Duty or Desire

by Brenda Jackson

  He rubbed a hand down his face as frustration set in. Not toward her but toward himself. They’d only shared one kiss and one dinner date and he expected her to...what? Hell, he’d been thinking like a typical man when what he was dealing with wasn’t a typical woman. He was finding that out while watching her interactions with Ciara. She was definitely a lot different from any other woman he’d dated over the years. Mainly the ones who understood their role in his life was just for pleasure, and he made sure his role in their lives was for the same purpose.

  But what if Myra wasn’t into taking on a casual lover?

  Pete didn’t want to think of that as a possibility, especially now that he was on board with the idea. Now that he’d accepted the fact that the attraction between them was way too strong. It had been hard sitting across from her and watching her eat their dessert of chocolate à la mode. Every time she licked her spoon was an erection waiting to happen.

  A sound made him turn toward the stairs and his breath caught when he saw Myra standing there staring at him.

  She had come after all.

  * * *

  Myra had questioned herself with every step she took down the stairs.

  Peterson Higgins was way out of her league. He unsettled her. Made her wonder about things between a male and female that she’d never thought about before. With her lack of experience, a part of her wished she was getting a PhD in sex education instead of child psychology. Then she would know how to deal with this. How to deal with him.

  Drawing in a deep breath, she paused on the stair. That was when he turned and looked at her. The minute their gazes connected she knew he did more than unsettle her.

  She’d never had a weakness when it came to a man before. She could stand her ground with any of them. Being a sister to Baron made such a thing possible as he befriended some of the worst men alive. Men who had no respect for women and thought their only purpose was pleasuring a man.

  Yet here she was. She’d come to Pete even when she knew it was not in her best interest to do so.

  Myra had enjoyed their kiss last night even as she told herself it couldn’t happen again. Yet every time she looked at his mouth, she wanted it to happen again.

  And again and again.

  The look in his eyes was telling. So was the erection pressing against his zipper. She should turn and run as fast as her legs could carry her. But she didn’t. Something phenomenal was taking place between them and they had yet to exchange a single word. It was so intense it scared her in one sense but fueled the fire within her in another.

  She didn’t fully understand what was happening but knew it was something she could no longer deny. She didn’t want it or need it but wasn’t sure how to stop it.

  Her father had always told her never to cower. If there was a problem, then you dealt with it. Therefore, somehow and someway, she was here to deal with the likes of Sheriff Peterson Higgins.

  “You came.”

  The sound of his husky voice broke the silence, intruded on the strong sexual chemistry flowing between them. It did nothing to lessen the intensity. If anything, his voice heightened her awareness of him.

  “Yes, I came.”

  She watched the sudden flare of his eyes. It seemed as if her response had ignited something within him. The very thought had her nerves dancing, and her brain racing. Not being able to handle the sexual excitement curling her stomach any longer, she asked, “So what’s next?”

  He smiled that slow, sensuous, make-your-panties-wet smile. “We talk first.”

  She blinked. Talk? Had he actually said that? Who wanted to talk at a time like this?

  Myra’s concentration was on him when he took slow, deliberate steps toward her. She hadn’t walked all the way down the stairs and now he was coming toward her and bringing all that heat with him. When he reached the stairs, he extended his hand up to her.

  She knew she had two options. Refuse the hand he offered and leave, or take it and go where he led.

  What did he have to say?

  She already had an idea.

  Little did he know, although she was innocent about some things, she knew just how a man’s mind worked.

  Deciding at that moment which option she would choose, she took Pete’s hand.

  * * *

  Pete led Myra over to the sofa, fighting hard to stay in control of his senses and his body.

  The moment their hands touched, his pulse had done a double kick in response. But he was determined that they have “the talk.” It was basically the same conversation he’d had with every woman since Ellen. However, Myra’s would be modified somewhat. How? He wasn’t sure yet. All he knew was that it would be different because she was different.

  He sat down and placed her in his lap. Her sharp intake of breath signaled her surprise. Good, he had a lot more surprises in store for her.

  Pete shifted her to face him at the same moment she nervously licked her lips. If she had any idea what that did to him, she would stop.

  “What do you want to talk about, Pete? Although I think I know already.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes. This is where you tell me all you want is sex, sex and more sex and that you’re going to make sure I enjoy it every time. However, what you don’t want is me getting confused about anything. You don’t want me to get sex mixed up with love. You want me to know that you don’t do long-term, just short-term, and that your heart is encased in unbreakable glass.”

  He didn’t say anything because what she’d said was true. That was what he’d intended to say, or at least a version of it. Some other man had given her the this-is-how-it-will-be speech before and she fully expected him to give her the same spiel.

  Why did he suddenly feel like a total bastard?

  “That’s right, isn’t it, Pete? That’s what your talk will be about.”

  He stared at her, feeling drawn in by the way she was looking at him, by her scent, by the very essence of everything that was her. He drew in a deep breath knowing there was no need to lie, although at that moment he hated admitting the truth. “Yes, my talk would be similar to what you just said.”

  She nodded and somehow he could detect her disappointment. Had she expected more? Now that she knew she wasn’t getting more, would she be willing to settle?

  “I’m not into casual sex so I’m going to have to think about it, Pete.”

  A part of him was glad she wasn’t going to rush into anything. He wanted her to be certain because once she gave her consent, he planned on taking her on one hell of a sensuous journey.

  “I understand and I want you to think about it and not rush into your decision. However, I want to give you something to mull over while deciding.”

  “What?”

  “This.”

  And then he captured her mouth with his.

  * * *

  Myra groaned. Pete’s mouth devoured hers and she tried fighting the desire he was stoking within her. He was laying it on thick, to the fullest. This kiss was even more powerful than the one last night. Again she followed his lead. When he deepened the pressure, she moaned again. This is what the girls at college would call one of those bone-melting kisses.

  Moments later, when he pulled his mouth away, all she could do was whisper his name. “Pete.” She was convinced that she would be consumed with his taste for days.

  Nibbling at her, he used his tongue to lick the corners of her mouth over and over again. “Say my name again,” he whispered against her moist lips. “I want to hear you say it again.”

  “Pete.” She didn’t hesitate and the moment she said it, his tongue slipped back inside her mouth, claiming hers fully. She was tempted to tell him she’d made up her mind already. She wanted to move forward and didn’t want any boundaries between them. She would deal with the consequences later.

  Shivers rippled throu
gh her. If she were to tell him that now, without fully thinking things through, she would be embarking past a point of no return.

  She wanted Pete. For her this was a first because she’d never truly wanted any man. She’d been curious about sex but not curious enough to throw caution to the wind. What she was craving wasn’t based on curiosity but on something else altogether.

  She was being stripped of her senses with this man and so far all they’d done was share kisses. But then he wasn’t just kissing her—he was expertly making love to her mouth.

  Somehow she mustered up the strength to rebel against her body’s desires. No matter how much she was enjoying being in his arms this way, kissing him, she had to hold on to her sanity and not throw away twenty-four years of self-control for one night of passion that would mean nothing to him.

  She was the one to pull away and it was only then that she realized he had maneuvered his hands under her skirt and was softly stroking her inner thigh.

  Suddenly, memories of a similar scenario with Rick shot through her mind and she scrambled off Pete’s lap, nearly falling to the floor in the process.

  “Whoa, you okay?” he asked, when he caught her before she hit the floor.

  No, she wasn’t okay. She needed to breathe in deep, but more than anything she had to get out of there. Now. He must have seen the anxiety in her features. He tightened his hold on her. “Myra? Are you okay?”

  She saw the concerned look on his face and instead of answering, she nodded. Drawing in a deep breath she said, “I’m okay and you can release me now, Pete.”

  The moment he did so, she took a step back. “I should not have come down here tonight. It was a mistake.”

  Then, without saying anything else, she rushed up the stairs.

  Eight

  Pete stood at his kitchen window, drinking coffee while looking out at the expanse of his land. This was something he did every morning before leaving the ranch for work. One day Ciara would inherit Matt’s share of this place and he was determined to keep things up and running for when that day came.

  As he sipped his coffee, he thought about what had happened in his man cave last night. Myra had wanted him as much as he’d wanted her, he’d been sure of it. But when he’d touched her intimately, she’d bolted. Although she had denied anything was wrong, the look on her face had said otherwise. He’d been in law enforcement long enough to know when someone had had a flashback of something they didn’t want to remember.

  Had she once been the victim of sexual assault? Had some man tried touching her in the same place he had? The thought that what he’d done might have conjured up bad memories had hit him in the gut last night and he could still feel the pain.

  That was the reason he was still here, an hour later than he normally would be. He knew Ciara would wake up around eight and that Myra would get up earlier than that to start breakfast. He intended to be here when she did. He wanted to apologize for taking liberties he should not have. Everything they’d done had been consensual. The last thing he wanted was to create a hostile work environment. He had never taken advantage of a woman and wouldn’t do so now.

  “You haven’t left for work yet?”

  He turned at the sound of Myra’s voice and then wished he hadn’t. It took everything within him to ignore the shivers rushing through him. No woman should look this beautiful so early in the morning. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a pullover pink sweater. That color made her look feminine as hell and just as sexy. Then there was the way her curly hair hung loose around her shoulders. He doubted she was wearing any makeup and she looked simply radiant just the same.

  Regaining control of the situation, he said, “No, I was waiting for you to wake up.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself in a somewhat nervous stance. “Why?”

  He wanted to cross the room and pull her into his arms. He wasn’t sure how he could make up for last night, but he would try. “I didn’t want to leave before apologizing, for touching you in a place that made you uncomfortable. That was not my intent, Myra.”

  She didn’t say anything. Instead she studied the floor for a minute. Then she raised her head and looked at him. “You didn’t make me feel uncomfortable. Just the opposite, Pete. I liked you touching me there.”

  Relief rushed through him. And something else. Confusion. He again fought the urge to pull her into his arms. “Then can you tell me what last night was about? Why you ran away?”

  She began nibbling her lips and he knew she was pondering what to tell him, if anything. “It’s not important. At least not anymore.”

  He stared at her, wanting to accept what she was saying, but the cop in him knew there was more to it. However, if it was something she wanted to put behind her, she had that right.

  “Okay,” he said, moving past her to pour his unfinished coffee in the sink and rinse out his cup. When he turned back around, he asked, “Did you decide if you’re taking Ciara to that festival?”

  “Yes, I’m taking her.”

  He nodded. “I promised Pam I would help out after I got off.”

  “Okay, then we will see you there.”

  He nodded and headed for the door. Before grabbing his Stetson off the rack, he turned and walked back over to her and did what he’d wanted to do since first seeing her that morning. He pulled her into his arms, waited one moment to see if she’d lean in or away and then kissed her. He needed this. He wanted this. Her taste empowered him. When he released her mouth, he stared at her swollen lips.

  “Was that your way of telling me your proposition of an affair is still out there?” she asked, staring up at him with a pair of gorgeous hazel eyes. Whenever she looked at him that way, he felt like a man doing a balancing act right above a dangerous cliff. One wrong move and he could fall.

  He touched her chin. “It’s my way of letting you know I am here if you ever need me.”

  Pete turned and headed for the door. Pausing, he grabbed his Stetson off the rack and then he looked back at her and said, “Yes, I still want an affair with you, Myra.”

  He then opened the door and left.

  * * *

  Myra touched her lips that were still tingling from Pete’s kiss. When she heard the sound of his truck leaving, she moved to the table and sat down. The man was way too nice for his own good. And way too sexy.

  After she’d left him last night she’d had a lot to think about because she’d done the very thing she’d sworn she would not do, and that was to allow the likes of Rick Stovers to dominate her thoughts. He wasn’t worth it.

  She would never forget how at twenty she’d drawn his attention, that of an older man, one twelve years older. He was a successful attorney and had seemed quite taken with her. She was in her last year of college and was home for the holidays. They’d met at a party and had immediately hit it off. He was a perfect gentleman and had wined and dined her, made her feel special.

  And then one night, after plying her with a delicious dinner, he’d given her “the talk.” At first she’d thought she was ready. She’d been a twenty-year-old virgin and had wanted to experience for herself what the whispers were about. But “the talk” from him had bothered her. Maybe because he had stated what he intended to do so matter-of-factly; it had given her pause.

  They’d kissed and his hand had found its way under her dress. He began getting rough. It was then that she had pushed him away and told him she wanted to leave. He’d got mad and told her she wasn’t going anywhere. She owed him for the four weeks he’d wasted his time with her and he intended to have her with her brother’s blessings. That was when Rick had told her everything, including Baron’s suggestion that he seduce her. When she’d headed for the door, he had tried stopping her. The moment he put his hands on her, she put her self-defense training to good use. By the time she left his apartment he’d been on the floor, clutching his precious jewels a
nd bawling like a baby.

  She had gone straight to her brother’s home and confronted him. He hadn’t denied Rick’s allegations and even said he didn’t appreciate her making such a big deal about it. He’d further stated that Rick was a man and had needs and if she couldn’t give Rick what he wanted, then she needed to get out of the game.

  That was when she’d made the decision to leave older men alone.

  Until Pete.

  All she’d felt with Pete had been tenderness. His touch had been so different from Rick’s. And so was the way he looked at her. After a good night’s sleep, even his proposition of an affair didn’t bother her. He wasn’t looking for forever and neither was she. He was obviously still in love with his fiancée and would remain single for the rest of his days.

  And although she wasn’t interested in settling down now, a time would come when she would want to do so. She loved kids. At twenty-four she had plenty of time to find a man who wanted the same things she would want. Still, Pete’s proposition was something she was thinking about.

  Myra smiled when she heard Ciara waking up singing the song she’d taught her. As she left the kitchen to head toward Ciara’s room, the kiss she’d shared with Pete still had her lips tingling and a part of her warned that if she wasn’t careful, Pete could start her heart to tingling, as well.

  * * *

  Pete leaned back in his chair and gazed at the two men sitting across from his desk. Navy SEALs, Bane Westmoreland and his teammate David “Flipper” Holloway definitely looked the part even when out of uniform.

  “I appreciate you letting me use this camera, Flipper. Now I’ll capture some footage of my own to figure out who’s trying to scare Katherine Lattimore.”

  “Any leads?” Bane asked, while sipping coffee.

  “None. To be honest, we all thought the ghosts were in her head until she captured the images. It’s obvious someone was in her backyard moving around dressed as a ghost. But when I went to check I couldn’t find a single footprint.”