by Ciara Knight
Dad patted my back. “Did you call him?”
I wilted over my plate. “I tried, he didn’t pick up.”
“I think your pride might be getting in the way.” Mom waved her fork at me. “Call him again. Ask him why he left and hasn’t called you in two days.”
I straightened and decided Mom had a point, but at the same time I worried what I would discover when I called.
Dad must’ve read what I was thinking because he leaned into me. “It’s better to know now that way you can make the right plans for your future, with the business, with your life here in Christmas Mountain. If him not staying means you leave, then that’s something you’ve got to know now.”
I looked up to see my mother biting her lip. She wouldn’t say it, she’d never demand it, but I knew this was her greatest fear at the moment. And for that reason alone, I had to stay. At least long enough to make a go of the business. “It doesn’t make a difference what his decision is except for how it will affect the new company. I won’t leave though, even if he does. My home is Christmas Mountain.”
Mom smiled and dug into her food. We ate in silence, but the minute we were done I collapsed on my bed and called Brent. I held my breath with each ring, but in the end, all I got was a voice mail.
A few more days passed, but finally on the night of the nineteenth my phone buzzed. I awoke to find Brent’s video call coming in on my phone and at first, I was elated, then frightened. It had been days since we’d spoken.
I dreaded answering. My muscles tensed, and I could barely move or breathe, but I decided my dad was right. Knowing was better than fearing so I answered.
“Hey,” Brent said in a weary tone.
“Hi.” I pushed up in bed and wiped the sleep from my eyes. The small picture still allowed for me to see his tired eyes and drawn face. Something weighed heavily on him. I waited for the words that would crush me.
“How’re things there?” he asked in a voice that sounded forced.
“Fine.”
He rubbed his jaw for a moment then looked directly into the camera with a determined stare. “I miss you, Ash.”
The prickly edges of my heart dulled. “I miss you, too.”
He looked away and then back at me as if searching for the words around the room. “I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you sooner, and I’m sorry for calling so late. I’m sorry for a lot of things.”
My belly tightened. “What things, exactly?”
“I don’t know. It’s just, things are confusing. My father is demanding about his expectations for my future and he won’t listen to reason about what I want. I’m afraid I won’t be able to get the funds after all to save the Christmas Mountain Community Center.”
Brent’s words should’ve crushed me, but my selfish nature was relieved. It wasn’t me. His long face, his sorrowful gaze, his slack jaw. It wasn’t because he was telling me he didn’t want me, but that he couldn’t give me the Christmas Mountain Community Center.
“Brent.” I whispered, my voice cracking.
“I know, I feel terrible. I wanted to save it for not just the town, but for you.”
“No, it’s not that. We’ll find another way to save it. We don’t need your father’s money. Shane Mitchell had a fundraiser two nights ago. If we all work together, we should be able to make a difference.”
“You mean that?” Brent asked.
“I do. So, come home. I got in touch with the realtor and I’m signing the lease papers tomorrow for the outdoor recreation company. Let’s stop looking at the past and focus on the future.”
He half-smiled. “How’s everything else there?”
“Good, I was going to open the knitting store before Mrs. Cross shattered your front window with her cane, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”
“I left so fast, I didn’t think much about the knitting store. I guess my grandmother wouldn’t be too happy with me.”
“Brent, you’re a good man, but what do you want? I understand your loyalty to your grandmother, but you’re not happy. Listen, I want you to promise me something.”
“What? Anything.”
I swallowed and forced myself to speak the words I hoped never to say. “Don’t say anything, just listen.” I took a deep breath. “I popped back into your life with no warning. Yes, I’ve decided to stay. Yes, I’m excited about having a better relationship with my family, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to stay here—”
“Ash—”
“Let me finish.” Tears threatened, but I blinked them away. “You had a life before I arrived. If you’re happy running the knitting store, stay there and run it. Don’t get into a business with me that you don’t want.” I fisted my hand willing myself to continue. “I know my declaration of feelings was…unexpected, but my timing might be off. Maybe we missed our shot. We have decades of failed moments, missed dates, and lost chances between us.”
“I don’t—”
“You‘ve been hesitant to reciprocate your feelings since I confessed mine to you…” I wouldn’t stop until I said my piece, or I’d never have the strength to say these words. “You’ve been standing on the edge of the river watching my crazy rapids churn up business plans, relationship possibilities, life changes, but you haven’t jumped into the water. Too much change too quickly can be overwhelming. You might need a moment to figure things out, so I want you to promise me something.”
“What?”
“Don’t show to sign the lease papers tomorrow if you’re not a hundred percent in on this outdoor recreation company. I’ll get a loan, or I’ll start off smaller and build the business. Trust me, I know I can do it on my own.”
“I know you can,” Brent said, a hint of pride in his voice. “You can do anything. That’s one of the most amazing things about you.”
“Good. Then you don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”
“I don’t understand why—”
“We had one amazing kiss. For me it was amazing, anyway.”
“Me, too.” Brent shifted and moved the phone closer. “Ash.”
“Something’s holding you back. I know it. I won’t continue pushing it. As I told my family, it’s your decision now. You know how I feel. What I don’t want is to enter another business arrangement with a partner who will abandon me later. I’m better off on my own. So, promise me you won’t show tomorrow to sign the lease if you’re not a hundred percent in on this business.”
He closed his eyes and took a moment then said, “I promise.”
“I’ll let you go. If I see you tomorrow, we can talk more. If not, I’ll have my answer.”
“What about the Christmas Mountain Community Center?” Brent asked one more time. “What about Ms. King?”
“I’ll figure something out. Maybe I’ll talk to the girls, too. Most of them are in town now.” I watched him scrub his chin and I knew that look. He was thinking about his options, but I didn’t want to hear them. I didn’t want to hear any explanations or empty words. I’d have my answer tomorrow. “I’m going to get some sleep. Goodnight, Brent.”
“Goodnight, Ash.”
I hung up before he could say anything else and fought to get some more sleep, but that was never going to happen. When the clock finally rolled to seven in the morning I rose and went for a hike. A mind clearing, stress reducing hike. I’d forgotten how much I loved the mountains. The clouds rolled in as if to promise a dusting of snow, but the paths remained clear. At the end of my two-hour hike I knew it was time. I went to the storefront for the walkthrough and signing of the papers.
At ten-thirty the realtor finally arrived, but there was no sign of Brent. At eleven, we were done with the walk through. But there was still no sign of Brent.
“If you want me to come back another time I can, but I have another appointment in twenty minutes, so I need to go,” the realtor held out a pen in my direction.
“No need, I know what I need to do.” I signed the papers and faced reality. Brent had made his
choice.
And it wasn’t me.
Twenty
The bitter morning breeze matched the temperature of my heart. With no arms to wrap around me, coffee was the only hope of staying warm. The night had been long, full of thoughts of life in Christmas Mountain without Brent Donnelly. I was finally home, but he was gone.
I stood on the front porch of Ms. King’s thinking about my decisions over the last several years. If I had returned sooner would things have been different between Brent and me? He’d responded to my kiss in a way that told me he had held onto us for as long as I had, but in only a matter of days he was gone.
The front door swung open. “I think you better come inside, it’s awful cold out there,” Ms. King said.
I forced a friendly smile and held out the coffee I’d picked up from Sleigh Café for her.
She looked at the cup and then at me. “I heard what happened and I can see your pain.”
How did she do that? I thought I’d hid it well. “I’m fine, really. Brent made his choice and that’s what I wanted him to do. Better he left now than later.”
“You keep telling yourself that, dear.” She collapsed into her normal spot in the parlor and sipped her coffee. I noticed the floors had been cleaned and I smelled fresh pine scent. “Thanks, this is sweet of you.”
“It’s the least I can do. I’m afraid I haven’t been able to figure out how to save the Christmas Mountain Community Center yet. I won’t have enough in time. I could use the money from my boat chartering business, but I told my mom she’d come work with me. She’s counting on me. I feel torn.”
“I wouldn’t let you do that anyway. That’s your future.”
“Yes, but what about the future of our town? What about the seniors and the children?”
Ms. King cupped her coffee in both hands as if to warm them by a fire. “Listen, this is a town problem, not an Ash Brooks problem. If the town wants to save the Christmas Mountain Community Center than it will be saved. It sounds like all the girls will be in the Christmas extravaganza, and that was my only wish. Have faith, Ash. Everything will turn out the way it should.”
“It doesn’t make it any less painful.”
“Life is seldom free of pain.”
“Speaking of pain, how are you?”
She looked a little better today, as if she’d been given some medicine or a magic pill. “I’m feeling good. Now, enough about me. I had a call from Brent this morning. He’s worried about you.”
My heart skipped, skittered, and sunk. “Tell him I’m fine. I’m already recovered from his disappearing act and I’m happy. Moved on.”
“Really? He hasn’t.”
My half-full cup of coffee felt like a five-pound weight, so I rested it on my knee. “He made his choice,” I said in a wintery tone. My insides were rolling and shifting, and I only wanted it to stop. The constant feeling of not having my feet on the ground. For once in my life I wanted stability not adventure.
“You two are so much alike.”
“Me and Brent? We couldn’t be more different. I know he did what was best for him, and some day when I say I am happy for him I’ll mean it. But honestly, the wound is too fresh. Deep down, I only wanted him to be happy.”
“I know.” She chuckled. “That’s the problem. Both of you wants to make the other happy.”
“Why do you say that? I told him I was staying even if he left. What did he say?”
She sighed. “I can’t share his words. Talk to him yourself.”
“No way. I told you before he knows how I feel. It was his turn and he didn’t want me.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“I do.”
My phone buzzed and for a second my pulse jigged with hope, but then I saw the number and knew it wasn’t Brent. “It’s Emma. I can call her back.”
“No, take it and tell her I said hello.”
I answered the phone and heard her overly cheery voice, not her happy one, the fake one. “Hi, it’s Emma.”
“Hi, Emma, what’s up?”
“Can you come to Pine Tree Lodge in Blacktail where I work tonight?”
I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to see my friends. I also had a business to run even if Brent wasn’t going to be a part of it. This business could finally let my mother and father get some much-needed rest after all their years of hard labor. Besides I wanted to spend more time with Emma now that I’d be living in Christmas Mountain. “I can do that. Text me the time and where.”
“Sounds good. Faith will be here, too.”
The voice of a friend settled into me and I thought about the gifts they’d once brought into my life. There had been a time when I wanted to tell her how I felt about Brent, but it had been a secret kept far too long. “I would like that. Um…I could use a friend right now.” Ouch, that hurt more than I thought to say aloud. It felt weak and wrong.
“Honestly, so could I.” Emma said, her voice low and less…Emma-like.
I glanced at Ms. King with her expectant face. How many times had she told me to be honest with myself and others and stop hiding from everything? “I should go ahead and tell you now I won’t be great company.” I took a quick breath; all this honesty was making my chest tight. “Brent left, and I don’t know if he’s going to come back.”
There was a pause and I thought I’d said too much. I stood and paced the small room, that weird over-sharing fear stormed back into me.
“Sounds like we both need girl time.” Emma’s voice hitched over her octave reserved for forced happiness and lunged over a cliff sending an epic avalanche of hurt down the other side. “Adam left.”
With only two words the awkward feeling in the pit of my stomach faded and we’d bonded like the old days. It felt good, right. “They say misery loves company, so I’m in.” I tried to lighten the mood, but my voice didn’t get the note and remained dull and sad.
Ms. King stood and waved at me.
“Oh, Ms. King says Hi.”
“Tell her I said hi back.” Emma’s voice faded to her normal pleasant tone. “I’ve got to run, see you tonight.”
“Bye.” I hung up and was grateful for something to keep my attention on besides Brent.
“You going to see Emma and someone else tonight?”
“Yes, Faith.” I glanced at my watch remembering that I promised Mom I’d meet her at the new storefront. She was so excited for me. Dad was even going to join us to help with any remodeling.
“That’s perfect.” Ms. King stood. “You get to your new store.”
I opened my mouth to ask how she knew where I’d have to be.
She did her sweet head tilt and raised her eyebrows at me. “Small town, remember. That, and your mom called to check on me. She wanted to know if I needed anything.”
“She did?” I didn’t want to say it but was surprised she called.
“We had a lovely conversation. She is really excited about having you here and she can’t stop beaming with pride. She also wanted to know when the extravaganza was, so she wouldn’t miss it this time.”
I wanted to be happy, and I was, mostly. It was just that this year I wanted more than just my mom there to see me.
“Call him.” Ms. King urged.
“It doesn’t matter if I called him or not. Even if I wanted to convince him to come back, I wouldn’t. He needs to do what’s best for him.” Even though I meant every word it still hurt to say them.
I swept the last of the dirt and dust out of my new storefront and turned to Mom and Dad “Thanks so much for all you both have done. I never dreamed we’d all be working together.”
Dad hugged me, and I didn’t even mind his dirty and smelly clothes. There had been a time that I was embarrassed by his appearance after working all day, now I was proud. Despite his age, he was strong and capable. “I love you Dad. I’m sorry I was such a creep growing up.”
“You weren’t, you were just independent and strong like your mother. It took me all through high school to get h
er to agree to marry me. I’m still not sure why she did.”
“I know why.” I squeezed him around his waist.
“You do?” he noogied my head like I was still eight.
“Yes, because you two make a complete person.”
Mom wrapped her arms around both of us. “I know someone that would make you a complete person.”
I slipped away. “Dad chose you, Brent left. There’s nothing I can do to change that.”
“Ms. King says you won’t even give him a chance to explain.”
“Give him a chance? How can I give someone a chance if they don’t try? I’m not sure why Ms. King thinks I should call him. I already confessed my feelings in front of half the town.”
Mom scooted closer and leaned against the front desk. It was worn wood with cracks and knots, but it was classic. “That must’ve been tough for you. I know you don’t like talking about your feelings. I’m afraid you get that from me.”
I’d never had my parents’ undivided attention over the years. It was awkward and awesome all at the same time. They cared, and I was loved, something I dreamed about since I was little. Why didn’t it make my love tank full? I knew why, but I had to get over that. Part of me was angry now. Angry at Brent for choosing to stay away. Angry at myself for staying away so long. Angry at the fact I was angry.
“Thanks for being here and helping with the storefront. I’ll be working hard the next few days to get the website up and I’m headed over to Blacktail Mountain now in hopes of setting up a partnership with the resort Emma works at to gain some tourism here in Christmas Mountain.”
“I heard Brent already called most of the town businesses and they are all on board to band together for group discounts to help revive the town with more tourism. The Claver farm is going to sell homemade preserves in the grocery store, and they want to talk to you about offering hay rides through your company.” Dad walked to the front window and looked out. “He also has the Inn, coffee shop, diner, and more involved in some grand opening the first week of January. An after Christmas, Christmas.”
