Country Music
Page 5
Jamie What?
Emma I don’t know.
He watches her come into his room.
Jamie Thank you for coming.
Emma That’s all right.
Jamie I didn’t know. You know. I didn’t know what to think or what to say really or anything. It’s good. I’m glad. Listen to me. Fucking going on. Sorry.
Emma No. It’s all right. Honest.
Jamie Would you like a cup of tea?
Emma Yes I would, please.
Jamie Sit down. Sit down. Sit down.
He moves a chair back for her to sit on. There are some papers on it.
Emma Thank you.
Jamie Move the …
Emma Yeah.
She moves them onto the table. Sits. Doesn’t take her coat off.
Jamie How would you like it?
Emma Just milk.
Jamie Right. Milk.
He pours her cup of tea.
Here we are.
He watches her drink it.
Emma It’s nice. Thank you.
Jamie Would you like a cigarette?
Emma No, thank you.
Jamie No, right. Sorry. A sweet?
Emma A what?
Jamie Would you like a sweet?
Emma A sweet? Go on.
She laughs. Takes one. Doesn’t open it.
Jamie opens his. Pops it in his mouth.
Jamie You can grow addicted to these. Mess your teeth up something terrible. Taste terrible with tea. Actually. I shouldn’t have done that.
Emma I’ll save it.
Jamie You found the place all right?
Emma Yeah. It was easy.
Jamie Was it?
Emma Durham Road. Easy, that.
Jamie Right. Good. That’s good. You want to take your coat off?
Emma No. I’m all right.
Jamie You cold?
Emma No. I’m fine.
Jamie Not much, is it?
Emma What?
Jamie This place.
Emma It’s all right. I like it.
Jamie Do yer?
Emma Bit small. But –
Jamie Yeah. Owner’s all right. Bit weird. Very tall.
Emma It’s good round here.
Jamie Is it?
Emma Quite, y’know. Actually it’s quite lively. Lot’s to do and that.
Jamie Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Pause. He stares at her.
Fucking hell, Emma.
Emma What?
Jamie Just … How old are you now?
Emma Seventeen.
Jamie Seventeen. Fucking. I don’t believe that, me.
Emma It’s true. Honest.
Jamie No. I know really. I’m just saying. (Beat.) Whereabouts do you live?
Emma Just up the road. In Tunstall.
Jamie I’ve never been to Sunderland before.
Emma Haven’t you?
Jamie No.
Emma It’s good. I like it.
Jamie What’s Tunstall like?
Emma It’s all right. It’s quite nice.
Jamie I thought it would be raining.
Emma Did you?
Jamie That’s what you think, innit?
Emma I don’t know.
Jamie That’s what I thought.
Emma It’s not.
Jamie No. It’s all right.
Emma What should I call you?
Beat. He looks briefly away and then back. Smiles.
Jamie I don’t know.
Emma What do you think?
Jamie Jamie. Maybe. Jamie’s fine.
Emma Jamie?
Jamie Yeah.
Emma Good. (Beat) After you rang, I wanted to tell you something.
Jamie Did yer?
Emma Yeah. That’s one of the reasons I came.
Jamie Is it?
Emma I’m not sure if I want to any more.
Jamie Okay.
Emma I might. We’ll wait and see.
Pause, then Jamie leaps to his feet.
Jamie Can I show you something.
Emma What?
Jamie holds his sovereign ring in her face.
Jamie Here. Look at this. This ring. There’s an engraving. Can you read that?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie I love that. Me.
Emma It’s very big, i’n’t it? Shiny and that.
Jamie Yeah. Yeah. It is. It.
They look at each other for a bit and look away. Emma drinks her tea.
Emma I’m shaking. Look at me.
Jamie doesn’t know what to do and so they smile at each other.
Jamie You look different.
Emma Do I?
Jamie To how I thought you would. You look more.
Emma What?
Jamie You look older. You look lovely. Your clothes. Way you dress. (Beat.) And you’re?
Emma What?
Jamie You’re working?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie A, a, a, a?
Emma Receptionist.
Jamie That’s right. In a dentist?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie Fucking. That’s a good job. That. Isn’t it, though? Do you enjoy it?
Emma I love it, yeah.
Jamie All them, all them, all them fucking people?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie With their teeth.
Emma I know.
Jamie That’s. Amazing. I hate the dentist, me.
Emma Why?
Jamie Scares us.
Emma Shouldn’t. That’s stupid.
Jamie Yeah. Prob’ly. You think you’re gonna stay there? At the dentist’s?
Emma Yeah. I think so.
Jamie That’s good.
Emma They’ve been saying. Could send us on courses. Send us on a course. Train up. Computer skills. Office management skills. Stick at it. Get the office manager’s position.
Jamie Fucking hell.
Emma What?
Jamie Sorry, I shouldn’t swear at you.
Emma It’s all right.
Jamie Office manager. That’s incredible to me.
Emma Why?
Jamie Just is. Just … I’m working.
Emma Are you?
Jamie In a garage. In Acton.
Emma Where’s Acton?
Jamie In the west of London. I love it. You know. Cars. Pick ’em all apart. Look at ’em. Put ’em back together. I like all that. Makes yer think. Gaffer’s all right. Bit of a wanker. Not too bad, though. Very quiet.
Emma How long you been doing that?
Jamie Since I got out. Six month now.
Emma Six months?
Jamie Mad, innit?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie So you must have been, at school and that, office manager! You must’ve been a right boffin.
Emma A what?
Jamie Right brainy.
Emma No. Not really.
Jamie Must’ve been, though.
Emma I wasn’t.
Jamie Where did you go to school?
Emma Just up our road. Thornhill.
Jamie Was it all right? Was it?
Emma Yeah. It was good. It was all right. I liked it. Glad I left.
Jamie I hated school, me.
Emma Did you?
Jamie Wish I could, they should let. Be good to go now. You know what I mean?
Emma You’d look a bit out of place.
Jamie Yeah.
Emma You’d look a bit fucking weird.
Jamie I was always getting in bother.
Emma Were yer?
Jamie With the teachers. Give ’em jip like nothing. Fighting other kids. Kicking off. Tell yer. I was a right little cunt. (Beat.) Sorry.
Emma I wasn’t.
Jamie Thamesview.
Emma What?
Jamie That was the name of it. Stupid name. See the river from all over Gravesend. There were Thamesviews fucking all over the place. Nothing special about the school. Fucking. Tell yer.
Emma Right. This is a bit.
Jamie I k
now.
Pause.
Jamie Are you all right?
Emma Yeah. I am. I am. I’m. What’s it like? Gravesend?
Jamie It’s all right. One whole side of it is the river. There’s a big old bridge, up in Dartford which is a bit. I don’t really go there much.
Emma I sometimes think about it.
Jamie Do you?
Emma Like to see it, I think. Sometimes.
Jamie Would yer?
Emma Don’t know.
Pause. She looks at the papers she’s moved.
Emma What you writing?
Jamie What?
Emma Your pad. What are you writing?
Jamie I write the shipping forecast. I listen to it. On the radio. Write it down. Keep a chart. Just keep it recorded. Been doing it years. Started it inside.
Emma Why?
Jamie I don’t know. Just ’cause. (Beat.) You must hate me.
Emma No. Not hate.
Pause. Jamie stands, moves away from the table. Goes over to the window. Looks out. Runs his hands behind his neck. Then turns to her.
Jamie Would you like to go out?
Emma Out?
Jamie Go out for a walk or something. We could. Or go and get a coffee. Or something like that.
Emma No thank you.
Jamie You could show us what it’s like round here.
Emma I don’t think so.
Jamie If it’s good and that. Like you said.
Emma No.
Jamie Why not?
Emma I don’t really want to.
Jamie Right. You want another cup of tea?
Emma No, thank you.
Jamie You sure?
Emma I’ll have my sweet now.
Jamie Good idea.
He watches her unwrap the sweet and start to chew it.
Jamie How is it?
Emma It’s all right.
Jamie Good. You sure you’re all right in your coat and that?
Emma I’m fine, yeah.
Jamie Not hot?
Emma No. No. No. No.
Jamie looks at her eating her sweet.
Jamie Can I get a photograph of you?
Emma You what?
Jamie I don’t have any photographs of you. Since you were a baby.
Emma Right.
Jamie I wanted to write to you. But that was a bit –
Emma I don’t know what photographs I’ve got. I don’t really keep any photographs.
Jamie No?
Emma I can ask Mum.
Jamie Yeah. That’d be. I’d like that. How is she? Your Mum?
Emma She’s all right. She’s well. Dad and that.
Jamie I came to try and find you once.
Emma Did yer?
Jamie I had a day release. Tried to come up to Manchester. Didn’t go too well.
Emma No?
Jamie No. Matty got your address for us and everything.
Emma I remember Uncle Matty.
Jamie Yeah?
Emma I used to like him, I think. I think I used to think he was quite funny.
Jamie Yeah. He still is.
Emma What’s he doing?
Jamie He’s married. He’s, he’s, he’s thirty. Does a bit of chippying. Down Gravesend still. He’s doing all right, y’know?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie I think it’s great you’re going to get more, do more training, get all that stuff. I think that’s important. That makes me very proud of you.
Emma Why?
Jamie It just does. It’s good to know things like that.
Emma Right. I see.
Jamie Should hear how you speak. Honestly. It’s like.
Emma What?
Jamie Nothing. Look at you.
Emma What?
Jamie Your fucking, your hair and that!
Emma What about it?
Jamie It don’t matter.
Beat.
Emma Can I have a drink of water, please?
Jamie Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Of course you can.
He fetches her a glass of water. He can’t watch her drink it.
Emma You know one thing I remember about you?
Jamie What?
Emma I might have got this wrong.
Jamie What?
Emma When I was little, did I find a wasps’ nest?
Jamie Fucking hell.
Emma I was tiny.
Jamie That’s right.
Emma I remember that. I remember finding this thing, this, this, nest. Getting a big stick, I remember, and all these wasps come out of it. All I remember. I’m screaming. They’re going in my mouth. And you come. And pick me up. And run with me. Is that right? Did this happen? Going to hospital with you. Both of us. Our skin all stung.
Jamie You were about three.
Emma I remember that.
Jamie Emma.
Emma What?
Jamie –
Emma What?
Jamie I think it’s good that you remember some things.
Emma I don’t remember much.
Jamie No.
He pulls a cigarette from the packet in his shirt pocket.
Do you mind if I smoke this?
Emma No.
Jamie Are you sure?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie Should I open the window?
Emma Yeah.
Jamie does. Then turns and looks at her for a while.
Jamie Do you remember going to the park with us?
Emma I’m not sure.
Jamie I used to take you. Take you down the river. There’s a park there. Little lake. Go on the swings and that. Give you a bit of a push. Play. Take you to the library sometimes. Get a book for you to look at. Looking at all the pictures and that. Take you on the ferry sometimes. We used to do that. Do you remember?
Emma I don’t think so.
Jamie We did. I did. I used to do that. Did your mum not say?
Emma No.
Jamie Did she never tell you?
Emma No. She didn’t.
Jamie When she took you up to Essex. You were, you must have been, I think, three. Maybe. She took you up there. I used to come and see you. Weekends. Go over the river. You used to come and meet us off the ferry sometimes. That was where the wasps’ nest was. A field. Just behind your new flat. I remember all that.
Emma I just remember feeling them in my mouth. It was frightening.
Jamie You must remember more than that, though.
Emma I don’t.
Jamie You must, though, love.
Emma I really don’t. Honestly.
Jamie clenches his fist and holds it behind his head.
Jamie When you was born. You was, like. You was a breach. Is the word. And they had to do an operation. I remember thinking what if anything happened to your mum. And when you was a baby. The way your skin felt. I’ve never felt anything. Your eyes. And all your, all your, your hair.
Emma Jamie.
Jamie Yeah?
No response.
What?
Emma You’re starting to scare me a bit.
Jamie To scare you?
Emma Just a bit. Don’t panic.
Jamie Right. I’m –
Emma I shouldn’t be here, y’know?
Jamie Why shouldn’t you?
Emma I never told Mum. I think she’d be a bit upset.
Jamie She’d be fine.
Emma I don’t want to be too late.
Jamie No. (Beat.) I remember the smell of you.
Emma –
Jamie And how I could, when you were crying, how I knew it was you.
Emma Please don’t do this.
Jamie Do what?
Emma I should probably go.
Jamie Emma.
Emma I did really want to see you, Jamie. I just wasn’t expecting you to ring me up.
Jamie I know.
Emma I don’t even know who you are or anything. And now I think –
Jamie Emma.
Emma I shouldn’t have come. I was proba
bly just being stupid. I don’t know what you want me to do, or …
Jamie I wanted to.
Emma What?
Jamie I wanted to see you.
Emma Yeah, well, you’ve seen me now.
Jamie Your gran’s died.
Emma I never knew her.
Jamie Nearly ten years back. I was inside. They let us go out for the funeral.
Emma I never knew her.
Jamie When you were little my thing for you was I always wanted you to be better than her.
Emma I never knew her. You might as well be talking Chinese to me.
Jamie Don’t say that.
Emma You might.
Jamie You remember coming to see us, in the nick?
Emma No.
Jamie You must do.
Emma I don’t, all right.
Jamie The officers checked your socks. Made you take your socks off to look for, for, to look for.
Emma I don’t remember.
Jamie Are you lying?
Emma What?
Jamie Are you?
Emma No!
Jamie You must be.
Emma I’m going.
Jamie Don’t.
Emma Shouldn’t call people liars. I am. I’m leaving.
Jamie Don’t. Emma. Please. (Beat.) Please.
Emma stops. Looks at him for some time. Bites her thumb. Looks away. Goes to the window. Looks out.
Emma You know when you rang us. I had something I wanted to tell you. Do you know what it was?
Jamie No.
Emma Were you on Crimewatch?
Jamie You what?
Emma Were you? Mum told us. Said she went nuts. I’d throttle yer.
Jamie Yeah.
Pause. Emma smiles at him. Looks out of the window. And then back.
Emma You’re not my dad. That was what I wanted to tell you. Not any more.
Pause.
I’ve got a dad. It’s not you.
Pause.
I lied about you all the time. Until I was about. Ten. Maybe older. Then I stopped lying.
Pause.
Can I ask you a question?
Jamie Course.
Emma You killed somebody. Didn’t yer?
Jamie What?
Emma Who was it?
Jamie It was a man called Ross Mack.
Emma Why did you do it?
Pause.
Jamie looks at her, doesn’t flinch.
He rubs his hand over the back of his head.
Jamie It doesn’t matter.
Emma Why, though?
Jamie It doesn’t matter, really.
Emma What was it like?
Jamie Don’t.
Emma What was it? Jamie? What was it like?
Jamie I don’t talk about this.
Emma If you tell us, I’ll stay.
Jamie I wish I could go back in time. Turn my body back in time. Screw myself up into a, I don’t know, a knot and go back and not do it. I have tried.
Emma looks at him for a while.
Emma What was it like inside?
Jamie I can’t do this.