Hoping for a Father

by Lois Richer

  “About Bonnie and Ben,” she began, but Drew interrupted.

  “I visited them last night. Thank you for ensuring they’re together in the same room,” he said. “They seem to be doing as well as the doctors expect. I didn’t want to tire them so I didn’t stay long, but if they need anything, I’ll gladly pay for it.” His gaze narrowed. “No expense spared for their care, Mandy. I mean it.”

  “You’ll have to get in line. The whole of Sunshine is determined to ensure Bonnie and Ben have everything they could want for their peace of mind and healing. Everybody loves them,” she reminded.

  “Yeah.” Drew’s lips pursed for a moment. She knew that look. He was marshaling facts in his head. “You said Ben has a group booked for tomorrow?”

  “Yes, though this is one group I probably could have canceled or perhaps rebooked with no issues. It’s a boys’ group from the church, and our competitor has no connection with the church.”

  Focus on business, not the intensity of those dark eyes, she ordered her wayward brain.

  “A church group. That’s a bonus. I guess.” Dubious didn’t begin to describe his tone.

  “It is, trust me.” As if he would trust her ever again when he found out... “They’re good about changes or substitutions on the rides. The group is scheduled for a half-day trip to Kissing Rock, a campfire supper and a talk by their youth leader before they return.”

  Immediately Mandy’s cheeks bloomed with heat. Did Drew remember their first embrace at Kissing Rock? Did he think she’d brought it up to remind him?

  “I haven’t been on a ride that long for a while.” A frown darkened the cinnamon glint in his eyes. Cocoa eyes, she’d once called them.

  “I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’ll come along this first time so no worries.” Mandy said it without thinking and immediately wished she hadn’t offered. Drew would manage and she didn’t need more proximity than was already inherent in this situation. She needed time and space to formulate a way to tell him about—she blinked.

  What was Ella doing?

  Racing across the yard, her daughter jerked to a halt beside Mandy and grinned at her before surveying Drew from head to toe.

  “Hi. I’m Ella. Are you gonna be my daddy?”

  * * *

  Gobsmacked.

  The word perfectly described Drew’s current state.

  “Uh—” His brain was empty, devoid of any response for this expectant child.

  Thankfully, Mandy seemed completely unfazed. She smiled as she wagged a finger at the child.

  “Oh, Ella, honey, you’re such a tease. This is Drew. He’s Auntie Bonnie’s son. He’s going to help with Uncle Ben’s work. You can talk to him later. Right now you better get to school with Trina. Bye. Again.” Mandy swept the child into her arms.

  Drew figured Mandy’s grip must have been too tight or else she held on for a fraction too long because Ella quickly wiggled free.

  “Bye, Mama.”

  “I’ll see you at your concert this afternoon, okay?”

  “Uh-huh.” Ella giggled. “I’m gonna be the tree, ’member.”

  “Got it.” Mandy smoothed her hair, then gave her a nudge toward a woman waiting beside a gray SUV. “Off you go.”

  “Love you, Mama.”

  “Love you, Ella,” Mandy replied, tickling the little girl’s neck.

  Ella giggled again. “Love you, Drew.”

  Drew knew his mouth was hanging open, but he felt completely incapable of closing it as he watched the little girl race to the vehicle and climb inside. The driver gave Mandy a thumbs-up before the two of them left.

  Mandy turned, her expression a bit wistful until she noticed him watching her. Suddenly she became all business.

  “So do you want to see where the fire was?”

  “Uh, yeah, I’d like to take a look. But not in these clothes. I’d better change.” Still bemused, Drew bent to grasp the handle of his duffel bag.

  “How did you get here?” She glanced around, obviously puzzled.

  “I flew to Whitefish, then hired someone to drive me. I stopped for coffee in Sunshine, met Mac McArthur. He offered to bring me out here.” Drew shrugged. “I accepted his offer and sent the hired car back to Whitefish.”

  “Oh.” She nodded. “Nice.”

  “Yeah.” Drew frowned. “Mac says that once the insurance company is finished their assessments, a group of neighbors will come to clean up what’s left and get started on building a new tack barn. Is he right?”

  “That’s what I’ve heard. Everyone has been amazing. It’s as if the entire town of Sunshine has been waiting for a chance to repay Bonnie and Ben for everything they’ve done for everyone else.” Mandy tilted her head to one side as if she wanted to ask him something, but Drew had his own questions.

  “Why did Ella say she loves me?” he asked with a frown. “She doesn’t even know me.”

  “Oh, that’s just how she is.” Mandy didn’t look at him.

  “She says that to everyone?” he asked, dumbfounded.

  “Mostly. And she means it.” She tugged leather work gloves from her pocket and began pulling them on. “My daughter has a very sweet heart.”

  “But I’m a total stranger,” he objected.

  “Ella has some learning disabilities. She hasn’t yet grasped that some folks aren’t trustworthy, and to tell you the truth...” Now Mandy looked directly at him, her green eyes intense, her tone edgy. “I’m not all that eager to disillusion her just yet.” As if that ended the discussion, she nodded toward the main house. “I’m sure you’ll find Bonnie’s kept your room the same as always. I’ll be in the petting zoo.”

  “Okay.” Drew watched her stride away while the questions in his head multiplied. He couldn’t just let her go without answering at least one of them. “Hey, Mandy?” When she turned to face him, he said, “I never heard that you’d married. Congratulations.”

  “You never heard because I didn’t. Excuse me.” She answered her phone, checked her watch and agreed to something. Then she conferred with a couple of cowboys who wanted to know where to unload two boarding horses that had just been trucked in.

  Drew noted how easily she moved from one task to the next. Nothing seemed to faze her and the staff readily accepted her authority, including several men much older than her. Bonnie and Ben had told him as much, but he hadn’t quite believed it.

  Seeing Mandy at work proved she knew exactly what she was doing. But then, hadn’t she always?

  “Oh, you’re still here. Sorry,” she apologized as she tucked her phone into her pocket after sending a text. “It’s always crazy here first thing. Listen, Drew. A couple of issues have come up. Why don’t you take it easy this morning? Have some coffee or lunch. Go check your computer. I know you want to.” She grinned at his blink of surprise.

  He raised his eyebrows in an unasked question.

  “I may live in the sticks, but I keep up with your work in the financial world. Sort of.” She checked her chiming phone again, then said absently, “I’ll see you after lunch. We can talk then.”

  “Sure.” Drew walked away bewildered by all of it, but mostly that Mandy had a daughter who apparently did not have a father, which was completely unlike Mandy who ran her life in accordance with her Biblical beliefs. Stranger yet, his foster parents—her bosses—had never said one word to him about Ella’s existence.

  Who was the kid’s father? What kind of man left a woman to raise a child on her own?

  None of your business.

  Maybe not, but Drew tamped down his antipathy for this invisible guy while he walked toward the house where he and his brothers had lived after their parents died. He took the stairs two at a time and twisted the doorknob, which gave way immediately. Inside, a rush of memories assailed him.

  That fragrance, lavender. It was Bonnie’s favorite. A new cab
inet had been affixed to the wall and was filled with trophies of all sizes. He studied each. The majority were Ben’s, but there were also a number with Drew’s name on them, most for first place in calf-roping. Drew had always been good at that, though he was never quite sure why.

  There were several scholastic trophies he and his brothers had won. They’d all loved math and science, but Drew had thrived on the complexities of statistics. Calculating odds and figuring out percentages for achieving goals had made up his world even back then, though he’d never discovered a formula for one hundred percent roping success.

  Once he’d asked Ben why.

  “A little puff of wind, the horse’s misstep, leaning a degree the wrong way. Human failure.” Ben had gazed across the ranch’s acres to the white-capped mountains for a long time before smiling at him. “Everything He created for us meshes together so perfectly. I don’t know, Drew. Maybe God just likes a little unpredictability sometimes.”

  Ben and God. Couldn’t have one without the other.

  How it had hurt to see the older man lying virtually helpless in that hospital bed, bound in bandages, wincing with every move, yet absolutely confident that God would get both him and Bonnie through the long period of healing that lay ahead of them.

  Drew had never cultivated that same trust in God despite the fact that he’d grown up here with Ben’s constant example of steadfast trust. Neither of his brothers seemed to have the same issues that he did; neither seemed to doubt that God was in charge of their lives. In fact, Zac was a medical missionary in a dangerous area of Africa and Sam traveled to the world’s most hazardous hot spots to report, which told Drew that they neither felt out of step in their world, not like he had—still did.

  Fed up with fighting the same questions about God that had plagued him since the car accident that had scarred him when he was nine, Drew climbed the stairs. His room looked exactly as it had before he’d left for college, when life had seemed simple and his future brimmed with plans—and with Mandy.

  Back then, he thought he’d covered every detail, calculated and considered every obstacle he would encounter on the way to his future. He and Mandy would finish college. Then he’d find a job somewhere and she’d work as a vet technician. They’d get married and in their free time, they’d travel.

  He’d never calculated that three months into the dream, Mandy would end their relationship.

  Determined to stop thinking about the past, Drew set his bag on the desk chair and unpacked. It took three minutes to hang his clothes in the tiny closet and fifteen minutes to set up his computer and printer.

  Ben and Bonnie had internet access, of course, but it was slower than a turtle. Drew mentally repeated Bonnie’s oft-cited words about patience being a virtue while he waited for the Asian markets to load. He spent a few hours checking reports. His projections had been off by a tiny fraction of a percentage. A smug feeling bubbled inside. Not bad.

  Drew then changed into work clothes. He made a pot of coffee that tasted horrible and heated a small casserole from the freezer that tasted delicious. Mac and cheese, his favorite and Bonnie’s specialty.

  He’d just finished washing his dishes when a movement outside caught his attention. Mandy, her dark blond hair bundled on top of her head, knelt in the garden, pulling weeds in Bonnie’s fertile plot, maintaining the perfect rows his Ma always insisted on. For a moment Drew felt sad. If Bonnie couldn’t come home by fall, who would harvest that garden, feed the abundant lettuce leaves to the animals in the petting zoo and clean the carrots grown specially for the horses?

  Mandy.

  Yes, of course. And she would ensure everything was done perfectly, because whatever Mandy took on, she did with excellence. That’s who she was.

  Which reminded Drew of Ella. How would Mandy achieve perfection for a daughter with special needs?

  None of his business. Drew didn’t do kids. Ever.

  Pushing aside his questions, he hurried outside.

  “Want me to help you weed?” he offered, mentally shuddering at the prospect.

  “No, thanks.” Mandy straightened and tossed him a grin. “Bonnie would have my neck in a sling if I let you and you know it.”

  “That was eons ago.”

  “She never allowed you in her garden after that first time, Drew. She said you didn’t have enough patience to select only the weeds and ended up pulling half her carrots.” Mandy chuckled at his disgust. “You know how Bonnie is about her carrots.”

  “Freakishly obsessed?” Drew suggested with a scowl. “I doubt it matters to the animals if they get organic carrots or not, or whether said carrots are small or large. That they get them at all should be enough.”

  “You don’t think those gorgeous animals are worth extra effort?” Mandy demanded, pointing to six well-groomed horses placidly munching the grass while they enjoyed the warm sunshine. She dropped the bantering tone and fixed him with a serious stare. “Everything matters, Drew.”

  “Because?” He’d heard the argument a hundred times before. But he wanted to hear it again, from her, not only because he’d always liked the sound of her firm yet melodic voice as she relayed her deeply held beliefs, but mostly because he wanted to know if those beliefs had changed after all this time.

  “If you want to get the best, you give the best,” she said, shading her eyes so she could peer at him against the bright sunlight. “Treat others as—”

  “You would like to be treated,” he finished and chuckled. “Does the golden rule apply even to horses?”

  “To everyone. Yes.” She inspected him from his head to his feet. “You need a hat. You’re not used to this strong sun. Your skin will burn if you’re not careful.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Drew pulled an old cap out of his pocket and put it on. “I’ll look around for my Stetson later,” he promised. “Where’s yours?”

  Mandy touched her head and blinked in confusion. “I thought—”

  “You still lose your hat,” he said, oddly relieved to know some things about her hadn’t changed, daughter or no daughter. “Good thing you have thick hair.”

  Tendrils of it had escaped her topknot and now curled against her prominent cheekbones. It had never mattered how disheveled Mandy was, she’d always looked beautiful to Drew. He choked off that thought and kicked at the dirt.

  Being back on the ranch wasn’t going to be easy.

  “Come on,” she said. “I’ll show you the damage. Then maybe you’d better go for a ride, see what you’ve forgotten.”

  “Nothing,” Drew shot back, double meaning intended.

  Mandy ignored that and left the garden. He matched her energetic pace to the site of the tack barn. Was she hurrying because she wanted to get this over with? He intended to ask but was too shocked by the smattering of ashes and bits of blackened timber that lay on the ground.

  “It’s gone,” he whispered, gaping at the remains. “All the old family saddles, all Ben’s grandfather’s antique tack, everything—gone.”

  “Tack and buildings can be replaced, Drew,” Mandy said quietly. “People can’t.”

  “I know but—” He shook his head, not quite able to process it yet. “I had no idea—there’s nothing left?” He glanced at her, frowned at her negative response. “It must have been intense.”

  “Hot and very fast,” Mandy agreed. “There wasn’t even time to get a hose going. The wood was really old, remember. I guess it burned like tinder.”

  Shocked by the thought that his loved ones could so easily have died in this inferno, Drew was suddenly reminded of the accident that had left him and his brothers orphaned and injured.

  “Why would God allow this?” he demanded angrily, only realizing after he’d said it that he’d spoken aloud. “Ben and Bonnie are good people.”

  “I don’t know why.” Mandy exhaled. “All I know is that He has our best at heart. So
mehow He will work this out for good.”

  “Still the same old blind faith,” he grumbled, not even bothering to hide his irritation.

  “Still doubting God knows what He’s doing.” Mandy shot back. “For my whole life I’ve believed God is good, all the time. I’m not going to stop trusting in His wisdom because something bad happened to people I care about.” Her green eyes held his. Her tone held reproach. “You must remember at least that much about me.”

  “I wonder if I ever really knew you at all.” Drew couldn’t have stopped himself from saying the words if he’d wanted to. And he didn’t. It was time, way past time, to air his grievances from their past.

  “Why do you say that?” Far from challenging his comment, Mandy looked hurt by it. “We shared childhood, riding and holidays on this ranch. You once proposed to me. How could you not know me, Drew?”

  “The girl I knew back then was, I thought, open and honest.” Why didn’t he shut up? Instead, the words seemed to explode out of him. “That girl wouldn’t have just ended everything without giving me some kind of explanation.”

  “I, uh—”

  “I haven’t seen or spoken to you in almost seven years, Mandy. You work for my parents, you live on their ranch, yet every time I come back, you’re conveniently away. You’ve been avoiding me. Why?”

  His temper rose when she kept her blank mask in place, and though he waited for a response, Mandy said nothing. Drew doggedly continued anyway.

  “My parents obviously know about your daughter, but it took them having an accident for me to find out. I’m sure it was your idea to keep Ella a secret from me, yet I have no clue why.” He saw her gaze narrow. “Come to think of it, that’s probably why you never wanted to explain why you ended it. You didn’t want to tell me you had a child with some other guy.”

  Aghast that he’d actually voiced that betraying thought, Drew finally clamped his mouth closed.

  “Actually, I didn’t.”

  He wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly, but Mandy wasn’t sticking around to explain.