by Quinn, Taryn
He glared at me. “So, it was fucking fake when you were begging me not to stop last night?”
Vee cleared her throat. “Okay, I’m going to go. I’ll be right out—”
“Right, because I was horny and I liked your dick. Did you hear that past tense? Liked. As in over it now. Had fun though. It was a great way to pass some hours. Now let’s not make it messy.”
“Messy? Is that what this is?” He started to laugh a little too loudly and the first hint of concern flared in my belly. This flame of an argument was about to spill over into one helluva inferno.
And I was at work. Dani was just outside the door. My customers and friends were out there too. I couldn’t do this. I’d worked too hard to build my little empire to burn it down with one heck of a lit cigarette.
But right now? I didn’t give a flying fig.
“You better have your wife take your daughter outside. Because shit is about to get very real in here, and I don’t want her to be hurt.”
Unlike Gideon. I wanted to rain punches on him until I was numb. Until this void inside me was full of anything but confusion and pain.
Tears stung my eyes as I turned away to slam my palms on the counter by the sinks. What did I do wrong this time? Was it my fault? Could I just not have a healthy adult relationship without the guy running back to his ex, no matter how much of a witch she was?
“Ex-wife, as you damn well know. Dani and Jessica are gone. Dani wanted to come back here and say goodbye, but I told her she could talk to you later.”
A single tear escaped and I swiped it away with the side of my hand. There would be no later.
For a second out there, I’d almost let myself believe everything was fine.
Oh, you’re being silly. Over the top. Seeing old ghosts that don’t exist.
So what if an eight-year-old draws her parents’ hands together when they’re in the same space for a rare couple of moments? What else would you expect her to do other than to hope her parents would one day get back together?
And that wasn’t even the crux of it. I was already jealous of Jessica. Not that I didn’t have plenty going on myself—because thank you very much, I did—but I wasn’t blind. She was beautiful and famous and beyond that, they’d made a child together. I had no clue what that bond must feel like. And now I never would.
There was no way I could deal with this kind of pain again.
I risked shifting to look at him. “You didn’t tell me you were going to see her, and it didn’t just slip your mind. You lied to me.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s not a lie when someone doesn’t tell you something. It’s like the night of our first kiss all over again. Maybe they really did forget.”
“It’s not a they, Gideon, it’s you.”
“Maybe they weren’t thinking about how you’d see it for one fucking second because I was worried I was going to lose my daughter. Not forever, but more time with her, and that feels like forever.”
I spun around and stared at nothing. I couldn’t make out shapes or colors right now. It was all an indistinct blur.
“Mace.” Gideon gripped my shoulder—not a soft touch, but a serious hold like he meant it. I flinched, but I didn’t jerk away. “Look at me.”
“Why?” I hated that my voice broke as I asked the question. Absolutely hated it.
“All of this is really because I didn’t tell you I was meeting Jessica this afternoon?” The faint note of dubiousness in his tone had me digging my fingers into the unforgiving countertop. “I meant to, but I didn’t because I was tied up in myself and my worry about Dani. I admit it. It was selfish and unfair to you and I’m sorry. But it wasn’t the only reason.”
I pivoted to face him, and the lines of worry bracketing his eyes—so many more than had seemed to be there just weeks ago—had me clamping down on my tongue. But those lines definitely didn’t lessen the lump in my throat.
He looked absolutely exhausted. He was so terrified to lose more time with Dani. Why shouldn’t he do whatever necessary to ensure his daughter had a stable home? She was his first responsibility, not some chick he’d been messing around with since the end of summer.
“If you take her back, you won’t have to worry she’ll take your kid away from you anymore.” The words left me in a hot rush that hurt my throat.
Gideon stared at me as if I was speaking a language he’d never heard before. “I don’t want Jessica back. I definitely didn’t before, but how could I even think about her when I have you?”
The words carved away slices of me. Even if that were true, I couldn’t face the bone-deep weariness in his eyes without accepting I had the power to end it.
Or at least to release him from whatever was tying him to me, whether it was misplaced guilt over my situation with Lou and Malcolm or maybe because the sex was good. Even if he did have genuine feelings for me, they couldn’t come above his concern for his daughter.
And they shouldn’t.
I wasn’t going to make him choose. I also wasn’t going to hang around and wait until he got there himself. Our so-called dating arrangement had earned me some freaking intense feelings, and I had to think about self-preservation at this point.
“She’s backing off.” He took hold of my wrist and tugged me to him, but this time, his touch was a silken cord. Barely enough to keep me in place. “She’s got a movie. She’s going to leave us alone. You, me, and Dani.”
I couldn’t have missed the undercurrent in his voice. A thread of desperation that matched the band squeezing the air out of my chest.
“What about next time?” I couldn’t speak above a whisper. “Anytime she changes her mind, you’re just going to live at her mercy? And what, make up dating arrangements with whomever is around then, just so you can make sure you’ll get to keep your own child? It doesn’t have to be that way. You made a baby with her.”
Some part of me wanted to throttle myself for saying this shit. For trying to pretend it was empowering for me to send him back to his ex. Like he was a gift I could give away.
Not because I had ownership—God, no—but because he was a fucking awesome guy who just wanted to be with his kid.
I couldn’t blame him. If there was a way he could ensure he’d get to keep her, I wouldn’t stand in the way.
Maybe in time, he’d see I was right. Smart. Practical. We both so loved being sensible.
“I honestly can’t believe you think this is the answer.” He closed his eyes, the deep furrows in his forehead standing out in sharp relief. “To avoid risk, I’m supposed to live a lie?”
He had been smiling when he walked into the café with Jessica, and now he was on the verge of losing it because of me. Didn’t that just say everything?
“We agreed to no drama.” I fought to keep my tone steady. “To just let this run its course and when it had, when the threat was gone, we would end it.”
His eyes popped open and his grip tightened. “The threat isn’t gone. You just said it. And if I have to play this fucking dating game to keep you in my life, fine, I’ll do it. I vowed I’d never play games with anyone again, but you’ve put me back in that place, haven’t you?”
I tried to yank my wrist free. It took a second, but he finally let me go and held up his hands. “You know what? You’re right. We agreed not to do this. No big breakup.”
Yeah, fine. Right. I bit my lip until I tasted blood, but I nodded.
“I just never guessed you’d take the coward’s way out because you’re too fucking scared to see I’m not Lou. Dani isn’t Malcolm. If you want to rewrite this story and stick your own ending on it, go ahead. But don’t tell yourself that you were magnanimous enough to push me toward a woman I don’t love when I know who I do.”
My head reared up, but it was too late. All I saw was the back of his jacket before he slammed out of the kitchen.
What the hell had he said? What did he mean? He couldn’t—
God, could he?
I moved forward, already i
n a full-on run, and collided with Vee in the doorway. She toppled a tray, and I wasn’t sure which one of us screeched louder. Immediately, I went into mom mode, patting her down, asking if she was okay, if anything hurt.
No need to ask me, since literally every part of me did. Body. Mind. Heart. And my freaking eyes were leaking like someone had left on the tap.
“Macy, stop. Mace.” She dropped the stuff in her hands on the counter before cupping my face.
Just like that, a fissure opened up inside me. One that had been stitched closed with the thinnest of wires these past few years, and now they were giving way.
“Let’s sit and talk, okay? We’ll go upstairs.” Vee rubbed her thumb over my cheeks. “I’ll make tea—” Catching my expression, she laughed. “Sorry, mom instinct. Coffee. Of course coffee. You’ll tell me what happened, and we’ll figure it all out, all right?”
“I think it already is figured out, just figured out all wrong.” I swallowed over the razor blades lining my throat. “I just told the guy I’m in love with, the father of the kid I love, to go back to his ex.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “What the fuck have I done?”
Nineteen
I stormed into The Haunt. “Fuck.”
My heart was thundering and my brain was going to fucking explode. After all of the shit we’d been through, Macy actually thought I’d ever choose my ex-wife over her? No freaking way.
Had I really been so wrong about her?
August Beck peeked around the tall, skinny armoire I’d commissioned for Macy’s soft opening. She didn’t know about it. Hell, I’d barely been able to give her one small surprise in this entire endeavor. Damn woman was a control freak’s control freak.
“Is that a ‘fuck’ because something broke? Or a ‘fuck’ because you’re trying not to throttle a woman?” August went back to calmly stroking stain over the leg of the ash wood.
I tipped my head back. I thought I’d be alone in here of all places. I sagged against the bar stool and propped my elbows on the ebony bar. The place was completely finished. The floors shone in the filtered sunlight through the walnut-stained slatted blinds. The booths were lined up perfectly. The bar was flawless behind me.
For a horror-based restaurant, at this moment it would stand up to the most stringent white glove test.
August was sitting cross-legged on a large drop-cloth—far larger than the piece required—and I probably could have kissed him for it.
“What are you doing in here, man?”
“Quiet. Well, it was.” He moved his long, even strokes with the brush up the side of the unit. “Kinleigh has Aretha Franklin going at top volume next door. Not that I don’t love the queen of soul or anything, but if she plays ‘Respect’ one more time today, I’ll probably break her vintage gramophone she loves so goddamn much.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Women are the bane of my existence right now.”
“So, door number two. Got it. Eh, not surprising when you have a woman as fiery in spirit as Macy Devereaux. Dude, French and slightly crazy. With those wild eyes, I wouldn’t be shocked if there was some Irish in there too.”
“Are you checking out my woman?”
“So caveman of you. Don’t let Macy hear you say that.”
I laughed, even though I didn’t feel like laughing. August said whatever was on his mind. Most of the time, I wondered if there was much going on in there since he was often exceedingly quiet. But then he said stuff like that.
“Do you want to talk or some shit? Or just sit there and ruminate on it?” August asked after we didn’t speak for a few minutes.
I so wasn’t the guy who talked things out. I wanted to just do and not discuss. “I’m good with quiet.”
“Works for me.”
The whisper of his brush over wood was hypnotic. My mind evened out and the rage receded back into anger. “Macy thinks I should get back together with my ex for the sake of Dani.”
“Did she hit her head recently?”
I bowed my head with a chuckle. “I’m beginning to wonder.”
“Did you give her reason to think such an idiotic thing?”
That was where I was fucked.
“Silence says yes, sir.”
“I may have had a slightly incognito meeting with Jessica today to talk about our custody issues.”
August whistled. “Not good, man.”
“I was freaking out, that’s my only defense. Regardless of the meeting, Macy should know that I’d never go back to her. That we’re solid.”
Except we’d never said the big words.
I was willing to let Macy hide from putting a real title on what we were just so I wouldn’t have to face her choosing to leave.
“Fuck.”
“Did a lightbulb go on over there?”
“Man, you are a sarcastic son of a bitch today.”
August got to his feet and stretched his back. “I’m always sarcastic. I just usually keep it to myself. You seem to need a little bit of truth sauce today.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You wouldn’t be so quick to get angry if that was the truth.”
“She overreacted. Yes, I didn’t tell her about the meeting, but it was only because I was…”
“Worried about yourself? Your kid. Both?”
“Shit.” I slumped back against the bar again. “Yes, mostly about myself. I’ve been so afraid of Jessica taking Dani from me, I haven’t faced any of the shit between me and Macy.”
“Understandable.”
“She’s so goddamn squirmy when it comes to actually admitting she wants to be in a relationship. Wants me, outside of a quick bang. Or a long one.” I exhaled. “I didn’t want to tell her the threat from Jessica was gone in case she decided her duty was done. Why stick around now when we’ve had our fun and I don’t need her anymore? Except I do. So fucking much.”
And I hadn’t even fully realized how much that was holding me back until I’d said it out loud.
“Sounds like you just gotta do the big Hallmark kinda deal. So she can’t say no.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “Hallmark?”
“Dude, you met my sister. She watches those things day in and day out this time of year. If I want to see my niece, I get that as background noise. Always with the noise.”
“Yeah, the noise thing never stops. Sorry, bud.”
August sighed. “They’re cheesy, but they do those endings better than any action movie. At least when it comes to the romance stuff. Macy probably needs over the top romance more than any other woman in town. I don’t know her story, but if she’s got that kind of shit in her head, she’s probably been pretty hurt before.”
“She has.” I’d blundered my way right into hurting her because I was too afraid to face the truth. She had to pick me. And I really didn’t trust that she would.
I’d fucked up just as badly as she had.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I dug it out and swore. I was racking up the points for being an absolute dick, that was for sure. Lucky for me, Jessica had taken that one moment to be the responsible parent while I had a temper tantrum.
Jesus.
The text was from Jessica with a picture of Dani holding a huge pumpkin with misshapen eyes and a wide cut-out smile missing one front tooth, just like my daughter.
I have to catch a flight or I’d take her for the night. Is everything okay with Macy?
It will be. Where are you? I’ll come pick up Dani.
We’re at the Hummingbird. They were having a pumpkin carving party.
I laughed. Guess that was my sign.
I’ll be right there.
I grinned at August. “I think I just figured out my big reveal.”
“Awesome. Pictures, or it didn’t happen. At least that’s what Ivy says.”
“If she says yes, there will be all the pictures.”
“Yes?”
“I’m going for the holy grail.”
August’s eyes went w
ide. “Dude, I said get your woman back, not propose.”
“It’s all or nothing at this point.”
He whistled and held out a hand. “Good luck.”
I hauled him in for a hard hug. “If you could put the finished armoire in Macy’s office here, I’d appreciate it.”
“You got it.”
I strode out of The Haunt and to my truck in the back. I wasn’t sure if this was smart, but I had a feeling August was right. Macy needed all the big gestures. I’d all but told her I loved her earlier today. And I’d seen the shock under the hurt.
The fact that she didn’t know I loved her already was definitely on me.
Before I went to The Hummingbird’s Nest, I called every damn pumpkin patch in the county. I’d need a damn lot of pumpkins for this plan to work.
There were a ton of cars parked near the bed and breakfast, and the squeal of children greeted me as soon as I opened the door to the dining room.
Sage Hamilton was in the middle of it all, clad in a crazy orange shirt with flashing lights set in the pumpkin face. She was directing parents and children in the fine art of using a template. Oliver, her husband, was off to the side with their daughter, cutting precise circles for the eyeholes of her jack-o-lantern.
I spotted my daughter and my ex with a clear poncho over her clothes. I was surprised to see as much pumpkin juice near her and on her makeshift smock. Dani spotted me and gave me a huge gap-toothed smile.
“Daddy! Mom has the best carving nails ever. I can’t believe how cool she made our pumpkin!”
Jessica looked at her nails with a sigh. “Good thing I’m getting a manicure tomorrow.”
I stood next to her and bumped her good-naturedly. “You took one for the team. I’m proud.”
“Yes, well, I figured I owed you this much.”
“Thanks for taking care of her. I’m sorry I disappeared.”
“Love makes everyone crazy, John. Even you.”
“That’s the truth.” I moved over to Dani’s station and crouched in front of her. “Hey, sweetheart.”
