained, sipping more as I waited for her response.

  “There’s no need, Cade. You’ve been terminated. This is the fourth time this has happened in the last six months. We just can’t depend on you. I need you to come down Monday to discuss things with HR and sign some papers.” She spoke quickly, efficiently, and with no emotion.

  The phone clicked before I could even try to come up with an explanation or ask for forgiveness. The ringtone blared in my hand. I rejected it as soon as I saw it was Pops. He obviously knew I was in trouble. He always knew what was going on before I could tell him. Not that I would tell him…perhaps that was why he always found out. It was the only way he would know all of my screw ups.

  It rang again, so I answered. I didn’t want him showing up or anything. “Pops,” I said dryly.

  “Cade!” he shouted, his voice exploding in my eardrum.

  I sat there, sighing loud enough for him to hear. I awaited the verbal berating I knew was coming.

  “Did your boss get ahold of you? I called Cason and he told me you were still passed out when he left your place. Just how much did you drink last night? Dammit, did you lose your job?” His questions droned on.

  I pulled out a canning jar full of moonshine my buddy had made for me a few months back. It was as strong as an alcoholic drink could get and after the morning I’d had, I deserved it. I peeled the lid off, drinking straight from the jar.

  “Cade?” he questioned.

  “Yeah,” I said, gulping the strong concoction down.

  “You aren’t paying attention. Did you lose your job?” he demanded.

  “Ms. Thorpe said I did,” I stated, taking another long sip.

  “Dammit, Cade, what now?”

  “I’ll find a new one. No big deal, Popsy.”

  He growled in my ear, then hung up on me.

  Shrugging, I threw the phone down, finishing off the glass as I thought of what Cason had said about Jade and Francesca last night.

  8 years prior-November

  Francesca’s gaze met mine, hurt and anger gleaming in her eyes. I swallowed, not knowing what to do. She looked at me, then to Jade, and back. Her eyes held the questions I didn’t want to answer. The questions I couldn’t answer. She turned, walking away and going back to her locker. I wanted to follow…I longed to drop Jade, hold Francesca, and never let her go.

  I couldn’t do that to her. I was like gasoline on fire. More time with me would end in an explosion. I didn’t want to ruin her life. I was a disaster, not able to stop my ways. She deserved better. A prince perhaps, to sweep her off her feet and shower her with the love and devotion she deserved.

  I couldn’t be that for her.

  So, I found Jade at a party. Her hair was a dull blonde, her eyes green. She wasn’t pretty, not in the least. She annoyed the hell out of me, in fact. But she went to parties with me, she was a decent lay, and she didn’t care about me any more than I cared about her. It was perfect.

  I cringed every time I kissed her, so I pictured Francesca and her soft lips. Things had been wonderful after that first kiss, but then I messed up. I’d hurt her and she retreated. It was my fault. I had to distance myself from her. Jade was the perfect way.

  Or at least I thought she was until I saw Francesca’s devastation. Everything I did hurt her and it was tearing me apart. It was one thing to ruin every aspect of my life…but her…she deserved so much better. So much more.

  A few days later, we ran into each other in the hall. Her books spilled all around, so I bent to get them for her. One look in her hauntingly sad eyes and I knew. I’d broken her heart. “Francesca…” I started, reaching for her.

  Shaking her head furiously, she whispered, “No, Cade, no. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t try to make this better. Just don’t.” Her beautifully wide and bright eyes filled with tears, ripping my heart in two.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said lamely. Sorry wasn’t going to fix anything. It wasn’t going to make her feel better. We’d had something…amazing…and rare, but I ruined it. As usual.

  She looked me over, as if this was the last time she would see me, took her books, and walked away. That was the most difficult day of my life up to that point.

  Present Dayr />
  The moonshine was gone. I was working on a bottle of whiskey. I’d bought this, the most expensive one in the store, after Pops had chewed me out a few weeks ago. He’d given me money for…something, I couldn’t even remember what now, but I got this instead.

  I had to stick it to him somehow.

  It burned going down, a fire igniting in the hell that was Cade Kelling. I didn’t know what to do. I had to find a way to get Francesca back in my life, but I couldn’t let her get to close. She brightened every aspect of every sorry day I lived. I had to find a way to be friends. To be able to have her around. To give her one ounce of the support she gave me with a single smile.

  I would try to do better. For Francesca.