Rebecca had to dig deep not to rise to the occasion. She stiffened her spine and threw her shoulders back. Right now, it didn’t matter that Dani had a few inches on her. “I’m not—”
“Stop it!” Dani slapped her hand against the counter and glared. Her face was flushed. She moved forward quickly. They were mere inches away from each other.
Rebecca gritted her teeth and took a step back. It wasn’t fear that drove her. It was this woman’s closeness. For a moment, she doubted her sanity. How could she feel even slightly attracted to Dani when all she saw before her was a tower of resentment? She met Dani’s gaze, heavy and piercing enough to burn, and God, she couldn’t help but remember the fires they had started together, the laughter, and the way they used to talk.
It had to be more than just memories. Lack of closure? That could be part of it too, but the simplest explanation was probably the best. Rebecca wasn’t over her. With the way Dani was acting, was it too late for niceties on her part? At first Rebecca would say yes, but being this pissed off after almost four years had to mean something more. Maybe Dani was stuck too.
“Hey! What the hell…” Rick rushed into the living room. His voice trailed off and his eyes widened. “What’s goin’ on? I thought I heard—”
“It’s fine,” Rebecca interrupted.
Dani looked away, breaking their standoff. Her chest heaved like she’d been sprinting, and there was no hiding the redness that still covered her face.
Rick stared at Rebecca, and she stared back. When Rebecca nodded slightly, he switched his gaze to Dani. “You okay?”
She cleared her throat. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, but I thought you were staying at—”
“I am…” He pointed at his bag. “Till Saturday mornin’. Had to come get some stuff.”
“Oh, okay.”
Rick opened his mouth, but nothing came out at first. “So, I’ll see you this weekend. We need to make another dent in the DVR.” He looked from Dani to Rebecca and back again.
Dani gave him a strained smile. “Sounds good.”
“I’m ready if you are, Becca.”
Rebecca felt as if she were coming out of a trance. She shook her head to clear it. “Let’s go, then.” She walked past Dani, and their arms brushed. She could have avoided the contact, but what would be the point? Despite her clothing, tingles shot through Rebecca like a live nerve had been exposed. A loud gasp filled the space around them. It hadn’t come from her.
Pausing, Rebecca met Dani’s gaze once more. Her mouth had fallen open, and Rebecca was tempted to call her out on it. But, in a matter of seconds, Dani’s eyes went from wide to cold and flinty. That was a look she was used to, but there was no hiding what she’d just seen and heard. Regardless of how much she wanted to, Rebecca didn’t look back as she followed Rick out the door.
Now alone, Dani pressed a hand to her stomach. The pressure did nothing to untie the knots. Needing something solid to center her, she leaned back against the counter. Dani had to have imagined all that. One minute she’d been teeming with rage, and in the next, she’d been left hovering a step away from arousal.
Dani exhaled noisily. It wasn’t her imagination, and she knew it. How could she feel anything? Better yet, why would she allow herself to? She had to admit that while something big had obviously been wrong for their relationship to crash and burn like it had, they’d had plenty of good times as well. Becca used to make her feel like she could conquer the world. It was an incredible feeling being on a pedestal. She was so high up, everything was within reach. That had to be it. Some part of her was pining and in the past. What kind of idiot did that make her?
Dani clenched her hands into fists. She was so pissed at herself, and it was hard to contain. So, she didn’t. “What the hell is wrong with me?” She shouted into the empty apartment.
Chapter 10
“Damn it.” Dani grabbed a butter knife out of the silverware drawer and used it to scrape at a stubborn spot on the counter that wouldn’t come clean with just Windex and a towel. When she was done with that area, she hit the stove and the refrigerator again, making sure they were both gleaming.
Despite the cleaning she’d been doing the past two hours, Dani still had energy to burn. She’d woken up that way. She blew out a breath and scanned the kitchen as well as the living room, looking for the tiniest thing out of place. Unfortunately, both areas were spotless.
Her bathroom and bedroom floors could use a good cleaning. What good were hardwood floors if they weren’t clean or shiny enough to eat off of? Dani chuckled out loud, but nothing was funny. Things were more pathetic at this point. She reached behind her to redo her ponytail. Too much hair had escaped, leaving tendrils brushing against her face which only increased her level of irritation. There was nothing around her that could keep her attention completely. Dani needed something to not only tire her body but take over her mind as well. Incessant cleaning was a habit easy to fall back on. It wasn’t as if the apartment hadn’t needed it, but as her hands, arms, and legs worked, Dani’s mind was free to do what the hell it wanted, which was to focus on Becca.
Dani grabbed the Swiffer mop and a refill just in case the liquid cleanser ran out before she got done. She stomped toward her bedroom.
Slapping the Swiffer on her bedroom floor, Dani shoved it violently back and forth. She pressed the nozzle to spray more citrus-scented cleanser, but nothing came out. The mop made a humming noise as Dani tried again and again. She shook it in hopes of unclogging it that way, which wasn’t at all effective. Dani even removed the cleanser from its housing and checked for an obstruction. There was nothing. She put everything back in place and tried once more.
“Piece of shit!” Dani threw the Swiffer across the room. “Fuck you!”
She was so close to being the doctor she’d always wanted to be. She had trimmed the fat so the only people who understood her drive and goals were present. Why did Becca have to come back? Dani didn’t have room in her life for all the things Becca brought with her—memories, confusion, a whole host of emotions, but most of all, need.
Right now, it was that feeling that scared Dani the most. If it was anyone else, she could explain it all away by citing her lack of social life and sexual connections. However, this was Becca, and just like when they’d met years ago, where there was smoke, a fire raged underneath. Dani had no intentions of getting engulfed again. It hurt too damn much.
“Fuck. You.” Her voice was a tired whisper. Finding it suddenly hard to breathe, Dani bent forward and tried to take deep, even breaths. She couldn’t be here, but the hospital could give her everything she needed. She was scheduled for the graveyard shift tonight, but what did it matter if she showed up three hours earlier?
As Dani reached for the front door, it swung open. Rick walked in, then stopped and stared. “Hey…you’re dressed for work.”
“Yeah, I can get a lot more done—”
“Uh-huh.” He continued to study her.
“‘Uh-huh?’ What is that supposed to mean?” She gritted her teeth. Dani didn’t want to fight with him. He could probably breathe on her wrong right now and put her on the defensive.
Rick shrugged. “Whatever you want it to.”
“I don’t have time for this.” Dani huffed as she moved toward the door.
“Sooo, this is you tryin’?”
Dani stopped and turned around. “I can’t do this right now. I can’t.” Knowing that she was a step away from being overwhelmed, Dani took deep measured breaths.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not just about you, Dani. I wish you could just get out of your own way.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that we’ve hardly spent any time together and, when we talk, most of the time I feel like I’m havin’ a conversation with a jealous teenager. In case you’re wonderin’, I’m fine, by the way. Being
the referee between you and Becca is all I got goin’ on.” He layered on the sarcasm, and there was nothing subtle about it.
Dani’s mouth fell open. “Oh, fuck you. If this was happening to you, do you think you’d deal with it any better? You think throwing truth bombs is just going to make it all go away?” She slapped her hand repeatedly against her chest. “I’m doing the best I can. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you for the past few weeks, but to be honest I don’t even know how to be there for myself right now, so I can’t do much for anybody else.”
“Well, maybe I need to be the one who transfers and starts all over away from all this.” Rick waved his hand almost violently between them.
She sucked in a breath and deflated a little. That was the last thing she expected him to say. “Wait. What?”
Rick looked away. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I applied for fellowships at the end of my second year. Some of the interviews nearly kicked my ass. I heard from Northwestern. They’re encouragin’ me to come and finish out my residency with them.”
“I remember you applying. So, you’re leaving?” Dani took a step closer to him. His words jolted her toward clarity.
He was right. She had been jealous. A fresh wave of shame crashed into Dani, making her face hot. To make matters even worse, here she was thinking only of herself yet again.
“I don’t know. It’s not all that unusual for a doctor to do their fellowship somewhere else.”
“I know that. I mean you’re leaving to finish your residency? Did you even apply for the fellowship at Amery?”
“I don’t know if I’m leavin’, and yes, I did.”
Dani moved closer. Tentatively, she touched his hand. “Does Becca know?”
Rick shook his head and released a shaky breath. “I just got the news myself. I’m a little worried. She hasn’t been here long, and she doesn’t have anybody else…”
“She wouldn’t expect you to put things on hold just because she’s ba…” Dani stopped. Would she? She pretty much wanted Dani to do something similar.
“No! She wouldn’t, especially now.” Rick’s eyes were wide.
“Sorry. I just…” Dani tried to swallow down the lump forming in her throat. “Are you really considering this because of what’s going on between me and Becca?”
Rick took her hand in his. “No, I was just angry, but I’d be lyin’ if I said I’m not thinkin’ about it. Amery is the shit, but Northwestern is nothin’ to spit at. It would be a challenge to switch gears so late, but that’s part of why it’s so attractive.”
“I get it, and I’m still sorry that you’re in the middle of this mess. You really shouldn’t be at this point.”
Rick nodded. “I kinda agree, but it’s my choice. So, I probably shouldn’t complain so loud.”
Dani looked down at their linked hands and back up at him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so crappy toward you. I’m proud of you, and whatever you decide.”
“It’s a big decision so I’m not gonna make it lightly. If I don’t go now, there’s an option of me joinin’ them for my last year.”
She swallowed hard as realization smacked her in the face. Just like Becca, Rick was the only person in her corner too, but he didn’t need to hear that, not with everything he’d just dropped on her. “It sounds like they really want you.”
“I know, right? They’re givin’ me a couple weeks to decide about this year’s residency, so I’m really gonna take the time and think on it.”
“Sounds like you have a plan.” Suddenly, going to the hospital didn’t seem like the answer. Despite the fact they’d started off arguing, Dani needed to be near her best friend, and maybe he needed her too. “I guess I could hold off leaving until we make a dent in the DVR.”
Rick smiled.
“So, you wanna do Law & Order: SVU or Grey’s Anatomy?”
Dani stared at him. “How could you even ask that? Grey’s helped me through some of the worst times.”
Rick sat on the couch and reached for the remote. “Yeah, nothin’ wrong with worshippin’ at the altar of Shonda, for she is wise and all knowin’.”
“This is true. Plus, the drama.” However, at the moment, the doctors on Grey’s had nothing on her.
Rick snorted.
Flipping through the channels had become tedious to Rebecca after a few hours. Television couldn’t really hold her attention anyway. She couldn’t stop her mind from working. Despite Rick’s presence, she’d spent the past couple of days going back and forth. Rebecca had reached the same conclusion every time: Dani was still affected by her. The realization gave Rebecca hope. It was a relief to know that she wasn’t in the boat alone, and the fact that it wasn’t sinking bolstered her even more.
So, the plan remained to stay the course and hope that eventually Dani would see she’d changed, and when that epiphany came, Rebecca would seek forgiveness. Who was she kidding? Some part of her wanted more than that now, or was starting to. The heat behind Dani’s touch wasn’t just a one-time thing. With each encounter, it was going to be a more powerful shock to her system.
She looked forward to it, but where the hell was her sense of self-preservation?
Rebecca glanced down at Peyton, who’d curled herself into a tight ball right beside Rebecca’s thigh. She scratched the cat behind her ear and was immediately rewarded with a purr followed by a stinging bite. “I don’t even know why I try.”
Peyton had the nerve to purr again and rub herself against Rebecca’s leg. “Too late to be nice now.” The cat meowed loudly and jumped down. She sashayed away with her tail high in the air, more than likely proud of herself. Peyton stopped at the wicker box spilling over with cat toys. After choosing a fuzzy pink ball, she turned back toward Rebecca.
“Really?” Rebecca rolled her eyes.
Peyton growled as if that were some type of response. When she got close to Rebecca’s feet, she dropped the ball and promptly screeched.
“All right. Shit, you just got here.” Rebecca bent down and picked up the soft fuzzy ball.
Peyton’s eyes widened, and she made a weird chirping sound as the ball sailed across the room. She took off, nearly sliding into the wall. A few seconds later, she brought the ball back and placed it at Rebecca’s feet.
“Yeah, let’s get this out of your system now so you won’t put the damn thing, covered in cat spit on my pillow at three a.m.” She snatched up the ball and tossed it toward the other side of the room.
Again, Peyton ran toward it, but before scooping it up in her mouth, she growled and hissed at the toy.
“You just can’t be nice for more than a few minutes, can you?” Her words gave her pause and sent her back into her own head for a second. Even with her feeling somewhat hopeful, Dani seemed the opposite.
Rebecca could only account for her own progress, not for Dani’s. All the little tidbits Rick had dropped in the past and what she’d seen so far made her wonder if Dani had changed for the worse.
Rebecca groaned out loud. Just like that, doubt crept in. After throwing the ball a few more times, she stood, trying to shake the feeling free. The negativity would do no one any good, least of all her, especially since it left her with a deeper sense of loneliness. She could always call Rick to hang out, but that would be selfish—he needed time with Dani as well, especially now that he might be leaving.
She paused. It’d been a big-ass shock when he dropped that bomb over dinner last night. It was going to take her a while to wrap her head around that news, but she planned to be supportive no matter what he decided. It was all about him and his dream. They’d done the long-distance friendship thing. Instead of four hours, it would be closer to eleven—Rebecca had checked—which wouldn’t make a difference at all.
In fact, maybe it was time to branch out. Her previous squad were good people, yet she’d held them at arm’s length. Rebecca w
as cordial, courteous, and loyal when she needed to be. Maybe her new team deserved more of a chance.
Chapter 11
Rebecca set the box of chocolate croissants, from Amelie’s French Bakery and Cafe, on the corner of Emmet’s desk. The cafe was a little out of her way, but so worth it. Since she’d made the decision to reach out and blend in the week before, she’d been bringing little morning surprises. Sniffing out decadence, Alvin and Mark got out of their seats and came closer.
“Where’s Emmet?”
“You ask too many questions.” Mark shooed her away with a wave as he flipped open the box. He groaned and stared at the pastries as if savoring the whole situation. Alvin, on the other hand, scooped up two and licked his fingers as he walked away.
“You’re welcome!” Rebecca told his back.
He glanced over his shoulder and gave her a single bob of his head in acknowledgment. The man really could be an asshole, but at least he was honest about it.
Rebecca rolled her eyes.
Mark picked up a napkin and scooped up what had to be the biggest pastry in the box. He smiled and hummed as he tore off a little piece on the end and popped it into his mouth.
“Oh God, that’s good,” he said. “You’ve been spoiling us every day the past week or so. What gives?”
Rebecca shrugged. “Just bein’ friendly.”
“Well, will you stop it? You’re gonna make me feel bad.” He took another bite. “Do I need to start bringing you a cappuccino or something every morning? Or are you the espresso type?”
She sneered. “Coke will do me just fine.”
“Huh, had a feeling you were gonna say that. Let me guess—none of that cherry or vanilla mess for you? Am I right?”
Rebecca grinned. “On the nose.”
“Figured. Hey, Lieutenant!” Mark called out in greeting as Benz walked in.
“Strong, it’s way too early for you to be so on, but good morning,” she said.
“I think you have me confused with Emmet,” Mark chimed in.
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