by M. J. O'Shea
“YOU MIND if I sit here?”
Fen sat up at the sound of a low, smooth voice. He was disoriented for a second, sweating from the heat of the day but blind, stuck in muted gray. Then he remembered putting his T-shirt over his face when he felt it getting burned earlier. He dragged the fabric down and squinted at the sudden, overwhelming sunlight. A broad-shouldered dark blotch grew sharper by the second.
“Um, no. It’s fine,” he mumbled. He’d sat his book and his iPod on the deck chair next to him. He reached out and fumbled for them until a warm, calloused hand slid both items into his. “Thanks.”
The guy’s laugh was as low and sweet as his voice. “You okay?”
“Just a bit sun blind and I don’t have my contacts in so you pretty much look like a dark blurry mountain.”
“Uh, thanks, I think.” Another chuckle. And Fen wasn’t usually one to react to things strongly, but damn if that chuckle didn’t send a whole flock of shivers flying up his spine.
This guy has to be new.
Fen had been at the pool all morning. Hell, he’d been at the pool most days that week and in the building for over two years. He’d know if he’d heard a voice like that before. Especially with the way his body seemed to react to it.
Fen blinked at the hand that seemed to materialize out of nowhere right in front of his chest, which was still mournfully pale and freckling more than tanning. “I’m Kevin. Just moved into the building a few days ago.”
So he is new. Summer just got a bit more interesting. Fen checked himself. Wait, why did I think that?
He grasped Kevin’s big, long-fingered hand with his, a bit cautiously. “Fenton, but everyone calls me Fen.”
There were the shivers again. What the hell? He had to see this guy. But wait. That meant…. Fen wanted to groan.
The combination of the overchlorinated pool and his contacts had made his eyes itch, so he’d simply slung his nerdy glasses on when he’d left for the pool earlier. Now he had to put them back on or else he’d stay in Blind City. But first he had to find the damn things. Fen swept his hands along the ground until he found his glasses. He shoved them on his face and stood so he wasn’t looking up at Mister Shivers from his back. Of course when he stood, it was on his tube of sunscreen, which then proceeded to squirt all over his other leg. He screamed and jumped like a little girl, and then wished he could disappear into the pool and never return.
Kevin chuckled. “You okay?”
“Other than being terminally awkward? Yes, I’m fine.” Fen wiped desperately at the thick spooge of lotion that had made its way all up the inside of his thigh and under his shorts. What a fantastic first impression he made.
“I like your glasses. They make you look smart.”
Fen decided the guy must be fucking with him. He looked up and just about choked. And they make you look like…. Dammmmnnnn.
Earlier shivers be damned. His whole body melted when Fen finally got a good long look at this not-so-mysterious new guy. Yeah. Damn was pretty much the only word his brain had room for. Tall, at least compared to Fen, with dark brown hair that curled up at the ends, big brown eyes, gorgeous smile, golden tanned skin, and his body… fuck. He looked young, probably not much out of the jailbait range, but Fen had to stop himself from drooling visibly. He was already drooling like a damn St. Bernard inside.
SEE, THE thing was, Fen wasn’t exactly straight. Exactly.
HE’D SPENT most of his teenage years panting over the girls who weren’t into his pale, skinny science-geek ass, but a few times he’d noticed when one of his friends stripped off his shirt, or when his college roommate came back from the shower with his towel slung low on his hips. He’d noticed… and maybe got a warm, melty feeling in his belly a time or two. But he’d never done anything about it. He didn’t know why. He just hadn’t. And he was twenty-nine, not a kid anymore, and there was this seriously fucking hot guy standing there, and… was he flirting? Fen didn’t even know. But for the first time ever his body really, really wanted to know. No little warm, melty feeling. That was like saying Niagara Falls was a leaky faucet.
“Uh,” he laughed awkwardly. Glasses. Right. We’re talking about my glasses. “Thanks. They’re pretty dorky.”
Kevin just shrugged and dropped into the seat next to Fen’s. That’s when Fen noticed there were at least six other empty loungers just as close to the pool as his and not next to anyone else.
Hmmmm. Interesting.
He sank back into his lounger, lay back, and closed his eyes again, determined not to make anything of it even if he wanted nothing more than to crawl into young Kevin’s lap and touch.
“Hey, you might want to put some more sunblock on—you know, on your shoulders instead of your leg.” Kevin chuckled. Fen wanted to groan. Like he didn’t get enough shit already from his friends for being a moron. Now Hot Guy was doing it too? “You’re getting kind of pink,” Kevin gestured at Fen’s chest.
Wanna help? Fen nearly choked on his own spit. That would go over super well in the first three minutes after they’d shaken hands.
“Thanks. Gotta love Irish skin.” He smiled—at least he hoped it looked like a smile and not some sort of breathy sigh—and reached for his bottle of 50 SPF. “You need any?” he asked, offering the bottle.
Suave. Seriously. Maybe next I can flop on my stomach and moan out “do me first.”
Kevin smiled. His grin was brilliant and easy and made him look so young and sweet and kissable. Fen wanted to kiss him. A lot. He thought.
“Thanks. I’m okay, though,” Kevin said shyly. The shyness was cute, and totally at odds with a guy who obviously had no problem plunking himself down right next to Fen when there were empty chairs all over the place.
Fen didn’t know what else to say, which was something that had seriously never happened to him before. He just shrugged and lay back on his chair for the third time. He wished he could come up with something witty—banter, flirtation, anything—to keep the conversation going with his suddenly shy new neighbor.
Yeah. He had nothing.
Chapter 2
A FEW days later, nothing had changed. He’d kept a lookout for Kevin, the hot new neighbor, but he hadn’t seen him. He’d spent some time with his boys, but like before, it didn’t help. He’d tried to wear his restless body out at the gym again too, not that it had worked the first few times. Forty-five minutes on the treadmill, half an hour in the weight room, and a circuit training class later, he dragged himself to his car. He was going to be sore as hell the next morning, but he still felt all weird. Weird was the only way to describe it. Even that word didn’t work. Weird didn’t cover the way his skin felt, like it was floating on his muscles and sinews; how nothing felt solid or connected; how his belly was weak and fluttery and ugh. He just felt super freaking weird. Yes. Weird.
He started the drive home to his condo, to a long boring day with not much to do other than read a book and hang by the pool, when he realized he hadn’t been shopping in a while. His milk carton was nearly empty and he didn’t have anything to make a salad.
Grocery store. I can go to the grocery store.
Something to do, something he needed to do anyway, so it didn’t feel quite as pathetic as a completely manufactured errand would feel. Fen turned his car down the road that led to his favorite market. When he pulled up, he grabbed a pad and pen from his glove compartment and wrote a list of things he was missing. Sometimes he went into the store without one, but then he ended up getting a bunch of whatever looked good and totally forgot about what he needed. Milk, apples, salad stuff, granola…. That was good enough for one day. If he needed anything else, there was always tomorrow.
He hopped out of his car and was nearly bowled over by an overwhelming wave of dry summer heat. It always took his body a minute or two to get acclimated to it. The heat wasn’t any different than usual at that time of year, but after an hour in air conditioning, it still came as a surprise. He figured he’d probably never be totally used to it
if he hadn’t gotten there yet. Fen walked across the melting asphalt, trying to get to the store before he did something like spontaneously combust. He jammed his keys, phone, and the list he’d just made in his pocket and made a run for it. Damn sun. Sometimes he thought he should do what Rory had done a few years back, and move to Seattle for a while. Rain was nice. He liked rain.
THE GROCERY store was a lovely air-conditioned relief after the soul-pounding heat outside. If it weren’t for the endless days of no exam grading and a blissful lack of morning alarms, he’d say that he hated summer. Blessed climate control made it a tiny bit more doable. He grabbed his list from his pocket and snagged a cart from the typically jumbled pile of them near the front door. Fen actually liked grocery shopping. He liked cooking too. He’d gotten it from his mother. His older sister wasn’t into the kitchen, so instead his mother had taught all her best recipes to her hyperactive son. It had helped him stay calm and out of trouble and he’d learned to love it. Fen often wondered if he’d have ended up being a cook somewhere if he hadn’t gotten so into science. It wouldn’t be a bad job at all.
He wandered over to the fruits and vegetables. They were pretty, all happy and ripe and summer fresh. He didn’t want to get too many since there’d be a farmer’s market in a few days with better local produce. He just wanted to grab a few things to tide him over. Fen hummed to himself as he picked a couple of bell peppers and some cucumbers for salad.
Fen was about to bag some grapes when he felt it. Him, rather. He felt Kevin. Fen looked up and wouldn’t you know, there he was. His new neighbor, the one who made Fen’s whole body just react, like all the hairs on his back stood on end and his already fluttery belly jumped and twisted.
How does he do that?
When he looked at Kevin objectively, there was nothing magical about him. Really. He was a pretty guy with nice muscles, an adorable smile, pretty eyes and… okay. He was hot. And nice. And maybe a little magical with that shiver thing, ’cause who else could do that? Fen surreptitiously watched as Kevin put a few apples in his basket, followed by a banana. Then he wandered over to look blankly at the lettuce options. He stood there looking confused and a bit helpless. Hot and adorably clueless. Fen smiled to himself. There was no harm in saying hello, right?
“Hey there,” Fen said.
Of course he was looking right at Kevin and not at the corner of the fruit section, where a big pyramid of oranges was piled—oranges he ran right into. They went toppling off the display with alarming speed, one after the other in a blur of brightly colored humiliation, before bouncing and rolling across the floor in every direction possible.
For fuck’s sake. Seriously? First the sunscreen and now this. Fen decided it would be best for humanity if he just locked himself in his apartment from then on.
“Oh no! Here, let me help you with those.” Kevin crouched and started to chase errant oranges around the ground.
Fen crouched and did the same thing, fully aware that his life had turned into a montage of every embarrassing scene from every teen movie ever. Finally, though, the oranges were back on the shelf and Fen stood there, blushing at Kevin. He wanted to make some excuse and escape, but he needed to buy fruit.
“Fen, right?” Kevin asked. He looked at the produce and sighed. “I’m kind of useless here. At home I’m kind of a takeout guy. Or I eat at my parents’ place.”
“At least you didn’t just take out a whole display of oranges with your cart.” Fen snorted.
“There is that.”
“Maybe I can help you.” Fen couldn’t help but smile. “What are you looking for?”
“I don’t know. I had pizza the last three nights and a burrito the night before that. I just want something that doesn’t come from a delivery car or a drive-through, you know?”
Fen didn’t know what made him say the next thing. Maybe it was Kevin’s soft tanned skin or the way he helped clean up the oranges, maybe it was his smile or how cute and lost he looked, but—
“You want to come over to my place for dinner? I promise I’m not a nutcase. I can cook and I’m a teacher, so I don’t have anything else to do since it’s summer. You’ll save me some boredom and you won’t have to get takeout. Win, win.”
So that was a thing he just did. Wow. Fen thought maybe it was the dumbest and craziest thing he’d ever said until—
“Seriously?” Kevin’s face broke into this huge smile, like nobody had ever done anything nice for him before.
Play it cool, play it cool.
Fen shrugged. “Sure, why not? How do you feel about fajitas?”
“Um. Amazing?” If anything, the smile grew.
Fen was enchanted by it. He wanted to see Kevin smile again, wanted to make him smile again. He could see it becoming an addiction. “Can you be over around seven?”
Kevin nodded enthusiastically.
That was easy. “’Kay.” Fen smiled. “I’m number 407. Just come over.”
“This is so nice. I don’t even know what to say. Are you really sure?”
Fen scoffed and made a gesture like he fed helpless, adorably hot orange-wrangling strangers all the time. “Don’t even worry about it.”
THE REST of his shopping trip was a bit blurry. He picked out ingredients for dinner and a simple dessert, some beer and wine, and soda and juice in case Kevin wasn’t a drinker. He nearly forgot to get milk and cereal and the normal stuff he’d actually come for, but figured with the emotional scope of the afternoon and his near disaster with the oranges, it was probably understandable. He wondered if the vibes he’d been getting from Kevin were right. Like, he thought Kevin was maybe kinda flirting with him, and surely there was no way he’d made it to twenty-nine without knowing what flirting felt like, but he couldn’t be sure. Maybe the guy was just nice to everyone like that. He supposed he’d figure it out eventually.
“UMMM, HI. Come on in.”
Fen could’ve kicked himself. He tried to remember the last time he’d felt so awkward. Or the last time he’d stuttered over a greeting. Seventh grade and Cara Smith came to mind—slow dancing and braces, spilling fruit punch on that awful short-sleeved striped dress shirt his mom had buttoned him into and…. Ugh. Fen was pretty sure he didn’t need to relive that moment again. Especially not in front of what was quickly becoming his new crush.
“It’s so nice of you to offer to do this. I don’t know anyone here other than the guys at the firehouse, and they pretty much treat me like a kid.”
“Firehouse?”
Kevin nodded. “Yeah. I’m here for the summer filling in for my uncle.” Kevin’s face grew fond. “He finally took my aunt on that trip to Europe he’s been promising her for twenty years.”
A firefighter. A hot firefighter. He was crushing on a freaking hot firefighter. Fen felt like the biggest cliché on earth. Ben would laugh at him—at least now, post-Rory, he would. Before he probably would’ve given Fen way more competition for Kevin’s attention than he could handle, cliché or not.
Say something, Fen. Talk. “Hey, I’m almost done with dinner. You want to have a seat out on my balcony?”
“Sure. It’s finally nice out. It was so hot earlier.”
So we’re going to talk about the weather? What’s next, the baseball team? Fen just nodded. Awkward, yes, but it was hard not to be disarmed by Kevin’s sweet smile. “You want a beer or some wine?”
“I’ll take a beer if you don’t mind.” He stood. “I can get it myself.”
Fen shooed him. “No, you’re a guest. I’ll do it.”
THE SUN shone orangey red and was quickly dipping toward the horizon by the time Fen came out to the tiny balcony table with dinner.
“I figured it’s too nice of a night to eat inside,” he said. Which was a lie. It was too tempting to crowd all close to Kevin and see if the heat he’d felt the first two times they’d run into each other was a mirage.
“This smells fantastic. I can’t believe my luck, running into you.”
“I’m the dinne
r fairy,” Fen said, before he realized how freaking dumb that sounded. “Jesus. Please pretend that didn’t just come out of my mouth.”
Kevin burst into laughter and ran a hand through his thick, damp hair. If anything, it made the ends curl up even more wildly than they had before. Fen wanted to touch his hair, see if it was as soft and springy as it looked. “Can’t make any promises.”
Fen tried to save himself from disintegrating into embarrassed-dork dust by pointing out the components. “Okay, tortillas in here, grilled veggies in this bowl. I made chicken and steak. Toppings are all here… help yourself.”
Kevin smiled at him sweetly. Apparently he was willing to let Fen’s awkward moment slide. “So, you said you’re a teacher?” he asked as he was filling his first tortilla.
“Yeah. High school physics.”
“Wow, a brainiac.” Kevin sounded impressed instead of the usual oh God, science geek, can I run now? faces he got.
“Not really. It’s a great job, though. Can’t complain about the time off.” Fen grinned at him.
“Except the boredom?”
“Well, yeah. Except that. Usually I have a lot going on all summer, but my best friend Ben moved down to LA for the year to work. It’s kinda quiet without him around.”
“Is he a science teacher too?”
“Nah. Art. I’m the dorky one out of the two of us.”
“Smart isn’t dorky,” Kevin said quietly. He looked at his plate. “It’s hot.”
