by Emma Miller
Marshall whipped around. He seemed startled to see her there. “Lovage.”
She smiled at him and saw at once that he looked tired. There were tiny lines around his mouth, which seemed strained. “I haven’t seen you since Friday.” She chuckled. “I thought we were going visiting Sunday. I guess you decided not to go?”
“I, um... Grossmammi wanted me to stop for bread. I had to go to the, um...hardware store next to Redner’s grocery.” He pointed in the general direction with his free hand.
She nodded, thinking that was a strange response to her asking him what happened to their Sunday plans, but maybe she’d been confused about the whole thing.
“Rye bread,” he said, not sounding anything like himself. “With seeds.”
“Right there.” She pointed to one of the loaves. She recognized the brand because Benjamin liked rye bread with seeds. While they made a lot of bread at home, rye was time-consuming and it took different flours, so her mam often picked it up at the store for him.
“She’s out in the buggy. Waiting,” he added. “Grossmammi.”
“Oh, ya, well, Mam and Tara and Nettie are here. I’m getting lunch meat.” She pointed to the deli counter, feeling as if their conversation was rather awkward and unsure why. Was it just because they’d been seeing each other every day, and a couple days had passed without them spending time together?
He just stood there and didn’t say anything.
Lovage glanced away and then back at him, feeling uneasy and not sure why, because in the last couple weeks she’d become so comfortable with him. “I guess you should go.”
He started to turn away from her and she said, “Oh, are you still going to the Fishers’ with me tomorrow night? Not for the actual singing. Just to help out and ride along in the hay wagons. I think we’re sort of chaperones. A few weeks ago, some of the boys got into some trouble. Painted the bishop’s goats with pink chalk or something.” She laughed, but it was a tense laugh because his awkwardness was making her feel awkward, too. “So...we’re still going?”
“Can’t.”
She looked at him, but he wouldn’t make eye contact with her.
“Okay...” She drew out the word.
At that moment, the deli clerk called her number. She needed to go or she would lose her place in line.
“Something...came up,” Marshall mumbled.
“Okay, that’s fine. So...you want to come over Thursday night for supper? Some of our pumpkins are already ripe. We were thinking about carving a few before we eat. Not faces or anything, but Benjamin saw somewhere where people were carving ears of corn and such into them.” She smiled. “He thought maybe we could decorate the harness shop with a few. You could bring Sam and your grandmother, too.”
“I don’t know.” He looked away. “We’ll have to see. I need to go.” And with that, he walked away.
“Marshall,” she called after him. “You forgot your grandmother’s bread!” She picked up a loaf to take to him, but then the clerk called her number again, sounding impatient this time, and she reluctantly returned the bread to the display and hurried up to the counter.
A short time later, with pounds of lunch meat and cheese in her arms, Lovage walked to the registers at the front of the store. When she got there, she didn’t see her mother or sisters, but the lines were short so she wondered if they had already paid and gone out to load the buggy. But that didn’t make sense. Lovage had a little money with her, but not enough to pay for everything she’d gotten at the deli.
“There you are!” Nettie called, bursting in through the automatic doors that were marked Exit Only. “Mam says come outside right now.”
“But all this lunch meat—”
“Those are our carts. Tara already spoke to a lady at customer service.” She grabbed her and pulled her toward two carts that Lovage hadn’t noticed when she walked up to the registers. “Just put it all in there.”
“Nettie, what’s going on?” Lovage opened her arms, dropping the wrapped lunch meat into one of the full carts.
Nettie grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door. “Mam says she has to go to the hospital. She’s in labor.”
Chapter Twelve
There was a soft tap at the door and Lovage sat up in her chair. For a moment, she wasn’t positive she had heard a knock. All she heard now was the rhythmic pulse of the heartbeat on the fetal monitor. A streetlamp outside threw a yellow glow of light through the window and across the floor and onto the hospital bed. Lovage glanced at her mother. She lay asleep, a white sheet to her chin, the blue scarf that covered her hair neatly framing her beautiful face. Benjamin, who had nodded off to sleep, too, sat upright in a chair beside Rosemary’s bed. Their hands were clasped.
The knock came again.
“Come in,” Lovage said softly, not wanting to wake her mother or Benjamin. He had been at her side since shortly after the ambulance had brought her to the emergency department at the local hospital. Lovage still didn’t know how he’d gotten here so quickly after she called the harness shop. It was determined that her mother was in preterm labor, and she’d been admitted to the labor and delivery floor, where she had been given medication to try to stop her contractions. At thirty-four weeks, with another six to go, it was too soon for her to go into labor.
“Just wanted to see if anyone needed anything.” It was Julie, Rosemary’s nurse for the night. She was a short, round woman in her midfifties with white-blond hair pulled back in a ponytail. She had a voice that put everyone in her path at ease. “Some coffee? A snack? For us to leave you alone and stop asking?” She chuckled.
Lovage stood up from her chair, feeling guilty that she had dozed off for a few minutes. Her gaze flickered to the clock on the wall. It was two fifteen in the morning. “Ne, we don’t need a thing,” she answered, keeping her voice low. “Thank you. She’s been asleep for nearly two hours.”
“Good. That’s what she needs now.” The nurse walked over to look at one of the monitors Rosemary was hooked up to. One brightly lit display showed the mother’s contractions, a nurse had explained to Lovage earlier in the day. The second display showed the mother’s heart rate and the baby’s. In this case, the babies’. A surprise to Lovage, but not to Rosemary and Benjamin. Apparently, they had been aware that they were having twins because she had been seeing a midwife for her care, but they had decided not to share the information with anyone.
“We keep an eye on things from the nurses’ station,” Julia went on. “But there have been no contractions in six hours, and Baby A and Baby B are both looking great.”
“That’s good, right?” Lovage asked. “If the contractions have stopped? That means the babies won’t come too early?”
Julie hit a button on one of the monitors and it beeped and began to spit out a strip of paper. “Well, I can’t promise you she won’t go into preterm labor, but she’s not going into labor tonight. The doctor will be here in the morning to talk to her and explain everything again. It’s a lot to take in when it’s all actually happening.”
“You think she’ll be able to go home tomorrow?” Lovage asked, clasping her hands. The moment the contractions had stopped, Rosemary had started fussing about wanting to go home and sleep in her own bed.
“It’s not my decision, but I suspect the obstetrician on call will send her home with instructions to take it easy.” Julie spoke quietly, but with an air of confidence that put Lovage at ease. “Just giving these babies another three or four weeks will make a huge difference in birth weight and lung maturity.”
“I knew she was doing too much.” Lovage worried aloud, glancing in her mother’s direction. “There are plenty of others at home to cook and clean, but my mother likes things just so. She likes to be in control.”
Julie chuckled. “Who doesn’t?” She tore the strip of paper from the monitor and smoothed it between her hands. “Truthfully, i
t might be nothing she’s done. Her age, the number of children she’s had and the fact that she’s carrying twins are all factors in preterm labor.” She walked away from the monitor and shrugged. “No one likes to hear this, but sometimes it just happens.”
She reached out and patted Lovage’s arm. “Try to get some sleep. Your mother has a blood draw at five thirty, but I’ll try to keep everyone out of here until then.”
“Thank you so much,” Lovage said, surprised by the emotion welling up in her. When they had arrived at the ED, not only had Rosemary been having contractions, but there had been some irregularity in her heartbeat. For a short time Lovage had been petrified they might lose her and the baby. Babies. But then everything had “righted itself” as her mother liked to say. Her heartbeat went back to normal and the contractions stopped. There was talk by doctors and nurses that stress had elevated her heart rate, or that there may have been a glitch in the equipment. But Lovage believed it was the prayers of her family and friends that had brought her heart back to a safe rhythm.
“You’re welcome, Lovage. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for your mom or you or your family.” Julie smiled. “You have a nice family. Reminds me of my own, growing up. Your stepfather was so attentive to your mother when they came in. And your brothers and sisters? I think the last of them didn’t go home until midnight.”
“We do have a nice family,” Lovage said proudly.
Julie held her gaze for a moment in the dim light from the outside lights seeping through the window. Then she said, “Get some sleep. She’s going to be fine.” She took Lovage’s hand, squeezed it and then walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
Lovage walked to the window and looked out at the grass a story below. She closed her eyes and murmured a silent prayer of thanksgiving for her mother’s improved health and for the little babies who would soon be born into their family. Rosemary had specifically told the staff when they had done ultrasounds that she didn’t want to know the sexes, but whatever the babies were, whatever their mental or physical states, Lovage knew they would be loved.
Lovage opened her eyes and looked out into the darkness again. She had never been more afraid in her life than she had been today. While she’d been waiting for the doctors to examine her mother and to do their tests and then to treat her, Lovage had been torn between wanting to be with her mother and wanting to be with Marshall. She had been so scared and so sad, but the comfort she had longed for wasn’t from her sisters or even her mother. It was Marshall she had wanted. It had been the strangest feeling. To wish she could have called him, asked him to come wait in the waiting room with her. Because once Benjamin had arrived, she’d been sent to be with her sisters and brothers. Waiting there for hours, she had secretly hoped that word would get to Marshall and that he would come to the hospital. Not for Rosemary, but for her. The need to be with him had almost been overwhelming.
And that was when Lovage realized she had fallen in love with Marshall.
She didn’t know when it had happened or how. She had never been in love, but in her heart, she knew that the feelings rushing through her right now were not the physical desire she had felt for him that day they had kissed, but a genuine love. A love that would be the makings of a solid, happy marriage. Not that she didn’t think there would be bumps along the road, but if Marshall possessed half the love for her that she felt for him, she knew they could have a faithful, honorable, loving life together. And he had told her he loved her. He’d told her the day they had kissed and had told her every time they’d said goodbye since then.
Just thinking about it sent a shiver down her spine, as if she were cold, but also as if she were warm. She smiled and saw her reflection in the window glass: angular face, wide-set eyes, high cheekbones, a small nose, small chin and wisps of brown hair that had fallen from her kapp. She had never thought she was beautiful. How could she have when she was so tall and skinny and browned-haired like a wren, and surrounded by the red-haired, oval-faced loveliness of her mother and sisters? But looking at her own reflection tonight, she smiled. Because Marshall had said she was beautiful. And that made her feel beautiful.
“Lovey...” Rosemary called, sleepily.
Lovage spun around and then rushed to her mother’s bedside. “Mam? How are you feeling?”
“Shh,” Rosemary whispered. She pointed to Benjamin. “He needs his sleep.”
“Ya,” she murmured, pulling her chair closer to the side of the bed. “But you should be asleep, too.”
“Nonsense.” Mam glanced at the clock on the wall. “I’ve slept most of the day and all of the night away.” She reached for her daughter’s hand. “Where are the other girls? Not still in the waiting room, I pray.”
“Ne. Ethan sent them all home around eight. Jesse, too. And the boys. Only he and Will stayed. To be sure you or their father didn’t need anything. I think they left around midnight.”
“They’re good boys,” she mused. “I’m glad everyone went home.” She squeezed Lovage’s hand. “You should have gone, too, dochtah.”
“I thought maybe Benjamin—” Thinking better of her words, Lovage didn’t finish her sentence.
What she had intended to say was that she had stayed thinking Benjamin would go home. But she realized she’d been foolish to ever believe that. Because she had been blind to the relationship her mother and Benjamin had. And now, suddenly, she understood it. Her feelings for Marshall made her realize that the bond between Benjamin and her mam, the love between them, was about togetherness, not separation during times of trial. The thought made her sad that she hadn’t seen it sooner, that she hadn’t listened to her mother when Rosemary had tried to tell her. But she also felt hopeful that she and Marshall could share that same kind of love.
Lovage looked down at her mother and smiled. “Ya, I probably should have gone home, but it’s too late now. Ethan said he would be back in the morning.”
“I’m sorry I caused such a fuss.” She shook her head. “Really, an ambulance. And atch!” Her hands flew to her head. “All those groceries, so much for those girls at Byler’s to put back on the shelves.”
“Not to worry,” Lovage told her. “Will went by Byler’s, paid for it all with cash from the household money jar, and Eunice and Barnabas took their wagon and fetched it. Eunice came to the waiting room later. She said to tell you it was all put away properly.” She chuckled, remembering the conversation that had taken place while they stood in front of a big machine full of snacks in a cubby in the waiting room. Lovage had been so hungry at that point that she had seriously thought about getting herself a bag of pretzels and a candy bar. “And she also said to tell you that you buy too much ice cream and that will make you fat.” She looked quizzically down at her mother. “She said you would know what she meant?”
Rosemary laughed. “It’s a joke we have.” She rested her hand on her big belly. “That we’re fat because of what we’ve been eating and not for the real reason.”
Lovage looked away, feeling the heat of embarrassment on her cheeks. But also, deep down, she was pleased her mother would share such an intimate little joke with her. As if they were friends and not mother and daughter. And she couldn’t help wondering if the change had something to do with her feelings for Marshall. Did her mam know?
Lovage looked at her and said softly, “I’m glad you and the babies are all right. I didn’t tell anyone, not even Ginger, that there are two babies.”
“I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t say. The midwife heard the two heartbeats months ago, but Benjamin and I talked and—” she hesitated “—we decided not to say anything, not because we were afraid something might happen, but because we wanted to just have a little secret between ourselves. That may be hard for you to understand, but sometimes a couple—”
“Ne, I do understand.” Lovage smiled, thinking about the revelation she had experienced to
night in regards to her feelings for Marshall. And now she just wanted to see him, to be with him so she could tell him. And so that the next time he asked her to marry him, which seemed to happen nearly every time they were together, she could say yes. She could agree to be his wife. “I think I understand now that...” She looked away, feeling a little shy. “Since Marshall and I have...”
“Fallen in love?” Rosemary asked, with a mixture of amusement and happiness in her voice.
Lovage made herself look at her mother. “Ya, I think...I know I love him.” And then for the first time all day, she remembered her exchange with him in Byler’s. She frowned. “I didn’t get to tell you. I saw him at Byler’s when I was getting the meat from the deli.” She shook her head slowly, thinking it felt like such a long time ago. “We just spoke for a minute but...he said he couldn’t go to the singing tonight with me. We were supposed to chaperone.”
“Something came up?” Rosemary reached for a plastic cup of water on a table beside the bed.
“Ya... I suppose.” Thinking back, Lovage met her mother’s gaze. She was a little concerned now. Because his behavior had been so odd. “I’m not sure. He was in a hurry. Lynita was waiting in the parking lot, but... He didn’t really say why he couldn’t go tonight or why he hadn’t come for me Sunday. Remember? I thought we were going visiting?”
“It’s probably nothing,” Rosemary assured her, taking a sip of her water. “It’s harvest time. There’s a lot of work to be done to get the house and farm and livestock ready for winter. Benjamin has been preoccupied, as well.”
“Ya, I’m sure he’ll come by the house tomorrow. When he hears I’ve been here all night with you.” Lovage sat back in her chair. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” she agreed, despite a sudden niggling feeling that maybe something was amiss.
* * *
“Toby,” Marshall said impatiently. “Hold still, boy!” Standing in his barnyard, he lifted the horse’s hoof again and rested it against his knee. The young gelding had seemed a little lame this morning when he and Sam had gone to the feed store with the wagon. They had gone to get a couple hundred pounds of horse, cow and goat chow that he would use in the coming winter to supplement the corn and hay he was harvesting from his fields now.
