Elizabeth cried when he told her goodbye. He could tell his mother wanted to as well, but she stayed strong for her children.
The train ride back to Pinewood felt longer than it should. There was a chill to the air, so Cassius opened his bag to see what else he’d brought for warmth. There, on top, was a knitted cap he knew had been made by Emily’s hand. He smiled, smelled it, then replaced the older one on his head with this gift from his sister. Still, the ache sat heavy in his chest, almost suffocating him.
When he exited the train, his muscles tightened more from frustration than cold. Soft snowflakes fell around him as he made the trek from the station to the castle.
Cassius was in too sour a mood to see anyone. He was grateful he did not have to attend to the prince until the morning. He took his meal with Valor, who knew when to leave Cas alone and did so. Afterward, he went straight for a bath, then to bed, where he dreamed of snowball fights with his sisters and Prince Merrick, and strangely, the prince had worn the cap knitted by Emily’s hands.
11
Merrick
At the knock on his chamber door, Merrick felt his stomach tighten, expecting it would be Cassius arriving for duty. It felt like he hadn’t seen him in so long, despite it having been only a little over twenty-four hours.
“Please enter,” Merrick replied, feeling ready to face him. He had risen early, his nerves itching beneath his skin for reasons he didn’t altogether understand. He’d already bathed and put on his robe, and was now sipping tea at the table near the window.
As Cassius entered the room and bowed his head in greeting, Merrick’s eyes greedily drank him in. Flushed over his inability to squash the obvious tension he felt around his own valet, he cleared his throat and vowed to double his efforts to get to know the man better so they could maintain a less awkward working relationship. Otherwise, this situation would not do at all—not with Merrick second-guessing his every move.
In a royal household, the staff was required to assist so the schedule ran smoothly, making life easier for the family as they went about their day. The staff remained a fixture in the background, seen but normally not heard, and certainly never at the forefront of the prince’s mind every given moment.
“How was your time away?” Merrick inquired as he rested his empty cup on its saucer.
Merrick noticed how the valet’s eyes darkened briefly before he answered, which was very curious indeed and made Merrick’s stomach pinch briefly.
“Very well, Your Highness. Thank you.”
“It might do you well to spend an entire weekend at home sometime in the near future,” Merrick remarked, glancing out the window at the newly fallen snow, a pristine white coating the lawn. “Harris could easily arrange a footman to attend to my needs. It would be no fuss. A valet’s schedule is harder than most.”
When Cassius didn’t respond, Merrick looked back at him. The valet’s jaw was clenched, his eyes shining with something that looked a bit like indignation. Merrick held in a gasp, completely taken aback that his suggestion might’ve made things chillier between them. Cassius was definitely a proud man, who took his responsibilities seriously, and Merrick would do well to remember that.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped—” Merrick began, but the valet cut him off.
“No, Your Highness,” Cassius replied as his shoulders dropped. “It was a very kind offer. But I am here to do my job—a job I am grateful to have—and there is no need to make any concessions.”
“I wasn’t—”
“We don’t want to be late for the ribbon-cutting ceremony.” Cassius averted his gaze and immediately busied himself with preparing Merrick’s clothing for the day, transitioning to his professional-yet-removed affect of the last few days. As they recapped the day’s schedule, which would begin with the opening of a new library wing in town, Cassius helped Merrick slip into a jacket, then expertly knotted a tie at his neck in the Windsor style popular the past few years.
Merrick held his breath as Cassius concentrated on getting the collar to lie just right at his throat, but was unable to resist studying his eyes, which were clouded with a certain melancholy. Merrick longed to inquire about Cassius’s worries and soothe the anxiety away, but restrained himself. Ridiculous. Geoffrey had some difficult days over the years of his employ, and Merrick always sympathized, surely would have even given the man time off to deal with whatever was burdening him. But he’d never had the urge to reach out and pull the man into his arms.
His hands clenched at his sides lest he grasp Cassius’s waist and feel the taut muscle there, most likely strung as tight as the tension in the air. This fascination with his new valet needed to end. Immediately. Or he was in trouble. Big trouble. Merrick could only hope the strange effect this man was having on him would lessen with time, and that was all he could bank on for now.
Just as Merrick was stepping into his black Oxford shoes, Marjorie curtly knocked before slipping inside the room and throwing herself dramatically across his bed like she once did as a moody teenager. They rarely came to each other’s rooms anymore unless they needed to speak privately.
“To what do I owe this visit?” Merrick remarked with a smirk. “We’re about to leave for the ribbon-cutting ceremony, and if we’re late again, my new valet will think even less of me.”
Cassius cleared his throat at his attempt at humor, and he noticed the line of redness along his neck as he placed the shoehorn back in the drawer.
“He more than likely already knows you’re more trouble than you’re worth. You know what they say about pampered princes,” Marjorie deadpanned before gracing him with a wink. “Besides, don’t you have five minutes to indulge your sister’s troubles?”
“Troubles?” Merrick exclaimed, suddenly worried about her reason for seeking him out. “Has something happened?”
“No, nothing to be alarmed about,” she replied, fixing the hem of her dress so it looked more presentable as she slouched on the bed. “I just need my brother’s advice.”
Cassius suddenly turned his back and busied himself with the empty hangers as if he were intruding on a private moment.
“Fire away. As long as it doesn’t hold us up,” Merrick warned as Cassius seemed to unconsciously look at his watch.
Marjorie straightened herself on the mattress as if getting her wits about her. “I am afraid I’ve already become too smitten with Charles,” she confessed as a flush dusted her cheeks. “And I fear he’ll not return my affections. That he’ll think me too…”
Merrick stepped toward his sister, surprised by how candid she was being about her suitor. “Too what?”
“Too…ordinary,” she said in a whisper as if embarrassed by her own confession. “You know as well as I do that ordinary can be…a bore. And Charles could have his pick of any number of ladies, given his charm and good looks.”
Merrick chuckled. “You, ordinary? My dear Princess Marjorie, I do think you are merely suffering from a good dose of humility. Something one needs from time to time.”
Marjorie cuffed him on the forearm as she huffed in an unladylike fashion in his direction. She was always the more outgoing of the two of them, her personality usually shining brighter. Merrick was regarded as the more aloof sibling, when in reality, he preferred to observe a situation before making his opinion known.
“You need only to be yourself. I’m sure he’s already positively smitten with you. But perhaps the next couple of outings you could do with showing a bit of restraint—you do fancy a good argument. Perhaps be a bit more…humble?”
Marjorie rolled her eyes dramatically. “What is your opinion, Cassius?”
Cassius froze near the closet door like a deer spotting a hunter. “Me, Your Highness?”
“Yes, you,” she replied with a giggle. “I’m sure you’ve been smitten with a lady before.”
Cassius’s neck stained red as he averted his eyes. “Why, y-yes, of course.”
“If a lady you were courting blushed upon every occasi
on you were in her sight—God help me, I cannot seem to turn it off—would that turn you away?”
The color now darkened on Cassius’s cheeks as he shuffled unsteadily on his feet. Merrick’s throat nearly closed up because it was as if she were speaking of his own behavior around his valet.
“Well, I’ve never actually…” Cassius stammered.
“You’ve never courted a lady?” Marjorie asked in astonishment.
“No, I…never have, Your Highness,” he said with renewed confidence. “I’ve only ever focused on providing for my family.”
“Yes, certainly,” Marjorie mumbled, suddenly interested in the hem of her dress. “Forgive me.”
Merrick’s chest felt tight and uncomfortable. He hoped Cassius did not despise them for his sister’s ignorant miscalculation, while simultaneously wondering if Cassius would ever marry.
“To answer your query…I’d only say that if you do not present yourself exactly as you are to your potential suitor, then it would ring false,” Cassius said with some conviction in his tone. “You need to see each other as you actually are in order to decide if you are a match. And if he does not return your affections, Your Highness, then he is not the one for you.”
Marjorie was speechless momentarily as she studied Cassius and seemed to play his words over in her head. That gave Merrick just enough time to get his wits about him and save his valet from any further scrutiny.
“Not to be rude, but we must go,” he said suddenly, motioning to his watch. “We can discuss this later.”
Once they were in the hall, Merrick glanced back at the door, heaved a long sigh, and then smirked.
“What’s so funny, sir?” Cassius asked, glancing cautiously at him.
“You really should thank me for saving you,” Merrick said, finally able to breathe again. It was like a release—freeing, really, to not think any more on that subject. He’d admit he also felt a certain amount of pressure that his younger sister might’ve already found her match, if Charles was as respectable as Marjorie thought he was.
Cassius offered a slow, wide grin, and it was the most genuine smile Merrick had seen in days. He longed to see it more often on Cassius’s face.
“Well, by all means, thank you, Your Highness,” Cassius said with a bow.
And despite sharing that secret laugh and the air feeling a bit lighter between them, Cassius’s dour mood soon returned. Not that he outwardly showed it, but Merrick could read it just below the surface of his features, like the times his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. And all Merrick longed to do was wipe that mood away again.
He also couldn’t help turning over in his head Cassius’s advice to Marjorie.
“You need to see each other as you actually are in order to decide if you are a match.”
The very idea of ever revealing his true nature made his entire body shiver.
After a late luncheon and a full-afternoon visit with local dignitaries, Merrick nearly had enough and was glad to finally slide into the back seat of the vehicle again.
Once the family finished with dinner later that evening, he expected Marjorie to whisk him away to finish their conversation, but it seemed she had instead busied herself with a private message she received that Merrick suspected was from Charles.
Merrick excused himself with the explanation of a long day.
“Will that be all, sir?” Cassius asked in a dull voice that made Merrick’s chest ache. He’d removed Merrick’s shirt and tie and slid his comfortable robe over his shoulders. He’d already laid out his pajamas, but Merrick wasn’t quite ready to retire for the night. He had other ideas in mind.
“I have one more request, if you wouldn’t mind indulging me,” Merrick replied, his nerves jangling at the very thought of what his brain was proposing.
Cassius’s eyebrows drew together. “Of course, Your Highness.”
“Meet me outside the kitchen entrance in fifteen past the hour,” Merrick ordered with a nod. “And be sure to dress warmly.”
Once Cassius excused himself, Merrick rummaged through his own closet, then slipped into a pair of riding breeches and boots before sliding into a warm coat and scarf. He padded down the back stairs to the kitchen and inquired after some fruits and vegetables from the cook, who was elbows deep in dishes from their meal. Merrick nearly felt guilty that his request required her to leave her task to assist him.
She quirked her lip in a question as she filled a brown paper bag with some carrots and apples. But his request wasn’t anything new, except for the fact that he didn’t normally seek out snacks himself. He found that he liked attending to his own needs, especially after hours when most of the staff would usually have their rest.
The thought triggered a renewed sense of guilt about asking Cassius to meet him when he probably would rather be alone in his own room. But he had a feeling he might be able to lift the man’s spirits this evening. Except if he was wrong, it might drive another wedge between them.
Cassius was at the back entrance as Merrick requested. He still wore his uniform attire but had changed his coat and shoes and added a hat and gloves.
Merrick held up the bag. “Would you like to feed the horses with me?”
Cassius’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “I…”
“When I’m feeling a bit…under the weather, the animals always help.”
Cassius shook his head, seeming completely dumbfounded. “Your Highness, I’m not—”
But Merrick didn’t wait for his excuse. He walked past him and toward the path. “They’ll be delighted to see us.”
12
Cassius
Gooseflesh traveled down the back of Cassius’s neck. He couldn’t make sense of Prince Merrick’s request. Yes, maybe the prince enjoyed feeding the horses when he was down, but why would he include Cassius? And it didn’t seem as though the prince was melancholy, but it still weighed heavily in Cas’s bones.
“Are you coming?” The prince turned, walking backward, and gave him a smile Cas felt in his stomach. This was…not typical, definitely not. It was as if Prince Merrick had sensed Cassius’s sorrow and not only had the key to help remedy it, but also cared enough to use it.
“Yes, Your Highness,” Cas replied before trudging through the snow toward the waiting prince. The two words—waiting and prince—felt incredibly odd together.
Cassius hurried so as not to stall too long, and once he was in step with Prince Merrick, the other man began walking more swiftly. Cas wasn’t sure what to think about this, but he knew he wanted to accompany the prince. Maybe Prince Merrick was far more friendly than Cassius had imagined. Maybe he’d shared moments like this with Geoffrey as well.
They were quiet as their feet settled into the freshly fallen snow on the way to the barn. When they reached the building, which had already been vacated for the night, Prince Merrick pulled open the heavy barn door, making a sudden shot of worry dart through Cassius. “I’m sorry, Your Highness. I should have gotten the door for you. I’m…” He did not know how to continue, did not know what he felt, and even if he understood the thoughts plaguing him, he could not share those with the prince.
“Please, don’t apologize. It is quite nice to do things for myself from time to time.” The corners of his eyes pinched, and his lips creased in a frown as though he shouldn’t have spoken as he had. The thought made Cassius’s stomach tumble in an unfamiliar way. He couldn’t imagine having servants do such simple tasks for him, but he wasn’t a prince. He couldn’t fathom how the other man would feel the same.
“Shall we go?” the prince added, and Cassius felt his ears heat at the way he’d stood there like an idiot. Luckily, his hat covered them, so it wouldn’t be noticeable. It was strange the way he so often flushed in front of the prince. Cassius had never been one to blush, even in front of a man he found attractive, but he did so frequently with Prince Merrick.
“Yes, sir.” Cassius stepped inside and waited. He noticed the prince move to close the barn door just before
their gazes clashed together. As though he sensed Cas’s need to fill the role he was supposed to, the prince stepped aside, and Cas closed the door.
“Do you enjoy horses?” he asked Cas as they walked toward Ursula, the mare Cas knew belonged to the prince.
He felt his forehead wrinkle beneath his knitted hat as he continued his attempt to figure out what was happening. “Yes, Your Highness. I do. They’re…” Cas let his words trail off. The prince couldn’t want that much information from him, and he shouldn’t want to share. Cas found he did, though. Whether it was just to talk to someone or the prince specifically, he could not decide.
“They’re what?” Prince Merrick prompted.
“Nothing, sir. Just that I enjoy them tremendously.”
“Please,” he replied. “Please tell me what you were going to say. You don’t have to. It is not a demand, but…but I’d like it if you did.”
They stopped moving. Ursula neighed in front of them, but Cassius couldn’t make his feet move. The prince was looking at him…curiously. He had no doubt his eyes held the prince’s similarly, but obviously for different reasons.
This time, it was Prince Merrick who flushed, a soft pink tinting his delicate cheekbones. It is because he’s cold. It has to be because he’s chilled. Still, Cas’s heart raced like Ursula’s hooves when she galloped.
He needed to end this fascination, this seeing things that were not there, before he got himself into trouble. Before he lost his position and shamed his family.
The prince added, “I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair of me to make such a request,” and it was those words that fueled Cas further because the truth was, it didn’t matter if it was fair or not. The prince had the right to request anything he desired; the whole family did, without apology. Yet the prince had apologized, a soft, earnest quality to his voice that spoke of his sincerity. He had meant his apology, and that…that meant something to Cassius.
Ever After (Forbidden Love #1) Page 7
