by S E Anderson
“Chip?”
“Translator,” Taylor said. “That little implant that does wonders for interstellar travel. If you can afford it, that is. I had to learn English the hard way.”
“That had to be an interesting language class,” I muttered. “You speak it really well.”
“Thanks, I've had fifty years to work on it.”
“Fifty years? But you look …”
“Skin wrap,” said Taylor. “I'm wearing a human suit so I can fit in? Wow, you really are Terran. This is tourism 101.”
I shuddered. If I was so … Terran … then what did that make them? Their words were alien to me, even if they spoke English, and yet, they looked just like anyone else. Minus the lizard hands.
How many others were out there taking human form and roaming the streets? And what did they want with our planet?
Though, selfishly, I had to focus on myself right now. I couldn't think about aliens roaming the streets. I needed to figure out why the hell aliens had decided I was worth abducting.
“So, what do they want with me?” I asked, facing my fellow captives.
Taylor shrugged. “What's your name? Maybe it's something to do with your—”
“Sally,” I said. “Sally Webber.”
“Never heard of you,” Taylor said. “Have you encountered any weird artifacts lately? It's possible you were dealing with tech you're not supposed to have—”
“No weird artifacts,” I said, shaking my head, “but the guy who shot me wanted to know about someone I ran into.”
Miko leaned forward. “What kind of guy?”
“Um, it's a long story, I think,” I replied. Taylor tapped a spot on the cot. As I put my rear on the formerly white fabric, I tried not to think about how gross the cot was, or how the color was nowhere close to the one it had been when it was made.
“So? Tell us,” Taylor urged. “We have a whole lot of time on our hands.”
“Well, um,” I started, making eye contact with the alien beside me. Their eyes were gorgeous; deep silver I could see myself falling into…
No. Talk. Talk to keep the panic from settling in.
“So, last night I was driving home, and I hit this guy,” I said. “No idea where he came from. One second I was driving, and then boom, I ran him over!”
“Flowers!” Miko said, cursing under her breath while still concentrating on every word. “You might have killed someone important from the Alliance. That would explain why they flan you. The crown prince is spaghetti to be missing, last scarf here—did you run over the emperor's son?”
“Ha, no emperor, I'm pretty sure.” My heart clenched. Was Zander a galactic royal? I hoped not. Running people over from a royal court was not a good idea. “No. He was fine. He got up and walked away. But then, this morning, the guy who got me was looking for him. He showed me a picture of the guy, and boy, did he look rough. Like there was no way the man I met—I mean, ran over—could be that person. There were chunks missing from his face.”
“Did this guy have a name?” Taylor urged. “Miko might be right. He could be someone important. They might want to put you on trial.”
“But he was fine!” I sputtered, trembling. What if these strangers were right? What if Zander was someone important?
But the man in the park—my abductor, I think I should be calling him—he said Zander was dangerous. Very dangerous. So maybe it was the other way around. Maybe they wanted me to help them find Zander. Which was ridiculous. I had no idea where on earth he could be.
If he even was on Earth. Thinking of him as an alien cast last night into an entirely new light.
“He said his name was Zander, but no last name, and it could have been a fake …”
The second the name came out of my mouth, both captives changed completely. Taylor stiffened, while Miko's face burst into a smile far too wide for her face.
“Do you know him?” I asked.
“Know him?” Miko said excitedly. “Him … legend.”
“A legendary dick,” Taylor snapped, and Miko glared at them.
“I from … outer planets,” said Miko, very slowly, forcing her words to come out right. I waited. I wasn't in any rush. “Outer planets see him differently. Him hero. He not get harmed. He travels through space in … blinks. He and sister.”
“Sister?” I shuddered. It fit, a whole lot more than I wanted it all to.
“The stories say that millennia ago, there were two super heroic siblings who traveled the universe saving people, okay?” Taylor said rolling their eyes. “But they're folk tales. Stories you tell kids. These two have wreaked havoc for the Alliance. They're pretending to be the siblings, but they’re criminals blowing things up and stealing shit. No one reads or tells those old stories anymore, anyway. Nobody cares.”
“I care!” snapped Miko.
“So, wait, the guy I met is an intergalactic criminal?” I scratched my head. Zander had been nice; he didn't seem like a criminal. He didn't seem like a legend, either, though.
Then again, he didn't seem alien, and from what I could tell, the consensus said that he was.
“Interstellar, but I guess it's all the same to you.” Taylor rolled their eyes, not trying to be as chummy as before. “Anyway, that's why they took you. They want information.”
“Nuh-uh.” Miko shook her head. “The Zander from the stories is a hero. If they took her, it's so he tries to save her.”
“Wait, they want to trap him?”
“Probably,” Taylor said. “Trap him, find him, whatever. You're here because of the mysterious Zander. Get used to it. At least you have someone to blame other than yourself.”
I shuddered. I was doing that a lot lately.
“Couldn’t it be some other Zander?”
“Nah,” Taylor said. “No one gives children that name. It would be like a Terran naming their kid Adolph. Not gonna happen.”
“So, wait,” I said, addressing Miko, “what did you say this guy could do?”
“There's a poem about him in my language.” She grinned. “It'll sound like nonsense in yours. Here …”
She let out a shriek that could have torn apart my ears. Heck, I could feel my hair flying backward from the sheer force of it. She laughed, stopping quickly.
“What was that?” I asked, shocked.
“A little taste of the universe, Terran.” Miko chuckled. “Right, let's see if I can gummy … I mean, translate. Damn this chip. Okay. Here goes: There were once two heroes, valiant to behold. Brother, sister, never old. Ha, that rhymes in English too! Impressive.”
“Yeah, impressive,” I muttered.
“Right,” she continued. “They appeared with no fanfare and left with no sound. They bled like mortals but never faltered. Where they stood, justice flowered, and also they had a whole lot of faces.”
“You're going great with this translation thing,” I said, which made her smile. Now that my initial shock of her being not of this world had worn off, I began to see her as just another human. If we had met in college, we probably would have been friends.
“Thanks. It sounds better in my native tongue, though, a lot more sing-songy. It used to put me to sleep.”
“I can imagine,” I said politely.
“Right. I guess that last line would sound better with a poetic ring to it? Like, they bled like mortals, but always stood strong; under their changing faces, you could do no wrong. Something like that?”
“Classy.” I grinned. I could see what she was doing. She was trying to distract me—us—from the fact we were being hauled to our deaths, probably.
“It ends by saying they would reward good children with presents and gifts,” Miko explained.
“So basically, they’re your Santa, right?” Taylor scoffed. “We were told a different story. You've got two criminals who can get into any place they want, travel from planet to planet unnoticed. Great at changing their appearances, huge tolerance for pain. But when they show up, people get hurt or worse—killed. The All
iance wanted them dead.”
“Past tense?”
“Yeah, duh.”
“All of this was over a hundred years ago in Standard Union Time. That's close to three or four centuries ago for Earth. Any truth about them would be kept by the Berbabsywell Monks, and we both know they’re not talking to anyone anytime soon. If they ever did exist, they died a long time ago. As did the myths a few millennia before that.”
“I don't believe that,” Miko muttered.
“Well, keep believing in Santa then,” Taylor spat.
“Santa's not real?” she asked, and Taylor sighed. “Shit. I thought he was a local deity. I've been leaving offerings of milk and cookies for nothing? No wrath is being appeased?”
“Seems that way.”
“So who's been eating them?”
I sat on the cot, my mind reeling. Zander: criminal, hero, or just some dead guy? Had I met the legend or a man with the same name? I mean, Zander wasn't too rare of a name on Earth, but as for the rest of the galaxy …
A jingle blasted through the compartment.
Both captives turned to stare at me as I extracted my phone. Yes, my phone was ringing, in the heart of a spaceship flying us to our doom, and of all people who could have been calling, well, it was some unknown caller who decided this was the right moment.
“What are you keen vacant?” Miko urged. “Pineapple. Pineapple.”
I picked up, cradling the phone close to my ear. My hand shook. “Hello?” I said, begging it not to be a spam call.
“Sally? Hey.”
Oh, my God. Matt.
Sweet, beautiful, incredible Matt was calling me. I flew to my feet, taking myself and the phone to one of the free corners in our cell. I wasn't more than six feet away from anyone else, but it felt like privacy.
Oh, crap. Privacy. Did we have a bathroom in here?
Looking around, I saw there was no toilet or receptacle in this small room. Not to mention that I had Matt on the phone, and really didn't need to think about it.
“Hey, Matt, great to hear from you,” I said. I mean, what was I supposed to tell him? Help, aliens kidnapped me because they think the man I ran over is an intergalactic—sorry, interstellar—super criminal?
“You feeling any better?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice. “Last night at the party, you looked—”
“Yeah, I was having a bad day. A hot-air balloon covered my window the day my alarm clock failed, so I was late and … well, it's retail. I lost my job.”
“A hot-air balloon did what?”
“In any case, I was suddenly unemployed, so it sucked pretty hard.”
“Oh,” he said, excitedly. “Wait, you need a job? What kind?”
“I've got retail experience, but that's about it. Why?”
“I might be able to fix you up with that.” I could sense him smiling on the other end. “My boss, Mr. Grisham, has come to his senses and realized he’s a bit overwhelmed, and needs a PA. Personal assistant? I mean, it's not very rewarding, but it pays great and Grisham is a fantastic boss. Heck, I think he's my mentor now. Want me to get you the info?”
“Oh, my gosh, really?” I replied, giddy, forgetting my situation and reveling in my luck. “Matt, you're the best.”
“Aww,” he said, “it's great that you say that, because, um, I didn't actually call to help you find a job. I wanted to ask you on a date. Don't say yes just because I'm helping you, all right? I mean do say yes, but—”
“I would love to,” I replied, forgetting I was in a spaceship, in a cell with two aliens. I was right down on Earth and happy.
“Perfect. When's best for you?”
“Um, not too sure …” I said, looking back around the cell. Would I get out of here in time for a date? Would I get out of here at all?
“Friday?” he asked. “We can move it around if your schedule changes.”
Like, if I don’t come back from outer space?
“Friday sounds great!”
“Fantastic, I'll get us a reservation somewhere nice. Do you like Italian?”
“Multi Bene.”
“Perfect. See you soon then, Sally.”
“See you, Matt,” I said, wishing the call would never end. “Oh, and Matt?”
“Yeah?”
Call the White House. Aliens are real and kidnapping US citizens, I wanted to say.
Find me.
Help me.
“I’m looking forward to it.” I shuddered as he hung up the phone, propelled into my dismal reality as I remembered I was trapped.
“They let me keep my phone,” I muttered.
“Pfft, Mercs don't know what that is,” Taylor scoffed. “But I mean, no signal in space, so …”
“But I have signal,” I said, holding the phone up and turning around, finding five bars everywhere. It made no sense, there weren't any phone towers in space, unless …
“What if we never took off?”
The two captives looked at me with wide eyes.
“Where else would we be?” Miko intoned.
I tapped on the Google Maps app and grinned. “In Franklin—Echotree State Park.”
“You're kidding me?” Taylor was by my side, staring down at my phone like it was a million-dollar bill.
“You know what this means, right?” I said, a smile creeping up my lips, “It means we're breaking out of this place.”
CHAPTER SIX
Don’t Ever Try This at Home
“There is no way out of here,” Taylor scoffed. “We've tried.”
“Yeah, well, you have a secret weapon now,” I said, bursting with false confidence. Call it desperation, but there was a fire in my belly, and it was growing.
“What?” Taylor snorted. “A Terran?”
“Exactly,” I replied, marching to the door. It was sturdy and probably reinforced. It looked like one of those doors on tugboats, all thick and metal and impenetrable. “Anyone have martial arts training?”
Nobody answered. A plan was forming in my head, growing from hours of TV marathons and action movies. I had no experience, but I couldn't just sit here. I felt like a caged animal, and it filled me with an insane amount of adrenaline and an urge to run, to get out, to free myself.
Heck, I really wanted to go on that date.
I indicated for Miko to stand up and hold her chair. She gripped it tightly, giving me a quick nod of understanding. Good. I hoped she was up to the task.
“You can't be serious,” scoffed Taylor, but I ignored them. When this goes pear-shaped, they would have every right to say, ‘I told you so’ but until then …
“Help!” I shouted, adopting an awful falsetto impression, astonished at how terrible my voice sounded. “Oh gosh, is there somebody out there? I'm going to burst.”
I screamed until my voice was hoarse and my throat dry and raspy, but I didn't give up. The words burned with every shout. Finally, I heard footsteps approaching. We all did, exchanging looks and nods. The sound echoed like gunshots on metal. Miko grasped the chair tighter.
“Oh, come on, shut uuuup. What is this about?” whined a gruff voice from the other side of the door. I clenched my legs together and hopped from foot to foot.
“I've got to pee,” I insisted. It wasn't hard to fake—I really had to go. Call it a nervous bladder, then add it to the list of reasons I needed to get out of here. “Please, I need a toilet!”
“Well, hold it in?” It sounded uncertain. Perfect.
“I can't,” I whined. “I'm going to wet myself, and you know how corrosive Terran pee is, right?”
No reply so I pushed the act a little further, hoping that, like with the phone, this guy knew hardly anything about my planet.
“Look, I'm really sorry, okay?” I said, still pushing the awful little girl voice. “I don't mean to cause any trouble. It's just the way I am. If I pee in here, it'll burn a hole through your ship.”
“Don't let her do it, sir!” Taylor added in their most pleading voice. “I've lived with Terrans for h
alf a century. I've seen what they're capable of. And their urine, it's—”
The latch clicked, and the door hissed as it opened. I took a step back, breathing deeply, knowing what was going to happen next and hoping, pleading, that this wasn’t going to be the last thing I ever saw.
The second the door opened, before Miko even had a chance to strike, Taylor shoved their shirt over our captor's face, muffling his screams. It was then that Miko thwacked him with the chair. The echo reverberated through the cell, and he crumpled to the floor.
Okay, so that was easier than expected.
Taylor retrieved the shirt, putting it back on as Miko and I dragged the bounty hunter into the cell. Wow, the man was heavy. I was grateful for the help and impressed with Miko's strength. We flipped him onto his back. It was the man from the park—my abductor.
He looked different without the hat and trench coat. His ears pointed up and away from his face, like a bat, and I wondered how much of that face was his own. Did he have a skin wrap, like Miko? Just how alien was this guy?
I didn't care. I was mad that he had kidnapped me and gave him a swift kick in the gut. Go ahead, call me petty—you get abducted, see if you like it.
“What now?” Taylor hissed, glaring at the unconscious man.
“Now we get out of here,” I said, surprised they were turning to me for leadership. Then again, I was the one who had gotten us this far. “We're in the forest, in Echotree, so we can run in a straight line until we reach the freeway and signal for help. But we can't let the others know we're out, so we must act fast. How many in the crew?”
“One other man that we know of,” said Taylor. “There could be more.”
Miko clung to her chair, holding two of the legs firmly. “I can scissor this.”
“Thanks, Miko.”
I wish I could tell you more about the ship. I mean, it's not every day you get to see an alien spacecraft. It's also not every day you get abducted and held in one. With getting out being priority numero uno, I didn't take the time to inspect my surroundings. All I saw were metal walls slick with condensation as we tiptoed through the hallways. Long wires and pipes followed the corridors. Every few feet, there were patches of silver tape on the walls. The craft was really showing its age.
