Hoping for a Father

by Lois Richer

  Judging by the way Mandy stared at him, her freckled nose wrinkled and her mouth hanging open, she thought he’d gone insane. “A box?”

  “A kind of casket. Is that okay?” Drew felt stupid, like the misfit he’d always felt he was. He suddenly wished he was anywhere else but here.

  “It’s—very kind of you, Drew.” Mandy walked with him to Ella, who immediately jumped up, threw her arms around her mother and began a long-winded, tearful explanation. “I’m sorry, baby,” Mandy consoled. “I know you loved Blackie so much.”

  “Like Drew loved Rover.” Ella leaned her head back to stare up at her mother. “Drew’s not nasty like you said. He’s really nice about dogs.”

  Mandy’s face turned a vivid red. She ducked her face, refusing to look at him.

  Drew grabbed his opportunity.

  “Actually, Ella, I have been nasty, rude, mean and extremely ungrateful to your mama,” he murmured. “And I’m sorry. Would you mind if we started over, Mandy?” He held his breath.

  “I was thinking that after I read your letter.” She studied him, her gaze intense, searching, missing nothing. “Thank you for writing it.”

  “I meant all of it.” He gulped and pressed on. “I’m back, Mandy. I’m here to help you with whatever you need. I’ll try to do it without all the drama and blame. So can we please start again?”

  After a moment’s hesitation, Drew thrust out his hand. To his great relief, she shook it.

  “I’d like that,” she said, green eyes shining clear, a smile tilting her lips. “It wasn’t all your fault. I’m sorry, too.”

  “Let’s leave it in the past.” Drew exhaled, feeling somehow lighter. “Can the three of us build a box for Blackie?”

  “Yep.” Ella paused to glance back at her dog and sniffed. She twisted to study her mother and then Drew before bursting into a fit of giggles. “You and Drew aren’t arguing anymore,” she said as she slid one small hand into each of theirs. “I’m glad.”

  “So am I,” Mandy agreed.

  “Me, three,” Drew added.

  “So does that mean we’re gonna be a fam’ly?” Hope shone in Ella’s brown-eyed gaze as it slid from her mom’s face to Drew’s.

  “It means we’re going to be friends,” Mandy explained, breaking the pregnant pause that had fallen.

  Drew hoped she was right. He was a total failure at relationships, yet he and Mandy had once been close. Surely he could figure out how to be her friend now.

  It was probably best to avoid too many future interactions with Ella though. She was vulnerable, and she wanted a father. Drew had no idea how to be one and no intention of assuming that role. Mandy didn’t want that either. Once he’d done his bit to help out here, stayed until mid-June, he’d leave again.

  It struck Drew then that if Ben and Bonnie hadn’t been hurt, if Mandy hadn’t asked him to return to the Double H, he still wouldn’t know about Ella. The hot embers of feeling excluded flared anew. It took enormous strength to douse those coals and concentrate on what he was here to do.

  Friendship with Mandy was going to be hard.

  But being a father? That was impossible.

  Chapter Four

  That afternoon, Mandy surveyed the clouds in the western sky with critical eyes.

  “Rain?” Drew asked from behind her.

  “I don’t think so.” She turned to face him. “The air doesn’t smell like it. Sorry.”

  “Why sorry?” He stared at her blankly. “You’re not in charge of the weather.”

  “No, I’m not.” Stop bristling, she told herself. “I was making a joke, Drew. If it rained, you wouldn’t have to take the boys’ group out. Ha ha.” She faked a laugh, wishing this tension hanging between them would dissipate.

  “You don’t take groups out if it’s raining?” There was curiosity in his question, nothing else.

  “Sometimes we do. Never kids,” she explained. “We usually plan something else.”

  “Oh.”

  Drew stood tall and lean in a pair of worn jeans that Mandy figured they had come from his former closet, since they looked about three inches too short for his long legs. The blue-and-black plaid shirt was one of Ben’s, as was the black Stetson Drew wore. In fact, he looked much as he had seven years ago, just before he’d ridden in a bronc contest. Except he wasn’t smiling now.

  “There really isn’t any need for you to come along on this ride,” he said, dark eyes intense as they studied her. “I have done it before.”

  “I know.” She stifled a remark about how long ago that had been. “And believe me, if Bailey Sanderson wasn’t coming, I’d probably send you on your way with a wave. Since he is...” She shook her head and sighed. “I’m going.”

  “Who’s Bailey Sanderson?” Drew asked as he walked with her to the paddock.

  Mandy said nothing, waiting for enlightenment to dawn. Sure enough, Drew faltered midstride, then grabbed her arm.

  “Not Jeff Sanderson’s kid?” He almost gagged on the name of his high school nemesis.

  “His eldest son, Bailey. Age eight,” she confirmed with a grim nod. “I’m afraid it’s like father like son.”

  “Does Jeff know I’m here?” he demanded, voice tight.

  “I certainly didn’t tell him. That man hasn’t grown up one iota since high school. He still thinks he’s the hottest ticket in Montana.” Inwardly Mandy fumed.

  “Jeff was always on my case in high school,” Drew murmured. “But you got along with him. So what did he do to get your ire stirred up?”

  “Asked me out.” Stuffing down her disgust, she mentally chose the horses she wanted for the ride while noticing the grass was turning brown from the drought.

  “I thought Jeff was married?” Drew grasped a bridle and petted one of the older horses who leaned over the fence to nudge his shoulder. When Mandy didn’t respond, he stopped, glanced at her face and grimaced. “Oh.”

  “That’s all you have to say?” She unclenched her jaw. “I’ve tried to be nice to Jeff because Sheena is my friend and she loves him. I was her bridesmaid at their wedding. But now she’s bedridden with their third child. How dare Jeff ask me out?”

  “Maybe he just wants someone to talk to.” He winced at her glower. “Okay, that was stupid. If he’s the same as he was in high school, I’m sure he has a ton of buddies he could talk to.”

  “Or his wife,” she said pointedly.

  “True.” Drew frowned. “Can’t figure out why he’d hit on you. In school you always called his bluff. He should know you wouldn’t let him get away with misbehaving.”

  “Misbehaving? That’s what you call it?” she demanded angrily.

  “I was trying to be nice. Want me to talk to him for you?”

  “No!” Mandy exploded. “You’re not my keeper, Drew. Besides, the very last thing I want is for you to start defending me, especially to Jeff. He’d tell his cohorts and that would set the whole town talking about us as if we’re a couple again. Miss Partridge is bad enough.”

  “The former librarian?” Drew blinked at her nod. “What’s she got to do with anything? She’s retired, isn’t she?”

  “That doesn’t mean she can’t hear and talk,” Mandy said, knowing she sounded grouchy and not caring. “The day you arrived, Miss Partridge spied you at the café in town. She arrived here for her riding lesson, full of a silly romantic idea about us reuniting. She says she’s been praying for that to happen for years.” Mandy so did not want to talk about anything to do with their past. “Forget it. Let’s get the horses saddled and ready.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Drew grabbed the halters of two horses she indicated and led them out of the paddock toward the temporary tack room. Together they readied eleven horses for the trek. “I do know how to saddle a horse, boss,” he said sharply when she checked the cinch on each.

  “Of course you do. Other
wise you wouldn’t be Ben’s son.” Finished, Mandy ignored his frown. “But I wouldn’t be his foreman if I didn’t make sure everything was in order for this group of kids. Would I?” she pressed.

  “Fine.” Drew didn’t pursue it. Instead he made sure the reins of each animal were firmly secured to the rail. Then he followed her to where a big red bus had just pulled in.

  Preteen boys poured out of it, and with them Drew felt a return of his former reticence. His hands clenched into fists as he asked himself why he’d said he’d do this.

  Mandy’s glance slid from his hands to his face. It was clear she felt sorry for him.

  “You probably won’t remember names at first,” she murmured. “Except for one. That’s our problem child in the expensive riding boots. And next to him is his cohort, Addison, nicknamed Addy. He likes to play tricks, but a firm word usually cures him of misbehavior.”

  “Not Bailey?” Drew asked, studying her.

  “You wish.” Mandy stepped forward and greeted the boys in a cheery voice, welcoming them to the ranch. Then she gave a short description of what they would see on their horseback trip. “There will be three of us with you today. I’m Mandy. The handsome cowboys are Drew—and Oliver,” she added hastily when the hand appeared at Drew’s side.

  “Lift your hat and nod,” Oliver prodded Drew. “In case the boss didn’t tell you, watch out for that kid called Bailey. He’s a show-off.”

  “Oh, I told him,” Mandy assured her ranch hand sotto voce. “I’ve assigned Bailey to Mable.”

  “Good.” Oliver grinned at Drew. “Mable’s even slower than Raven. Not that it matters. That kid will try to trade horses with someone. Don’t let him.”

  Advice given, Oliver conferred with Mandy to match up horses with riders. Drew went to fetch Raven.

  “Asa is riding Raven,” Mandy called. Drew blinked at her in surprise, then nodded and handed off the horse to the youngest boy, who seemed terrified.

  “Do I gotta get on?” Asa asked Drew in a whimper.

  * * *

  Mandy watched carefully. She needed to see how Drew handled this insecure rider. That would be an important indicator of whether he really meant what he’d written in his apology letter.

  “You have to get on Raven if you want to ride, Asa.” Drew sounded sympathetic. When Asa visibly gulped, he asked, “You ridden much?”

  “A little. But the horse was smaller.” Asa cleared his throat.

  “It’s not hard to ride Raven. She doesn’t buck or...”

  You’re terrifying the kid, Calhoun. Mandy stiffened, but Drew must have realized his mistake because he quickly changed tactics.

  “Raven’s really gentle and she loves to carry kids. You’ll be very safe, Asa. You get on and I’ll show you what she likes best. Foot here,” he directed.

  Asa couldn’t quite reach the stirrup so Drew gave him a boost. Once he was seated correctly, Drew went through the basics. Relieved, Mandy saw the boy gradually relax.

  “Drew’s a good teacher, Asa,” Mandy called encouragingly. “He’s been riding horses for a long time and he knows everything. You need any help, you ask him, okay?”

  “Uh-huh.” The boy smiled shyly, peeking at Drew from beneath his too-large hat.

  Though Drew forced a smile, Mandy knew he was suddenly aware that the entire group was watching him. She also knew he didn’t like all the attention.

  “Okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Upset stomach,” he mumbled. “Maybe I shouldn’t have had that second helping at lunch.”

  It wasn’t the food and they both knew it. But Mandy wasn’t going to press him.

  “You’ll be okay,” she soothed.

  “Sure.”

  Mandy’s heart sank at his glare. Drew had opened his heart to her once, long ago, when they were more than friends. But they weren’t friends now. They would make this work only if both of them avoided asking too many questions.

  “What am I riding today, Mandy?” Drew inquired.

  “Golden Girl. Jo Jo’s Dream came up lame this morning and Arabella’s off her feed so I had to switch. It’s good because Bonnie’s horse needs the exercise.” She mentally hit the off switch on the past one more time. Drew’s just here for a few weeks to help. Nothing more.

  “Great.” Drew walked over to a big bay Bonnie had named Golden Girl when she was a foal. He swung himself into the saddle, waiting as Mandy gave the group directions.

  “Sorry. Habit. I forgot that’s your job now,” she muttered a few minutes later with a grimace as Oliver lined up the kids in pairs.

  “No problem,” he said in a dull voice that didn’t sound like the Drew she used to know. When horses and riders were ready, he nudged his horse toward the path. Mandy blocked it.

  “We go this way, Drew. It’s new.” She spoke softly so the kids wouldn’t overhear. “Ben thinks it’s harder for them to get off this trail.”

  He didn’t look pleased that she’d omitted to warn him. Mandy shrugged it off.

  “I forgot to tell you that yesterday. Sorry.” She sighed when he didn’t respond. “You lead. Oliver will stay in the middle. I’ll take the back end,” she murmured.

  Drew nodded without arguing and moved to lead the way. Judging by his posture, he was ill at ease for about two seconds. Then it was as if time stood still, like old times.

  Mandy had always loved trail rides. The wind playing with newly budded leaves, the smell of horses and chatter from the kids drew her back to the moment. Asa was asking her a question. Sensing Drew was listening, Mandy concentrated on the nervous boy.

  “You’re doing very well, Asa. If I had a little boy—” She choked off her words and her face lost all color. She had to stop letting the past revive its head. She had to deal with the here and now. “Don’t hang on to the reins so tightly, okay? Raven knows she has to follow the other horses—whoa!”

  She pulled on Asa’s reins and her own simultaneously, suddenly aware that the entire line had stopped. She glanced up, amazed to see Drew cantering along the path’s edge until he was beside them.

  Mandy sighed. Why couldn’t he just do what she’d asked?

  Lord, give me strength.

  * * *

  Mandy was doing his job.

  That had to change if he was truly in charge here.

  Drew nodded at Oliver as he rode past. When he reached the end of the line, he spoke quietly but firmly.

  “I’d like you to take the lead, Mandy, please.”

  “What’s wrong?” she asked in surprise.

  “Nothing. But I can’t see what’s happening with my back to everyone. There are some great things to notice on this part of the ranch.” He ignored the voice in his head that scoffed at the idea that he really wanted to chat with a bunch of kids. “That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it is,” she agreed with a grin. “You’re sure?” At his nod, she wheeled her horse out of the line and rode to the front. Asa watched her leave with a glum look.

  “Everything okay, Asa?” Drew asked. “You’re not too uncomfortable?”

  “I’m okay. I guess.” Asa pressed his heels against the horse’s flanks and fell into last place in the now moving line.

  “You don’t like it out here?” Drew rode alongside him, determined to do this right. Ben had long ago taught that the best guides made sure their guests got the most out of every adventure. Maybe the only thing Asa would get out of this ride was to see the ranch with new eyes. Drew tried to view it from Asa’s perspective.

  “It’s pretty, but—it’s so big.” The words seemed to burst out of the boy as he gazed around him.

  “Yes, it is,” Drew agreed. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

  “Bailey told me there’s bears here.” Asa glanced fearfully over his shoulder as if an attack was imminent.

  “Someti
mes bears do come on this part of the ranch,” Drew agreed. “But it’s usually in the fall when they have cubs and want to feed on the berries. If you look way over there, where you see those black-and-white cows, that’s where the berries grow, and they’re nowhere near ready to eat yet. So no worries. Anyway, bears don’t bother people riding horses.”

  “Oh.” Asa rode on, but his frown remained.

  “Things aren’t always what they seem. For instance, see those green plants with the white, kind of tufted tops?” Drew pointed, waited for the boy’s nod. “That’s bear grass, but that doesn’t mean bears eat it. Sometimes they use it to make beds on. Bear grass only blooms once every seven years so it’s special you get to see it today.” Drew kind of liked the way Asa’s eyes widened at the information. “Those purple flowers with the yellow centers are called alpine daisies. And over there you can see a whitetail deer and her fawn.”

  Drew kept pointing out things, his voice low because he hoped the animals would stick around long enough for the other kids to notice.

  “Those are sheep on those rocks, right?” Asa looked more relaxed now.

  “You’re right.” Though Drew still didn’t care for having the responsibility of kids, at least this one was trying to learn. “Above them are mountain goats. They are very nimble and can really jump.”

  “They can stick you with their horns and kill you,” a voice chirped.

  Drew stifled his irritation as Asa gripped his reins so tightly his fingertips began turning white.

  There could be no doubt as to which child had said that.

  “Newbies often think that about mountain goats, Bailey, but it’s wrong,” Drew corrected in a firm tone. “The goats are wild and they like it that way. They won’t come anywhere near you, Asa.”

  Because Bailey had left his place and others followed, the line had stopped. Mandy and Oliver were struggling to get them back in order, but to Drew it looked as effective as herding sheep. He stuck his fingers between his teeth and whistled. The shrill noise startled everyone, including the wildlife, which scattered. The kids stared at him in surprise. So did Mandy. Oliver grinned.