I also knew Thanatos had been outside my bedroom. Lucian had also known he’d stood in the shadows with Spyder, protecting our babes from Synthia’s irrational belief that she had to do it alone. I’d included her in plans, yet she’d ignored them. I didn’t have time to walk her through them again.
We had explained the necessity of her being here, being present when we met with the head of the castes, but she’d been gone weeks without even realizing it. Ristan had pulled her aside and reminded her how time worked between worlds, and she’d frowned, shrugging her delicate shoulders like it hadn’t been some big fucking deal. It was. If I’d known that she had been aware of who she was consorting with, we could have fucking ended it quickly and efficiently.
I wouldn’t have had to let it play out to see if my wife was plotting against me. Instead, I’d let her assume I’d fucked someone else to capture the spies running through our halls. I’d begun stacking the deck without her, as I thought she was stacking it against me for our enemies.
I was as much at fault as she was, but I wasn’t the one holding on to another world. I was right fucking here, waiting for her to choose us. Her world didn’t want her, wouldn’t accept her in her true form, but we would. Faery was reaching for her, and she refused to reach out and take the power it offered to its goddess.
She wanted me to be her bad guy.
Well, here I fucking was, no longer donning some mask of civility for her. She could deal with who I really was, or she wouldn’t get me at all. I wouldn’t pretend to be something I wasn’t anymore. I wasn’t willing to ignore what was happening or the lives we had lost because she refused to let go of her past and reach for the future.
Hunting her had been thrilling, but the end result hadn’t been satisfying. Watching my pretty wife twisting in pain had hurt me deeply, but the thought of losing her hurt much worse. I didn’t have time to fuck around.
I needed what she was born to be, and she belonged at my side, ready to fight those who wanted us dead. I wanted my wife to pull her pretty head from her ass and come back up swinging because that was what she fucking did. She always got back up.
“Are you here, or should we do this another time?” Zahruk asked.
“My wife is in a bloody fucking pit, asshole.”
“Damn and I thought my mother was a bitch for tossing us into the prison,” Asher snorted from where he leaned across the table, watching us. “Hope you left her something to do there.”
“I don’t know, Asher. What was there to do in the Seelie prison? Maybe you and Synthia will have more to talk about when she gets home.”
“Funny, not even you would be that cruel,” he chuckled as he crossed his arms, studying me with a smirk on his lips.
“A prison in which not even the gods can escape? It’s the perfect place for her until she can figure out how to be what we need her to be.”
He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. “Nah, there’s some fucked up things in that place.”
“What fucked up things?” I demanded carefully. My hands crunched against the table, and it whined from the strain.
Iridescent eyes lifted, and Asher studied me. “Tell me you didn’t throw Synthia into that fucking pit.” When I just stared at him, the color drained from his face. “Ryder, tell me you didn’t toss your pretty wife to the monsters that I left in that fucking hell!”
“What monsters?” I asked, feeling my stomach twist with his words. I observed his ashen face as he opened and closed his mouth before fully figuring out what the fuck words were.
“You think it was fun and games down there? There were creatures so fucking evil and vile that they couldn’t be killed. There’s no magic down there. You either learn quickly to adapt, or you die. It took me centuries to get the slightest bit of magic during my time in that hellish pit. If you left her there, she’s without magic, alone, and with monsters that we weren’t strong enough to kill, even once we obtained magic after thousands of years.”
“She’s been there for three days, and has yet to enter the caves,” I muttered, scrubbing my hand over my mouth.
“You don’t get it. That pit isn’t even an actual pit. It’s a fucking gateway into the realm of monsters. You see one thing, the person within sees something else. It causes confusion, and time moves very differently there. The Hell of the human world has nothing on that hellhole. I learned that quickly. I was tossed into the pit three days after my brother, and yet to him, twenty years had passed since he’d entered.
“Every day, I looked down to be certain he was safe. I saw the same thing every day until I entered it myself and found him ripped to fucking pieces and hung on the walls of the cave. The thing is, down there, you don’t die. You just wake up the next day to be hunted by monsters again. You tossed your fucking wife to those creatures, and I assure you, what they do to women isn’t pretty.”
“I didn’t toss Synthia into that pit, she jumped. I just didn’t help her get out, and I have watched her every day since I left her there,” I argued, repeating what he had basically just said. My heart clenched, beating wildly as my brothers closed rank against me with the agitation they felt.
“No, you have seen what they wanted you to see. Pray what comes out of that cave has even a sliver of resemblance to the woman you left there. If she has been there for three days, she’s been fighting to escape for twenty years, if not more. It may have changed, but Danu dying wouldn’t have changed everything. It sure as hell didn’t kill Malachi, and if he has gotten to her, she may be so far gone that you may need to put her down because she’ll be so lost that nothing will reach her.”
I leaned over the table, grabbing Asher’s shirt as I yanked him forward to stare at him through narrowed slits. “You think to play games with me? She’s been calling my name nonstop.”
“I’m not fucking with you, Ryder. I told you that place was utter hell. I told you it was the shit of nightmares, and yet you left her there? That isn’t on me. I wouldn’t throw my worst fucking enemy into that hellhole, and I’m a cold bastard who enjoys watching people suffer.”
“She jumped,” I growled.
“Then you should have pulled her out. Only someone from the top can get you out.”
“What’s down there?” I asked carefully.
“The shit we couldn’t kill no matter how hard we fucking tried. There was an army of us, and she’s alone. She is powerless down there, unguarded, more than likely unarmed, and utterly fucked. We spent one thousand years of your time down there. To us, we lived a thousand lives.
“If we died, we just came back to repeatedly live a nightmare until we no longer felt anything but pain. You want to know what is down in those caves? Hell is. A beautiful paradise with monsters that destroy your soul until you have nothing left for them to take,” Asher said softly, his eyes haunted with the memories.
“You let Syn jump into a fucking hole and then left her there?” Adam asked, narrowing his eyes as he stood, staring daggers at me from across the maps. “You just threw her away?”
“I’m teaching her a lesson. She isn’t accepting this world. She’s fucking stuck with her feet in both, and Faery is dying because of it. My people are dying because she can’t let go of the guild. If Synthia reached for her powers, she would be unstoppable. She isn’t reaching for them. She’s holding her hands closed at her sides, refusing to accept that this is her world now and where she belongs.”
“She’s your fucking wife, Ryder.” Adam glared at me, his brands pulsing as he shook his head in anger.
“Faery is a living, breathing thing, and if she rejects it, it will wilt just like anything does when neglected. Our people are dying while she drags her feet. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Wait until there’s no one left to save? We’re at war, Adam. Gods are trying to fucking kill us! I did what I thought was best in order to get through to her. I di
dn’t know the cave was filled with monsters. It was believed to be empty!”
“You’re expected to want her to be herself! To be the woman who died to bring your children into this world. She’s my best fucking friend, Ryder. Where the fuck is she? I need you to tell me, and we need to go get her now!”
“I’m with the Prince of Darkness,” Asher shrugged.
“Adam is the Dark King, not the prince,” I corrected absently. My mind rushed through scenarios as my gut twisted and plummeted to my feet. Everything in my mind rebelled against the idea of her suffering where I’d chosen to leave her.
“Little young, isn’t he, to be the king of an entire kingdom?” Asher asked.
“Who the fuck gives a fairy fucking granny two tits?” Adam snapped impatiently. “Can we go?”
“Let’s,” I grumbled, letting my power fill the room before I took everyone in it to the cave where the Seelie princes had been entombed for over a thousand years—longer, if Asher was to be believed.
I looked into the hole, staring at Synthia’s huddled form as she peered up through violet-blue sleepy eyes. Her body was covered in dirt, just as it had been for the past three days. Her outfit was ripped, but she’d pulled it over her arms as her mouth opened and closed while she stared up at me with pleading eyes.
“She looks exhausted but otherwise fine,” I muttered.
“What the fuck are you looking at? That’s not Syn. That’s a fucking corpse missing half its fucking body,” Adam clipped harshly.
“What?” I tore my eyes from Synthia and looked at the men. They were peering down into the pit with looks of unease and horror. “She’s right fucking there!”
“Nah, Ryder. You see what the monsters want you to see. Your wife is gone. She’s not down there.” Asher scrubbed his hand over his face with a haunted look in his eyes. “She entered the caves. Fuck. Who knows where she went or what got her. That thing down there is nothing but what the kid says: a fucking corpse. That isn’t Synthia.”
My heart beat wildly as denial screamed through me. My head swung back to the body, watching as it decayed before my eyes. Black lifeless pits formed where her eyes had been seconds before. The creature beckoned, standing up on nothing but bones before it began laughing coldly.
“More pretties for us to play with, please?” it hissed, then cackled before crumpling to the ground, causing the skull to detach from its body.
“What the fuck did I do?” I whispered thickly, hating the pain and fear that rushed through me at the thought of Synthia enduring what Asher had described.
No one stirred or replied to me. My heart pounded painfully against my ribs as I moved to enter the cave. Blood roared through my ears, and sweat beaded at my neck. Asher grabbed me, his eyes wide with terror, and I yanked my arm away from him.
“She’s my wife! I left her down there.”
“If you enter that pit, you might never return. You could search for Synthia forever. What happens to this world, Ryder, if both of you are gone from it?” Asher asked, watching me as worry and determination set in.
“I don’t want to live in a world without her. I did this for her, to show her that letting go of her old world doesn’t mean saying goodbye to it. She cannot die without knowing why I did this. It wasn’t to hurt her. It wasn’t to destroy who she was. I just wanted her to know what living in her world would be like without powers. She has her powers because of Faery; they’re to be used in this world. I just wanted her to fucking see it.”
“You go down there, and you won’t come back. That’s a simple fact. Time isn’t the same down there, and you don’t even know how long she’s been gone. She could have passed through thousands of portals into the never-ending worlds that this cave opens up into. I get it; you lost your girl. It’s hard, but you let her go. Even if she entered on her own, you let her go—she’s gone.”
“I can smell her. She can’t be too far into that cave.” I studied Asher’s gaze, finding the truth of his words in his eyes.
“Ryder, you need to see this shit,” Zahruk called from the other side of the pit, forcing me to turn in the direction he stood. “Something came out of there.”
Across from us was a ladder built of bones and held together by ligaments. My gaze traveled up the ladder until my heart stopped beating. I sifted across from the spot I’d stood, landing at the far side of the pit next to the ladder. I could smell her, the sweetness of her body, and the intoxicating blood that pumped through her veins. I moved closer to the wall behind me, pushing past the men who barred my way, and paused as the writing came into view.
Found my humanity, I left it for you.
Can you hear it beating?
I can’t.
But that was what you wanted, right?
I also discovered my wings… And my wings have shown me who I am, what I am. The thing is, I no longer care what I am, or about much of anything anymore.
You wanted a monster, right?
I have become one.
I hope you like the changes I’ve made to come home to you.
Side note, I’m fucking starving.
You should be careful what you ask for, because sometimes you do get what you want, and I’m everything you wanted, and no longer who I was.
See you soon, lover.
I think…
I died…
Are you here?
Where were you when I needed you most?
Help…
I’m coming back…
Ready to play with me?
Feeling cute…
Might fuck the world up later…Maybe sooner…It sounds…Fun?
On the wall were words written in her blood that went from making sense to gibberish, as if she was changing or evolving as she wrote them. Giant wings had been drawn as well, and on a pedestal beside the wall was Synthia’s heart.
My throat bobbed as I searched for the words to speak or say anything other than fuck. This wasn’t what I had wanted, and if Asher was right, she may no longer even care about us. She’d been down there too long. What the hell had I done? Who the hell was she now?
“Let’s hope your wife is the thing that crawled out of that hole. Judging by the love letter she left you, I’m going to say it’s her, but not her.”
“It’s her fucking heart,” I rasped. “That’s Synthia’s heart, and her message is written in her own blood.”
“It doesn’t mean that’s who crawled out. It just means they consumed her thoughts and had access to one of her corpses. They may have left it so you didn’t go looking deeper for her. The things down there aren’t like us, Ryder. Some consume souls, taking the best parts of their prey and removing their memories while transforming them into what they want them to become.
“Other things, well, they make you into something else altogether. I wasn’t this sexed-up when I went down there, but I sure as fuck was when I came out of that pit. You never come back the same. That place changes you into a monster, and what went down doesn’t come back up. Sorry that isn’t what you want to hear, but fuck, she ripped out her own heart and used her blood to write you a creepy-ass love letter. Doesn’t sound like the Goddess of the Fae came out of there, Ryder,” he said sadly.
“My Synthia isn’t in that cave, that’s all I fucking care about. I can bring her back; she’s my wife. I just have to find her.” I stared at the drawing of the wings; it gave me hope.
The beating heart that still pounded on the pedestal, though, gave me pause. A long fucking pause, if I was being honest. What had she gone through to get out of there? Would she forgive me for leaving her here? Knowing Synthia, I was going to be in for the fight of my life to get her back.
“This is fucking crazy shit,” Adam muttered, pushing his fingers through his hair in frustration.
I was wil
ling to go to war to bring her back to me, but first I had to figure out where the hell she was, and I couldn’t feel her. It felt like she was right here, but the only thing she’d left me was her bleeding heart. “We need to discover where she was or where she would go.”
“No, you need to figure out who and what crawled out of that hole. Then, and only then, can you figure out where Synthia went.” Asher shook his head, frowning. Everyone went silent, listening as the heart beat louder and louder as if Synthia was experiencing an adrenaline rush, or worse, fighting someone.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Ryder
I stood on the battlements, watching the field where power seemed to continually be collecting for the last several days. All of Faery was holding its breath as something intensified within it, and I had a suspicion it was my wife gathering her strength to come for me. I wanted her back here, safe within the walls of the stronghold, and yet the more we looked for her, the more helpless I felt that she wasn’t coming home.
If Asher was right, and the prick seemed to be right about the pit, it wasn’t Synthia that had crawled out of that cave. So who was driving my pretty wife around, and how the fuck did I fix this mess?
It was killing me to consider the truth. To think of Synthia being hurt by creatures within the pit, but it was supposed to have been empty. I’d assumed so, since Asher and an entire army were now outside of it, roaming free. He’d never mentioned anything else being down there when I’d cornered and interrogated him on the passes. I’d put him through hell, allowing Zahruk to search through his intentions without looking too hard at his time in that hellish pit. I’d been in a hurry to head off the mages.
The Seelie prison was one of the few things inside this entire world that I’d never bothered to explore, but then it had been filled with the Seelie, and they weren’t something I’d ever considered freeing.
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