by Abby Ayles
As he began to drift into a sleep within the coach, he considered all the money he was soon to come into from his new investment. And from there, all the things he would lavish upon his wife.
The final thing he considered before sleep overtook him entirely was the image of children. His own children. All of whom would be proud that he was their father.
Chapter 11
Thea awoke two days before her wedding. In the time since the dance, she had had freedom from the duke and had not needed to pretend with anyone about her feelings.
Delia and Margaret were made aware of all that had passed between the two of them that evening. They were told about how he had offended her and how she informed him of her misgivings. Margaret found it all rather shocking, but Delia simply rolled her eyes at her sister for being such a beast.
“You needn’t treat him so horridly,” Delia had remarked disapprovingly.
Thea had ignored the jibe, knowing that she cared little what her sister had to say when so much was at stake.
Her entire future was being decided for her and she was not allowed to say a thing about it.
But waking on this new morning, Thea was resigned. She would go to the church. She would beg the minister. What other option did she have? Without his blessing, without his willingness to defend her from slander, she would not be able to end the marriage without exposing herself and her family to a scandal.
It was still early, and she hoped she could get out without being noticed. Unfortunately, she was surprised to find Georgette awake and staring out the window of their room.
“Good heavens, what are you doing?” Thea asked, startling her sister.
“Nothing,” she replied moodily.
“Georgette, please. What is it? What has you so bothered?” Thea whispered, hoping they would not disturb Delia.
Georgette sighed. She turned to her sister and gave her a pitiful look.
“Do you promise to tell no one?” she asked.
Thea was hesitant. She didn’t know if she trusted her sister enough for such a commitment.
“Alright, yes,” she finally conceded in mild irritation.
“One of the soldiers. From the dance the other night. He is Daniel Fink’s older brother. He made me some very sweet promises. He told me that he would write to me and he would speak with father about marrying me,” she monologued. “But I’ve heard nothing at all.”
Thea had not anticipated this.
“Georgette, please tell me. Did anything…I mean, was he improper towards you?” she asked.
“Of course not!” Georgette exclaimed, causing Delia to stir ever so slightly before settling again.
“I am relieved to hear it. But as for the rest, do not worry, Sister. Honestly, if he should not come speak to Father then he is no soldier, but a coward. A better, more suitable husband shall be found for you.
“Besides, you ought to allow Delia a chance to find a husband before you,” Thea suggested, knowing that Georgette was too young to be a wife anyway.
“Oh, but she does not even seem to want one. Why waste the eligible husbands on women who have so little desire to marry? Delia wants to work. Why should she have a husband?” Georgette complained.
Thea had always thought the same of their sister until she revealed how she would have liked for the duke to have noticed her. But none of that was relevant to Georgette and she would likely not hear of it anyway.
“Well, Georgette, I shall keep your secret so long as you vow to not meet with him until he first meets with Father,” Thea urged.
“I agree. Of course. If he will not meet with Father then he is no husband of mine,” Georgette conceded.
“That is all well, then,” Thea sighed. “I think I must also ask you to remain quiet for me.”
Georgette looked at her in confusion and caution.
“It is nothing so salacious as yours,” Thea teased. At the slitting of her sister’s eyes, Thea continued. “I am actually headed to the church. It’s not that I need you to lie about it, I’m simply asking that you say nothing unless you hear Mother and Father concerned. I should return shortly, but I need time to pray.”
“You are asking me to keep quiet because you wish to say your prayers? My goodness, Thea, are you truly my own sister?” Georgette asked, not understanding why such a thing should be kept quiet.
“I think they will not like my going just now, but I do not wish to be disturbed,” Thea explained vaguely.
“Alright then, whatever you wish,” Georgette promised.
With that, Thea left the home as silently as she could and made her way down the quiet, barely lit street to the church.
The large, oak doors were unlocked as she had imagined, and Thea stepped inside to the darkness. Soft light dusted in the from the east, but Thea remained on her knees in a posture of prayer.
Eyes closed, heart heavy, she called out to God for strength. She could not get through this alone. And if marriage was a gift from Him, why was she so distraught by it?
When she had been praying for a quarter of an hour, Thea heard footsteps from behind the lectern. She looked up and saw the minister, the Reverend Augustus Rogers looking surprised at her presence.
“Miss Caulfield?” Mr. Rogers asked with squinted eyes, deteriorated by age and struggling against the darkness of the church.
“Forgive me, Mr. Rogers. I did not mean to startle you,” she apologized.
“There is nothing to forgive. I am always glad to see a parishioner in the Lord’s house,” he replied, coming towards her. He was clearly still coming out of his sleep state, but Thea imagined he had come to pray as well.
“What is it that has brought you here so early, my dear?” Mr. Rogers asked.
Thea opened her mouth to speak, but only a sob came. He set a hand on her shoulder by way of comfort and waited until her crying subsided.
“I must ask your forgiveness once more,” Thea sniffed, embarrassed by her outburst.
“You are not the first to weep in this church, nor shall you be the last. Now, do tell me what it is that has you feeling this way. Why have you come to pray?” he prodded again.
“I am sure that you, as everyone, has heard of my marriage?” she asked.
“Well…I am to be the one who performs it, so yes,” he answered with a light chuckle.
“Of course. How foolish of me,” Thea said.
“Not foolish. You have much on your mind. Now, continue,” he urged.
“Mr. Rogers, I understand the covenant of marriage to be a sacred one. A commitment made before the eyes of God and man,” Thea expressed.
“Then you understand it well,” he replied.
“But how then can I commit when it is not true in my heart? I do not love this man. I do not know him. I care nothing for him,” Thea confessed. It felt as though a weight were coming off her for saying these truths to a man of authority.
“Oh dear. Miss Caulfield, perhaps you do not understand so well as I thought. Tell me, would you like to marry him if you had fallen in love first?” he asked.
Thea looked at him with genuine confusion. “Why, of course I would. Do you deem that to be foolish?”
“Not in the least. But I do wish that young men and women understood a very grave truth,” he said before pausing a lengthy time.
Thea waited, staring intently at Mr. Rogers for this truth.
“Love dies. It fades. Love that falls will continue to fall until it is no more,” he said in earnest.
The hopelessness of it overwhelmed Thea. If even love could not be sustained in marriage, then how could a marriage without it ever survive?
“Commitment is what lasts. You see, falling in love is not a choice. Being in love is. Love would be a great deal more powerful if those who fell in love made a choice to stay in love,” he explained.
“I am not sure I understand,” Thea admitted.
“What I mean, my dear, is that you do not need to fall in love in order to have a committed marriage.
In fact, I do believe that marriages beginning with commitment see the most exquisite blossoming of love. Love that blossoms is far better than love that falls. Try to remember that,” Mr. Rogers said.
“So, I am to commit what is not in my heart?” she asked again.
“You are to reign in your heart until it is committed. Hear me, it will not be easy, and you will fight against it. But your marriage will be better for it. None of this was your choice, was it?” he asked.
“Not in the least,” she replied.
“Then make it your choice. Make a choice to commit to your betrothed. That will prove to be the most powerful display of love that any one man or woman can offer to another. And I shall urge him to do the same,” he concluded.
“I cannot promise to get it right, but I shall at least try,” she agreed.
“Well, that is more than most are willing to do. Do not fret, Miss Caulfield. You will see in time. Marriage is an honor. It is a sacred honor.
“And my wife was not so taken with me when we came to be together in marriage. But over time, she came to love me. And when she passed away to be with the Lord, I lost a great deal more than love,” he added wistfully.
Thea tried to picture herself as an elderly woman with the duke by her side. She couldn’t quite understand the image. The two of them still seemed completely out of place. But Mr. Rogers’s words had encouraged her nonetheless.
Once more, she was reminded that she was the only one who seemed to see the flaws in this match. It was as if her own feelings and opinions on the matter did not come as the least concern to any others. They saw her as fortunate.
She was marrying a man who was wealthy, titled, and according to Mr. Rogers, she was simply fortunate just to be getting married. Despite it, she still felt a sinking feeling. She would go through with the wedding, she would try to train her heart for commitment. But Thea knew without a doubt that her commitment would never blossom into love.
She left the church feeling ready to face what was ahead. Still distraught, at least she was strengthened.
When she walked the street this time, there were a few people milling about in the early morning chill, preparing for the day ahead. The day would be little different from any other for the majority of them, but for Thea, it would be a day to think through the encouragements she was receiving from everyone about this marriage.
Beyond that, she would enjoy the day with her family and with Margaret, knowing that in just two days, she would become the Duchess of Sandon. Whatever her new life held, it was unknown. It was far beyond anything she could try to grasp in her own thoughts.
Thea arrived at her home and saw her father reading while her mother cooked breakfast.
“Thea? Out for a walk?” her father asked nonchalantly, not having noticed her absence.
“Yes, Papa,” she replied casually.
“It is a nice morning for it. You are awake rather early,” he noted.
“My mind did not desire sleep,” she answered.
“Perhaps it is for the better. The less you sleep now, the more you will sleep tomorrow night before the wedding,” Mr. Caulfield reasoned.
“That would be splendid,” Thea replied dryly, wondering if she might manage to sleep through the entire ceremony.
“Anyways, go get your sisters up. Breakfast will be ready soon and after, your mother is taking you into town,” he declared.
Georgette was still awake and shrieked at the excitement of going to town. Delia rubbed her eyes and got ready.
Within hours, the Caulfield women were enjoying some time together with the awareness that they should never have such a day of joy and togetherness again.
Chapter 12
“I’ve not even met the girl,” complained the duke’s mother. It was hours before the wedding and he was nearly ready, but still had the matter of his mother to attend to.
“I know that, Mother. But perhaps after we have been married for a few days we might have an opportunity to have you for tea,” he replied, trying to brush away her annoyance.
“Do you really believe so? I should hardly think you or she would even like to have me over, with how I’ve been treated by you thus far in your marriage. After all, who am I? Just the doddering old woman who gave birth to you. Certainly nothing more than that,” she continued.
“Mother, please. It is not about that. It is simply that we have not had the opportunity for you to meet her yet. The timing has not happened. I look forward to when it does,” the duke lied.
It was not that he didn’t love his mother. He did, and he wanted her to be a part of his life. But he knew well that she would not treat Miss Caulfield well as a woman of such lower rank.
He didn’t want to expose his wife to that before they were even married. After the wedding, he would have time to prepare her and warn her for the onslaught that would come from his mother.
“Now, Mother, if you please. We must make haste to the church. I need to be there early as the Reverend Augustus Rogers has asked to speak with me,” he reminded her for the third time.
The woman stood straight in her crepe dress. The deep, blood red of it seemed to reflect the setting around her. It was evident that she was not a woman accustomed to getting ready quickly as the Duke of Sandon now needed her to do.
“You have told me that, Joseph. Now calm down. I shall be ready when I am ready. And not a moment before,” she said in a voice of warning.
The duke waited for another fifteen minutes before threatening to leave without her. At that moment, his mother was miraculously ready to go, and she followed him out the door.
It took an hour to arrive at the church and, once there, Mr. Rogers ushered the duke into his study.
“Please, have a seat, Your Grace,” he requested humbly.
The Duke of Sandon sat in the comfortable wooden chair, impressed by Mr. Rogers’s setting. The parish behind the church was quaint, but this study was magnificent. The duke could see that Mr. Rogers spent a great deal of time within.
“Your Grace, I should like to hear what it is you expect to come of marriage,” he prodded.
Somewhat surprised by this, the duke leaned back in the chair to consider.
“Well, Mr. Rogers, I expect to be married. I anticipate a wife, eventual children, respect within society…”
He had run out of things to say but Mr. Rogers seemed to wait patiently, unsatisfied by the response thus far given.
“I am sorry, but what is it that you would like to hear from me?” the duke asked.
“I should like to hear what it is that you expect to be as a husband. How will you treat your wife? How shall you serve her?” Mr. Rogers asked.
The Duke of Sandon took another moment. He had not thought about this. A mere hour away from marrying Miss Caulfield and he had not taken time at all to consider how he ought to be as a husband.
“I suppose you have me at a loss,” he confessed.
“Yes, I thought I might. I find that many men do not take the time to consider this. Might I offer a small bit of counsel?” Mr. Rogers inquired.
“Please. I should like that very much,” the duke replied, realizing that, as he had not desired marriage so strongly save for the whim of his mother, he had not planned for this.
“I expect she was a convenient choice for a wife?” Mr. Rogers questioned.
“Convenient?” the duke echoed, knowing even as he did that it was true.
“Yes. I suppose she was the woman who was most properly suited at a time when you needed to choose,” Mr. Rogers confirmed.
“Well…yes,” he conceded.
“I thought as much,” Mr. Rogers said. “And with that in mind I must urge you, every day, to do one small thing for her that is not a matter of convenience.”
“One small thing that is not convenient? How am I to consider a small thing every day that is not convenient?” the duke asked, unable to fathom this.
“Indeed. Have you no thoughts on the matter? Oh well, it shall come
in time. You will learn exactly what must be done each day. But you must show your bride that you care for her. You must prove to her that your love is not based upon what must be done,” Mr. Rogers said, urging him at the end.
“Love?” the duke asked with a mild laugh, as if that were not involved in this marriage at all.
“Yes, Your Grace. The love that you will choose to give. That love will be evidenced in those small ways. Now, if you please, I must ready myself. The ceremony will begin soon enough,” Mr Rogers said, ushering the Duke of Sandon to stand and take his leave from the study.
