Even if Sunshine and Natasha don’t live here, I want our daughter to have her own room. I want her to know that she has a place with me, one that she’s able to call her own. The importance of everything my parents did for us when I was a kid is starting to register. The routine, cooking together, helping out on the ranch; we did it all together as one big team. We were a family, and somewhere along the line, I’d seemed to forget what that felt like.
Now, however, I find myself daydreaming. Not only of having Natasha but also of having a few more kids around here as well. No matter how much I try to make myself realize that Sunshine may not be a part of that deal, it all comes back around to sharing it with her. I so badly want her to be a part of my future plans. I guess that’s one part of my life that’s never changed for me, though.
“Ready for this game, Owens?” Steve, my boss, asks as he comes to stand next to me on the field.
He’s turned out to not be so bad. I was a little iffy when I first took the position to work for him, but it was for nothing. Not only is he supportive of the athletic department, but he seems to really care about the students as well. I wasn’t expecting him to show up to many of the practices to watch, but he has. His enthusiasm is contagious with the team too. They like having his and the school’s support behind them.
“As ready as we can be right now, sir,” I reply and watch as the varsity team begins their pregame stretches to warm their muscles up.
“I just wanted to shake your hand and wish you good luck. You’ve really managed to turn this team around, and you’ve earned everyone’s respect in the process. I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done so far, and to say I’m impressed, would be an understatement.”
I take in his outstretched hand and shake it in return. “I appreciate that, sir, and for you giving me a chance.”
“It’s the best decision I’ve made for the team, as far as I’m concerned,” Steve retorts. He claps my shoulder before heading toward the stands.
An hour or so later, we’re on the sidelines. Everyone’s preparing for the game to start, and I glance up. I don’t know what makes me scan the bleachers in that particular spot, but my eyes land right on Sunshine and Natasha. They catch me looking.
Sunshine beams and waves. Natasha jumps up and yells, “Hey, Dad!”
I eagerly return their wave, happy and stunned by their presence. It’s my weekend to head up to Sunshine’s place, and we’d previously agreed I’d come after the game was over. To have them here, cheering us on, makes my chest explode with warmth. Clyde and Shyla have come to our games when they’ve had time to, but this surpasses it. There’s nothing better than having my family show up to support the team and me.
Rocky, one of the students on our varsity team, runs up and disrupts me. “Coach! The time clock is screwed up.” And just like that, I’m sucked back into work.
***
“You killed it!” Natasha cheers after the game is over and the guys have cleared out of the locker room.
I grin, pulling her in for a welcome hug. “They played hard, and it showed in the end.”
“It helps that they have the best coach ever. I wish you could coach my team,” she mentions. I’d never considered coaching her, but I’d be honored.
Sunshine leans in next, and I wrap my arms around her. “Good game, Coach,” she compliments and lightly jabs her elbow in my ribs, making me chuckle.
“Thanks. I was happy to see you both made it to watch, but I thought I was coming to you this weekend?”
Her cheeks tint with my observation. She admits, “You’re right, but we like being here. Besides, we wanted to support you since it was a home game and Sashy’s schedule permitted.”
“Well, I’m grateful for it. Do you two want to grab a bite before we head back to your house?” I suggest. I’m starving.
Natasha shakes her head. “I want to stay here. Can we, Mom?”
Sunshine shrugs. She asks me, “Do you mind?”
“Of course not. You both are always welcome. I’ll call the bed and breakfast and book your usual room.”
“About that,” Sunshine begins. “They’re sort of booked out since it was a home game. I guess some of the other team’s families are already staying there. I didn’t think of it until we were already in town.”
“That makes sense,” I reason. “Would you be comfortable staying on the ranch? You can have my room for the weekend, and I’ll sleep on the couch of my and Ty’s room.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.”
“You aren’t,” I cut in immediately. I love the thought of having them on the ranch with me.
We eventually make it to the house after stopping by the store to grab some sandwich stuff and snacks. Thankfully, Shyla seems excited about us, surprising her and my brother and not put out. With me coaching, I’m gone from around 5:00 a.m. to 6 or 7:00 p.m., and when I’m off, I’m building my house. So Shyla doesn’t see much of me during the week; otherwise, she might’ve been a little upset about us taking over their baby-making time.
It’s getting harder with each passing visit to keep myself from hauling Sunshine into my arms and kissing her senseless. My anger hasn’t completely diminished, but with time, it’s been getting less prominent. I won’t ever be able to forget what she’s done; I can only hope to fully forgive her for it someday. I know that until I’ve been able to forgive her that I can’t take that extra step I so badly want to. I feel like every moment is wasted on me holding on to something I couldn’t change. I should be using this time to make her realize I love her more than I ever did in the past, rather than being torn up inside over the past.
God forbid, something happens to take both of them out of my life. I don’t know if I could survive the loss. Let alone lose Sunshine for a second time. I don’t think I’d make it. I love them far too much.
In a sense, my father was lucky to go at the same time as my mother. He’d have been perpetually lost without her presence. Sunshine is opening up my eyes to so much I never considered nor understood in the past. I feel like—just maybe—I’m finally growing into the adult I’m supposed to be.
“Would you ever coach me?” Natasha breaches the topic again once we’ve gotten settled in at the ranch and had something to eat. With full stomachs and an exciting game, we’re pretty worn out. At least I am.
“Of course, I would. Anytime you need some help, you say the word, and I’m your guy.” I flash her a wink and grin like a fool. I’m excited to have her ask me about it in the first place. I wish she lived here because with me at the high school, the prospect of being her coach could be a real thing versus me helping her in our free time.
“But I’d need to live here, right?”
I swallow, chancing a look at Sunshine, only to discover she’s pretending like she didn’t hear Natasha’s question. I know she did, and I wish she’d show me her genuine reaction to it. Of course, I want to instantly reply that they need to move here, but I don’t want to push Sunshine away and ruin any chance I have at seeing both of them. I have to be able to visit with my daughter no matter what ends up happening with Sunshine and me. That much I can never waver on.
“Not necessarily, honey.” I fight down the need I have inside to answer her differently. “I can always help you whenever I’m visiting, and vice versa.”
“But it won’t be the same,” she mutters dejectedly.
Sunshine wasn’t exaggerating when we first reconnected, and she told me Natasha isn’t afraid to speak her mind once she gets used to you. She reminds me of her momma in that sense.
“I’m sorry Sash...we’re lucky we live this close to each other now. There are people out in the world who only get to see each other a few times a year. While I’d love more than anything to have you here always, I’m also grateful to see you on the weekends.”
“Me too, but we both have games. It seems like we’re around each other less and less, the more time passes.”
“True, but it won’t be t
hat way forever. I can promise you that much.”
Shyla calls for Natasha, and she goes running. My sister-in-law couldn’t have chosen a better time to request my daughter’s help with something. It’s most likely a family recipe or a new house listing. Shyla’s in real estate and has been showing Natasha the ropes so to speak with the listing process. At this rate, I may have a real estate agent on my hands verses a lawyer. Though I guess at her age, the possibilities are endless.
“She’s over the moon having aunts and uncles,” Sunshine shares after a few moments of awkward silence passes between us.
“That’s good. I’m glad she’s excited to have more family.”
“I don’t think excited is a strong enough word.” She laughs. “That girl won’t stop talking about you, Clyde, Shyla, and the ranch during the week.”
“I’m sorry about that. I’m sure your parents aren’t so thrilled with her newfound family.”
“Are you kidding? I’m beyond happy she loves you guys and the ranch as much as she does. My parents...well, they’re pleased the transition has gone this smoothly. They’re hesitant that it won’t last, though, and that will effect Sashy.”
A snort escapes before I can suppress it. I manage to turn my head, though, so she misses my eye roll. Her parents know nothing, and especially now, where my family and I are concerned. They’ve always had their noses stuck up a bit and didn’t fit in well around here.
“Do you have something to say?” Sunshine asks, with her tone filled with tension.
I shrug and go for the easier reply. “It’s nothing.”
“Oh, hell no!” She starts to really cop an attitude. “Don’t do that; don’t shut out whatever it is you’re feeling. I want to know.”
“Hm, I’m not so sure you do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Nathan?”
“Exactly what I said, and why are you getting so defensive anyhow?”
“Me? I’m getting defensive? Oh no, buddy, you’re the one not being true to yourself.”
“I’m always true to myself,” I remark, irritation stewing.
She scoffs. “You have not been!”
“That’s rich, coming from you.”
“You know what? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea coming here.”
“Fine,” I mutter. I’m completely pissed now, all because of her ungrateful attitude.
“Fine,” she echoes and heads inside.
She returns with Natasha in a flash, as their bags are still sitting in Sunshine’s car. We hadn’t even gotten that far yet. We’d eaten sandwiches and chips and were relaxing when a few words spiraled out of control. She passes me by, wearing a pinched expression without uttering a word. Sashy pauses, her lip on the verge of trembling with tears filling her eyes.
“Dad?” she whispers. That one word feels like I’ve been punched in my gut and there’s nothing I can do to take it back.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you real soon…you can count on it.”
“I’m scared,” she admits.
I immediately pull her in, tightly embracing her small athletic frame. “I promise you everything will be fine. You have my number, you know where I live, and the same goes for me. I promise that I’ll be seeing you soon, and I one hundred percent mean it. We need to give your momma a little time to cool off, is all.”
She nods into my chest, sniffling.
Witnessing her like this, so upset, cripples me inside. I know I’m right, though, and Sunshine needs a little space to calm down. She’d get like this when we were younger. It always meant she was antsy because she was thinking too hard on something.
Eventually, I’d get it out of her, and everything would go back to normal. This is one of those times. It has to be. There’s no way in hell I’m ever giving up on my kid, and I’m not done where Sunshine’s concerned either. I may’ve bulldozed her about things in the past, but I’m going to be mature and let her come to me when she’s ready.
I’ve waited this long for her; I can wait a little longer if I have to.
Sunshine
A month has passed, and with it, each weekend is the same. Well, except for the weekends that either Sashy or Nathan has an away game. When the games are home, each of them watches and cheers for the other one whenever they get the chance. Otherwise, Nate stops in to pick her up every Friday. He either takes her on some adventure, to museums or whatever or else he brings Natasha back home with him to the ranch. Every Sunday evening at 6:00 p.m. she walks through our front door like clockwork.
During the week, Sashy talks about Nate. She tells me everything they do, from when she’s getting ready in the morning until she’s ready for bed. While I’m more than happy for her, I’m going crazy inside over it. I want to be a part of their weekends so badly it feels like I may explode.
They don’t even do anything interesting at times. For example, one day they literally ate bad food and binge watched basketball games all day long. It’s the simple fact they’re doing it together that gets me. I should be right there with them, doing it too. Yet, I’ve let my temper get the best of me.
I’ve been too stubborn to just reach out to Nate and make amends. I know I have to be the one to do it. I’m the one who started this newfound tension between us in the first place when I got offended at him having an opinion. The kicker is that I asked him for that particular opinion. I just didn’t like the answer I received. I was stupid for acting like he was wrong, all because I didn’t like his reaction. He has a right to his own feelings, and I shouldn’t diminish it.
“This new case have you stressed?” my mother asks one evening when I’m especially grouchy.
“Nope. Daddy isn’t supposed to tell you about our cases.” I retort snippily.
She exhales, brows rising at my tone. Knowing her, she’s silently praying for patience. “Well, now, Sunshine Simmons, ever think that he doesn’t have to say a word? Maybe I’m not as dumb as you think—just an ol’ Southern Belle, wasting away time. I happen to pay attention to my family and can tell when they’re stressed. Being a Belle isn’t just about tea parties and dressing to impress.”
Groaning, my hand comes to my forehead, and I meet her irritated stare. “I’m sorry, Momma. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I have a lot of respect for what you’ve done with your life.” My father loves to show my mother off, and she dutifully plays the part. It’s easy for me to put aside that she’s quick as a whip too—part of why my father adores her so much.
“You know, if you weren’t so much like Daddy, you’d have been like me.” She doesn’t need to tell me, because I already know it. When I was a little girl, she had me tied up in all sorts of beauty pageants. It’s a way of life in the South. I just happened to be more interested in following my father’s path. “You do process anger like me, however. So, how about you just come out with it? You’ll feel much better once you speak to me about it.”
“It’s not about my job. It’s actually about Nate,” I mutter quietly, not wanting Sashy to overhear.
“Oh?” she perks up nosily. She probably suspected that she was in for a boring time, not a bit of gossip where she’s concerned.
“He hasn’t done anything wrong, so you can put that thought right out your mind.”
My mom rolls her eyes. She shouldn’t wonder where I get my sass from, ‘cause it’s all her. “Come on, out with it. You and Daddy both like to lock up like Fort Knox. Stop wasting time, and let’s figure this out.”
I release another groan, and I admit, “I think I’m jealous.”
“You, green at the gills? What in heaven’s name for? You’re beautiful, Sunshine, really!”
With my mother, it’s all about beauty and poise. She believes my manners could land me a suitable gentleman if I tried. I’m far too outspoken for all that. “Not of that, Momma. Nate and Sashy have been getting along so well...I wish I had that with Nathan too.”
“Humph.” She flashes me an exasperated glance. “For as long as I can reme
mber, you’ve obsessed with that Owens boy. What did he ever do for you, hmm?”
My brow scrunches at her disregard toward the amazing friendship Nate offered me for most of my life. She’s damn well aware of it too. “I think the real question is, what hasn’t he done for me? He’s treated me with the upmost respect and still does. He stuck up for me and was protective. He probably kept me safe without me even realizing it at some point.”
I pause, thinking for a moment. “He taught me how to swim and made me spend most of my days laughing and smiling. He was honest and offered me true friendship, which eventually turned to love. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, and he’s returned it whole heartedly. He’s never lied, cheated, stolen anything, or put me in a bad spot before. Now that I think of it, what did you not like about him?” I inquire. My curiosity’s burning me up inside.
“Why are you turning this on me? I thought you were the one upset...”
“Because Mom. I want to know. You’ve given me trouble over him since I was fourteen years old, why?”
“I had good reasons, Sunshine. That boy was an enormous distraction for you. Especially when you were that age, you had hearts in your eyes every time you looked at him. We wanted you to follow your dreams, and Daddy and I both knew you’d give them up for him. That made him a bad influence, and we were right. He got you pregnant at fifteen years old, you were still a baby! My baby was having a baby, by the very same boy we’d warned her about.”
Tears fill my eyes, clouding my gaze. She has it all wrong. I offer her a shaky smile and attempt to hold my waterworks back. Momma doesn’t like it when you show too much emotion, it makes her uncomfortable. “Oh, Momma, you’re so wrong.”
“What? Of course, I’m not wrong!”
“But you are.” I’m a lawyer, I could literally argue all day without breaking a sweat; it’s what I do. And I’m right. “Nathanial is the one who pushed me to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. He made everyone who called me names or tried to date me, leave me alone. Because of him, deflecting their attention, I was able to pay attention and do well in all my classes. We studied together, and he helped me grow confident in wanting to be a lawyer. This whole time you believed he was distracting me, but he was the one pushing me, telling me how smart and great I was.”
2 Times the Bliss Page 11
