by C.J Duggan
Chapter Forty
I sent Ellie what seemed like my hundredth email, begging for forgiveness.
The long, drawn-out silence of our fallout had reached a new level, a level we had never been to and I was scared our friendship might not recover from.
I was startled out of my gloomy thoughts when Mum tapped lightly on my door.
"Tess, hon, Ellie's here to see you."
I all but knocked over my desk chair when I stood up. I was afraid to hope that she'd come on good terms.
Relief flooded through me the moment she coyly stepped passed Mum, into my room, and offered me a friendly smile. Everything was going to be alright.
As soon as Mum closed the door, I body-slammed her with a bear hug.
"Jesus, Tess, it's not like I just returned from war or anything."
Tears squirted out of my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I was just so relieved. I could hardly stop myself as I sniffled and sobbed and headed into blubbering-mess territory.
Ellie rubbed at my shoulders, "Don't cry, please don't cry, Tess, its okay."
She sat me down on the bed, squeezed my hand and waited out my mini breakdown.
"I'm so sorry, Ellie, I'm so sorry for what I said and for what I didn't say," I blubbered. "You're right, best friends should tell each other everything. You're always so open with me and I should be with you, because you really are my best friend in the whole wide world." I knew I was babbling, but everything spilled out in such a rush Ellie had to clench my arm and tell me it was enough.
She grabbed me a tissue and waited for me to catch my breath.
"It's me who should be sorry, Tess." Her eyes began to well, too.
"You have nothing to be sorry about." I sniffed.
Ellie's chin trembled. "I always just expected you to be there, waiting around for me. You were right, I didn't want you to have a life. I was a selfish idiot."
"Well, we're even then. We can call it a draw in the 'being idiots' category." I squeezed her hand reassuringly.
Ellie just shook her head. "It's not even."
I looked into Ellie's red-rimmed eyes and a coldness swept over me as I tried to read the level of dread in Ellie's expression. I let go of her hand.
"What did you do, Ellie?"
"That's just it, I haven't done anything. Me and Stan, we haven't you know ? done it."
I paused, surprised. "Really?"
"Yeah."
I slumped on my bed in relief. "Ellie, that's a good thing," I assured her. "It just means that you really like him, that when it comes time it'll be really special because you care about each other." I swelled all over with such affection for Ellie, my best friend, so proud of the new leaf she had turned over this summer.
My words, however, did not seem to console her. Ellie couldn't even look at me; instead, she shredded a tissue in her shaky hands.
I scooted closer. "Ellie?"
"I'm so scared, Tess. I'm so frightened of doing it with Stan."
This vulnerability in her was new, and I was so happy to see it.
I smiled. "Because you like him so much?"
It was then that Ellie's tear-brimmed eyes met mine.
"Because I'm a virgin."
