He groaned and moved so he was no longer lying on top of the flipped chair. I quickly crawled back to give him room.
“Erwin?”
“I’m fine, Lissa.” He opened his eyes and winced. He rubbed the back of his head.
“You might have a concussion.” I grabbed his hand to stop his movements. “Don’t rub your head. Don’t even move. I’ll go get a compress to minimize the swelling.” I tried to stand but his fingers tightened, holding me in place.
“I’ll be fine, Lissa. Healing powers, remember?”
Of course. In my panic, I’d forgotten Erwin could heal himself.
“I’m so sorry.” I placed my other hand on top of our joined ones. “I-I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to shift.”
“You’re getting stronger,” he tried to nod his head, but winced when the gesture changed the pressure on his skull. He waited for the pain to pass before finishing, “That’s a good thing.”
“It won’t be a good thing if I can’t control it. I let my anger get the best of me.” I’d been applauding myself on no longer acting like a scared mouse, but neither did I need to behave like a raging bull. There was a happy medium. I needed to find it. For all of our sakes.
“Do you really think I’d let something bad happen to you, Lissa?” Pain filled his eyes as they locked onto mine.
“No,” I breathed, showing the extent of my regret. “I don’t. You’ve done nothing but help me and protect me. It’s only that…” I sighed and closed my eyes. The vision of being run through with a sword played behind my eyelids. I forced the morbid image away. “I’m scared. I don’t know how the king will react.”
A dazed look crossed Erwin’s expression. Panic spiked. “Erwin?” I clutched his hands tighter. Was he losing consciousness? Had he been unable to heal himself?
“The king will rejoice,” he murmured. I leaned closer so I could better hear him.
“What?”
He licked his lips and continued, “Everyone who meets you is sucked in by your genuine soul, Lissa. Nothing bad will happen. I won’t let it.”
I was pretty confident Erwin wasn’t taking into consideration the level of betrayal the king might feel. I was his runaway daughter’s daughter. Sure, the king might rejoice at first, but once he learned the rest… who knew?
Erwin still looked dazed. I shoved my negative thoughts aside. “Thank you, Erwin. For everything.” My breath brushed against his cheeks. I’d forgotten I’d leaned so close and immediately pulled back.
Erwin’s other hand shot up and held onto my arm, preventing my retreat. Startled eyes swung toward his. Erwin stared at me with unnamable emotions. They swirled violently in the green irises, and they mesmerized me with their beautiful pattern.
“Erwin?” His name came out in a breathless whisper. What was happening to him?
“You never have to thank me for anything, Lissa.” His hand moved up to my cheek. The tips of his fingers brushed against my cheekbone in a gentle caress. My skin tingled. “Haven’t you realized I would do anything to keep you safe? Even kill the king myself?”
His words crashed over me like a frigid wave in the ocean. I swallowed thickly. Erwin couldn’t be serious. His behavior was erratic and not at all like him.
It must be a side effect of the concussion.
Yes. That was it.
I lowered my gaze from the swirling depths and focused on his throat. I breathed deep and tried to prepare my next words carefully. “I-I am going to get the cold compress.” I kept my attention on his throat, noticing the rapid flicker of his pulse. “To help speed up your healing.”
A long, weighted moment passed where I waited for Erwin’s response. He remained silent.
Hesitantly, I peeked up to confirm he was still conscious. He was. And his eyes continued to shine with emotion. Only, this time, I could name it. Adoration.
I yanked back and got to my feet. I wobbled but told myself it was because of the ship’s movement. Nothing else. “I-I’ll be right back.” I avoided his gaze at all cost.
“All right.” Even his deep voice held evidence of his emotion. I didn’t waste another second, I stepped over the chair, placing my hand on the desk and table as I made my way out of the swaying room.
The passageway wasn’t much better. I bounced back and forth, my shoulders crashing against the walls. I was too distracted to feel any pain.
Erwin couldn’t like me.
That was impossible.
I thought back to every flirtatious remark and admiring glance. I remembered how delighted he was every time our closeness bothered one of the draekon princes. That was just Erwin. He enjoyed riling people up.
Not to mention, Erwin knew who I was. We were cousins. We’re family. He knew I was the daughter of an elven princess and draekon soldier. He knew my parents lead the rebellion against the enemy king, and he knew I share a gliminee bond with the king’s son.
Erwin couldn’t possibly feel anything for me. It wouldn’t make sense!
But there was no denying the warmth I saw in Erwin’s eyes. He’d stared at me like I was as precious as the air he needed to breathe.
I groaned and stopped trying to navigate the passage. My back hit the wall and I slid down until I sat. I wrapped my arms around my bent knees and burrowed my face.
Of all the males in the world, I never would’ve imagined Erwin had feelings for me. Not by any stretch of my imagination, would I have thought he viewed me as anything more than a pesky younger cousin with whom he’d found friendship.
Confused, frustrated tears burned the backs of my eye. When would things stop being so complicated?
16
The sky was blanketed with ominous gray clouds, accompanied by strong winds which ushered our arrival into Avelin. I’d overheard the sailors talking as they worked to retract the sail. They believed the brewing storm would’ve proven dangerous if we were still sailing on the open sea. Thank the gods we avoided that horrific fate.
From my position on the ship’s upper deck, I could see King Aquin’s palace in the distance. The pristine white stone shined despite the fact it was a cloudy day. Blue rooftops adorned the homes and shops in the city below the palace. After confirming no one was around to see, I shifted my eyes so I could zoom in on the banners flapping in the wind. A blazing silver sun was sewn into crisp blue fabric, flanked by two smaller suns positioned in the background. I blinked and called back my draekon vision.
I turned my attention to the sailors, marveling at their efficient and seamless actions. They worked together fluidly, easily preparing the ship for its impending arrival. Wynn braced a foot against the main mast, pulling back with all his might as Tuck tried to tie the sail into place. Vicious wind howled in the air, making the strong fabric flap free. The two elves quickly readjusted their methods and got ahold of the wayward sail.
“Here we are,” Lerick slid beside me. “En Langue. Avelin’s capital city and main trading port. What do you think?”
I took a breath. The briny sea air tickled my nose. “It’s beautiful.” And it was. The palace was pristine, and the city looked the same. Draek had been equally stunning to me at first sight, and I would continue to call the capital beautiful. But there was something otherworldly about Avelin’s city. Perhaps it was the magic of their citizens. Perhaps their abilities included bestowing a magical atmosphere around the king’s city.
“It is, isn’t it?” Lerick looked off into the distance. “I loved growing up here. So did your mother.”
“She did?”
“Yes.” He smirked. “She enjoyed roaming the city streets on a daily basis. That is… until—”
“Until the king put her under lock and key,” I finished for him, observing the palace with a new perspective. I couldn’t imagine what my mother’s life had been like. Not able to go where she wanted or do as she pleased. I tried to convince myself it couldn’t have been that bad. Many citizens in Caldiri would’ve traded their meager life savings to live in a beautiful
palace prison. But I supposed it was still a prison. Did beauty matter when you lost your freedom?
“What’s going on between you and Erwin?”
Lerick’s question jolted me out of my musings.
“I’m sorry,” I choked back a cough. “What?”
“Things seemed normal the first day of the journey.” My cousin’s eyes were too knowing for my liking. “But the last two have been filled with tension and wariness. And I think the emotions are stemming from the two of you.”
I tried to remain calm. I couldn’t let Lerick see the truth on my face. He was right. As the ship made its final turn around the tip of Avelin, Erwin and I had hardly looked each other’s direction, much less speak since our emotion-filled encounter. I had returned to his cabin with the cold compress only to find he’d disappeared. The next morning, I’d been determined to brush off his behavior as nothing more than a symptom of his injury. His head had hit the floor hard. I wasn’t going to hold him responsible for anything he’d said while experiencing the effects of the injury. But that was easier said than done.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I told Lerick, proud of how even my voice sounded. Inside, my lungs threatened to seize and rob me of breath.
“Indeed?” The lift of his brow revealed he didn’t believe me. “Forgive me, but I find that hard to believe. I, after all, have two seeing eyes. I know something has happened, and we are about to enter a very risky situation.” He gestured towards the distant palace. “If we want this venture to go as planned, we cannot have unrest in our ranks.”
“You speak as if we’re an army about to go into battle,” I tried to distract him with my wit.
“That is exactly what we are doing,” he returned without hesitation. “Erwin told me you know he plans to reveal your true identity to King Aquin. Is that why you are upset?”
I jumped on the opportunity to distract from the true reason behind my awkwardness. “I should have been consulted before anyone made that decision.”
“Agreed.” Lerick pitched his voice lower, careful to not be overhead by the sailors below. “But now that you know, can you at least see the merit in the plan? Identifying you as Lassandra’s daughter guarantees us an audience with the king. Otherwise, Erwin could only gain us entry, and that might not be enough to prevent the draekon prince from assassinating the king if we don’t reach him in time.” Lerick repeated Erwin’s argument from two nights ago. And, truth be told, I’d resigned myself to the plan that same night.
Was I completely confident there wouldn’t be significant repercussions for admitting my identity? No.
But was it worth it to keep Finn from murdering my grandfather and throwing the two worlds into another senseless war? Yes.
“Erwin only plans to reveal your mother’s identity,” Lerick continued when I didn’t respond. “No one will know about your father.”
I knew that, too. Min had shared the details of the plan when I’d cornered him the next day and demanded he tell me everything he knew about Erwin’s plans.
It had taken every ounce of bravery I possessed, but I’d managed to ask Min why it was necessary for Erwin to not only introduce me as Lassandra’s daughter, but also his romantic partner. I’d been disappointed when Min had shrugged and claimed he wasn’t sure. He thought it had something to do with how Erwin found me. Something about how elves could sense a compatible mate. It would explain how Erwin was able to discover me in Draekon.
It was a sound excuse, but Min’s uncertainty bothered me. I’d asked him to investigate the reason further, but he’d flown away from the ship last night. He needed to reach Avelin first and meet up with Finn before the prince started to suspect something.
“Yes, but how long until King Aquin begins to investigate to find out who my father is?” I asked. “How long until the rebel elves on Draekon hear I’ve come forward? You don’t think one of them will come back to Avelin and reveal the location of Lassandra and Arthur? And my siblings, too?”
“You won’t be mentioning your siblings,” he reminded me unnecessarily. Min had told me I wasn’t to mention Lin or Lorie when I spoke with the king. Erwin didn’t want the king to even think that Lassandra left Avelin because she was with child. I was nineteen, so my birth would’ve happened three years after her disappearance.
“I know that,” I told him. “But how long do you think he will be happy with the ‘I don’t know who my father is’ routine? My gut tells me it won’t be long. King Aquin will investigate. And when he does, there is no telling what he will find out.” Or how he will react.
“It’s natural to be wary,” Lerick said in a kind voice. “All I am asking is that you do not let it drive a wedge between you and Erwin. We mustn’t be at odds with one another if we want to succeed.”
I averted my gaze. They landed on Erwin, standing on the other side of the ship, speaking with a sailor. He gestured to the right side of the bay we were sailing into, giving instructions on where to dock, no doubt.
“Talk to him.” Lerick drew my attention back to him. He gave me a knowing look as he glanced between me and where Erwin was standing. “Eliminate this tension. King Aquin is a master at reading emotions. We can’t let him be suspicious of us at any moment.”
Lerick might not know the true reason behind the tension he mentioned, but he was right that it could not be allowed to continue. I was about to walk into my grandfather’s palace and reveal myself as the daughter of his missing child. The gods only knew what would come next, but I needed my mind focused on the task at hand. So did Erwin.
“You’re right.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m going below. Can you ask Erwin to meet me in his cabin?”
Lerick smiled with relief. “Of course. I will go right this minute.”
“Thank you.” I ducked my chin and made my way to the ladder before I changed my mind. I managed to only stumble twice from the ship’s rocking before I arrived at Erwin’s closed door. I pushed it open and entered. Closing the door behind me, I quickly took a seat on the same leather chair from two nights ago, eager to get off my feet and diminish the odds of falling over.
My hands grew clammy. I clasped them together and told myself to get a grip. I had bigger things to worry about than Erwin’s behavior and my awkward reaction to it. We needed to clear the air so we could go into the palace focused.
Minutes passed. I watched the clock on Erwin’s desk tick by. My knee began to bounce. I was growing antsy. Then, the door opened.
Erwin stepped inside, meeting my eye as he closed the door. He leaned against the wood, not coming any closer. “Lerick said you wanted to speak with me?”
My mouth dried up. I licked my lips and cleared my throat. “Yes. I… I wanted to see how you are. After the fall the other night.”
He crossed his arms. “I’m fine. Good as new.”
“Good.” I nodded. “That’s good.”
Silence descended. I wish I could say it wasn’t the awkward kind, but that would be too good to be true.
“Is there anything else?” he asked. “I must prepare the crew for our landing. We don’t want any of them accidentally revealing they are part-time pirates in addition to a noble’s escort.”
“Oh. Uh. Of course.” I fumbled with what to say. I hadn’t expected him to be so dismissive. Then again, I wasn’t really sure what I’d expected. Ugh. This was confusing.
I took a deep breath, then exhaled through my nostrils. “Erwin. Are we okay?”
His face was carefully blank. “Of course we’re okay. Why wouldn’t we be?”
All right. He was really going to make me spell it out. Fine. I would. But only because Lerick was right. We couldn’t forge on with our plans with this awkwardness lingering between us.
“It’s just that…” I paused, thinking carefully about how to phrase my next statement. “It’s just that the other night, when you hit your head… you looked at me strangely.” I cringed. Strangely? That’s all I could come up with?
&
nbsp; Erwin maintained a stoic expression, but his tone had a bite to it. “My apologies for looking at you strangely.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” I replied quickly. I got up from the chair. “You’ve been so kind to me. You helped me escape Draekon when my life was at risk, and you are helping me master my abilities.” I rambled, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stand the thought of Erwin being mad at me. I was so alone—far away from my family and friends. I couldn’t afford to insult the one elf who’d been looking out for me from the day we met, even if I hadn’t known it at the time.
“This is just a lot. I’m terrified of what the king will do when he discovers who I am. My fear is making me overreact. You didn’t look at me strangely. It was just because you hit your head. I’m sorry for causing tension between us. I meant it when I said I trusted you. I will trust your plan, Erwin. Min told me what subjects to avoid, and I promise I will avoid them. Can you forgive me for doubting you after you’ve done so much for me?”
I hadn’t planned to apologize, only to initiate a discussion. But I wasn’t brave enough to outright ask if Erwin had feelings for me. So, denial was the next best thing.
Sure, it wasn’t the healthiest emotional option, but it was better than walking into the palace as anything less than a united front.
Erwin watched me for a few torturously long seconds. Then, he let his arms fall to the side. “You didn’t cause the tension, Lissa. You have no need to apologize.”
Hope grew in my chest. Perhaps we could escape the awkwardness of these past two days unscathed. “I do trust you, Erwin,” I repeated.
He ran an agitated hand across his face. I stood still, careful to not do or say anything to damage the tenuous truce settling between us.
“I know, Lissa.” Erwin finally said. “And I thank you for your trust. Everything will be fine in the palace, you’ll see.”
Then, in a voice so low I was sure I misheard him, he mumbled, “As long as I can remember it’s only an act.”
17
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