by Jarica James
Not to mention the kiss. I’m still shocked with myself for initiating it. Though now the guilt is back, knowing how I feel for the other guys. Then there’s Abby. I’ve never considered acting on my attraction to women, but there’s just something about Abby that draws me in, too.
Get it together, Charlie! You can’t like all four of them!
“Charlie!” Sophia rushes at me and almost knocks me over as she crushes me in her arms. “I was so worried. I’m so sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have let Danielle talk me into letting her tell you. She just insisted you’d want to hear it from her. But I’ll be with you the entire time and every single step of the process. Don’t worry,” she promises, tears leaking down her cheeks as she holds me close. I can’t help my own tears from flowing. I feel awful for making her worry but the hug from her soothes all the negative thoughts I’d had over the last few weeks and one thought stands out above the rest. She isn’t going to leave me after all. I squeeze her back to show how sorry I am for making her worry.
When I finally pull away, Sophia wipes her tears and leads me to the table. She seems to be on a mission, pulling out a takeout menu and quickly choosing what to eat, making sure I get to pick what I want, before placing the order. When she’s finished, she claims the chair next to mine and slides my notebook across the table until it stops in front of me.
“What can I do?” she asks, and the question takes me by surprise. Instead of being angry with me, she’s giving me the chance to reach out. She doesn’t pressure me to respond right away, merely sits and gives me a moment to figure out my answer.
‘I would still like to do a movie night Saturday, so you can meet my other friends since you already know Abby. I also think that I would finally like to go to my storage unit and see about my dad’s work papers, maybe I can find something for the detectives?’ I finish, sliding the notebook back. I know she probably wanted more, but I’m just not there yet.
She carefully reads it over and smiles, looking relieved to have a task.
“Your friends are welcome here anytime. They found my daughter, and that makes them worthy in my eyes. Sunday, I will clear whatever I have to do and take you to the unit. Is it in Starbrooke?”
I nod as tears blur my vision again. I’m usually fantastic at masking emotions, but tonight I can’t help it. She called me her daughter and meant it, and it hit me hard. The barriers I’ve built around myself start to shatter a bit more. With people like this surrounding me, maybe emotions aren’t so bad. I want so badly to say ‘thank you’ out loud, but I still can’t bring myself to try it.
But Sophia seems to get me anyway, giving my hand a squeeze before leading me to the living room. “Well for now, we’ll watch something and eat, then relax. It’s been a long night, sweetie.”
My smile is instantaneous, and she hands me the remote. Pulling up her Netflix, I sift through until I settle on a true crime documentary. She makes a startled noise and a short raspy chuckle escapes me.
“Okay, so these are my weakness, but are you sure?” she asks, shoulders tensing and gaze darkening. I nod and shoot her a confused look. “Oh, is that the ‘but you’re a lawyer, why would you watch this?’ look?” Her voice is mocking, and my smile grows because that was the exact thought I’d had.
‘It’s comforting for me, in a weird, morbid way,’ I write down. It’s like I know I’m not the only broken one out there, that there’s other people who’ve been through the same things, or similar at least.
“Not weird, I get it. And I love trying to guess who it is,” she says with a laugh. “Keeps my lawyer skills sharp.”
We fall silent as the show starts, only pausing long enough for her to answer the door. She plops down in front of the coffee table and slides my box and soda to me before hitting play again. I’m totally living for her play by play reactions, yelling at the TV and all.
‘The gardener did it, I’d bet money on it,’ I write down and she grins.
“No way, it’s the housekeeper. Did you see the way she eyed the dad?” I snort but shake my head.
‘She did, but she doesn’t have the strength to drag them all out and dig a hole. But the gardener would never be noticed covering that up,’ I challenge, and her mouth falls open.
“Holy crap, you’re right,” she says, shaking her head. “You’d make a good detective.”
The comment was said casually, but I smile. It’s what I’ve wanted to get to ever since I lost my family. It was my way of showing the world I wasn’t broken and would give me the chance to give families the closure I haven’t gotten.
Yet, at least.
As the ending scene comes on, they’re arresting the gardener and explaining the sentencing and I do a triumphant dance, Sophie chuckling as we turn it off and start cleaning up our mess. It’s not where I saw the night going, but honestly I’ve never felt closer to her.
“All right, I’m heading to bed and so should you, kiddo. But I’m glad you’re safe.” She pulls me in for a hug and places a quick kiss on my head. I squeeze back before we part ways.
As I go through my nightly routine, I debate whether to tell my friends about my past. They really do deserve to know, especially after today. The main thing holding me back is that I don’t think something this heavy should be written down or texted. My parents deserve my words. The issue is, I know I’m not strong enough yet. I’ll get there, though.
Me: Thank you for being strong for me today. I’m sorry I’m such a hot mess. I didn’t mean to worry you.
Adam: You’re one of us, this is what we do. We care about you, babe.
Alice: Of course.
Abby: We love you, Charlie, don’t doubt that.
Cole: I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
Trent: We’ve got your back ;)
Me: I love you guys, too. And I don’t say that lightly. I promise I’ll tell you soon, I’m working on it.
Adam: I promise we’ll be here for you regardless. You tell us when and if you’re ready. Just please come to us next time.
Me: I will, I’m just broken and didn’t want to bring anyone down.
Abby: We hold each other’s broken pieces together. It’s our thing.
Cole: You aren’t broken, just healing. And you aren’t alone.
Trent: Get some rest, sweet girl. We’ll be here for you when you’re ready.
I can’t help but smile at the responses. My friends are seriously the best. I’ll probably always struggle with not pushing people away because I fear being left behind. This group of amazing and understanding people make me want to fight these feelings. They make me want to live again.
As I settle into bed for the night my thoughts drift to Cole. I loved being able to see a new side to him. The silly side he shows to his family makes me like him even more. The way he held me when he found me in that park solidified his place in my heart. He didn’t even protest when I crawled back into his lap. He makes me feel less broken.
Then it drifts to Adam; the hug he gave me was a straight reaction. His protective side called to me, a feeling of safety overcoming anytime he’s near.
Then there’s Trent. I like him, though it’s not as strong yet, but he always makes me smile. And he doesn’t hesitate to be there anytime any of us need him.
Abby is the one I have the hardest time wrapping my head around. She’s so bubbly and perfect and I’m the opposite. I can practically see the cloud of doom over my head and she’s like a ray of sunshine. But she clearly likes me, and I like her back. That much I know.
They’re slowly starting to fill that hole that had carved its way into my chest. It’s a foreign feeling now and I’m unsure how to handle it, but I don’t want it to stop.
Maybe I won’t be broken forever, after all.
By the next afternoon, I start getting nervous. The house is always clean so there’s not much for me to do and I’m too antsy to just sit here.
‘I’m going for a quick walk,’ I text Sophia and she pokes her head out of her hall
way to laugh at me.
“Nervous?” Her grin is full of teasing and I give a fake glare. “Just keep your phone on you.” With that, she disappears again. She was talking about a big case coming up earlier, so I’m sure she’ll be MIA until tonight.
The moment I step out into the crisp, fall air, I let out a sigh. No destination in mind other than getting rid of this restless energy, I start down the street. I’ve always walked toward town, so I make my way the opposite direction, past Cole’s house.
“Charlie!” Adam voice calls out and I glance at the street to see his truck pulling up to the curb. He looks worried, likely because of yesterday but I grin and walk over, giving him a smile. “What are you up to?”
I shrug in response and he clicks the unlock, so I climb in. Pulling out my phone, I text him my answer.
‘Walking off my extra energy. I was going crazy.’
“I’m off to the batting cages, want to come?” he asks, and the adorable hopeful smile on his face makes me melt. I nod and put on my seatbelt, sending a quick text to Sophia. “Mind if I turn my music up?” When I shake my head he turns it up, country music blaring through the speakers. I’m not even a little surprised, but I find myself not minding it.
His hand moves over to the one I have resting on my thigh, sliding his fingers into the spaces between mine. I glance over and he’s pretending to watch the road. Biting my lip to not laugh, I squeeze his hand letting him know I’m not opposed.
He keeps going the direction I was headed, taking a left and heading out of town. Right before the highway is a huge warehouse that apparently is a sports complex. The lot is fairly empty for a Saturday, but then again it’s nice so most practices are likely outside.
Adam guides me inside, only taking his hand from mine long enough to get out of the car and come back to my side. He flashes some sort of pass at the counter and they wave him in.
The back room he leads me to has a row of helmets, bats, and gloves. He lets go of my hand and studies me for a moment then glances at the helmets, sizing me up before picking one and putting it on my head, laughing as it slips over my eyes.
“Okay, not that one.” He snickers, grabbing another and trying again, this one fitting perfectly. The gloves he gets on the first try before fitting his own. “Pick a bat.”
I follow him over to the wall where they’ve got bats hung in a row. Spotting a bright aqua blue one, I choose it and test out the weight in my hand for a second before nodding, telling him I’m good with it. I don’t mention I played softball for years.
Once he’s set, I follow him out another door, this one the actual cages. The next room is a huge gym full of chain link cages and black netting over the top to keep the balls contained. He seems so confident and at ease in here, I can’t help but study him.
“Okay, do you want to take turns, or side by side? Competition or no?” There’s an excited glint in his eyes that has me wanting to lean forward and kiss him, but I hold myself back and think a second before pulling out my phone.
‘Take turns so I can stare at your ass? But I’ll beat you regardless.’ The blush on his cheeks is exactly what I was going for, a distraction. Because now that’s what he’ll be thinking about, not beating me. His eyes narrow at my triumphant grin.
“Good, then I can stare at yours during your turn, and think about all the things I could do to you if you gave me the chance,” he says casually as my insides literally catch on fire.
With that, he waves me on, giving an explanation on how to use the pitching machine and set a timer for five minutes. It seems so short, but as soon as I’m in there, getting my stance ready and hitting ball after ball, it feels like forever.
As the timer goes to zero, I drop the bat and shake out my arms, feeling triumphant. Out of the forty pitches, I managed to hit thirty-five of them.
“Okay, how are you this good?!” he asks, incredulous. I shrug and walk out, his warm hands going to my arms and rubbing them, the friction feeling amazing after all that. “I guess we know you have a competitive side, huh?” he teases, and I let out a small laugh. That’s an understatement.
The noise catches in my throat as our eyes meet. He appears uncertain for a moment, but when I don’t move, he leans down and presses his lips to mine. Butterflies swarm in my stomach as I drop the bat and wrap my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. He groans and moves us up until my back hits the fence. Heat floods between my thighs and I press them together, wanting friction if he’s going to keep kissing me like this.
When he breaks the kiss, we rest our foreheads together and a chuckle escapes him.
“That’s the best batting cage session I’ve ever been to,” he jokes, and I grin up at him before pushing him back and pointing at my score that’s still flashing. “Oh don’t worry, I’m going to obliterate that score.” He turns in his jeans that hug his ass perfectly and I stare as he walks away, not even embarrassed. Adam is a fine specimen of a man.
As soon as the pitching machine starts, I’m entranced. He executes each swing with practiced precision, his muscles flexing and tensing with each swing. At one point I swipe my hand over my mouth to make sure I’m not drooling like a dork.
When he gets a perfect score, he has enough grace to do a simple victory dance. I shake my head but bow down to him.
“Come on, we better hurry if we want to shower before tonight. Some of us need a cold one after that kiss,” he teases, putting his arm around my shoulder and kissing my temple before leading me out.
“Okay, movie, last vote.” Alice raises two DVDs up. “We’ve got it narrowed down to superheroes or a scary movie.” Cole, Adam, and I point to the superhero movie. Abby points to the scary one, and Trent shrugs.
“Superhero it is,” Alice announces and hands it over. I put it in the DVD player and turn on the surround sound. I’m just about to press play when Sophia walks in.
She’s been practically dancing around since I got back from the batting cages. I think she’s just excited I’m having friends over and have finally come out of my shell a bit. I think she hated living alone in this big house before and loves anytime it’s noisy. My friends definitely qualify as noisy, even if I don’t.
“Pizza orders. What does everyone like?” My friends aren’t shy; they all call out what they like and she writes it all down. “Charlie, cheese like usual?” I nod, and she turns and walks away to go order.
The rest of our movie night is a whirl of movies, pizza, wings, and laughing. It’s the perfect distraction from the investigation that has been hanging over my head like a raincloud that won't leave. By the end of the night, I’m tired and happy.
“Okay, time to get home,” Alice groans, dragging herself off the floor and stretching. They all start grabbing their stuff and I have to hold back a pout. Is it so wrong that I want to be surrounded by them at all times?!
“See you Monday, Charlie!” Trent waves and walks out without a backward glance. It stings a bit and I have to remind myself that not everyone would be okay with all the flirting we’ve had going on, and he might just have misread everything. Though I need to tell them all how I feel about them. Plus, Trent is flirty in general, so he’s hard to read.
He’s followed by Adam and Alice, Adam stopping to give me a bear hug and kiss on the cheek before turning to take Alice home. Cole gives Abby a serious look before pulling me into a hug.
“I better go read to the twin tornadoes, they’re probably refusing to go to bed until I come home,” he jokes and gives me a half grin. I return his smile, remembering the story time I’d crashed.
My heart stops as he grabs my hand and gently tugs me toward him, leaning forward and meeting my lips with his. He nibbles at my bottom lip and I fight back a whimper before he pulls away, my cheeks warming as I get lost in his eyes.
“Have a good night, beautiful,” he whispers. When he turns and walks away, I can’t move for a moment. Then, in true, awkward Charlie fashion, I realize Abby is still here. When I spin
around to find her, she’s looking at me with an unreadable expression, but doesn’t seem upset by our kiss.
“Don’t worry, we talked. I just want you to know before I say this, that I don’t expect you to feel the same way. But, Charlie… I really like you. As more than friends,” she says quietly, staring down at her feet. The butterflies return, and I know without a doubt, I want her too. For a moment I question why I’m so weird and attracted to so many, but I honestly wouldn’t change it. I hardly care what anyone thinks about me.
Feeling bold, I step forward and lift her chin. Her eyes are glassy with unshed tears as she looks at me, worry lining them. I want nothing more than to wipe the insecurities away. It's easy to see how hard those words were to speak… how vulnerable she is right now. I give her a soft smile, before brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear. I can’t speak to tell her the words… to explain how I feel, so I use actions instead. I lean forward, my lips so close, yet not touching as I stare into her eyes. I give her that moment to pull away, but she doesn’t. My heart pounds in my chest, but I close the distance and press my lips to hers.
It’s my first kiss to another woman. It feels so different but so fucking good. Abby’s lips are fuller than the guys and taste sweet. Her kiss is insistent as she puts a hand on my hip and grips it gently, my body flooding with heat as she takes charge.
Everything in me cries out for more but I don’t want to rush this, I want to savor it. Abby deserves someone who can cherish and worship her, and fuck do I want to be that person.
She must sense me pulling away because her kiss turns gentle and slow before she finally pulls away.
“Goodnight, Charlie,” she whispers, giving me a shy smile before walking outside and closing the door.
In that moment, I realize I’m no longer numb, and I don’t want to be.
