by Kaye Kennedy
I hooked my arm in his and leaned against his bicep for a bit while we walked. That was something I'd been doing for a while, but this time it felt different because I knew what it was like to have those strong arms wrapped around me in the heat of intimacy. And I'd never get to feel that again.
15
Kyle
11th Grade - October
Allie followed me down the horror aisle at Blockbuster while I searched for the perfect movie for us. It had been our Halloween tradition since the third or fourth grade to watch a scary movie together on Halloween. Granted, back then an Are You Afraid of the Dark? marathon was our idea of scary. This year, I had the bar set much higher. I searched the shelves and found one last copy of The Ring.
Upon seeing my choice, Allie vehemently shook her head. "No way."
"Come on, Al. Please? I've had this one picked out for tonight since it came out last year."
Allie hated the really scary movies. "The freaking commercial gave me nightmares!"
I laughed. "Don't be a baby."
She hated when I called her that, and yes, I knowingly used it to my advantage.
"Fine, but if it's going to give me the nightmares I anticipate it's going to give me, then you're coming over and checking under my bed and in my closet for monsters before I go to sleep for at least a month. I might even make you sleep on the floor in my room for weeks."
I laughed. "Deal."
"And I get to pick a happy movie for us to watch afterward and you can't bitch about it."
"Fine."
She scampered off toward the Disney section.
We'd decided to watch the movies at her house so we wouldn't terrorize my younger brothers. Plus, we had the place to ourselves since Tyler had joined the Army after graduating high school, so he was gone for training and Mrs. Dupree was at her boyfriend's house. She'd started dating this guy who was divorced with young kids, so she stayed there quite a bit. I'd taken to sleeping over in one of Allie's brothers' rooms on most of the nights when her mom was gone so that she wouldn't have to be by herself.
Allie's most recent ex-boyfriend hadn't liked that much when he'd found out. The bastard had actually tried to fight me. I had let him get one punch in before laying him out with a right hook. Once he'd regained consciousness, Allie had scolded him, "You know Kyle's a hockey player, which means he's practically a professional fighter. Are you insane?" Then she broke up with him for being stupid. I'd been glad to see him go. He hadn't been good enough for her. I'd yet to meet a guy who was.
After she and I had shared that night together nearly a year before, it had taken some time for things between us to not be so awkward, but we'd gotten there eventually. If I could've figured out how to stop being in love with her though, that would've been great. No such luck.
While Allie made popcorn, I cued up the movie, and put a giant bowl of candy outside for trick-or-treaters so we wouldn't have to keep getting up to answer the door. After moving the coffee table aside, I took all of the cushions from the couch and arranged them on the floor like we'd done for movie nights when we were kids. I piled blankets on top while I waited for Allie.
She waltzed in balancing a bowl of popcorn and two sodas, which I grabbed to help her. She laughed when she saw what I'd done in the living room. "I guess we'll never be too old for a pillow pile, huh?"
"Never." I set everything down on the table and we crawled across the cushions into a comfortable spot.
I balanced the popcorn on my lap and started the movie. From the opening scene, Allie gripped my arm, pressed against me, and hid her face against my neck. And that was why I loved our Halloween horror tradition. After that night when we had crossed the line, Allie had stopped touching me as much as she'd used to, and I missed feeling her close like that. Which was why I had not been above manipulation to get her to watch a movie as scary as The Ring.
By the time we got to the scene with the horse on the ferry, she was practically my new appendage. I was certain I'd have bruises on my bicep from her fingers, but it was worth it. And I also appreciated the irony given the movie. Toward the end, when it seemed like there'd be a happily ever after moment—well as much as a horror movie could have—she finally let go of me. She was chugging water when she realized that maybe it wouldn't end so happily. The image of the well appeared on the guy's TV screen in his studio and Allie dropped her near-empty cup on her lap, not seeming to care about getting wet. She grabbed me again, and buried her face into my shoulder.
"What the fuck, Kyle? I thought it was over."
And that is why I laughed through one of the scariest endings in modern horror.
Once I’d turned off the DVD, I got a good look at Allie. Her skin was red, she was sweating, and she looked like she had the flu. Immediately, I became concerned. I touched her forehead and it was on fire. "Holy shit, Al. Are you all right?"
"No." She hit me in the chest. "That was terrifying." Her eyes watered. "My head hurts and I think I have a fever."
I felt like such a dick. "I'll go find a thermometer and I'll get you some Advil and water." As I tried to stand, she grabbed my shirt and tugged me back down.
"No! You are not leaving me in a room alone with a television ever again."
"It was just a movie. It's not real."
"I don't care. Right now, it feels real."
I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. "I'm so sorry. If I knew you'd get this scared I never would've made you watch it." I pulled her to her feet. "Come on, let's get you what you need."
Not only did she follow me to the bathroom and the kitchen, but she clutched my arm the entire time. Sure enough, she had a low-grade fever, so after she took the medicine and drank an entire bottle of water, I got her settled on our pillow pile and she laid her head on my chest while I held her and we watched The Princess Diaries. Twice. Five minutes into watching it a third time, she finally fell asleep. Once I was certain she was really out, I carried her up to her bedroom and got into the bed with her. I didn't want to leave her in there alone in case she had a nightmare.
After settling in beside her, memories of the last time I'd slept in there with her came to mind. I'd since dated a few girls, even lost my virginity, but nothing had ever felt as good as being with Allie had. Even though I knew we'd decided to stay friends for a very good reason, I often doubted that decision. I was at my happiest when I was holding Allie. Taking advantage of the moment, I cuddled up against her and drifted off to sleep.
16
Allie
11th Grade - April
I sat in the stands wedged between Jesse and Ryan as we watched Kyle and his team kick ass on the ice. Kyle's girlfriend, Bambi—yes, that's her real name, and no she's not a stripper...but I wouldn't be surprised if that was in her future—sat in front of me between Dylan and Mrs. H. Bambi didn't know the first thing about hockey, but she wore Kyle's practice jersey with his number on it and she cheered when we cheered, so at least she looked the part.
Undeniably, Kyle was one of the hottest guys at school, so he dated the prettiest girls, which wasn't always a good thing. Bambi, a sophomore, was pretty like a Barbie with her blond hair and blue eyes and model-length legs. While she was sweet, she wasn't exactly the smartest, but Kyle wasn't keeping her around for the stimulating conversation. It was funny watching Mrs. H try and talk to Bambi. She had to be nice because she was our principal, but knowing Mrs. H as well as I did, she kept the forced conversation to a minimum. Mr. H had stopped trying after Bambi had referred to the puck as "the flat ball thing."
The relief on their faces when the third period started after the break was priceless. Using every cheerleader skill in my arsenal, I made sure the entire crowd knew that Kyle Hogan was on the ice. Since it was spring and the players on his team were juniors and seniors, there were scouts present looking to scope out talent for their teams, college and pro, and I was determined to get them to notice my best friend. Even though he was planning on being a firefighter like his dad, Kyle ha
d what it'd take to go to the NHL. He was a natural on the ice. Thanks to our lifelong friendship, I knew hockey well enough to play the game myself if I'd wanted. It was fun going to games with the Hogan brothers because they all played, so we spent the majority of the time shouting directions like we were coaches or yelling at the refs while the crowd around us stared like we were crazy.
Kyle was a defender, so when there was less than two minutes from the end of the match and the other team attempted to score, the goalie rebounded the puck and Kyle came up from a blind spot on the other team's forward and stole it right out from under him. This pissed the guy off, so he intentionally targeted Kyle and body checked him hard into the wall. Bambi screeched and we all jumped to our feet as the gloves came off and the two guys wailed on each other like it was a cage fight.
I cringed each time the guy landed one on Kyle as though I could feel the hit. The ref broke it up and the guys cursed at each other all the way to the penalty box. They'd be out the rest of the game. I could practically feel the anger emanating off of Kyle from across the rink. Kyle's team won, but I knew when we saw Kyle after that he'd probably be harping on the fight.
Sure enough, when he came out into the arena after the game, he was pissed. I drove Bambi home, since she'd gone there with Kyle and he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Thankfully, Ryan went with me and he was able to keep Bambi occupied talking about his favorite new show on Nickelodeon, one that, not surprisingly, Bambi also watched, but I'd never heard of.
"Thank you for saving me," I said to Ryan after dropping Bambi off.
"No problem," he replied from the back seat. "The key is to connect with her on a level that she understands."
I shook my head and laughed. "For a ten-year-old, you're quite wise, Lil' H."
He shrugged. "That one was easy. I can see why my brother likes her, but I bet they don't do much talking."
"Ryan!"
"You know I'm right."
All I could do was laugh. I was certain that kid was going to break a lot of hearts in a few years. He had always been adorable, but he was also the most personable out of all the brothers. Jesse was a close second.
I pulled into the driveway and Ryan and I went inside for family dinner. Kyle was sulking outside on the patio, so I went to join him and cheer him up.
"Bambi has been safely delivered to her corner of the forest with Thumper and Flower," I announced as I forced myself onto the couch beside him.
"Shut up."
"You're welcome, Mr. Grouch."
He sighed. "Thanks."
"Dude, you won the game. You do realize that right?"
"I know."
"So why are you so butt-hurt right now?"
He ran his hand over the stubble on his chin. "Because there were some scouts there that I wanted to impress and getting thrown into the box and leaving my team down a player at the end of the game isn't a good look."
I pulled my cherry Chapstick out of my pocket and applied it, then rubbed my lips together. "Are you telling me that you're actually considering going pro now?"
He shrugged.
I nudged his arm. "Kyle! This is a big deal."
"Exactly. That's why I'm mad."
"No, I mean you changing your mind about being scouted. When did that happen?"
He crossed his arms over his chest. "Recently."
"Your vocabulary this evening is stellar."
"Shut up."
I waved off his insult. "Which scouts were there?"
"That I knew of? Boston College and University of Michigan."
I got so excited I actually hopped to my feet. "If this is a joke, I'm going to kill you."
He cracked a smile. "Not a joke."
"You mean to tell me that we could be going to college together?" Michigan was my top choice, but because Kyle had always planned to go into the FDNY, he needed to stay in New York and establish city residency, so this was huge news.
He shushed me, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me back down onto the wicker couch. "Can we not tell the whole neighborhood please?"
"But this is so exciting. Those two schools are like the best for hockey, aren't they?"
He nodded. "They're up there."
"You killed it on the ice today, Kyle. Don't let what happened at the end make you feel like you hadn't performed well. You scored a freaking goal as a defender for heaven's sake."
He grinned. "I did do that."
"Yeah. And you didn't start the fight, the other guy was the instigator and you definitely dominated him. The scouts probably wanted to see that you can fight, too, right?"
"I guess."
"Then you should stop sulking and we should celebrate."
He placed his hand on my thigh. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I haven't told my family yet."
"That you changed your mind about firefighting?"
He sighed. "I haven't decided. I'm exploring my options. All I've ever wanted to be was a firefighter, but that was before I realized how good I was at hockey."
I was so freaking proud of him. "You're not good, Kyle, you're exceptional and you owe it to yourself to explore where your talent can take you."
Jesse poked his head out the sliding glass door. "Mom said to tell you guys that dinner will be ready in a couple minutes."
"Thanks, Jes," Kyle replied, then Jesse retreated back inside. "We can keep this secret between us, right?"
I held out my pinkie. "Of course."
Kyle linked his finger with mine.
"But we are not done talking about this because can you imagine if we went to college together?"
He put his arm around my shoulders. "That would be perfect."
"So perfect."
"Thanks, Allie."
"For what?"
"For always knowing how to cheer me up when I get in one of my moods. You're the only person who can do that."
I pinched his cheek. "Anytime, sugar."
He laughed as he pushed me away and stood up. "Let's go eat. I'm starving."
"I couldn't possibly imagine why. I mean, it's not like you skated a few miles today or anything."
"I also ran this morning."
"Underachiever." I followed him inside and took my usual seat beside him at the table.
Kyle smiled and Mrs. H caught my eye and mouthed, thank you.
I nodded. Cheering Kyle up always made me happy as well. He could get mean if left to fester in his anger for too long, which was never good for anyone. Plus, I liked being that person for him because he was that person for me, too.
17
Kyle
12th Grade - October
After the football game, Allie, Dylan, and Jenna, Dylan's new girlfriend who was also a cheerleader, all got into my car and we went to the diner like we'd been doing the past few weekends after the games. It was a routine I could get used to.
We settled into a booth and the waitress came to take our order. Dylan and Jenna got chicken fingers to share, then the waitress turned to Allie.
"I’ll have cheese fries and a Coke," she ordered.
"You sure you don’t want a shake?" I asked, knowing full well that she did.
She shook her head. "Nope, that’s it."
I looked at the waitress. "I’ll have a chocolate shake and potato skins."
"I meant to ask you earlier," Jenna addressed Allie, "before next weekend can you work with me on my herkie? I want to get the height like you do."
Allie nodded. "Absolutely." She had always been a great teacher and I was glad that she’d decided to go to college for education. Allie had more patience than a lot of people. Certainly, more than I had.
"You’ll want to do some squat jumps. Two sets of twenty-five at least four times a week,” Allie instructed.
While they continued to talk cheer, Dylan and I talked hockey. When the waitress arrived with my shake, I removed the paper from the straw, put it in the glass, then slid it over to Allie with a grin. Without stopping her conversation, she took a sip, wh
ich made me chuckle. Our orders had been the same for weeks. I would ask for a shake, Allie would say she doesn't want one, and then she'd drink half of mine. I didn't mind one bit.
When her fries arrived, she put the basket between us so we could share. I glanced over at Dylan and Jenna while they shared their chicken fingers, noticing how cute they were together, and I had an epiphany. Allie was the closest thing I'd had to a serious girlfriend. Sure, I'd dated, but I'd always moved on after a month or two. Allie, though...
I turned to her and she smiled up at me as she reached for my shake. Having her next to me felt like the most natural thing in the world. Allie had been with me for thirteen years. She was the only girl I'd ever loved. We functioned like a couple, minus the sex part, and I was seriously starting to think we'd fucked up by deciding to be nothing more than friends. Hell, it'd been more than a year since that night we'd made that decision and our relationship was stronger than ever. I decided then, over a shared chocolate shake, that I was going to talk to Allie about revisiting the idea.
After leaving the diner, I dropped the girls off at their houses, then Dylan and I went home ourselves. We'd promised Dad we'd help with the yard work after the game. While I plucked weeds out of the mulch, I fantasized about being Allie's boyfriend. And I really liked it.
My parents were having a date night, so I ordered pizza for us for dinner. I'd texted Allie and invited her over, but she hadn’t answered, which was strange because she rarely left me hanging like that. An hour later, my phone beeped.
Allie: Can you meet me at our spot?
Kyle: Of course. Be there soon.
I left Dylan in charge and jogged to the playground. Allie was already there and as I got closer, I noticed that she had been crying. In all the years that Allie and I had been friends, I could count on one hand the number of times I'd seen her cry. Immediately, I dropped to my knees in front of her swing so that we were eye level and I cupped her face in my hands.
