Zero

by Jonathan Yanez

  “Ummm… yeah well, it’s a borrow but I drove it here.”

  “Nice, car. You look familiar, do I know you? Do you go to school here?”

  Alan raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, I’m Alan.”

  Amber starred back at him with a blank look.

  “Alan Price. We’ve both gone to this school since we were freshmen.”

  No look of recognition passed across the young blonde’s face. She shrugged as she waived to someone behind Alan. “Oh okay. Well, cool car. I’m gonna go catch up with my friends but maybe we can take a spin sometime or hangout later tonight.”

  “Yeah, yeah okay.”

  Amber was gone in the next few seconds running in her high heels to catch up with a group of girls that may have well been her clones.

  Alan stood shocked. He hadn’t even been to the dance for a full minute before he had been approached by a girl for the very first time, ever.

  Is this really how easy it was? Did all you need not to be a nobody is expensive things and a haircut?

  Alan kicked himself for not trying anything like this before. For the first time in a very long while Alan felt good, he felt great. In place of the depression and anger was a sense of accomplishment. Even if the rest of the night turned out to be him sitting by himself, he had done enough. That small exchange with Amber was more pleasant socializing than he had done with anyone that entire month. And, she had approached him.

  Alan couldn’t help but smile as he walked to the punch bowl and poured himself a glass of the red sugar water. He wasn’t even thirsty but it seemed like the thing to do next. The drink touched his lips and ran down his throat, making his taste buds pucker at its sweetness.

  The lights in the gymnasium were dimmed with a classic disco ball sending tiny rays of light in every direction. It was while he was getting ready to leave the refreshment table that he noticed Jennifer Richardson and Brent Carson approaching with their clique of cheerleaders and jocks.

  In a heartbeat all the good feelings and joy that Alan felt were gone. His hands started to sweat as the group looked at him with a confused expression then stared open mouthed in his direction. Brent was the first to speak. “Alan, is that you?”

  Alan couldn’t bring his dry throat to say a word so he nodded instead.

  “Oh my gosh dude, what happened to you?”

  “I decided to come to the dance,” Alan hated how his voiced squeaked out the response.

  “Yeah, I can see that. Who are you here with?”

  “Nobody.”

  “Come on, Brent,” Jennifer said giving Alan a look of surprise while leading her boyfriend away from Alan with a gentle tug. “You said you were going to get me something to drink.”

  “Yeah okay. I’m just tripping out on this nerd right now. You realize you’re still a loser, Price. Fancy clothes and a haircut wont change that. You know you’re nothing, you’re less than nothing.”

  Alan will never know what came over him in that moment. Maybe it was all the sugar in his punch. Maybe he was still high on the feeling Amber gave him when she walked up to him and initiated a conversation. Maybe it was all the years of ridicule and belittlement he had endured. Whatever it was it pushed Alan over the edge. “You get off on making fun of other people. I’m not sure why. Maybe you honestly think you are better than everybody else. I think that maybe deep down inside you’re insecure. Does it makes you feel better about yourself as a human being to degrade other people?”

  The entire group, including Alan stood stunned. The band still played on in the background but all attention was on Alan and Brent. A few students stopped to look, first stunned to see Alan Price at the dance, next eager to see what the confrontation was about.

  Brent’s face started to turn red. A single vein bulged out of his neck ready to pop through his skin.

  Alan didn’t remember the first fist that hit him but he did feel the second, third and fourth as he regained consciousness. Brent Carson was on top of him raining down blows to his head and upper body. Alan did his best to shield his face but the blunt impact of each blow was more than enough to penetrate whatever defense Alan could put between him and his attacker.

  Soon Brent’s buddies joined in sending kicks that collided with Alan’s ribs and legs. Laughs, shouts and screams could be heard over the noise now. Looking back, Alan would remember that night as a haze, except for the part that came next.

  The dance’s chaperones must have seen or heard the commotion. In a few seconds, which seemed more like minutes to Alan, Brent and his friends were backing away as Dr. Larson and a few other adults made their way to Alan’s side.

  “Enough! Get off of him now!” Dr. Larson’s voice rang out strong and firm even making the band stop in the middle of a song.

  Alan was coughing, his face pressed against the gymnasium’s cold wooden floor. His insides felt like a Spartan army had trampled them. He struggled to sit up. As he gained a seated position he looked up into Dr. Larson’s face and what seemed like the entire school.

  If it was possible, Alan’s heart dropped even further. Dr. Larson was by his side with a few other adults, all wearing the same expression Tony did. An expression that said, “Yes they were sorry for him but most of all they wished he could be different.” In their eyes Alan saw it all; pity, disappointment and the wish that he could be something more than helpless.

  There was murmuring all around him but one voice Alan caught through the crowd rung out the loudest in his ears. It was Amber Jacobson. “I can’t believe I was going to let that zero take me out, even if he does have a nice car. What a joke.”

  Alan was brought back to the present by Dr. Larson as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Alan? Alan, can you hear me? Are you all right? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

  Alan struggled to his feet. Looking down on the tuxedo that was supposed to change everything. The expensive fabric was ripped, covered in punch and his own blood. “No, I’m fine.”

  “Alan we should really get you checked out. You’re bleeding. I think—“

  “I said I’m fine!” He hadn’t meant to yell but when he did a hush covered the gathered crowed. In every direction Alan looked he saw the same expression, pity.

  Alan had tried. He had done everything now. He had hoped that he could overcome his depression. He had hoped so desperately that he had done things that night that he never would have thought possible before, and he had failed.

  Blood still coming from his lip and pain oozing out of a dozen different locations across his body, Alan walked toward the front entrance. A path parted for him as dance attendees cleared away from him like embarrassment and humiliation were contagious.

  Alan reached the front entrance slamming down on the metal bar that released him from the gymnasium and the nightmare he just endured. It was cold. The wind had picked up and now threw gust after gust at him reminding Alan of the blows he was subjected to only minutes before.

  What did you think was going to happen? You’re an idiot for thinking that anything would change. This is your life. This is never going to get better.

  Alan opened the car door, pressed the ignition button and stomped on the gas. Pulling out of the school parking lot, he could see Dr. Larson exiting the gymnasium. Her head was turning in every direction searching for him. Better than anyone else she knew what he might do next.

  During their counseling sessions Alan had been careful to never use the word “suicide” however he had brought up the idea of freedom more than once. Not necessarily victory, but freedom from the constant grinding battle to be normal, freedom from his depression, anger and loneliness, for it all to be gone.

  Alan sped out of the parking lot and lost the Doctor’s image from sight. He knew what he had to do now. He knew what he could do. Just like he had rationalized taking Tony’s car, he could rationalize to himself now to take his own life. He had tried everything.

  Chapter 12

  Alan made his way to the downtown section just
a few miles from the high school. His cell phone rang on and on in his pocket before he pressed the button to silence it’s vibration’s permanently.

  He didn’t even have to look to see who it was. He knew Dr. Larson would be calling him. She would probably even call Tony and the police if he didn’t answer. This didn’t bother Alan at all. He parked in the structure that led to the tallest office building in the business section of the city.

  Suicide wasn’t a daily thought that ran through Alan’s mind, still he thought about it enough to know that if the time ever did come, a jump off a tall building would be the best way to go.

  It was late and no one besides a security guard was in the building’s brightly lit lobby. Alan walked across the manicured lawn and decorative statues to the glass door. Without hesitation he pulled open the door and walked through the immaculate lobby.

  Alan was so far past the point of caring he didn’t even give the security guard a second look as the large man addressed him, “Hey, can I help you?”

  When it was apparent that Alan wasn’t going to stop the security guard stood up from his seat and spoke louder.

  “Hey, you. You can’t go back there.”

  Still Alan didn’t skip a beat. He walked straight to the shining elevator doors. His right thumb made contact with the button sporting an arrow pointing up. A short chime greeted him as elevator doors slid immediately open.

  Alan could hear the security guard’s running footsteps on the tile as the man spoke into his walkie talkie. “Hey, Bob, we got an intruder. He just entered elevator—“

  That was all Alan caught as the doors slid shut and he pressed another button directing him to the top floor. Elevator music played in the background as the steel box ascended to the top floor. Alan couldn’t help but notice the white rose the Doctor had provided that so closely resembled his own state. The white petals were crumpled and wrinkled. Red slots of blood scattered themselves around the flower like the disco lights at the dance. “Hang in there, little guy,” Alan said to the flower. “It’s almost over.”

  Chapter 13

  The wind, maybe fate, had made the final decision for him to jump, pushing him over the edge. But now moments from hitting the cement walkway Alan knew he wanted to live, if for nothing else then to prove all of those faces of pity wrong. Anger, desire, the will to live awoke inside Alan as the ground rushed to meet him.

  Gritting his teeth Alan yelled at the ground, now only a few feet away. Then his downward momentum slowed. It felt like someone was lifting him, carrying him up. His forward momentum slowed until it stopped completely. Alan had never used a parachute but he imagined the feeling would be similar.

  It happened so fast Alan wasn’t sure what to think. Fear, confusion, a hundred feelings hit him at once. Alan hovered above the ground for a spilt second, then dropped the last remaining feet to safety.

  Find out what happens to Alan Price in Zero II available now.

  Jonathan Yanez is the author of The Elite Series, Steam and Shadows, Bad Land and Thrive. His books have been optioned for film and are available in ebook, print and audio book. He would love for you to leave a comment after you finish reading Zero. If you want to know more about him or his current projects you can visit him at www.jonathan-yanez.com