“Of course!”
Ember looked at me with wild eyes when my mom pulled her into a hug. “Thank you for having us, Mrs. Wilder.”
“Janet, please.”
Ember smiled. “Janet. Something smells great!”
“Sure does. I’m starving,” I said.
“Perfect. The pork chops are almost done, and we’ve got green beans and mashed potatoes on the side.” She went back to stirring the pot of potatoes and said, “If you’re going to take one of the stuffed mushrooms to your father, he likes the ones with the cheese,” without looking over her shoulder.
I laughed and said, “I don’t know how she does that,” to Ember before bringing my dad a couple of the stuffed mushrooms on a plate. I added a couple extra for the twins, who were hesitant at first, but each took one when my dad did.
“—you enough for offering to watch the girls. I’ll admit I’ve been panicking. I’ll pay you, of course.”
“Whatever you feel comfortable doing. I’m happy to help out. To tell you the truth, I’ve been sort of at loose ends lately since I retired, and consulting work hasn’t been as lucrative as I thought it would be. So, Tripp saying you needed help really came at the perfect time.”
“And you don’t mind watching them overnight a couple of times a week? My shifts are twenty-four hours long every third day.”
Mom began scooping up heaping spoonfuls of mashed potatoes and green beans on the plates she had on the counter. “Of course not. They’re sweet girls. I just worry about the transition for them. Perhaps we should let them visit for a couple of days before your next shift? Just so they get used to being around the house here before they sleep over.”
“I don’t want to impose,” Ember said and brushed her hair behind her ears with a trembling hand. I wanted to take it in mine. What the hell was with my impulse to hold her hand? Christ.
“Oh, it’s not an imposition at all. I’m happy to help.” I could tell my mom wanted to say more, but she stopped herself. Ember was protective about her family, and I was sure she didn’t want too much sympathy. God, I loved my parents. “I’d love to hear more about the girls’ schedule.”
Relief made Ember’s shoulders sag as she relayed where the girls went to school, what times they had to be dropped off and picked up from the bus, and other crap I didn’t really listen to. I couldn’t stop staring at Ember, who seemed relaxed for the first time since her life blew up. I liked seeing her this way.
I wanted to keep her smiling and, if being her friend-with-benefits was how I made that happen, then so fucking be it.
The girls were asleep by the time we made it back to the apartment complex. Ember wasn’t far behind them, considering her eyes were closed and her forehead was leaning against the glass as I pulled into the parking structure. I shook her gently awake and thought about how much I wanted to kiss her.
“We’re here,” I said. “I’ll get Tillie if you’ll get Molly.”
She nodded and stifled a yawn. “Remind me to thank your mom again for all the leftovers. She really didn’t need to do that.”
I chuckled as I lifted a sleeping Tillie into my arms. She grumbled a little, then went lax in my arms as she settled back into sleep. “I told you she liked to fuss.”
“Hmm, I guess you’re right. My mom has never done anything like that.”
I wanted to tell her how sorry I was that she lost the genetic lottery, but I kept my mouth shut. She didn’t need to hear that shit. Saying sorry wouldn’t change anything. All I could do was what I’d been doing. Ember could handle her own shit.
I waited in their living room as Ember got the girls changed and into bed, and a thought occurred to me. “Why don’t you move them into your parents’ room?” I asked when she was done.
She pushed a hand through her hair, and her brow creased as she considered my suggestion. “I don’t know. I never thought about it. They’ve always been there. I guess I could since they both ran out on us.”
“You all deserve your own space. But that’s not the only thing. You should talk to my mom next time about making an appointment with a lawyer to see what your rights are.” Before Ember could argue, I said, “You owe it to the girls. You have to protect them now. You may as well make it legal.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said with a yawn. “But I need to get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
Before she could object, I crossed the room and took her into my arms. “I’ve been wanting to do this all night.”
Then I kissed her.
She tasted like sugar, and her hands went to my chest. It wasn’t urgent and powerful like it had been before. It was sleepy and sweet. I wanted nothing more than to take her to bed and make love to her until she was too exhausted to move, but I made myself slow the kiss and pull away.
“Good night, Ember.”
“Good night.”
Chapter Thirteen
Ember
“Do we have to go to the babysitter’s after school?” Tillie whined the next morning. “I’m tired. You snored.”
Molly nodded emphatically, her thumb stuck in her mouth. She hadn’t done that since she was two. I rubbed a hand over the throbbing that was beginning to demand attention behind my right eye. It’s okay. I’ve got this. It wasn’t often the twins were whiney and uncooperative, but when they were, I was outnumbered, which made it all the harder.
“I don’t snore,” I said defensively. At least, I didn’t think I did.
“Do, too,” Tillie retorted.
“I’m sorry, my sweet babies. I’ll try to see what I can do so that I don’t keep you awake again. We’ll talk about it more after school, but we have to get moving. I have an early shift this morning, and we still have to drive out of town to Tripp’s parents’ house.”
“Are you sure we have to go?” Tillie blinked up at me with owlish eyes. Guilt swamped me for having to leave them overnight with Tripp’s parents. I wished I didn’t have to work or go to school at all, but someone had to earn a paycheck to keep them clothed and fed and pay for doctor’s visits and whatever else. “What if I can’t go to sleep at their house? Or what if they leave us alone like Mommy did?”
My heart squeezed inside my chest. I knelt down at their level and laid a hand on each of their shoulders. “Tripp’s parents are good people.” I winced internally when I realized the statement could be interpreted to mean our parents weren’t, but the twins didn’t notice. “They have the number at the station and my cell phone. I’ll call you when you get off school and again before bed.”
“Will you call in the morning when you’re on your way to pick us up?” Molly asked, hopefully.
I traced her nose with a finger. “Of course I can. And they won’t leave you alone. I made them pinky promise.”
The twins shared a glance. “Really?” Tillie asked.
“Of course. I wouldn’t leave you with just anyone without a pinky promise.”
“Do you think Mrs. Wilder will read us a bedtime story?”
“I’m sure she will if you ask, sweetheart. Now let’s get going before we’re all late.”
I made a mental note to call Tripp’s mother and request that she read them a bedtime story. Then I hoped for a miracle shift because the twins weren’t the only ones who were tired. I hadn’t been able to sleep properly since…well, Tripp. I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
“C’mon, Emmy. I thought we were going to be late,” Molly said, pulling her thumb from her mouth.
They were so dang cute with their shouldered mini backpacks. Their hair was thrown up in identical ponytails, and their matching green eyes twinkled up at me. I grabbed my overnight bag that contained sleeping clothes for work, headphones, a tablet, chargers, and a change of clothes, along with the girl’s overnight bags containing about the same.
I was going to be on edge the whole night wondering how they were doing, so I wouldn’t be getting any sleep, but we didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t afford daycare for both of them, and
I trusted Tripp’s parents more than anyone else. I’d seen how they were at his games over the years and how they’d responded when he got injured. They would be good to my sisters.
Probably better than our own mother, who I still hadn’t heard from. She didn’t even care enough to check on the kids she had abandoned.
“Alright, twinkies, let’s hit the road.”
Whatever fears they had abated by the time we arrived at Tripp’s parents’ house, thank goodness. They were all smiles as I herded them up the drive to ring the doorbell, which they argued over. Finally, they settled on ringing it together.
Mrs. Wilder—Janet, I corrected myself—answered the door. If I could have dreamt up what a mom should be, by all appearances, Janet would be it. She wore a pair of khakis with a soft pink sweater. Her hair was styled in a sleek bob, and her makeup was subtle and classic. The scent of bacon and eggs wafted through the open door. I couldn’t recall a time my mom had ever made breakfast, let alone worn something that wasn’t stained or reeking of cigarette smoke. And when it came to makeup, subtlety wasn’t exactly her strong suit.
“Good morning,” Janet said cheerfully. “I hope you’re hungry.”
The twins shared a look before nodding enthusiastically. They barely waited for me to give them a hug and kiss goodbye before they dashed inside.
“Thank you again for all of this. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“Don’t you worry about it. We’re going to have a great time.”
Already, I could hear the girls giggling inside, and the knots in my stomach loosened a little. Maybe everything would be okay.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning around the same time.” I handed her their overnight bags and school stuff. “This should be everything they need. I’ll text you a list of emergency contacts, my boss, the station, and all that. If you can’t reach me, Tripp should know where I am, but I’ll have my cell on me at all times.”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll call you around 7:30 tonight for them to say good night.”
“Right. Yeah, that’ll be great.” I checked the time and added, “I’d better get going. Thank you again!”
It was easier leaving them than I thought it would be. Janet couldn’t be farther from my mother, and I knew that while the twins were with them, they’d be perfectly safe. Not all parents were neglectful and malicious.
Hours later, I finally had time to settle, and time to think, between a couple of calls. My assigned chores had all been completed, and the other team of EMTs and paramedics were up for the next call.
I secluded myself in the bunkroom where we normally napped and plugged my ears with headphones so I wasn’t disturbed. Selecting a podcast at random, I closed my eyes and threw an arm over them for good measure. The low, measured voices from the podcast filled my ears, but I couldn’t hear them. All I could hear was the memory of Tripp’s voice.
What had I done?
My cheeks burned, though there was no one to see my embarrassment. I pressed the backs of the fingers from my free hand to them. Never in my life had I ever slept around for the fun of it. My mom used to do that during the times she and my father were separated, and I had made it a point once I did have sex to only do it with people I truly cared about.
That included Tripp, didn’t it? I cared about him. Aside from Charlie and Layla, he was one of my closest friends.
The truth was, I didn’t have any answers. I liked to think I made mature decisions when it came to my life, the kids, and my job, but I didn’t know what the hell I was doing half the time. Clearly. The only thing I did a really good job at was pretending.
Pretending to have it all together.
Pretending not to care that my mother abandoned us.
Pretending I didn’t like Tripp as more than a friend.
The smart thing to do would be to tell Tripp we couldn’t do it again, but, oh, God, how I wanted to. I don’t think anyone had ever made me feel so good, which, for some reason, made me feel guilty because not being with Chris was still so new. New, but it already felt like it had been a long time.
In fact, my sisters aside, I was considerably less stressed without him in my life. I didn’t worry about how he’d react to me having even less time to be with him or his judgments about my mother leaving. Now that I was thinking about it, he never would have been as understanding as Tripp had been. Judgmental was the word I’d use to describe him. Aloof.
Maybe that’s why I’d been drawn to Chris in the first place, back when Tripp had been so overtly interested in being more than friends. Maybe a part of me had known, even then, that we weren’t going to work out. Chris was safe because I knew it would never lead anywhere. That didn’t mean I didn’t care about him. Of course I did, and maybe it made me a little heartless for moving on so quickly. But we were never going to make it. Maybe it hurt so much in the beginning because he was my comfort zone. As long as I was with him, I knew what to expect. I could control the outcome.
Controlling the outcome with Tripp…was impossible.
I fell asleep pondering my next move and listening to the podcast. When I woke up as the tones dropped, I came to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn’t fight it. Maybe the best thing to do with Tripp…was to enjoy it.
As I got ready, my phone beeped with a text message.
JANET: We’ll be in town this morning. I’ll drop the girls off at your apartment, if that’s okay.
I texted her that it would be wonderful before I headed out with my partner on the call.
When I got home a couple of hours later, Tripp was already there, fixing our leaky sink. I paused in the doorway to watch him, admiring the sliver of his abdomen bared by his shirt. The muscles contracted as he grunted and reached higher under the sink, metal clanging against metal.
Is there anything sexier than a man fixing something? I don’t think so.
He peered out at the sound of the door closing and smiled when his eyes found me. “Hey, you.”
I leaned against the kitchen island, my eyes tired from lack of sleep but hungry for him, nonetheless. “Hey. Did you all of a sudden acquire a thirst for being a handyman?”
“I’ve got skills you’ve never seen,” he said with a wink, then turned his attention back to the sink. “I’ve also got a rare day off from practice. I figured we could move the twins’ room around if you’re up to it.”
I couldn’t deny the thought had crossed my mind. They deserved their own space, and I could use a little more privacy, come to think of it. We’d shared a room since they were brought home from the hospital.
“Your mom is bringing them by in a while. Maybe we could surprise them.”
He looked back at me, surprise lining his face, which was quickly chased by wariness. “Really? I didn’t think you’d agree with me so easily. I expected more of a fight.”
“Maybe I could use some more privacy,” I teased.
That made him choke a little. “Well, alright then,” he answered.
Much as I wanted to drag him naked to my bed, or anywhere, I knew the girls would be back soon, and if we were going to get their stuff moved to my parent’s room, we had a lot of work to do. Maybe this was the friend part of friends with benefits. He had no other excuse for wanting to help me all the time the way he did.
In the end, we managed to clear out my mom and dad’s room. I packed away their things into boxes I’d nabbed from the grocery store. Tripp and I lugged their bed and dresser to the dump. Both had an oily residue and smelled strongly of cigarettes. It occurred to me that their carpets were probably cigarette soaked, too, so I moved my things into my parents’ room instead of moving the twins into the room.
I was used to the smell of smoke anyway, and my lungs weren’t nearly as sensitive as theirs.
Most of my stuff I stacked on my bed until I could reorganize it later. The most important thing was to make sure the girls’ room was straightened and pretty. I wanted them to feel secure and at home. They’d had enough chang
e, and I wanted to give them something that would make them happy.
Tripp maneuvered their bunk beds onto the wall where my bed had been. I brought in a bookcase from the living room and gave it a good scrubbing before filling it with their little things and books. In the end, it wasn’t half bad, I had to admit. Eventually, I would like to get them more decorations and knick-knacks to really make it their own, but for now, this was more than they’d ever had, and it felt good. Really good.
Mine, on the other hand, was a bit more run-down. Years of smoke had stained the once cream-colored walls and ceiling. The floor was worn bare from overuse, but it was spacious without the girls’ furniture, and the door was solid. It was mine. It was warm. I couldn’t ask for much more.
I turned to Tripp, who was securing my dresser. “How can I repay you?”
I expected him to joke, but his eyes heated. “I can think of a few ways.”
Chapter Fourteen
Tripp
Weeks had passed, and we had fallen into a routine. One I couldn’t say I didn’t enjoy for my own selfish reasons. I’d been waiting a long time for Ember Stevens, and I was going to enjoy every single second while she was mine.
Even if it was only for a little while.
She didn’t want the twins more involved than they already were, so on the nights I stayed over, I’d get up extra early to sneak out before they woke up. There was never any PDA around them, and I made sure to keep Ember as quiet as possible. I didn’t mind that part, though. Her muffled little screams were what made it all worth it. Her ex was a grade-A dipshit for giving her up.
His loss, my gain.
He never seemed like the bright sort anyway.
“Don’t go,” she whispered in the dark one frosty November morning, causing me to pause with my shirt halfway on. Her words stroked down my spine like a caress, and I was already halfway hard from waking up beside her. Her sexy voice, rough from sleep, pushed me the rest of the way.
Friends with Benefits (Friend Zone Series Book 3) Page 9
