by S M Mala
‘But not love?’
‘I think love is a word to describe so many good things but also used to hide flaws. By saying it and believing you are, sometimes you’re not really admitting you have doubts about the feelings. The relationship.’
‘For someone so young, you’re pretty cynical.’
‘Realistic.’ Henry let out a loud sigh. ‘You’re very much in love with him, but have doubts. It’s written all over your face.’
‘Doubts?’ Bea once again turned to Henry. ‘You don’t even know me.’
‘It’s the way you look at him, as if trying to figure something out that you’re not quite sure about. When you were with his friend yesterday it looked like you were completely lost. As if you had no idea what to do.’
‘Am I that transparent?’ Her heart was beating fast. ‘Can other people see it?’
‘Use the time with him to discover what you want.’
Closing her eyes, she thought hard.
Maybe she didn’t really know deep down and that could be causing the current self-doubt about Mylo and her.
That was the problem.
‘Mylo.’
It was now approaching eleven when she got back to the room, leaving Henry lying on the beach. He had lightened her mood but that soon went when she saw the heap on the bed.
Leaving her things in the safe and only taking her wallet, phone, travel guide and a bottle of water, she walked up to him.
‘Are you okay?’ she whispered.
‘Sorry,’ he replied hoarsely. ‘So, so sorry.’
‘I was worried.’
‘Sorry.’
‘I’m really upset and angry with you right now. It was our first night and you’ve let me down. You didn’t even call.’
‘So sorry. I don’t do things like that. Really sorry. I lost my phone. I love you.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Bea?’
Then he passed out into his land of hangover slumber.
Taking a couple of pain killers, she creeped out of the room but purposely tried to bang the door shut. It failed as there was a safety gauge to stop it from happening. Bea went to the reception and ordered a cab.
Eventually, when she got to the little town, she could see it was very popular that Thursday morning due to a local market. The place was alive and colourful, selling local food and produce. It bustled with islanders and tourists, all looking at the array of things to buy.
Bea made a mental note to remind her to come in a week’s time so they could stroll around the port.
Then she felt sad thinking so far ahead and wished Mylo was with her.
Ringing his mobile, she hoped he’d pick up but it went to voicemail.
One o’clock she sat outside at a small bar, having a glass of coke and eating some tapas. She looked at the people walking past and enjoyed the heat of the sun on her skin.
After an hour, she realised it was time to head home so she paid her bill and finished her drink.
‘What a coincidence!’ was all she heard then looked up.
To her horror, it was Dean.
‘Hello,’ she replied, unable to smile.
‘I take it Mylo is still unconscious?’ he asked, sitting down without being asked. ‘I’m walking off my hangover.’ Then he smiled. But not a genuine one. ‘We had a lot of fun last night.’
‘I’m pleased,’ Bea replied, trying to hide her concern.
‘What do you think is happening between you and Mylo?’
‘Pardon me? I don’t think that has anything to do with you, does it?’
‘He’s an old and dear friend, and so is Cole. The last thing I want to see is him making a humungous mistake.’
‘I appreciate you care but he is an adult.’
‘And do you think he’s pulling off this hetero vibe? Have you fallen for it?’
‘He had a relationship with one man unless you want to tell me different.’
‘Do you seriously think he’s going to stay with you?’ Dean shook his head as if amused. ‘You know he has tried with other women since and failed. I don’t know who he’s kidding. Himself, obviously.’
Knowing he was on the attack, she didn’t want to be railroaded into anything but Bea wasn’t going to let him bash her to the ground.
‘Tell me why you think our relationship is doomed.’
‘Because the reason they split is that Cole wanted to marry Mylo and make it legal. Thing is, Mylo kept Cole a secret for a long time, as if he didn’t want to admit to being gay.’
Her heart was thumping fast.
‘And you’re saying because Mylo can’t come to terms with his homosexual feelings, he’s hiding behind me and any woman that comes his way?’ Gulping hard, she tried not to show the comment riled her. ‘If he truly loved Cole, he would have married him.’
Dean started to laugh as if she had said something funny, when she knew she hadn’t.
‘Cole gave Mylo a settlement when they split. How do you think Mylo can afford the business and house? I mean, obviously Kayden plays a big part. Mylo tells everyone they were in a relationship for eighteen months. It was longer than that. Mylo instigated it and Cole was unsure.’
‘What are you saying?’ Bea moved forward and looked at the defiance in his eyes.
‘Look, he’s going to rush into things to show Cole he has moved on. Do you think Mylo is the type of guy to quickly settle down? You turn up and he’s declaring his love. Don’t you think that’s odd?’
She knew Dean wanted her to doubt Mylo.
And it was working.
‘He’ll probably make you think that you’re the most important thing in the world. Shower you with love and affection but who knows what he’ll get up to behind your back. Mylo would never admit he was with another man, I mean, he care barely admit it to himself. I know he didn’t tell you from the start so what does that mean?’ Then Dean cleared his throat. ‘Who knows what he got up to last night?’
‘Do you?’
He smiled at her as if he did.
All her happy vibes had gone.
It was as if she was the only person who couldn’t see it.
‘Go back home and forget about Mylo. Set him free if you really love him.’
The tears pricked hard in her eyes and she didn’t want to cry in front of him.
Mylo had rushed her into moving in and even getting married.
It was too fast and his friends realised he was trying to hide from his real self, his real desire.
To be with another man.
Momentarily distracted, Bea then noticed Dean had gone.
And in the process had taken her bag.
‘Did you see where he went?’
She asked, panicked. ‘He’s taken my bag.’
‘No I didn’t,’ the waiter replied, not looking up.
Dean wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Her head was spinning with confusion and now a real sense of dread.
How was she going to get home?
She didn’t know where to begin. Asking around, she even tried to see if a cab would take her to the hotel where she could get some money and pay them there. They weren’t having any of it and she kept being refused.
Thinking hard, there was only one thing she could do.
Walk.
Then Bea looked at her feet realising she was wearing pretty sandals not sensible shoes, plus her leg wasn’t feeling too good.
It was after two o’clock as she started the long journey home.
It was hot.
Very hot.
She had her straw hat on for protection but knew the walk was going to be hard.
Angry, hot tears ran down her face. Dean had shredded all her confidence in Mylo. It was obvious he had said something and his friend could see he was using her. Whatever he had got up to the previous night was far more interesting than being with her.
And if it was a man, she couldn’t win.
All she could taste were her salty tears trickling into her mouth, as she
kept her head down and walked through the terrible pain in her leg, which had now spread to her blistered feet.
But she didn’t want to stop.
Her focus was to get back to the hotel, pack her bags and go.
The idea of telling her father that it hadn’t worked out made her feel deeply ashamed. She had no home to go to so she would have to move back in with him.
Bea felt stupid about being tricked by Mylo.
Any humiliation she would have to deal with. That went without saying.
Again and again her head was spinning with questions and her heart felt very heavy, much like her leg.
Every part of her body felt sore but there was nothing she could do. The searing, hot pain in her leg was worse than the one beating down on her body. Looking up, she saw the hotel but that was the hardest walk.
So close and yet so far.
Each step was more painful than the last and she started crying, wanting desperately to get back.
When she reached the hotel reception, she could barely speak and a nice waiter from the day before came rushing towards her.
‘My bag was stolen. I had to walk two hours.’
‘Let’s sit you down,’ he replied, immediately taking her to one of the soft couches in reception.
Then she looked down at her battered and bleeding feet. Bea was in so much pain, it was unbearable to breath.
‘I need to get back to my room,’ she whispered. ‘Could you help me, please? I haven’t got my key and-.’
‘Bea, what’s wrong?’ Henry rushed up to her.
‘Dean took my bag and I had to walk,’ she said, seeing his anguished face. ‘I’m in so much pain. Please help me?’
‘Yes, of course I will,’ he said, turning to the waiter. ‘Can you get someone to locate her boyfriend? It’s a matter of urgency.’ Then Henry looked at her. ‘You’re very hot. Drink something.’
A bottle of water was thrust into her face as she sipped but couldn’t swallow. She had upset herself so much, it was hard to take in any liquid.
Gently he helped her to her feet being guided by a member of staff towards the room.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, unable to walk as her skin burned due to the heat of her own temperature and the sun. ‘I can make it.’
Henry scooped her up in his arms and lay her on the bed.
That’s when she passed out.
‘Bea, are you okay?’
Mylo was talking and she couldn’t open her eyes.
Bea felt sick but as hot as she was, her skin wasn’t getting cooler.
‘Will you look at me?’
Slowly her eyes opened and she saw his face full of concern. She started to cry.
‘Oh baby,’ he whispered and stroked her face. ‘You need to drink something. I suspect you’ve got sun stroke. What happened?’
‘I can’t be with you.’
‘Pardon?’
‘Leave me alone, Mylo. Just leave me alone.’
‘Wait here,’ he replied and quickly walked away.
She heard some whispering as he closed the door, walking back with a bottle of water and a straw.
‘Drink this,’ he said, stroking her shoulder but the skin felt sore so Bea pulled away. ‘Your feet are cut and …’ Mylo held his breath. ‘Are you okay?’
‘No, I’m not,’ sobbed Bea, pushing his hand away. ‘I’m not okay!’
‘You need to drink.’
‘Leave me alone. Just leave me alone!’
Bea turned away and sobbed into the soft pillow, not wanting to speak.
The pain was intense in her leg and back, she would have gladly died there and then.
‘You need to shower. There’s blood all over your feet,’ Mylo said as she felt his breath on her neck. ‘Let me help you.’
All she did was shake her head from side to side.
‘You could have sunstroke and I might have to call a doctor. Your skin is boiling hot and this could turn serious.’
Then he pulled her up as they walked to the bathroom but Bea couldn’t put pressure on her leg and cried out in pain.
‘Please don’t do this!’ she sobbed. ‘It hurts too much. Don’t make me walk!’
Mylo picked her up and took her to the bathroom, turning the shower on and placed her in the cubicle as she held herself up against the tiled wall.
The water jets felt painful against her skin then she realised he was standing behind her, slowly removing her clothing until she was naked.
Gradually the water became less painful and cooler.
He then turned her around, holding her gently in his arms as she started to feel her body cool down.
But still she was angry so pushed him away.
‘I’m okay. You can go,’ Bea mumbled, realising her eyes were sore and she couldn’t look at him.
‘I’m not going anywhere and you need to tell me what happened. I just got back from…’ He hesitated and she knew it was going to be bad. ‘I’m really sorry about last night. I know I said I’d get back for dinner but I lost my phone, then one thing led to another.’
‘Did it?’
That’s when she looked straight at him, wondering if he would have the guts to tell her what he’d been up to.
‘Well, yes,’ he answered, looking confused.
She stepped back and her body was shaking due to his lies.
‘That’s why I texted and called you but you couldn’t fucking well be bothered to even tell me! When you do come in, you just collapse on the bed stinking drunk.’
‘I said I was sorry and-.’
‘Of course you’re sorry. You always are!’
‘Don’t be like that.’
‘And the way Dean spoke to me yesterday. That man was rude and you didn’t say anything, didn’t tell him to stop making snide comments. I felt stupid.’
She hobbled, holding onto anything to help her go as far as possible.
‘Leave me alone. I want to go home. This is a bloody mistake and I should have seen it coming.’
Holding on for dear life, she moved as fast as she could, knowing the pain was so powerful in her leg and left buttock, she was going to collapse.
Mylo grabbed her firmly around the waist and moved her towards the bedroom as she tried to push his arm away. Then he turned her around so she could face him.
‘What’s upset you?’
‘You’ve upset me!’
‘How? I’ve not been here!’
‘Where have you been? Where did you really go last night?’ Bea swallowed hard. ‘Don’t you dare make me look any more stupid than you’ve done already? The reason you’re with me is because you think that will stop you wanting other men.’
‘What did you say?’ Mylo moved closer. ‘Wanting men?’
‘You’re gay and can’t admit it. That’s why you left Chicago because Cole wanted to get married. You made your money because he gave it to you. That house you asked me to move into effectively belongs to him and I shouldn’t be there.’ Then she let out a little sob. ‘I have to move back home with my dad. Can’t you see the mess you’ve put me in? You lied to me, Mylo. You’ve let me down. I’m not the first woman you’ve done this to and I doubt if I’ll be the last.’
‘I think the sun has really affected your brain.’ He stepped back, starting to get agitated. ‘And this all because I didn’t meet you for dinner?’
‘Do you think I’m that pathetic?’ she shouted and moved towards the wardrobe, opening the door and grabbing her clothes from the hangers. ‘You think I’m irrational? I spoke to Dean. He then went on to steal my handbag and I had to walk two hours to get back to the hotel. You wouldn’t have noticed I wasn’t here; too busy remembering who you had fun with last night while recovering from your hangover.’
Her hands were shaking as she threw the garments onto the chair and pulled out her suitcase. Bea then put on a dress to cover up her naked body, which she now realised might be more repelling than appealing to Mylo.
‘All I want is for you
to change my ticket so I can fly out tonight or first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll stay at another hotel. I can’t change the flight as you have the new booking reference.’ She closed her eyes, feeling sick to her stomach. ‘You probably don’t believe he stole my bag and I was left stranded. Why did you bring me here if you planned to meet?
‘I don’t believe what I’m hearing.’
She rested her head against the wardrobe.
The next thing she heard was the door close.
Mylo had walked away.
That’s when she realised the truth hurt.
Right now, it was hurting her more than she ever contemplated.
‘You’re not going anywhere.’
Bea was starting to stir. She had fallen asleep on the bed. As she opened her eyes, Mylo was sitting on a chair and stroked her head. ‘Take these for the pain.’
Handing over the tablets, she reached out for a bottle of water to wash it down.
‘Your bag was handed into reception half an hour after you got back. Apparently, you left it at the bar you were sitting at. Some nice person brought it here.’ Mylo bit his lip. ‘I did lose my phone last night and I went out after lunch to get it. You know I need it because of maintaining contact with Kayden and you. Then I got the call you had collapsed as I was coming back. I’ve checked my messages and voice mail. I’m sorry Bea, though right now you don’t think that means anything. Dean told me he spoke to you.’
She closed her eyes and turned around, not wanting to look at him.
‘I know it was our first night. Don’t you think I felt bad about letting you down? I was so pissed, I couldn’t even walk.’ She heard him move the chair forward. ‘I want this to be a wonderful time for us.’
‘I want to go home,’ she mumbled. ‘How did they know I was staying here, the person who knew I left it at the bar?’
There was a heavy silence.
‘I don’t know,’ he eventually replied. ‘Did you tell anyone?’
She couldn’t be bothered to answer because if Dr Kearney had half a brain, he would have figured it out.
‘Go and see Dean,’ Bea said, closing her eyes. ‘Ask him what he told me.’
‘You need to listen to me.’
Mylo lay on the bed next to her as she tried to turn away. He wrapped his arms around her body with a firm grip. Bea put her arms up across her chest to stop him from moving closer.
