Our Secret (The Benson Brothers Book 1)

by G. L. Snodgrass

  I wondered what the girls from my old school would think if they saw me sitting behind Jake Benson flying down the street on his motorcycle. What would my mom say?

  None of that was super important I realized. For some reason, the important thing was that Bella had seen me. That made everything just a little bit better. She could have her fancy convertible. I would take the back seat of Jake’s bike any day.

  At last, and unfortunately, to my way of thinking, we pulled into Jake’s driveway. He turned off the bike and lowered the kickstand. A sense of disappointment filled me. I could have kept riding for hours.

  He glanced over his shoulder with a strange look. “You can let go now.”

  My cheeks grew warm and I knew I was blushing as I quickly dropped my arms. Again, disappointment filled me.

  “Thank you,” I managed to say as I quickly scrambled off the motorcycle and took off his helmet to hand it back to him.

  As he took it, our eyes locked for a moment while we both held the helmet. Each of us lost in the other’s gaze. A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind as my heart began to race and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered at full speed.

  The memory of him stepping out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel jumped to the front of my mind and refused to leave.

  He licked his lips and held my stare. Is he going to kiss me? I wondered as a hope began to build inside of me. I was positive he would, we even started to move towards each other as my world narrowed down to just Jake Benson.

  But, suddenly, he pulled back and frowned, “You were lucky,” he said as if the moment had never happened. “I was running late. Those buses don’t wait for anyone.”

  My insides scrunched up at his criticism. Why did he have to ruin a perfect moment?

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “It won’t happen again.” With that, I turned and went inside as I ground my teeth to stop myself from saying anything truly awful. The boy could be a hero one moment and then the biggest jerk in the world the next.

  But I couldn’t get the look in his eyes out of my brain. I knew that look. That was the hungry male look. The look of a wolf eying its prey. Jake Benson wanted to kiss me. There was no doubt in my mind. I was also pretty sure he wanted much more than just a kiss.

  Yet he had pulled back. Why?

  My insides turned over as I tried to understand. Of course, I came up blank. And there wasn’t a person in the world I could talk to about it.

  No, this one I was just going to have to figure out for myself.

  Over the next few weeks, I settled into my new life. Jake and I hardly saw each other. Except for third period at school and even then we barely spoke. First period was for his gaggle of geese.

  Luckily I made friends at school so I could stop bugging Buck and Parker during lunch. Two girls, Beth and Cindy, seniors like me pulled me into their group of friends. Beth was the shy one, with glasses and long bangs. Cindy was more out going type. Long and tall but not yet fully developed shall we say.

  At first, I was a little guarded until Cindy explained that everyone had known everyone their entire life and a little new blood would liven things up.

  “Besides,” Cindy added, “you are living with the Benson brothers. That’s gonna mean a ton of stories. You can help us figure out which ones are true and which are mere myth. What do the Benson boys think about? You know, stuff like that.”

  Beth laughed, “We know what they think about most of the time. It’s the other ten percent of the time we are interested in.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Cindy said, giving her friend a shocked look. “I’m interested in all of it.”

  I laughed, of course.

  “No,” Beth said. “We are serious. What are they like?”

  My insides tightened up as I realized that I couldn’t spread stories about the brothers. I was nowhere near understanding them myself. Let alone knowing enough to tell others.

  All I could do was shrug my shoulders.

  But that night at dinner, I made a point of studying them. Really thinking about the differences between boys and girls. I know, not a proper topic in today’s world. But I also knew that every girl in history had tried to understand the male of the species and usually failed miserably.

  Latter that weekend when I met Beth and Cindy at the mall we spent the day shopping and talking. When we saw Mike Stevens throwing a French fry at Brad Tillman then the two of them get into a wrestling match, all we could do was roll our eyes.

  “Boys are so different,” Beth said.

  “Yes they are,” Cindy answered. “And thank God for that difference,” she added with a smile.

  I thought over all the things I had learned during my stay at the Benson house. Things about boys I hadn’t realized before.

  First off, I realized, they ate differently. Faster, more, with less concern for taste or nuance. It was basically a fuel to them. Something to feed a raging furnace.

  The first time I offered to cook dinner, Spaghetti, Aunt Kim checked on me then told me to add an extra box of noodles to the boiling water. I’d already added two.

  “Always make enough for leftovers. If they don’t eat it at dinner, they’ll raid the refrigerator in the middle of the night.”

  They also really like meat with their meals. The second time I cooked dinner I made my mom’s favorite, eggplant parmesan. A nice salad and egg noodles. When I brought it to the table. All three of them scrunched up their brow at the platter then looked into the kitchen as if wondering where the rest of the meal was.

  Of course, that didn’t stop them from devouring it. But I did notice that throughout the rest of the night, each of them made themselves a roast beef sandwich for a late night snack, heavy on the meat.

  Second, almost everything was a competition. Video games, football in the backyard, who’s turn it was to do dishes. Everything. Especially if it was physical.

  One moment they’d be shooting each other on a video game and the next wrestling on the couch trying to choke each other to death.

  Third, they smelled differently. Not always bad. But there is no way around it. Between Buck’s football uniform, or the bathroom in the morning, or the motor oil in Jake’s clothes when he came home from working at the auto shop. What I found amazing was that they just assumed it was part of life and accepted it.

  Don’t get me wrong, they showered every day. How well I knew. I had to get in there first or there wouldn’t be any hot water. No, generally, they had that wonderful man smell that was rather interesting. But there were times that it could gag a horse.

  Fourth, they hated showing emotion. Even showing anger was a mistake in their world. Showing empathy or emotional pain was out of the question. It took me quite a while to figure out that from their point of view. Emotions were a sign of weakness. Literally.

  Emotions could be used by their enemies. - In this case, each other – To attack them. Showing emotions was handing your enemy ammunition. So, of course, they kept it all bottled up inside. Which probably explained why things ended up exploding in anger and rage every so often.

  But just because they didn’t show their emotions. That did not mean they didn’t have them.

  I would see it when someone landed a particularly good put down. Or if we were watching a movie, and a really dramatic moment occurred. One of them would make a stupid joke just to break the tension. Obviously, the only reason there was any tension was because these idiots were feeling things.

  No, the emotions were there, just buried as best as possible.

  Aunt Kim also filled me in on a lot of little difference. The boys hated to go shopping. An idea I found preposterous. They also despised sitting still or having to follow rules. They would do it, but it didn’t come naturally.

  No, boys were different, there was just no way around it. Of course, they had their good points.

  As Aunt Kim said, they were great for lawn care, automotive maintenance, and killing spiders. She said it with a hint of sarcasm, but I
also think a hint of truth. She loved them dearly, but I don’t think even she had completely figured them out.

  But the biggest surprise I discovered was that boys did not think about girls all the time. Not really. But subconsciously they did think about things that would help them get girls. Everything they thought important was important to them because it would help them attract girls. In Parker’s case, grades, which would lead to a great job and money. Buck, it was sports. The star athlete would attract the prettiest girls.

  As for Jake. He didn’t have to work at it. Just him being him would attract women like ants to a picnic. The motorcycle didn’t hurt.

  Slowly, I began to fit in. I learned the unspoken rules and expectations. I learned to push back as hard as they pushed. At least verbally. If I didn’t they’d have been disappointed.

  Jake and I had sort of avoided each other since the incident with the almost kiss. It was as if we had both agreed that it never happened but we also agreed that we weren’t going to test it again.

  I made sure to never miss a bus, he made sure to almost never talk to me. It was all perfectly platonic until the night I woke up to a strange noise. It took me a moment to figure out it was music, coming from the garage.

  The clock said it was almost two in the morning. What was going on? I slipped on my robe and stepped into the hall. Everyone else’s door was shut. Hadn’t they heard it? Guitar music.

  Heavy snoring from the boys’ room made me shake my head. They’d sleep through an earthquake.

  When I got to the garage door, I hesitated for a second. Should I wake one of the boys? Jake was probably the best to handle this. He’d know what to do. I almost turned back but decided to do this myself. I wasn’t some damsel in distress. It was only music after all.

  I slowly opened the door to see Jake, with his back to me. Sitting on a wooden chair, bent over a guitar. He was focused on the fingers of his left hand as he worked the cords to a haunting melody.

  He was good I realized with surprise. I mean very good. Flawless, with a very complex arrangement. How was this possible. I didn’t mean that it was unthinkable that Jake be talented. But how was it that no one had told me about this?

  Then, without warning, he shifted over to a Spanish flamenco, then shifted again into a blues song I remembered my dad listening to. I realized that he was warming up. Pushing himself.

  My heart jumped. This was a side of Jake I had never known existed. The boy was amazing, and he was hiding it here in his garage.

  Then he stopped for a moment before taking a deep breath and started to sing a song I had never heard before. A song about loss and hope. It pulled at my heartstrings. A lonely, haunted song.

  His voice was velvety smooth with a hint of gruff. My insides turned soft and all mushy.

  Oh my God, I thought. Mister Tough, the proverbial bad boy was an artist at heart. Only a true artist could play and sing like that.

  As if I was a moth drawn to a flame I stepped into the garage. I needed to see his face when he sang.

  Of course, he heard me and immediately stopped playing as he swung around to find out who had interrupted him. His forehead creased for a brief second when he saw me.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “No, No,” I said. “Don’t stop because of me.” The last thing I wanted to do was stop him playing.

  He sighed heavily then shook his head. “No, I’m done. Everyone else is used to me playing at night. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

  I studied him for a moment. He really was concerned about waking me.

  “Please,” I said as I pulled up a folding metal chair across from him. “Please, you can’t tease me like that and then stop. I need more if I’m ever going to get to sleep tonight.”

  He looked at me for a long second and I realized that my words could be misconstrued. But I didn’t care. I needed him to play. Then he took a deep breath and began to play. I leaned back and let the music wash over me.

  The boy was very good. And oh so dangerous. And my heart was lost.

  Chapter Seven

  Jake

  God, she was pretty in her lavender robe, purple PJs with mini-mouse on them, fluffy slippers, and her hair back in a ponytail. An innocent girl next door look that kicked me in the gut.

  I swallowed hard as I looked down at the frets in my guitar and picked randomly at the strings. If I kept looking at her she’d know what I was thinking. I knew I’d never keep it out of my eyes. I’d scare her off. That was the last thing I wanted.

  It surprised me a little that I wanted her to hear me play. Was that why I had come out here in the first place?

  Without thinking about it, I shifted over and transitioned into playing Stevie Ray Vaughn’s Pride and Joy. Okay, I was showing off but I didn’t care, for some reason, I wanted to impress her.

  I got lost in the music for a moment, easy to do with Stevie Ray. But the entire time, I knew Karla was watching, listening. It added something to the music. Made it more important, more special.

  When I finished, Karla opened her eyes and smiled at me as if I had accomplished something worthwhile. The kind of smile that could grab ahold of a guy’s heart.

  “Who taught you?” she asked as if she really wanted to know.

  “My dad,” I told her. “It was the one thing we had that was just ours. Parker and Buck have about as much musical talent as a toadstool.”

  She laughed. Suddenly I had a deep urge to tell her all about my dad. It was strange, I’d never really talked about him. Not since the accident. It was sort of an undiscussed subject in our house. There was too much pain.

  “He was good,” I said. “He probably could have played professionally, I know he wanted to. But I think he gave up that dream when I was born. Instead, he became a lineman for the power company. Worked his way up to foreman.”

  She looked at me strangely then said, “I’m sure he was much happier providing for his family. He sounds like a wonderful man.”

  My insides tightened up. Every time I thought of him I cringed inside as a pain ate at my guts.

  “Come on, it’s getting late,” I managed to say as I got up. No way was I talking anymore about my dad.

  Karla frowned for a moment then nodded.

  As we reached the door, I stopped and looked down at her, she looked up into my eyes and I saw something there. Something deep inside of her. A want, a need.

  Without really thinking it through, I leaned down and took her lips with mine. It was as if I had no other choice. A compulsion that could not be denied.

  Karla leaned into me, obviously wanting my kiss. My arms slipped around her, pulling her close as our lips caressed each other’s.

  The girl was heaven. Nirvana. Soft, warm, and enticing. A hint of her perfume mixed with the sweet taste of her lips. I became lost in her. All of my anger at the world disappeared. It was just the two of us.

  Her hands reached up around my neck pulling me closer to her as we kissed like people who had found their soul mates.

  A deep moan in the back of her throat told me she felt the same way. As if this was the one place on this earth where we both belonged.

  Messages and feelings flowed back and forth between us. Wants and needs. But most of all, the truth that could not be denied.

  “Jake,” she whispered breathlessly as she rested her forehead against mine.

  I smiled. I liked the way she said my name. But a realization began to set in. This was wrong. We couldn’t do this. My mom would freak. Karla deserved better. So much better. It would end in bad. Besides, she had a future that I couldn’t be part of.

  Taking a deep breath, I pulled back and looked into her eyes.

  “We can’t let this happen,” I managed to say.

  She sighed heavily and nodded, “I know.”

  “It’s going to be hard to be around you without wanting to do this again.”

  She smiled sweetly, “Not hard, impossible.”

  “
What are we going to do?” I asked.

  She hesitated for a moment then sighed heavily. “I don’t know, but I am going to love finding out.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. It was as if a sharp tension had been released. Yes, we didn’t know what was going to happen. And it would probably all end in disaster. But what could we do but play it out and see how it went.

  “So, what? We pretend it never happened?”

  She pouted for a moment and shook her head. “Maybe we just keep it quiet. Don’t let anyone know and see where it goes.”

  Now it was my turn to frown. She was right. But that didn’t mean I had to like it.

  Sighing again, I nodded. “Okay,”

  She smiled sadly then stretched up to kiss me quickly before she turned and hurried back to her room. All I could do was stand there and remember the way she felt in my arms. The way she fit against me, soft and curvy. The way she had filled an empty space inside of me. As if she had always belonged there.

  Crap, we were screwed in so many ways.

  .o0o.

  Karla

  By the time I got back to my room I was already kicking myself for running away. Why hadn’t I stayed there in his arms? The most secure and safe space in the world. What did all of this mean? And what about the future. No way was Aunt Kim going to be all right with this. And Parker and Buck? A shudder ran through my body. It would create the ultimate awkward situation. I was a guest, it was completely unfair of me to come in and lay all this heavy drama on the family.

  Besides, I was a guest without any options. If Aunt Kim kicked me out, what then? I’d end up in a Swiss boarding school. Believe me, not a great situation. My mom would be disappointed in me. Plus, that would mean leaving Jake.

  But really, what did any of this mean? I wondered as I crawled back under my blankets. We had kissed. That was it. So what? And this was Jake Benson we were talking about. He had to have a dozen girls waiting in line for him.