Our Secret (The Benson Brothers Book 1)

by G. L. Snodgrass

  Beth and Cindy left me to join a group of kids all dancing together. Buck was dancing with Jenny Carson. Both of them with big smiles. Parker was off in the corner talking to one of the teachers. But still no Jake.

  I was about to give up on him when the lead singer of the band approached the front of the stage and said, “We have a special treat, one of your own.”

  Whipping around, my heart jumped when Jake stepped out onto the stage. God, the man looked like every girl's dream. Leather coat, skinny tie, white shirt, jeans, and boots.

  He plugged his guitar into an amp then turned to smile out over the crowd. My insides began to quiver as a large round of applause mixed with whistles and shouts greeted him.

  Jake paused for a second as he scanned the room then his eyes found mine. He smiled slightly and dipped his head to gather himself.

  Then, looking straight at me, he said, “This one goes out to a special person. She knows who she is.”

  My heart melted as he counted off and started Pride and Joy. The first song he had ever played for me. I was rooted in that spot as a thousand emotions flowed over me. Kids were clapping and whooping as the music took over the room.

  All I could do was stare in wonder. I’m sure my mouth hung open. But I was in another world. Pulling myself back to reality, I quickly checked out the people around me. Everyone was into it. The girls more than normal, without a doubt. This was Jake Benson, and he played guitar. He’d just been moved to God-like level.

  When the song ended, the entire room erupted into a volcano of noise. Jake looked at me again, then turned and thanked the band before jumping down to the floor.

  I couldn’t move. The boy was miraculous. All I could do was watch as he slowly wove his way through the crowd. Stopping and talking for a moment, accepting the accolades, then moving on. All the while, never making it look like he was coming to me.

  Finally though, he made it. He stopped in front of me and let his eyes travel up over me.

  “You, Miss Forest are beautiful. Even more than usual, if that is possible.”

  My insides curled in on themselves as my cheeks grew very warm.

  “You look sort of okay,” I said as my eyes traveled up his long frame. He laughed and held out his hand, silently asking me to dance. I looked into his eyes and saw the confidence and assuredness that was Jake Benson.

  What choice did I have? I took his hand and let him lead me to the dance floor. As we approached the middle, he nodded up to the band. The lead singer smiled back and made a gesture behind his back.

  Within seconds, the music transitioned to a slow song. My heart stopped beating as I looked up into his eyes.

  “You planned that,” I said.

  “Of course,” he replied as he pulled me into an embrace.

  I gasped. “What are people going to think?” I asked as I caught people staring at us.

  Jake laughed. “They are going to think I am taking an opportunity to hold a pretty girl.”

  Sighing heavily, I lay my head on his shoulder and became lost. For a moment I forgot about our secret. Simply basked in the fact that Jake was holding me as we swayed to the music.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  I froze, missing a step. He had never said that before. It had been as if we were afraid to approach the subject. He loved me. Really, Jake Benson.

  My heart melted as I looked up at him.

  “Now? You tell me that here, on the dance floor? The one place I can’t shower you with kisses. It’s unfair.”

  He laughed and pulled my head back to his shoulder.

  As we rocked back and forth to the music, my mind jumped to a dozen different fears. What if people learned. What about my future. School would end in seven months. What then? These and another dozen worries ate at my insides until I realized I hadn’t told him how I felt.

  “I love you too,” I said without looking up at him.

  He sighed heavily and held me closer, “Good, that will make things easier. It was going to suck if you didn’t feel the same way.”

  All I could do was smile to myself as my heart filled with love for this man.

  Of course, as it always does, the music came to an end. I took a deep breath and forced myself to step back from him. We looked at each other for a long moment. Then, as if in agreement, both of us turned away.

  Our moment was broken. Would it always be like this? I wondered. This intense joy marred by constant pain.

  I fought to hide the thoughts rushing through my brain when both Beth and Cindy approached.

  “What was that?” Beth said with a shocked expression. “You looked like you wanted to tear his clothes off and take him right there on the dance floor.”

  I forced myself to laugh and waved my hand dismissively, “Don’t be silly. It was just a dance.”

  They continued to look doubtfully, but I ignored them and refused to give them an opening. I might have pulled it off but Jake chose that moment to walk up to us. Both Beth and Cindy snapped their mouths shut. But I could tell by the way they were looking at him that they wanted more information.

  “By the way,” Jake said to me after acknowledging both Beth and Cindy with a nod. “I’m giving you a ride home. Parker will be busy with something or other and Buck is going to Sam’s Diner with Jenny Carson and their friends. He’s on his own.”

  My brow furrowed and I realized Beth looked like he’d just announced our wedding date.

  “If you think I’m riding on a motorcycle in this dress you are crazy.”

  Jake laughed and said, “E.J. let me borrow the truck from the shop. I needed it to get my guitar here.”

  He had planned this I realized. Down to the smallest detail. Playing with the band. Having them shift to a slow song. An excellent excuse to take me home. Borrowing the truck. My heart melted with love.

  Cindy shot me a curious look when she saw me staring up at him with pure adoration.

  I shook my head and pulled myself back to reality. “Sure,” I said. “Unless maybe someone else offers to give me a ride. Maybe Mike Stevens.”

  His eyes flashed for a quick moment before he was able to rein in the anger I had ignited. He hid it well with a shrug as if who I went home with was of no importance to him at all.

  “Hey,” he said to Beth and Cindy, “Have you guys seen Bella?”

  My heart fell until I caught the teasing look in his eyes. The bastard was cruel. Then turning to me he smiled and said, “Let me know when you figure it out. I’m not going to hang around waiting for you.”

  Then without another word he turned and left. My two friends looked at me strangely. All I could do was shrug and hope our lies were working. But that didn’t stop me from holding tight the memory of Jake Benson saying ‘I love you’. My new favorite words in the English language.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jake

  Okay, I was pushing things, I realized. The way Karla’s friends were looking at me told me to back off. Somehow I forced myself to try and ignore Karla the rest of the night.

  It wasn’t easy. The woman was too sexy for her own good. That dress. The way she felt in my arms, all soft and female. Her sweet perfume. All of it was enough to drive a guy crazy.

  I made a point of sort of hanging out near her while not actually being included in her circle of friends. You know, close enough to not be obvious while still being a threat. Of course, when Bella showed up, with her eye flutter and hair flip. It was Karla who broke the rules and sidled up next to me.

  She gave Bella a big smile then turned to me placing her hand on my arm, “Remember, you promised to dance with Beth and Cindy.”

  All I could do was nod as I frantically tried to remember exactly when that had happened. But I wasn’t an idiot. She was keeping me away from her competition.

  “Sure,” I said, glancing over at her friends. “Now a good time?”

  She nodded and stepped back so that I had little choice.

  Bella shot her an evil glare then turned
and smiled up at me. I swear, a look of adoration from someone you don’t care about just doesn’t have the same pull.

  By the time I’d finished dancing with first Beth and then Cindy, Karla shot me a quick thank you smile. It felt good knowing I’d done something nice for her. It made me feel like there might be a good person buried deep inside.

  Of course, those happy feelings immediately disappeared when Mike Stevens walked up and asked Karla to dance. I swear it took every bit of self-control not to step in and forbid it. Karla didn’t even glance at me. It was as if I wasn’t even there.

  Luckily, I somehow kept it together as they walked to the dance floor.

  Karla managed to still not look at me, but I could tell she wasn’t really enjoying the moment. Something about the set of her shoulders. Probably because she was terrified I was going to spill our secret to the entire world.

  As they danced, I forced myself not to glare at them.

  Beth, frowned at me, “I swear you Benson boys treat her like she’s your kid sister on her first date.”

  “Unless it is something else,” Cindy said to her friend.

  I scoffed but didn’t pull my eyes away from the couple dancing. “You guys know Mike Stevens, I wouldn’t trust him with my pet boa constrictor. Karla doesn’t know what she’s dealing with.”

  Both of them looked at me strangely but neither said any more. I know we had pushed things too far. And no way I was standing around watching Karla have a good time with other guys. I turned to them, “Tell Karla to find me when she is ready to go.” Then I left them before I could say or do anything to ruin Karla’s life.

  Weaving through the crowd I stepped out the back door. I took a deep breath of crisp cool air and tried to get my anger under control. I forced my fists to unclench and began to pace. It was just a dance, I reminded myself and I was being stupid.

  But it was the whole secret thing. I couldn’t tell people that we were together. Guys thought she was open game. Available.

  It was wrong. On so many levels, it just ate at my gut and refused to let go. She had said she loved me. I should be ecstatic. I mean, a girl like Karla, gorgeous, smart, sweet, and she loved me. How ridiculous was that? And I couldn’t shout it from the rooftops.

  Grumbling, my fists clenched up again.

  I don’t know how long I paced back and forth. Eventually, I began to calm down and was working up enough serenity to go back inside when the door opened and Karla stepped out, alone.

  She shot me a sweet smile. Obviously not upset that I had left.

  “You wanted me to find you when I was ready to go?” she said.

  “Are you sure?” I asked. “The dance is only about halfway over. And your friends are here.

  She stepped up next to me and looked up into my eyes and I swear my heart stopped beating.

  “Jake Benson,” she said. “You have a vehicle other than a motorcycle. The night is young. And if we leave now. We will have the next two hours all to ourselves.”

  I swallowed hard as a dozen different scenarios danced into my head. She read my mind and blushed.

  “We should find a quiet spot and talk,” she said.

  “Yeah, right.”

  “No, I am serious. We never get a chance to just talk. If we are alone for a few minutes we become … distracted.”

  I laughed. “Are you complaining about the way I … distract you?”

  She smiled. “No, of course not. It’s just that there are so many things I don’t know about you. Or that you don’t know about me. I just told you that I loved you and I realized just how much I don’t know about you.”

  My insides cringed. This sounded serious.

  “Come on,” I said as I took her hand and led her to the truck. With each step though I felt as if things were shifting between us. Or perhaps just moving up to a new level. Either way, for the first time in my life I was nervous. This was new territory. Sharing stuff. No way it could end well.

  .o0o.

  Karla

  The pickup smelled like motor oil and old cigarettes. But it was driven by Jake Benson and it wasn’t a motorcycle so it had that going for it.

  As we left the school, Jake shot me a quick smile then turned right, away from town.

  “There’s an old logging road I know about,” he said. “We can talk or … distract each other.”

  I blushed, was I ready to take our relationship to another level? Inside, everything about me screamed yes. I wanted this. Jake Benson loved me. I loved him. I was ready. But a fear ate at my insides. Would it change us?

  But, this was Jake Benson. No way was he waiting around for me to grow up. The boy could have any girl he wanted. Yet, still I hesitated. A fear continually bubbled inside of me. What if I wasn’t good enough? What if he didn’t like me?

  And in all honesty, I had never imagined my first time being in the back of a pickup truck in the middle of the forest.

  Somehow I pushed the turmoil away and tried to focus on the boy next to me. The dashboard lights lit his face with a warm glow. He was so handsome and so special in so many ways. What girl wouldn’t fall head over heels in love with him?

  Seven months, I reminded myself. I was leaving in seven months. The thought terrified me.

  As we drove through the night, a silence fell between us. We weren’t used to being alone together, I realized. Not really alone. An awkward tension permeated the cab of the truck as both of us shot each other quick glances but kept our mouths shut.

  I could feel the tension building between us. What was he thinking about? Did he ever worry about anything? I wondered. Did he think about us? And if so, how did he see it all playing out? How did I compare to the other girls he had known? Or worse, would know.

  These and a thousand other thoughts tumbled around in my brain as my insides tightened with each passing minute.

  “Here we go,” he said with a sigh as he slowed down to turn off onto a dirt road.

  My heart jumped into full-on race mode. We really were alone. We hadn’t passed a house in ten minutes and the tall pine trees hung over us like a cave.

  “Is it okay to be out here?” I asked him. Obviously we were on private property.

  He smiled and shrugged. That was Jake, I thought. Rules didn’t apply to him.

  I was about to suggest we go back, when he pulled off to the side and turned the truck off. Suddenly, my stomach dropped as the quiet of the night surrounded me.

  Jake put his arm on the backrest of the seat and raised an eyebrow. “So, you want to talk or do you want to … distract each other?”

  My cheeks grew warm as I looked down at my lap. Suddenly it was impossible to look at him. I just knew he would read everything in my eyes. Desperately, I fought to think of something, anything that would break this awkwardness.

  Blank. I came up empty. All I could think about was how close he was. The way he smelled of leather. The way his voice caressed my soul. How much I needed his arms around me. I did the only thing I could think of and slid across the seat and into his arms.

  It was as if I had found my perfect place. The safest, warmest, most welcoming place on this earth.

  He smiled down at me then kissed me and I was lost.

  We became wrapped up in each other. The passion and heat rose until I could take it no more. As a fear grew inside of me. I pushed away as I gasped for breath.

  The windows were steamed up, making me feel trapped and isolated.

  Jake studied me with a curious frown for a long moment, then sighed. “I understand,” he said, “And it’s okay.”

  My heart melted. He wasn’t going to push me. He wasn’t going to demand that we take things to another level.

  “We can wait until you’re ready,” he added. I could tell he was disappointed but he was trying to rise above it. To not make me feel bad.

  “Really?” I asked, unable to believe he was being so gallant while at the same time a little upset at him. Why wasn’t he pushing me? Why didn’t he demand more?
In some ways, it would have been so much easier if he had.

  But that wasn’t Jake, I realized. He was a born knight in shining armor. Beneath all that bad boy persona, there was a hero at heart.

  A heavy silence drug out between us as I tried to figure out something to say. How could I explain my feelings? I didn’t even understand myself. Every part of my body was telling me to go through with it. Yet, deep in the recess of my mind, something was holding me back.

  Maybe it would have been different if our secret was out. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt this level of guilt. Before I could explore it further, Jake turned on the truck and started us back down the dirt road.

  “We didn’t talk,” I said.

  He laughed. “Karla, don’t push it. No way am I going to be able to keep my hands off you out here in the dark.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said as I was once again filled with guilt. This was why it hurt so much. Guilt if I did and guilt if I didn’t. A no-win situation.

  Jake glanced over at me and shook his head. “Don’t beat yourself up. I’ll survive. … Not easily, but somehow I will.”

  A cold shiver ran through me as I realized that I had probably made a mistake. What if we never got another chance. What if I had ruined our only opportunity.

  The two of us rode home in relative silence. It wasn’t prickly, or painful. Just sad. But the moment had been lost. There was no getting it back. Not tonight. But I knew deep inside. That at some point my desires were going to outweigh my fear.

  When he pulled into the driveway and turned the truck off, He smiled at me and shook his head and I knew we would be okay. That look said he wasn’t mad at me. Not even a little.

  “You know,” he said, “I won’t be able to kiss you goodnight once we get out. But you can’t see us from the house here.”

  I smiled up at him as I scooted across the seat and let him kiss me. A good long soulful kiss with no hint or promises. Just a goodnight kiss between two people who loved each other.

  As our lips caressed each other’s we became lost. Neither of us heard the car pull in behind us until the bright headlights bathed us like a wartime spotlight.