He wasn’t counting on her saying she couldn’t forget something he couldn’t stop thinking about either. They were both fucked up, feeling attracted by a desire they didn’t know when it had started to feed itself from a single look.
“Elsa, I…”
“You what? Talk, Stefan.”
He didn’t speak because his urge to kiss her was faster than his words. He grabbed her and met her lips in a kiss full of desperation, resentment, fear… passion. He knew she was a child. She was untouchable for being who she was. He couldn’t do that to his family and much less to his future bride. All of that was clear, but what could he do with all those feelings? He wasn’t the master of his thoughts, of his movements, since she had become the absolute master of everything. He only needed the touch of her lips to realize she owned everything. They say that familiarity breeds affection, but nobody had ever told him that familiarity also breeds love.
Minutes went by and they couldn’t stop kissing. They didn’t have the will to stop something that had already begun. They wanted to force themselves to not feel it, to now want it, but they achieved nothing. Nothing at all.
Stefan cupped her cheeks with his hands, caressing her with so much tenderness as if he were afraid to break her. He also needed to think about not breaking her heart, being fully aware that would happen sooner or later. Sometimes it was better to do it at once, like ripping a plaster off; if you did it fast enough, the pain was lesser than if you ripped it slowly.
“This cannot be,” he expressed, separating his lips from hers.
It was complicated to do that when they wanted each other so much.
“I know,” she replied, fixing her blue eyes on his.
Her stare was as intense, as strong, as the kiss they had shared just a few seconds ago.
“But what do I do with all these feelings? I know you feel it too,” Elsa almost wept, overwhelmed by fear.
The feeling that bloomed in the deepest part of his soul was as vast as the ocean. And only he had the strength to enclose it. Stefan took her hands and smiled, trying to look calm, although he was dying inside to kiss her again. However, he should stay away from her, he should stop wanting her in such a crazy way.
“This can’t happen again, Elsa. You understand, right? If your father knew… or my sister. We both know we will hurt them a lot.”
She looked down in a sheepish way.
Stefan lifted her chin with two fingers, forcing her to look up again. He didn’t want her to feel ashamed.
“I can only beg for your forgiveness. If I hadn’t entered your room, if I hadn’t looked at you in such a way, we wouldn’t be in this situation at all…”
“You continue doing it,” she rebutted, and he looked at her surprised.
“What am I still doing?” He felt curious, trying to understand quite clearly what she was saying.
“You are still looking at me in the same way. I keep feeling the fire in your eyes. My body burns as if it were exposed under the sun for hours, and it seems you can’t or don’t want to realize it.” Elsa had said all that so fast that she was breathless. “Stefan,” she sighed. “I know I shouldn’t feel like this because you are out of my reach, even though our lips have been exchanging the heat we both needed. I understand as well that my father would kill us, but don’t lie to me. I know you too well and I know when you do it.”
The honesty in her words and the maturity she showed when talking shocked him. Elsa wasn’t a little girl any longer despite being underage. She knew what she wanted in life. She was sure about everything she said and did. He liked and despised that equally, since at that moment the only way he had to make her run away from him was to remind her of his engagement with Chloe, though he was going to break that engagement.
“Alright, I accept what you just said.” A smile appeared on her lips. “But I’m with Chloe and we will get married. I think that’s more than enough to stop this here and now, Elsa.” Her smile disappeared in an instant. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“That’s okay,” she lied. “I’m sorry too.”
She let go of his hands and stepped around him to leave the bathroom at once. They had been there for a long time and the possibility of her father finding her there with Stefan was very low on her wish list. When she was about to get out, they heard Chloe’s voice and Stefan stopped Elsa.
“Stefan, are you there?” she asked, knocking at the door.
They got so nervous that their faces acquired an interesting tint. Elsa looked at him horrified and he swallowed hard. He touched his lips with one finger, asking her to be silent. He had an idea.
“Don’t speak, please,” he whispered in her ear, brushing her skin while doing it.
Elsa couldn’t believe the irresistible desire to kiss him that overcame her at the moment, just to make him understand how wrong he was.
“I’m coming!” he yelled without opening the door.
“No, just let me in, honey.”
“No!”
He opened the door slowly and got out, closing the door quickly behind him. Chloe looked at him puzzled, but she didn’t say anything and kissed him. Stefan wanted to die right there, since his fiancé’s kiss didn’t make him feel what Elsa’s lips made him feel. Was he going crazy? It could be he was in panic for fear of being caught with his brother in law’s daughter, right? After their kiss, he smiled at her and pulled at her hand to go back to their bedroom. They had to leave so Elsa could get out of the bathroom without problems.
Elsa heard how the door at the end of the hall closed with a bang. She assumed he had done that so she could know it was safe to leave the bathroom. She opened the door fearfully, not wanting to find anyone at the other side of the door. Thankfully the hall was empty and she could leave without being seen. She went back to her bedroom, where she stayed the whole day, not even going downstairs to have dinner with her family. She felt so blocked that she didn’t feel like seeing anyone. And of course she suffered from an absolute lack of an appetite. She could only replay in her mind once and once again the kiss they had shared. They had kissed twice, and he had been the one who started it in both occasions. The worst of all was that he had had the nerve to tell her that it couldn’t be.
“What are you doing to me, Stefan? How could this happen?” she wondered out loud, hoping to get an answer. “It seems I must consider you as my uncle, but I can’t because you are not my uncle and will never be.”
She was talking to herself because she couldn’t share any of that with other people. The only person she trusted was Alicia, but she couldn’t tell her any of that because she surely would scratch her eyes out so she couldn’t gaze at her uncle with desire. But she knew this was more than desire; it was an unbridled passion that would destroy her sanity. Elsa was sure there was feeling in her broken heart, the heart he was starting to mend little by little.
There had been so many moments lived in just one year; too many as to remember each and every one. Months ago she had decided to do something: she planned to write every day. She filled the pages of her notebook with whatever happened to her, what she felt, and what she loved most. That notebook turned into her diary, and he was in all of the pages.
She went to her nightstand and, sitting on her bed, opened the drawer to retrieve her diary. She started reading.
Dear diary,
I don’t even know why I call you that if you are just a lined notebook that I found by chance. But I was so much in need of writing that I had to use it for that purpose.
She smiled at reading that. It sounded so innocent.
It has been a tough day today. It’s been a month without mom and I cannot stop seeing her in every corner of this house… Why does it hurt so much? Sometimes I think my heart will stop at every moment, exhausted for feeling like this. At least there is someone who is helping me to bear this pain, although it’s something he will never achieve. Stefan has become someone really important to me. He always treats me in a sweet manner. Som
etimes it’s hard to believe a man like him would like to be near me, a fragile and broken girl.
She closed the diary, frustrated. Tears started rolling down, reminding her the feeling she thought she had hidden in a small crack she had created in her heart. But it was quite difficult to hide so painful memories. She had lost her mother. It wasn’t like she had lost a toy or had failed an important exam… No, her mother was everything, and she swore if she were there, she would hug her so strongly that would even hurt her. She didn’t care about anything anymore. The only thing she didn’t want was losing him as well.
London. 2018
The feeling of tranquility installed in every corner of that apartment in Central London was something Elsa had dreamt about for a long time. At last she was living alone and had the stability she had struggled so much to achieve. She had convinced her father months ago, making him understand that she was old enough to live by herself. Besides, she was near the university and her job. What else could she ask for?
She was trying to move on, to forget about the past, that past which hurt her so much. She seemed to be having success. Or at least that was what she believed.
Elsa was studying Psychology. Analyzing everything had always been her strongest point, and she was doing that now more than ever. Her life had changed so much since that night that it felt like a dream to be feeling like that now.
Her heart was broken. To be honest, it was broken beyond repair...
Chapter 5
London. 2015
The days passed by. Elsa was finishing her exams and Stefan his as well. The summer holidays were around the corner and she hadn’t talked to Alicia about the trip her father had proposed yet. She had been so busy studying that she had totally forgot about it.
After the last exam, Elsa arrived home at around three in the afternoon. She still had to go to class a few more days, but the studying was finished. The first thing she did was go to the kitchen to drink a glass of water; the school bus could make a person exhausted. She was dying to ask her father for a car as a present for her next birthday.
While drinking water, she sat on one of the stools around the kitchen island. Corina entered and kissed her on the cheek when she saw her.
“Hi, honey. How are you doing?” She sat next to her.
“Tired but happy. I finished my exams at last and I can relax now. Three more days of classes and I will start my holidays.” She sighed with a smile.
“That’s great. How about your exams?” she asked.
“Good. I will get all the grades on the last day of class.”
Corina chose a piece of fruit from the bowl in the middle of the island. She offered Elsa some fruit, but she shook her head.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You need to eat something.” She gave her a caring glance. “You’ve lost weight, Elsa.”
Elsa rolled her eyes. “I’m fine. I look the same. I even think I have put on some weight.”
At that moment, Stefan entered, unaware the owner of his dreams was there. He got nervous as soon as he saw her and couldn’t meet her eyes for longer than a few seconds. Besides, Corina was there too and he feared to show too much of his real feelings.
“Hello, little brother.”
“Hello, Cori.” He approached her to give her a peck in the cheek.
After that, he turned around to go to the other side of the kitchen, avoiding brushing past Elsa to reach the fridge. Corina noticed that odd behavior.
“Don’t you greet Elsa?” she asked.
Stefan sighed and lowered his head, shaking it. He looked up and fixed his eyes in Elsa’s. Then he forced himself to speak. It took him a couple of long seconds to find the words to utter; it felt as if his brain were unable to give the command for him to talk. It felt as if having her in front of him after days of avoiding her were going back in his progress.
“Of course, I’m sorry. Hi, Elsa,” he said, avoiding her gaze once more.
“Hello,” she mumbled nervously.
Corina was watching them, since the relationship they had always shared had nothing to do with what she was witnessing. Maybe something had happened between them and she hadn’t noticed it? She would have to ask her brother as soon as she could talk to him in private.
She focused her stare on Elsa to follow the conversation.
“I was telling Elsa that she looks thinner. Don’t you think, Stefan?”
For some reason, Corina wanted to include him in the conversation. But he was so distracted trying to open a packet of cheese and making himself a sandwich that he didn’t get what his sister was saying.
“Stefan,” she said. “Stefan!” she yelled now.
“What?” he said, raising his voice.
His sister, surprised by his tone and his weird behavior, stood up to take the package of cheese he was trying to open from his hands. Corina grabbed a pair of scissors, opened it, and handed it back to him while staring at him.
Stefan scoffed angrily… but why? He just had to go on with his life, just as it was before having kissed a teenager he regarded as a niece. But he was going into quicksand that menaced to swallow him whole at any moment.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You haven’t been behaving as yourself for weeks. Do you have problems and didn’t tell me? You know you can talk to me about anything, brother.”
Elsa stood up to leave them alone so they could talk, fearing he would reveal what happened between them, because she was sure he was behaving oddly because of that.
“Wait right there, Elsa,” pointed out Corina. “You are going to tell me right now whatever happened between you two. I had thought of talking just with you, Stefan, but it seems there is something you don’t want me to know.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Cori,” she said, trying not to hesitate.
“I don’t believe you,” she said.
“It’s true, Corina. Nothing has happened between Elsa and I…”
“Nothing that cannot be solved,” interrupted Elsa.
Stefan looked at her, swallowed, and nodded calmly. His calm was a pretend one, and he didn’t know when he had started to use it.
“Have you had a disagreement? It’s the only think that I can think of. You two have always got along quite well, so now it is strange to see that you cannot even say hello to each other.”
They stayed in silence. What could they say so she stopped prying about the situation? It was clear they should have the same relationship as before so nobody could have any suspicions. The problem was that it was complicated to go back to that relationship when all they wanted was to kiss each other when they were so close. They wanted to kiss without thinking about anybody else but themselves.
“We have argued,” he announced all of a sudden. “I told her off for having left Chloe hanging the other day.”
And it wasn’t a complete lie. It was true that Stefan wanted to call her on that, but all the times they had been alone they couldn’t think of anybody else.
“Is that true, Elsa?”
She nodded. “Stefan was really angry and I yelled at him. You know how sometimes I get really mad,” she reminded her.
Corina pouted and lifted an eyebrow, analyzing their answers as if she didn’t quite believe them. Everything was very strange and, although Elsa was very hotheaded, she didn’t think she could be nasty with Stefan. They adored each other so much that she couldn’t really see them having a strong argument.
“Okay then,” she muttered. “So what are you waiting to make peace with each other?”
“I’m sorry, Stefan,” Elsa apologized.
Those apologies were truthful, but they didn’t mean what Corina thought they meant.
“No, I’m the one who is sorry,” he replied.
“Now a kiss and a hug.”
“Is that really necessary, Corina? We are not little children,” complained Stefan.
“Very necessary. Come on!” she encouraged them.
Stefan loo
ked at her and Elsa did the same. Both of them swallowed and started walking towards the other. They weren’t far from each other, but it felt like miles apart. Once they were face to face, Elsa shivered when he put his arms around her waist, pulling her towards his body. She raised her arms to his neck and hugged him, a longer hug than they should have shared.
Corina thought it was the right time to leave them alone, so she left without them noticing. Now they had to talk and forgive each other.
They wanted to separate, but their hug felt so good that it was impossible for them to do it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered in her ear.
“Me too,” she replied.
They pulled away a few inches because they couldn’t manage to do more than that, and the world stopped right at that moment. They had to keep a level head; they couldn’t lose their minds at that time so nobody could catch them in such a situation. Then he thought of something that could help them to speak clearly without anybody discovering what was really going on between them. So he told her at once, again whispering in her ear.
“Tonight. At midnight. I will wait for you in the basement once everybody goes to sleep.”
After that, he pulled away and left the kitchen. Elsa was trembling all over. Her legs were shaking so much she thought she would lose her balance any moment now. She leaned on the island, afraid to fall, and sighed with one hand over her chest, right over her heart, feeling how it was beating wildly, scared and nervous at the same time.
Was she scared? A lot. He didn’t scare her, but what could happen once they were alone. She knew they had a pending conversation; they had to clarify certain matters that would expose them to the others. They had to put the cards on the table and clear the situation, since they were both a mess. However, they weren’t able to tell each other like that during those moments they saw each other or were alone.
Timeless love Page 3
