by Harley Wylde
“I’ve never been bowling, or ice-skating,” I said.
“Which do you want to try first? Although, you might get cold in what you have on. Maybe we should save ice-skating for after we get you some more clothes.”
Clothes. I glanced down, remembering what he’d said about needing bras. As much as I didn’t want to go shopping, I knew he’d been right. I did need more things. “Could we get a few things now?”
He leaned back in the booth and folded his arms. “Why? Eager to see me bust my ass?”
I smiled a little. “No, I just…”
How did I tell him, without telling him I wanted to buy bras? I hadn’t thought much about running around without one, until now. I hunched my shoulders, wondering how I could explain why I wanted to go buy stuff. The motion drew his gaze down and his eyebrows rose.
“Ah. Right. Yeah, we definitely need to, um…” He cleared his throat. “Any preference? Where did you used to shop?”
“One of those shops in the mall that only carried that type of stuff. But it was a long time ago. Or so it seems. Considering I was homeless before going to the hospital, it doesn’t much matter where you take me. I’m not picky.”
Fox leaned forward and reached for my hand. “That will never happen to you again. Any of it.”
“You can’t promise nothing bad will ever happen to me,” I said.
“Sure, I can. Anyone so much as thinks about hurting you, I’ll make sure they’re buried in a shallow grave. As to the homeless part, you can live with me for as long as you want, but I think your dad may want you to go with him.”
What if I didn’t want to go with him? The fact he hadn’t known about me soothed a bit of the hurt I’d always felt. I’d thought he’d abandoned me. Turned out my mom hadn’t just screwed me over. She’d done the same to him. Not surprising when I thought about it. But the thought of running off to live with a man I’d never met…
All right, so I was doing that already by staying with Fox. Maybe when I met my dad, everything would click, and the piece of me I’d felt had been missing all this time would feel whole for the first time. Or he could take one look at me and bolt.
“The mall might be a bit too crowded for your comfort,” Fox said. “Why don’t we start a little smaller?”
I nodded, trusting him to make the right decision. He paid for our meal, or rather my meal and his dessert, and then led me out to the truck. I watched the scenery pass as we drove through town, trying to take in everything. The town seemed quaint. The quintessential small American town. Mixed in with the bigger chain stores were mom-and-pop type shops.
Living in a place like this wouldn’t be bad. Fewer people meant fewer chances for me to panic. When Fox parked outside a large store, I scanned the lot and realized it wasn’t even half full. I can do this. I unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the truck.
Fox took my hand and we walked inside together. He grabbed a shopping cart and led the way to the women’s clothes. Shopping for bras and panties should have been awkward since a man I’d just met stood next to me. Since we’d kissed earlier, I’d been thinking about Fox quite a bit, and what it would be like to have a relationship with him. I could tell he was the sort who’d be patient. Even though he’d been hard earlier, he’d stopped. We’d only kissed, and he hadn’t tried to coax more from me.
I tried to check the price tags, not wanting to spend too much. Since I wasn’t paying for any of it, I didn’t want to get carried away. Except Fox kept glaring at me. Once he saw the size I kept picking up, he started grabbing handfuls and tossing them into the cart. I eyed the small mountain and wondered how many bras he thought I needed.
“There are only seven days in the week,” I said.
“And?”
“You put about twenty bras in the cart. You have a washing machine. Why do I need nearly enough for a new bra every day of the month?”
“Nothing wrong with having a bit of variety. Don’t be afraid to spend money, Raven. This trip to the store isn’t going to break me.”
His words made me pause. I’d realized I didn’t have money, and someone would be paying for everything I picked out today, but it never occurred to me Fox would foot the bill himself. If my dad was coming for me, wouldn’t he reimburse the club for helping me? If he didn’t plan to, I’d make sure he gave them something, especially Fox.
He lightly gripped my chin, making me focus on him. “It’s just money, Raven. I can always get more, but there’s only one of you. If buying some clothes or pretty things makes you happy, then it’s worth every penny.”
I stopped arguing and finished picking out the things I’d need. By the time we checked out, the basket had been more than half filled and I refused to look at the total, not wanting to see exactly how much I’d cost him. I helped carry the bags to the truck. As we loaded everything into the backseat, I dug through one of the bra sacks and grabbed a cotton one. Slipping into the backseat, I shut the door and removed the tags from the garment.
I fastened the band before pulling my arms from my sleeves. It took a bit of maneuvering, but I managed to get the bra into place and my arms through the straps without flashing anyone. After I’d finished, I opened the door, whacking Fox in the back. He let out an oomph and staggered forward, making me wince.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were right outside the door.”
“Making sure no one was watching you,” he said.
“I don’t think I showed anything but maybe a bit of my stomach. Thank you, though. For both the clothes and for standing guard.”
He helped me into the front seat, taking a moment to buckle me in again. Before he closed the door, he brushed a kiss against my cheek. I didn’t know what to make of the little bits of affection he’d shown me today. I couldn’t exactly say I disliked it. Every time he gave me a quick kiss, my skin tingled, and it felt like butterflies were swooping around in my stomach.
I glanced out my window and the breath stalled in my lungs. It had to be a trick. I was only seeing things. Guard Simmons, with his bruised face, stood five spaces down, his gaze narrowed as he stared at me. I swallowed the ball that had lodged in my throat and turned to say something to Fox. The way he smiled at me, the warmth in his eyes… I didn’t want to see it go away. If I told him about Simmons, he’d go after him.
“Now where to?” he asked.
“Would you mind if we went home?” I asked. As much as I’d looked forward to doing more things with him, I felt a bit overwhelmed. Between the doctor’s office and the news about the baby, to eating at the diner, and now shopping… I felt mentally and emotionally exhausted. I’d have pushed through it, but… Seeing Guard Simmons had shaken me. I didn’t want to risk the man approaching, or worse try to get me alone. I’d tell Fox later.
“Not at all.” He reached over and took my hand, lifting it to his lips. I hadn’t ever had someone kiss my hand before Fox.
Something told me if I stayed with Fox too much longer, I might never want to leave. How much of what he’d shared with me was true, and how much was meant to set me at ease? If my dad showed up and I didn’t want to leave with him, would Fox really let me stay? And as what? His roommate? A… girlfriend? I’d never dated anyone before.
As we pulled away, I looked for the guard, but didn’t see him anywhere. Had I only imagined he’d been there? I scanned the lot. If the man had really been there, he’d vanished. Get it together, Raven. You can’t fall apart now.
It took the entire drive back to convince myself Guard Simmons hadn’t really been there. No one could disappear that fast. I had to be on edge after hearing Fox say the men had been fired. It was only that. Right?
At the house, Fox unloaded all my bags and carried them to the guest room. Instead of going inside, he hesitated in the doorway. Indecision crossed his face and he seemed to be warring with himself over something.
“Fox?” I touched his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“Can we talk for a minute? Before we put your stuff
away?”
A pain hit me straight in the center of my chest, and I wondered if he was about to ask me to leave. Had I done something? Said something I shouldn’t have? Why else would he not put my bags into the guest room? I swallowed hard and gave him a nod.
Fox carried my things into the living room and set them on the floor. My hands trembled and I fisted them, hoping he hadn’t noticed. I took a seat on the couch, wondering where I’d go if he asked me to leave. Maybe the man who’d taken me from Balmoral would have a room I could use, but did I want to stay there? No one made me feel as comfortable as Fox did.
He took a seat next to me, his body tense and his knee bouncing up and down. If he were nervous, whatever he had to say must be bad.
“Fox, whatever it is…”
He held up a hand. “That’s part one. When we’re alone, you don’t have to call me Fox. It’s my road name, and it would be disrespectful to call me anything else when my brothers, the other men who are part of this club, are around or we’re out in public, but in the house is different. My name is Josh.”
I blinked. “Uh. No offense, but you don’t look like a Josh.”
He smiled and shook his head. “Fair enough, but it’s what my parents decided to name me. My dad was friends with Spider. When I was four, I became an orphan. Spider helped take care of me, and when I was old enough, I decided to prospect for the club.”
“When is the last time someone called you Josh?” I asked.
“Not since I earned the name Fox.” He reached over and took my hand. “So, if you want to use my real name, you’re more than welcome to.”
I realized he’d shared a part of himself with me not many people would know about. Not just his name, but possibly about his parents as well. I didn’t understand where this was going. It didn’t sound like he’d want me to leave, so why hadn’t he taken the bags to the guest room? If anything, his actions and words were only confusing me more.
“I know you may never be ready for a relationship that involves more than kissing. I’d never push for more than you were willing to give. You know that, right?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Thing is… I’m not getting any younger, and until meeting you, I’ve never wanted a woman in my house before. The thought of you leaving makes me want to grab on to every second we have together, even if it’s just sharing a meal or watching a movie. And it made me realize how much I’d miss you when you’re gone.”
I squeezed his hand. “I’ll miss you too.”
“Raven, I…” He stopped and cleared his throat. The uncertainty in his eyes, the nervous way he shifted his weight, made me lean a little closer to him. “I want you to stay. Not as a guest, but as… as… mine.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Yours?”
I didn’t know what being his would entail. He said he’d never ask for more than I could give. What if one day he woke up and it was no longer good enough? What if I wasn’t good enough anymore?
“You saw Luciana was wearing a cut like me. Hers says Property of Spider on the back. She’s his old lady, and no, it doesn’t have anything to do with her age. It’s kind of the biker equivalent of a wife.” His brow furrowed. “That’s the best way I can describe it. If you stayed, I’d want you to be my old lady.”
It felt like time stood still as I processed his words. I pressed a hand to my stomach, wondering if he’d forgotten about the baby. Or was he asking me to stay with him because of the baby?
He noticed where I’d placed my hand and put his other hand over the top of mine. “I won’t force you to keep the baby if you don’t want to. You have my support whatever you decide. But if you do want to keep the baby, I’ll raise him or her as my own. They never have to know we didn’t create them together. Unless you want to tell them. At some point, they may have questions if they don’t look like either of us.”
“You want to marry me?” I asked.
“If you’re asking do I really want you to be my old lady, the answer is yes. If you’re asking if I’m willing to legally marry you in the eyes of the law and everyone else, the answer is also yes.”
“Why?”
He huffed a little. “I guess I’m not explaining things very well.”
Not really. He claimed he’d miss me if I left, and I knew I’d miss him too, but that wasn’t a reason to make me his wife, or whatever he’d called it. That seemed a bit extreme. There had to be more to it. Did he worry my dad would get here and force me to leave? Could he do such a thing? I’d never met the man. It didn’t matter if we shared the same DNA. I wasn’t a child and could live wherever I wanted. Right?
Then again, I seemed to be in a world I didn’t quite understand. These bikers didn’t play by the same rules as everyone else. Breaker had nearly beaten a guard to death, threatened another, and walked out of Balmoral with me. No one had come after us. Fox said he’d kill anyone who hurt me, and I didn’t think he was just spouting off. Something told me he’d literally murder someone if it meant I’d be safe.
“There’s never been a woman I thought I could spend the rest of my life with, someone I wanted to fall asleep next to every night or wake up to in the mornings. I want that with you, Raven, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to accept. You can tell me no and still stay here as long as you want. I’m not going to throw you out of the house if you don’t think you want a relationship with me.”
I liked it when he kissed me. And I loved spending time with him. I’d had fun today, even if it had been a bit much for my first outing. If I decided to keep the baby, I wouldn’t want to raise him or her alone. To me, those weren’t good enough reasons to tie my life to his forever. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
“Can I think on it a little?” I asked.
His shoulders seemed to sag a bit and I saw a flash of disappointment in his eyes. “Yeah. Take all the time you need. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. We’re still strangers, and you have so much going on. I’m sorry if you feel like I put you on the spot.”
I released his hand and turned so I faced him, getting on my knees. A tremor shook me as I slowly eased a leg across his lap and settled my ass against his thighs. Fox didn’t move. I wasn’t even sure he’d drawn a breath. Placing my hands on his chest, I felt his heart pounding against my palms.
“I don’t want to accept your offer only to have you regret it later. I’m not sure I’ll ever want to be touched. In another year, or three years, ten years… however long we’re together, will you still be satisfied if all I can give you are kisses? Because you say yes right now and I’m not sure you’ll feel the same later. Unless you plan on using those other women for your… needs.”
He reached up, threading his fingers through my hair. “I will never, never cheat on you. It doesn’t matter if you get me off or not. I don’t care if we don’t ever have sex. All right. That part’s a lie. I do care, but it’s not a deal breaker. I’m capable of using my hand if I need some relief. Sex is fun, and I admit I enjoy it, but having you in my life is more important. Do you understand?”
His heart thumped harder against my hands, and I felt him shift under me. His hold on my hair loosened, even though he didn’t completely release me. How was it possible such a wonderful man existed? He almost seemed too perfect. There had to be a downside to all this.
“When something sounds too good to be true…”
He smiled a little. “It usually is. So, the disadvantage of being with me? It’s forever. There’s no divorce. No changing your mind in six months. Once you’re mine, I’m not letting you leave. I’m a possessive asshole. Someone looks at you too long, I may have to put my fist through their face. I’m also bossy, and if I tell you to do something, I expect it to be done. Not in a house-cleaning sort of way, but in a this-may-save-your-life way.”
“So… you want me forever. You won’t sleep with other women. And you’ll keep me safe. That’s what I got from all that,” I said.
His brows lowered. “What are you saying, Raven?�
��
I licked my lips and took a breath to steady my nerves. Part of me worried I might be making a mistake, but I wanted to be happy, and the closest I’d come was right here with Fox.
“I’m far from perfect. I may always be broken. I’ll always be scarred, both inside and out. I can’t help but worry if we keep the baby, we’ll always look at them and remember what happened to me. The other side is that if we give the baby away, we could regret it forever.”
He cupped my cheek. “We?”
I nodded. “We. If you’re serious, and you really want me, then I’m yours. It may never be in the capacity you hope for, but being with you makes me happy, and I want to try… try to be normal again.”
“Normal is overrated.” He winked before tugging me closer. When his lips touched mine, every reservation I felt melted away. The worries might come back later, but for now, I’d enjoy the possibility of a bright future. With Fox by my side.
Chapter Eight
Fox
She’d agreed to be mine. I needed to call Church and take it to the table. I had a feeling Spider would chew me the fuck out. I’d not only told her she was as good as mine if that’s what she wanted, but Hatchet would probably lose his shit when he found out. He’d discovered he had a daughter less than a week ago, and now I’d gone and claimed her. If our roles were reversed, I’d be ready to rip the fucker’s head off.
Raven had insisted on her putting her things in my room. Our room. She’d fallen asleep pressed against me and seeing the peaceful look on her face gave me hope one day she’d find a way to move past the trauma she’d suffered. I knew it would always be there, lurking in the back of her mind, and something would inevitably set her off, but I’d help her through it. I placed my hand on her belly. I wanted her to keep the baby, even though it made me a selfish asshole. On the off chance she never let me touch her that way, it would be our only opportunity to have a child.
I reached for my phone on the bedside table and realized I had some missed calls and texts. I scrolled through the messages, then listened to the voicemail from the doctor’s office. I should have thought to check in with the clinic sooner. I’d known they’d run tests but hadn’t realized we’d have the results so fast. The clinic had run a rapid test to check for STDs and she was in the clear. Thank fuck! Poor girl had enough to deal with already.
