by G Lawrence
The Queen, however, was now aware that Henry was investigating their union. She brought the Spanish ambassador, Diego Hurtado de Mendoza, to her often to talk in private. Mendoza had been sent to clear the foul air that lingered between Henry and the Emperor Charles after their alliance had faltered, but I doubt he found much ease in his task, particularly when he became aware, through Katherine, that the King was considering casting off his master’s aunt. Katherine clung to Mendoza, seeking solace in his friendship and in the fact that he was a man of her native country.
When I came to her chambers, her countenance was sad and solemn even more often than usual. She would stare out of the window, looking at nothing, but I knew where her thoughts took her. Her heart was broken and although she showed nothing of it in public, we all knew that at night she cried and prayed to the Virgin to fill her barren womb. In the evening, when we combed her auburn hair, still thick and lovely, she would stare into her polished steel mirror, her dark blue eyes far away, lost in the past.
It was not without some sense of guilt that I re-entered her service that year. I had nothing against the Queen, not then at least. And yet, here I was, waiting to take her place. I knew that she loved Henry and was a good Queen. But I rationalised my actions, telling myself Henry loved Katherine no more and her position stood in the way of greater good for England. These were the things I told myself to ease my guilt. But, being human, I had to include the wishes of my own heart. I loved Henry and he loved me. We needed to be together, we should be together, for the satisfaction of our love and to produce heirs for England… and in order for that to happen, Katherine needed to understand that her time with Henry was done.
I was playing a game with high stakes but I was ever a keen gambler. I was playing to win Katherine’s place and I could not afford to be sentimental about her poor situation. I steeled my heart, telling it Katherine could give neither the King nor the country what each needed to be secure. Katherine had failed in fulfilling a queen’s most sacred duty; to provide an heir. Now it was time for another to take up her mantle. That other must be me.
Katherine was unaware that I was anything more than the King’s new plaything. She assumed I was his mistress, as most did, and treated me with the reserve and respect with which she always approached his mistresses. There was nothing in her outward attitude towards me but polite indifference. But there were times when I would feel her eyes hot upon my back, and I wondered if she suspected what had passed between her husband and me. There were times when a cuff on my arm or hand, a rebuff common from masters to servants, was not deserved. There were times when I believed she hated me, for even if she was unaware that Henry had proposed marriage to me, she was still aware his love waned for her, even as it waxed for me. She knew he was investigating their marriage. Did she wonder if I had suggested it? If I had whispered the notion into his ear in the dark of night?
Katherine saw little sin in Henry himself. I am sure she believed he had been led into this by the Cardinal, or by me. In time, she would come to blame me for all the ills in her life. She would continue to do so even after Henry had shown his distaste and distain openly for her. She blamed me for everything that befell her, and who can blame her for that? It is easier to blame another, to have them shoulder the burden of our pain and suffering, than blame the one we love, or ourselves.
It was a strange world I now lived in; serving the Queen, even as I was engaged to the King. There could be no outward proclamation of his offer to me yet. It must remain a secret. Henry wanted the legality of his present marriage to be the issue called into question, and to admit me into the mixture would sour the idea that the King merely wanted to rid himself of an illegal and immoral union with his wife. Few of his advisors, even Wolsey, knew that Henry intended to marry me. I was a complication. I was a secret… The world must see that Henry wished to end his marriage for reasons of conscience and Scripture alone… not because he desired another woman.
And that was the truth… in part, at least. Henry had long considered his marriage invalid, and I believe he would have moved to rid himself of Katherine eventually even if he had never fallen for me. But he did not want people to think of him badly, and so for now, I was but another woman at court; possibly his mistress, but not his wife-in-waiting.
On the advice of his Council, Henry still came to visit Katherine, still shared her bed. To do otherwise might allow her to counter-attack him, if the case went to court, for him not keeping to the promise of their marriage vows. He came to visit her often, for Henry wanted to keep Katherine appeased, hoping to prevail on her to accept his word and enter a convent willingly. Henry was utterly convinced that his wife would listen to him, eventually, and, as is the duty of every good wife, would meekly accept his judgement. Katherine had been the very best of wives, and he respected her for her humility and graciousness. He was positive she would prove this again, by submitting to his will.
Wolsey had been working in secret to bring about a panel to decide on the validity of the royal marriage. Henry assured me that this council would find in his favour and send their judgement to the Pope. It was the only way to fix this situation. Only with the blessing and support of the Pope and his cardinals would Henry’s marriage be annulled. It was the way of the world, the way it had always been done. The Church joined people in marriage and only the Church could separate them. Henry did not want a divorce, as this would not allow him to marry again. He wanted to annul his marriage, to make it as though it had never been legal, as though it had never happened. Henry told me it was simple; Wolsey would present the findings of the council to the Pope, and the Pope would decide in our favour. Katherine would then, of course, accept the Pope’s judgement… and Henry and I would be free to be joined as man and wife, King and Queen... But I worried, even then, that it would not be as simple as it sounded. The Pope was still at the mercy of the Spanish Emperor, Charles. Even if the Pope viewed Katherine and Henry’s marriage as immoral, would he find in favour of Henry, as his conscience ought to, or would the demands of worldly considerations tip his hand to find in favour of the aunt of the man who held him captive?
Henry believed absolutely in the goodness of the Pope; that no matter what earthly concerns weighed on him, he would decide with his conscience as the representative of God on earth… I was less certain. My passion for reform had led me to view the Church with some suspicion. A pope, after all, had joined Katherine and Henry in marriage in the first place… which clearly had been a mistake. Popes are men, like all others, and were not infallible.
And so my life was strange, disjointed, fragile and full of worries. It was also full of love and life such as I had never had before. I laughed now to think of my passion for Tom, or the soft, desperate ideal of love I had felt for Percy… What were such men to me now? How could I ever have thought myself in love with them? There was nothing that any man could offer that would come close to the love I had for Henry.
But it was not easy. When my love visited his wife’s chambers, we would all, by necessity, pretend that nothing had changed. Ladies-in-waiting were to amuse the King when he visited the Queen and so we played music, we played games, and we played cards. But hidden under all these japes and games, the atmosphere was strained. We were all playing a part, dancing a masque about each other and sometimes our masks would slip. I remember at one point in a game of cards I had the good fortune to draw three kings; a fine hand. As I put them on the table before Katherine, having won much money of both she and Henry, Katherine smiled. “My lady Anne,” she said. “You have good hap to stop at a king, but you are not like others; you will have all or none.”
She smiled sweetly, but I felt the undercurrent of her dislike rush over me. It was an awkward moment. The air between us stretched and strained with tension, like a bow-string ready to be loosed. Henry ignored the comment and placed his own hand on the table. It was not as good as mine. The Queen nodded, her hanging jowls wobbling. “The money is yours, Mistress Anne,” she sai
d. “I trust you will find a valuable hood or bauble to buy with it. Maids such as you hold such stock in worldly adornments.”
Katherine reached out to stroke Henry’s strong arm with a sly look on her face. “These young ladies of the court have such desire for baubles, my lord, do you not think? Every day I see my ladies with something new… It is the flightiness of youth. That which they adore one day, they care for not at all the next.” She graced me with an oily smile. “Take your winnings, Mistress Boleyn… Perhaps purchase something from the apothecary to lighten your complexion, for I believe you are becoming most swarthy from your time in the sunshine.”
I smiled, ignoring her slight. “I had thought, Your Majesty,” I replied calmly. “Rather to give the money to a trust for scholars that I and my family support.” My voice was cool and light. I rebuffed her insults with calm grace. You seek to make him believe I am naught but a silly girl, obsessed with my looks and trinkets, Katherine, I thought as I took up the cards to shuffle them. But there is more to me than meets the eye. That, you shall discover, if you are fool enough to set yourself against me.
Katherine’s eyes narrowed, but she said nothing. She ran a hand over the front of her purple silk gown and turned her gaze away. I saw the shine of tears in her eyes.
“A fine idea, Mistress Boleyn, it behoves us all to think of charity when we are blessed with good fortune from God,” Henry said. He rose and left the table without a look at Katherine, but paused to squeeze my shoulder as he passed.
Katherine ignored it. She carried on as normal, but soon I knew I would be unable to continue in her service, and as such should find it hard to find a reason to be at court. I could not take a place in the King’s household. There was no position there for a lady of my status. If Katherine dared to dismiss me, then I would find it difficult to stay near Henry … and I needed to be near him. But equally I knew I could not continue to serve Katherine once my true position was known. For now, all thought me but a mistress, but, as time went on, I wondered on how much Katherine suspected. I became paranoid, wondering at every move and comment she made. Could she… did she wonder if Henry’s suddenly increased desire to be rid of her was due to me? The Queen was no fool. I knew that even if she did not know now, she soon would.
In my anxiety, I put pressure on Henry to talk directly to Katherine, for, to me, the proceedings of his annulment were moving like the slow creeping mists of the Low Countries. At my bidding he went to ask Katherine to enter a convent, both for the good of their souls, and for the good of England.
“It was awful!” Henry threw himself into a chair in my father’s quarters after meeting with Katherine. He pulled at his jewelled collar, loosening it from about his throat. “She would not take my counsel and turned into a parrot, repeating over and over that our marriage was sanctioned by the Pope and therefore by God Himself; that our bed had produced children and therefore was not subject to the warnings of Leviticus; that she was my true wife and would not enter a holy order… She even had the audacity to claim that I only wanted to separate from her because I was in love with another!” He flushed, looking sheepish, for it was, in part, the truth. “She was… forceful.”
I bristled. His face was no longer boyish and excited but flat and defeated. The strength that Katherine had demonstrated was clearly not met by an equal force in him; she had defeated him. I was furious.
“And you?” I cried angrily, rising from my chair, making him start. “Can you not be equally forceful? Where is the conviction I saw in you at Hever? Where is your faith in God and His will for us to be joined? Where is the strength of the man who won the Battle of the Spurs? Do not tell me that you are beaten by a woman! And not just any woman, my lord, but by an old, fat and ugly woman who has lied to you for years about her involvement with your brother. A woman who now refuses to see the true path opened to her by her King and by God? If you will not fight to see right prevail, my lord, then who will?”
I strode around the room. I did not see anything before me but blind red rage, mingled with fright that I would be set aside. After all, what did I have to rely on but Henry’s affections? If I could not rely on Henry to fight for me, to fight for us, then I had nothing!
Henry sought to calm me but I shook him off. “No!” I protested, backing away from him. I was not about to let him kiss me and pretend this had not happened. “What have you to say to comfort me, my lord? I see that now you will go back to your wife and hide behind her skirts like a mewling child! That now you will wait for a miracle of God to bring you a son. But it will not come… God has turned his back on your marriage, Henry of England,” I hissed, my black eyes flashing. “God will give you no son begot through the womb of a woman who is your sister in His eyes. The throne of England will be ever-cursed until you rid yourself of Katherine. Free yourself from this filthy, incestuous marriage and your false Queen! Do not let protestations of evil tempt you from the path of goodness. I want to be joined to the one I love, but how can I love him when he lingers in the bed of an unlawful wife, and refuses to strive for a union recognised by God?”
I let out a short shriek of frustrated anger and swept from the room leaving him much amazed. I amazed myself sometimes. Because I spent most of my time at court flattering and lying, when I was angry, I could not help but shout the truth. It was dangerous to speak so… I did not want Katherine to discover our secret, and at court, all walls have ears. But I could not allow Henry to falter.
He sought me out an hour after, and begged my forgiveness. “She has been my wife and companion for almost eighteen years, Anne,” he explained, taking his hat of dark velvet from his head and running a hand through his thick red-gold hair. “And in a marriage it can be that one becomes so used to the other, that you forget who in truth is king and who is queen and instead…” he trailed off.
I shot him a sharp look. “Are you not master in your own house, my lord?” I asked scathingly, watching red spots of anger shoot into his cheeks.
“I am the only master here,” he cried, his great figure advancing upon me, his eyes almost murderous with wrath. For me to question him in such a manner was humiliating, shameful, but I could not let him soften. “I am the only master here! I will have no others!” he roared.
“Then act like it, my lord!” I spat, facing down his anger with my own. “If you are the King in truth, then stand no such slight from this woman who has given you nothing but disappointment.” Without warning, I walked to him and threw myself against his chest. He held me as though he was a drowning man, and I was his raft. He never knew what to expect from me… anger, hard words, warmth, love, affection… I believe, in a world where all had to bow to him, where he commanded everyone, I was exciting precisely for my unpredictability. I was the one person he could not command. I was the one person he could not control. It was a giddy feeling, for a King; an exciting voyage into unknown waters.
“I am sorry, Henry,” I murmured softly, my anger fading. “It is just… I am enraged that Katherine should dare to say such things to you. You, who have granted her such grace. You raised her up from poverty. She was abandoned in this country and you made her your Queen. You honoured her throughout your marriage, you trusted her, put your faith in her… but how has she repaid your kindness? Nothing has she given you but dead baby after dead baby… And then, a living daughter ready to take the throne and plunge the kingdom into civil war.” I looked up into his eyes and I saw the desperation of his own fears in them. I did not like to bring him unhappiness, but he needed to be reminded of all for which we were working. It was not just me and Henry whose futures were at stake here… it was the future of England.
“Nothing has Katherine given you, Henry, but sadness and unrest; an insecure future… and a cold bed.” I reached up to stroke the soft curls at the back of his golden-red head. “And now, when shown the truth, she resists, refusing to listen to your good and kind counsel. You do not seek to dishonour her, Henry. You offer to retire her from the throne honourably, an
d yet still she defies you. She thwarts you, using the affection that you still hold for her to make you weak before her.”
Anger flashed over his face again. “She takes advantage of your knightly chivalry, Henry,” I said quietly. “She has failed in her duty to you and to England. Even now, at the end, she must have more; she must keep her false marriage, she must keep her throne. Katherine acts from pride, not from love or from duty, but from pride. That which she does to you is a sin, and that which she does to your country is wrong.” I stood on my tip-toes and kissed his cheek gently. “Katherine pretends to be good… But she is wickedness itself for her selfishness, and her betrayal of your many kindnesses.”
Henry was staring at me. I could see he was thinking over what I had said. Good, I thought. I wanted Henry to be utterly resolved to remove Katherine. Even though my words had been cruel, there could be no wavering. There could be no indecision. As much as I loved and wanted to be with Henry, I was more than aware that should this all go ill for us, then I would be bereft… and what then? My reputation would be suspect. I would not make a good marriage. Would my father marry me off to some lowly squire? Would I live out my days in the country, sitting by my hearth at night, staring into the flames, dreaming of what might have been mine, had it had a chance to be? No! I would not be cast aside… I would not!
