Oops, I Hexed It Again

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Oops, I Hexed It Again Page 3

by Renee George


  I'd tried to convince the powers-that-be to let us infiltrate the cult without actually getting hitched, but they said that while I could fool other witches with my glamour, marriage magic was more profoundly grounded in the laws of our kind, and they would know if Monty and I had faked it. The only saving grace in all this was that Pepper Rain was an orphan; something we had in common. I thanked the Goddess there would be no father-or-mother-of-the-bride awkwardness. After looking through Pepper's dossier, though, I learned that the lack of parents was the only thing we had in common. She had been privileged with a birthright. Her family went back to the original witches of Salem. Unlike my mother or father, who had only been listed on my birth certificate as "Undeclared."

  In other words, I had been a mistake. Something to hide.

  "The hem is fixed," Drag said. "Time Bomb and I will get dressed and meet you when it's time to walk."

  I'd glamoured Time Bomb to look like Pepper's agent, Mick Wells. He would walk with me to the altar. Drag, I gave the Paris Hilton treatment. I made her shiny, super thin, and pretty. No one would care too much about her, she just needed to look the part of Pepper's entourage.

  "Five minutes," someone called from the door. I didn't know ninety-nine percent of the people attending. They were mostly Pepper's few hundred "close" friends and sycophants, and Monty's father, along with a few hundred relatives and friends. I swallowed hard at the disparity in our circumstances. Even if this had been my real wedding, Drag and Time Bomb would have been my only invites. They were the only family and friends I had.

  "Time to go," I told Drag. "I'll see you out there."

  She nodded. "Remember. The proper response is I do."

  "Har har." I shook my head. "Go."

  Time Bomb stood up. I straightened his lapel. He looked handsome for a douchey entertainment agent.

  "Ready, Boss?" he asked.

  "Of course. The mission comes first."

  He nodded his agreement. "Then let's get you married."

  I stepped down from the stool, wobbled on my stilettos before righting myself. I looped my elbow with Time Bomb's, praying I didn't fall flat on my face. This wasn't my first time in heels, but I was definitely more comfortable in tennis shoes. I wished I was barefoot, walking through a stream with floating flowers, but this wasn't that kind of day.

  I held tight to Time Bomb as we navigated the stairs down to the main floor.

  "I got this," I said and blew out a tension-filled breath. A string quartet began playing some classical music. I'd never been a big fan of anything without a beat, but the lyrical sound helped to calm my nerves.

  A strange, unfamiliar sensation filled me as I passed rows of witches and warlocks dressed in clothes that cost more than my monthly salary. They nodded, whispering to each other, as they assessed me from head to toe and judging me worthy. I straightened my back to prevent myself from wilting under their scrutiny.

  "You okay?" Time Bomb asked.

  "Fine," I said. Out of habit, I scanned the room for threats. No one appeared to be out of place except for a giantess of a woman in the back. I watched the wedding guests interact around her, and none of them, not a single one, looked in her direction. I didn't see how they could miss her though, even if she hadn't been six-foot-tall, her rainbow-colored hair and military issue khakis at a formal shindig made her stick out like an unruly cowlick.

  "Who is that?" I asked Time Bomb.

  "Who?" he asked.

  "The woman G.I. Rainbow Brite," I said. Was he blind?"

  He blinked then grunted. "Huh. I didn't notice her before." He smiled and wiggled his brows in her direction. "She's hot."

  "Quit staring at her." There was something about the woman with her dark skin and silver eyes that made me shiver. She wasn't a witch. So, what was she? Part of the cult, maybe? "Monitor her, but don't be obvious. And for Goddess's sake, don't hit on her. Let Drag know to do the same, monitor I mean, if you talk to her before me."

  He gave me a slight nod then gestured ahead as we turned down the central aisle to the ceremonial altar. Monty stood on one side of the ornately carved apple wood, traditional in love spells, which made it perfect for weddings. It wasn't more than three feet wide. A lit white column candle with two smaller unlit taper candles was centered on the altar's surface. Signifying the flame of love. Ugh.

  "You're sneering, Boss. Not a good look for a bride on what's supposed to be the happiest day of her life."

  Oops. I forced a smile.

  "Now you look homicidal."

  "This is as good as it gets," I said through gritted teeth. Monty's dark gaze captured my attention, and I focused on him the last fifty feet to my destination.

  "That's better," Time Bomb said.

  "What's better?"

  "Your smile," he said. "You're pulling off happiness like a champ."

  I stifled a groan. "Thanks."

  Five feet before the altar, the string quartet stopped playing, and the priestess placed herself between Monty and me. She held out her hands and intoned, "Pepper Rain, do you come here today of your own free will?"

  "I do," I said with artificial confidence. I might've been nervous, but I was damned good at my job.

  I placed my hands in front of me. The priestess turned them up and placed a drop of freesia scented oil on each palm. "Do you enter into this ceremony with an open mind?"

  "I do."

  She placed two more drops of oil in my palms. This time it smelled like raspberries.

  "And do you enter into this union with an open heart?"

  This question proved a little harder to force the lie, but I managed. "I do."

  Finally, she placed a final drop of oil on my hand. I wrinkled my nose at the scent of patchouli, dulled by the raspberry and freesia. Next, she led me to the opposite side of the altar from Monty. My stomach fluttered as I met Monty's gaze. He held out his hands, I resisted an eye roll and clasped his fingers with mine over the open flame.

  He grinned. "Hello."

  I smiled. A little. "Hello, back."

  A gentle peal of laughter rippled through the crowd. The guests read my nervousness as that of a new bride. Thank the goddess. We were putting on a good show.

  The priestess was all wide grin with too much teeth showing as she nodded her approval. "Let the ceremony begin."

  I'd practiced the vows with Drag and Time Bomb. Even so, my hands shook when I picked up the red candle. It's a fake marriage, I reminded myself, even if the ceremony was real. In a day or two, we would take down the cult, and as long as we didn't do anything crazy like have sex, any magic at this moment would be nulled as if it never happened.

  We both tipped our candles to the flame. The wicks caught fire with a hiss, acrid, black smoke curling from the ends. We held them over the white column as red wax dripped into the melted wax pool.

  Monty began the marriage spell. "With flames of love, our magic we combine," he said then set his taper back into its holder.

  I nodded. "What's mine is yours, and yours is mine," I finished. I set my candle down, and we joined hands again.

  The priestess held out two braided gold, silver, and copper wedding bands. "I bestow upon you both these symbols of love, truth, and health. Montrose Ander Abadose, if you accept this witch as your bride and agree to walk her path, take this ring and place it on her left middle finger.

  Monty picked up the smaller ring and slid it on my finger. "With this ring, I vow to walk your path."

  My hand began to tremble and sweat. I gave Monty an apologetic glance. He half-smiled and gave me a slight headshake.

  Then it was my turn. The priestess said, "Pepper Rain, if you accept this warlock as your groom, and agree to walk his path, take this ring and place it on his left middle finger."

  I retrieved it, and almost dropped it in the same instance. Monty steadied me as the guests, once again, rippled with giggles and laughs at the nervous bride.

  I put the ring on Monty's finger. "With this ring, I vow to walk your pa
th."

  Chimes sounded. The priestess raised her hands. "By the power of the Goddess, you are wed. Go and make a marriage."

  "Kiss her!" Someone shouted. A few more people joined in. Monty came around the altar and moved close enough for me to feel the heat from his skin.

  "We should give our audience what they want."

  I did roll my eyes this time then raised up on my tiptoes and, if only to wipe the smirk off his face, I kissed him like I meant it.

  The guests whooped when he wrapped his arms around me as his lips moved with mine with a well-acted passion that curled my toes. When we parted, I was breathless, and he looked undeniably pleased, the bastard.

  "Now wha--" The grand room began to spin, or maybe it was just me.

  "Hold on!" Monty shouted as the roar of wind and magic whipped about our heads.

  Monty's head turned as wispy as the smoke from the candles along with his body. Before I could scream, my body did the same until I felt as if I were being sucked into a powerful vacuum. I don't know how long I was in the nothingness, but when I rematerialized, I was standing, still in my wedding attire, on a sandy beach, my cream dress blue under the moonlight. Monty was still holding my hand.

  I looked over at him. "Where the hell are we?"

  His befuddled expression told me, he hadn't expected the transportation spell any more than I had. He shrugged. "The beach."

  "Not helpful," I told him. I kicked my shoes off. "Are we still in the Grand Bahamas? Why translocate us outside?"

  "I'm not sure."

  Twenty-two masked men and women in white diaphanous gowns surrounded us.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Monty slide something into his pocket. He put his hand on my shoulder before I could take up a fighting stance. "Easy," he said.

  A woman stepped forward. "Welcome Brother Montrose and Sister Pepper to the Divinus Paradiso."

  Well, that answered a few of my questions. I raised a brow at Monty. "Let the initiation begin."

  Chapter Four

  The eleven pairs began to chant, "Deam det potestate et tutela duodecim," repeatedly.

  "Nothing to hear," I spelled a small area around Monty and myself. Not enough for the cult to notice, just enough to keep our speech muffled. "What the hell is happening?"

  "It's Latin," he said. "A power and protection spell invoking the number twelve."

  "I know twelve is a power number, but why are they chanting about it here? Now?"

  "If I had to guess, I'd say it was because they just got their twelfth pair." He tapped his wedding band.

  "Oh, yes, right." I didn't even have a weapon. Not even my MAN.

  The chanting witches and warlocks closed in on us.

  "Release," I said on a breath, letting go of the barrier. "Here we go," I said to Monty.

  Six members grouped together. "Air," they said in unison.

  Another six formed a separate unit. "Water," they sang out.

  Again, six more split off. "Fire," the group announced.

  So, when the remaining four stood next to Monty and me, I played the odds that there was only one element left unspoken. "Earth," I declared, elated when the other five in my group, including Monty, said it with me at the same time.

  This close, I could smell wintergreen on the brunette witch next to me. Her hair was in one large French braid with a few curls hanging loose around her face. I saw her mask was the face of a bull, complete with a ring through the wide nose and the suggestion of horns. I glanced at the masks of the other three in my group. There was another bull, a warlock with bright green eyes, and two goats. What the ever-loving mystical hell had we been transported in to? I glanced at the other masks. Two lions, two fish, two blindfolds, two masks that curled up at one corner like an ocean wave, bows and arrows, rams, and... Why did this seem familiar? The masks didn't make sense without context, but pieces clicked together in my mind. Each of the eleven couples represented a symbol in astrology. Which meant... I swore under my breath.

  Monty grabbed my hand and squeezed. "What?"

  "Nothing to hear," I whispered, narrowing the cone of silence to just a foot around us. With minimal lip movement as to not alert the others, I declared as succinctly as I could, "If they pull out a chastity belt, I'm out of here."

  Monty's brow raised.

  "We're the Virgos, nimrod." I pulled my hand from his and forced a smile at our new companions. "Don't you get it? We complete their unholy zodiac. Release."

  The Aries witch with golden blonde hair stepped forward. "Brother. Sister," she said warmly. "You are so welcome here, and we are blessed that you have joined our family. We have a lot to celebrate now that you are joined. But first, you must say goodbye to your family and friends. We will see you at the feast."

  I glanced around. We were still on a deserted beach, the only light from the three-quarter moon. "What feast?"

  She smiled and clapped her hands, her pale arms glowing purple with powerful energy. She cupped my chin, her aura saturating my skin. Baba Yaga's yabows! Her magic was strong. "Enjoy." She clapped her hands again.

  A white light burned bright around us, blinding me momentarily. When I regained my sight, we were in a large ballroom with a live band, surrounded by wedding guests. I scanned the room for the cult members, but since no one was wearing gauzy gowns with creepy masks, it was hard to tell one witch or warlock from another.

  "Where have you been, son?" A tall, dashing man with Monty's chocolate red hair handed Monty a glass of champagne. "I thought we were going to have to send out a search party."

  Monty slipped his arm around my waist. "I wanted a private moment with my bride before the festivities." He smiled like a man in love as he gazed down at me. "Can you blame me?"

  His dad clapped Monty's shoulder and winked at me. "Not one bit, son. Not one bit."

  I wanted to say something, like "ew," but figured it was an Un-Pepper thing to do. I settled on a steely glare. "We should mingle, babe," I told Monty. Before I punch your dad, I said with my eyes and hoped he got the message.

  He offered me his elbow, and I took it.

  "Cone of silence," he suggested.

  "Nothing to hear," I said, throwing the magic muffler up around us. "What the hell was with the Eyes Wide Shut crowd out there on the beach? And were we on a beach? Because, for real, I didn't feel a breeze, smell the ocean, or hear anything that screamed nature to me."

  We leaned into each other naturally like two newlyweds whispering nuggets of love as we milled through the crowd of well-wishers. Monty patted my arm in an intimate gesture and said, "I guess that was their way of welcoming us to the fold. And if I had to guess, I'd say that the beach was an illusion."

  "And those masks? Seriously. That was level ten creepy as shit."

  "I think you should write it up in the report just like that," he said.

  "Are you messing with me?"

  "Yes," he cast a flirty smile at me.

  I smiled back. After all, we were supposed to be in love. "Well, it was creepy."

  "Level ten," he agreed. He pointed ahead at an enormous indoor fountain that featured an ideal of the goddess in the center as if telling me some kind of interesting fact about the installation. "Pepper, so far, hasn’t given up the other cult members, so we'll have to figure out a way to take pictures of the witches and warlocks and send them back to the Council for identification."

  "There's no telling if any of them are here at the feast. Everyone looks like they belong. And if, the cult is couples only, then how did Pepper become a member?"

  "From what I can piece together, she was invited to join, but wouldn't become a full member until after marriage."

  "Oh." It still didn't make a lot of sense, but the scent of wintergreen drew my attention. "Hold up," I said to Monty. "Release." I whipped around to face the direction of the minty aroma. "There," I said when I saw the elaborate French braid of a woman in a pale green silky shift walk toward the buffet. I grabbed Monty's hand and dragged him in her dire
ction.

  I tapped the witch on the shoulder when we caught up to her and recognized her from Pepper's dossier of known associates. Marlow Marshall, otherwise known as "Mar-Mar!" I exclaimed. What a stupid-ass nickname. "I was hoping I'd catch up to you."

  "Pep!" she greeted me. I'd watched enough videos of her on TMZ to know to duck in for double air kiss when Marlow leaned in. "The wedding was delicious." She let her hungry gaze drift to Monty. "Just like the buffet," she said without meaning the food.

  "He's no longer on the menu," I said more defensively than I'd meant.

  The tone caught Marlow off-guard. "Since when don't you share your bounty, my darling?"

  Uh-oh. "Uhm."

  Monty laced his fingers in mine. "Bride wants the first taste." He kissed my knuckles. "Who am I to deny her on our wedding night?"

  Marlow stared at the two of us for a moment then let out a melodic giggle. "Oh, poo. Fine. Bride's prerogative."

  "Mar-mar, darling," a warlock said. He had chestnut brown hair and bright green eyes. The other bull, Marlow's Taurus partner. He kissed Marlow's cheek and encircled her waist from behind. He leered at Monty. "Don't you look handsome?"

  I had the feeling we were going to get another food request, and I wasn't sure how well I was going to be able to stay in character if everyone wanted a piece of Monty. "I'm so sorry. I have to go talk to my agent." I tugged on Monty. "Let's go, dear." I nodded to Marlow and her guy. "See you both soon." For shits, I winked, and the grins on their faces told me I'd pleased them to no end. Score one for keeping my cover intact.

  "Nothing to hear," I said quickly, as worked to quell my panic. "Are you sure this isn't a sex cult? Because I am all about the mission, but I draw the line at orgy participation." I fanned my neck.

 

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