by Elin Peer
She spread her legs and kept kissing me. The sensation of kissing her while rubbing myself against the mattress should have been enough but I still moved upward, matching my crotch with hers. Mila moaned into my mouth and it made the blood in my veins heat up in a way I’d never experienced before.
“My North Star,” I whispered and gently bit her lower lip while grinding against her. This was more than she had asked for but I couldn’t get enough of her. My hand found its way to her waist, moving under her shirt and caressing her soft skin.
“You can touch them if you want to,” she whispered and without her specifying, I understood what she was talking about.
Wanting to be sure I didn’t misread her, I kept looking straight into her eyes as I slowly pushed her soft shirt up to her collarbone. Nudity wasn’t a big thing for us Motlanders, but this was different. Hundreds of Nmen would soon be fighting for her. Some of them would potentially end up giving their lives to be in the position I was in now.
My hands shook a little when I touched her firm breasts. “You’re so beautiful, Milove.”
She giggled a little. “Stop staring.”
That was easier said than done. “It’s like showing me a breathtaking piece of art and telling me not to look.”
“You’re making me shy.” With her hand behind my neck, Mila pulled me in for another kiss, this time nibbling at my upper lip in a playful manner that made my breathing go shallow and my stomach tense up with a raw desire unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
“Mila,” I groaned and didn’t even care that I sounded like a horny romantic.
Mila’s breathing changed too as we kept kissing and touching each other. I got goosebumps when her hands explored my body.
“Jonah, this feels so good,” she moaned and followed the rhythm of my grinding against her.
“Yeah?” I pressed my crotch against her hard and whispered in her ear. “Then imagine what it would feel like without underwear.”
She leaned her head back and let her hands slide down to put pressure on the top of my behind as if silently asking me to grind harder.
I complied and imitated what I’d seen in the sex club. Our sounds and movements were identical to people having intercourse but our clothing created a barrier between us.
At first I didn’t understand what Mila was trying to do, but then I felt her push my briefs down while at the same time licking my jawline and rotating her hips under me.
Despite my brain’s trying to get my attention, my fingers hooked inside her panties and I pushed them down. Mila raised her behind to make it easier and a second later, I was back between her legs grinding against her.
My eyes almost rolled back in my head at the feeling of her warm skin against the top of my cock.
"Ahh, Jonah, I’ve wanted this for so long."
Intertwining our hands, I was careful to only slide up and down her folds without penetrating her.
"Do you want me too?"
My answer was hoarse with need. "Yes."
"Do you think we should make love?"
Everything was screaming yes inside me, except for the small alarm bell that made me pull back and look down at my gorgeous best friend half naked and about to do something she might regret.
The words hurt to get out, but I had to ask, “Are you sure you want that?”
“Why? Aren’t you?”
"But what if you regret it?"
The doubt on my face and the question spoken out loud broke the magic and she shut her eyes for a second.
“Don’t get me wrong. I would be honored to make love to you, Milove, but I don’t want you to regret it later.”
“Why would I regret it?” The way she pulled her shirt down to cover herself said it all. She wasn’t sure about this.
I sighed but gave her room to pull her panties back up while I lay down and tried to steady my pumping heart. Trying to ease the awkwardness, I opened my arm for her and used a light tone, “Come here, my North Star. Good kiss, huh?”
Mila relaxed and snuggled up against me. “Yeah, that was a really good kiss.”
“I think we found one of your hidden talents.” I laughed to release some of the pent-up energy still in my body.
“Not sure I did anything. You’re just a very good kisser, Jonah.”
Taking another deep breath to steady my racing heart, I spoke on the exhalation. “Thanks, but how would you know? You have nothing to compare it to.”
Mila lifted her left hand up in front of my face. “My whole body is shaking – look, that can’t be normal.”
“Of course it’s not normal. None of this is normal.” I kissed her forehead.
“Would you have gone all the way?” She whispered her question like she was afraid of my answer.
“Would you?”
“I asked you first.”
“Yes, Mila, I would have. I’d still like to.”
I tried not to be disappointed when she didn’t respond to my last comment.
“Jonah, when did you know that you weren’t asexual?”
A snort escaped me. “I never thought I was asexual. I told you that I wasn’t. It was all of you people who assumed it.”
That made her lift her head. “The reason you’d still like to make love to me… is it because you’re curious?”
I brushed hair away from her forehead. “No. It’s because kissing you made me want to never stop.”
“Me too.”
I could have drowned in those large blue eyes shining up at me. “You sure?” My heart was hammering fast.
“Yes, but does that mean you’d be open to…” She took a long steadying breath. “Would you be open to marriage?”
“Marriage?” My head was suddenly back to exploding with every obstacle in front of me. Not only did I have to find a way to confront my sister with what she’d done, I also had to fight for my seat on the Council, and support my family through potentially losing everything they’d worked hard for. Marrying would be sabotaging myself as people would think I’d completely lost my mind.
Cupping her face, I spoke in a serious tone of voice. “Mila, I love you. You know I do, but marriage… it’s archaic and your dad might only have one hand but he would definitely use it to strangle me to death. I’m not exactly his ideal son-in-law. Right now isn’t a good time for me with everything that’s going on with my family and the Council. You understand that, don’t you?”
Pulling away from me, Mila turned on her side.
“Sweets, come on. Don’t be like that. I’m just being honest here. An hour ago, I didn’t think you were attracted to me, and now you’re talking about marriage.”
“Forget it.”
“Sweets?” I touched her shoulder but she didn’t move. “Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad. I’m just tired.”
“You’re being polite again. Be honest about how you feel.”
“I want to go to sleep and forget that this happened.”
“Why? That kiss was amazing.”
Slowly, Mila turned and looked back at me. Her eyes moist. “You know I want everything, Jonah.”
“But marriage… wasn’t that just to please your parents? If you stay with me in the Motherlands we don’t have to marry. We could just be together.”
My words made her curl up, and when I tried to pull at her shoulder, she refused to turn.
All my training in conflict resolution was running through my head, but I was mentally exhausted and flopped back on the mattress with a sigh of resignation.
Mila had never been truly mad at me before and after what had just happened between us, she had to know how much I desired her. Tomorrow we would figure it out.
CHAPTER 11
Heading Home
Mila
Looking up from his desk that I had rearranged to be closer to the window, Jonah watched me pack my bag.
“This isn’t what I had in mind when I invited you to come back to the Motherlands with me. I was going to show yo
u all the beautiful places and have you experience the freedom women enjoy here.”
“It’s fine.” I kept my focus on packing everything meticulously.
“Mila, we need to talk about what happened last night. You can’t just shut me out.”
My chest was heavy with un-cried tears that would no doubt pour out of me the minute I could be alone. Yesterday I’d thought Jonah was in love with me too. His kisses and touches had been like an out-of-body experience.
“I have the first draft for my speech at the Council.”
“That’s great.” I still didn’t look at him.
“Mila, come on. This isn’t like you at all.” His pleading tone pushed at my already fragile state of mind and I fled into the bathroom, where I crouched down and sobbed into my hands. Trying to dampen the sound hurt my chest, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Jonah had wanted me last night. Not just as a dear friend, but as a lover. He had behaved like a man claiming his woman and I’d been ready to give myself to him.
In my head, I’d seen us confronting my parents together and standing our ground side to side. With Jonah as my partner, I could do anything.
But Jonah wasn’t an Nman and he didn’t want the same things as me. After twelve years in the North, I dreamed of family and a lifelong commitment. Jonah was a servant of the people and he would always put them first.
My sobbing died down and, drying my eyes, I did some breathing exercises to regain control before I walked back out to face him.
“You’ve been crying.” Jonah looked pained. “Milove, please talk to me.”
“I’m just homesick. I know I was supposed to stay until tomorrow, but with my dad’s operation, I want to go back.”
Jonah’s arms fell to his side and he sighed.
“Besides, with me gone, it’ll give you peace and quiet to write your speech.”
“I won’t be able to write anything if I worry that you’re mad at me.”
My nose was itching from all the crying. “I’m not mad at you. We just want different things.”
Jonah moved to stand right in front of me. “But Mila, I do want you. It’s just that marriage is… risky.”
“I get that. You don’t want people to think you’re a romantic.” My eyes were fixed on his elbow.
“I’m already under pressure. I can’t afford to take that chance.”
Tears were forming in my eyes again. “Would you please arrange for a drone for me?”
Jonah touched his wristband, making the reservation. “I’ll come with you to the border.”
“Don’t. You have things to do and it would take too long.”
“But if it meant spending some more hours with you…”
My smile was tiny and polite. “You’ll see me next time you come back to meet with Pearl and Khan.”
Picking up my bag, Jonah gestured to the door. “Let me walk you to the pick-up place at least.”
“It’s okay, I know where it is.”
“Mila, stop. I’m coming!” Jonah was using a firm tone and sounded as bossy as my dad for once. It softened me that he wouldn’t allow me to push him away, completely.
At the drone pick-up place, Jonah looked like he was about to cry himself. “I wish we could have talked about what happened last night.” He stepped close to me. “I can’t stand the thought that I hurt you.”
I kept my eyes down.
“Mila, I feel your sorrow and I want to take it away. I just don’t know how.” Taking my hand, he squeezed it. “You know I love you, right?”
I knew that. We had told each other for more than a year.
“Mila, I mean it. I really love you.”
Lifting my gaze, I locked eyes with him. “I love you too, Jonah.” I swallowed the rest of the words that were in my thoughts. Enough to put you before everything else. If only you’d do the same for me.
Instantly, I was hit with guilt. How could I ask for Jonah to put me before the rest of the world when he had taken an oath to lead with love, integrity, and devotion? How selfish could one woman be?
Jonah pulled me in for a long hug and as I stood in his arms, I began crying again.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’ll see you soon.”
Maybe he didn’t understand that from now on, I’d have to protect my heart. I couldn’t go back to what we had before I showed him my true feelings. Being close to him would hurt too much.
After placing my bag in the drone, Jonah gave me a hand and helped me inside. “Call me when you get home, okay?”
“Will do.”
The door closed and after going over safety details and confirming my desired destination, the drone slowly rose from the ground.
I looked out the window, seeing Jonah wave at me and mouthing the words “I love you.”
My stomach cramped in pain and my heart wanted to stop the drone and beg him to be everything I’d dreamed he would be. Placing my hand on the window, I mouthed the words back, hoping he wouldn’t see my tears falling.
Jonah kept waving at me as I leaned my forehead on the glass watching him turn into a small dot as the drone took me back north.
For hours I sat in deep thought until it dawned on me that I’d need a ride from the border. Not wanting to disturb my parents, I called my soul sister Raven instead.
Raven and I had been friends since I was ten years old, and after one glance at me, her happy smile faltered and she exclaimed, “What happened to you?”
Bursting with emotions, I told her everything.
“You made out with Jonah?” Her confusion would have been funny except that with the pain I was in, nothing was funny. “But he’s a Motlander man. I didn’t think they were interested in that sort of thing.”
I rolled my eyes. “Raven, everyone is different.”
“I know, but Jonah…” She gave a small whistle. “Damn, who would have known?”
Ignoring her comment, I changed the subject. “How have you been?”
“Good. I’m working hard and I just nailed one of my tests at the academy.”
“And how are you and Leo?”
Raven swung her hair over her shoulder and frowned. “I’m not going to be your obnoxious friend who raves about my relationship while you’re grieving.”
“But you’re fine?”
“Yes.” The corners of her eyes crinkled as her face softened. “Leo is just…”
Her wistful smile made me chuckle and take a guess: “Amazing?”
“Yes. Amazing.”
“I’m so happy for you, Raven.” Giving her hand a last squeeze, I let go and sat back in my seat taking in the view. “I love the lushness of the Northlands. It’s so pretty here.”
“Everything will be prettier in the spring.”
“Yes.” I tensed up just thinking about what else spring would bring.
Raven was perceptive and leaned closer. “Are you still going to have the tournament?”
I looked away. “Why not? I wouldn’t be the first bride to be in love with someone else, and I’m not going to settle for a hidden relationship with a man who doesn’t want people to know that we’re together.”
“Jonah said that?”
“Raven, people like us are seen as romantics and it’s not a compliment. They think of us as naïve and insecure fools who believe in fairytales and need someone to make us happy.”
“I never saw myself as a romantic.”
“That doesn’t matter. Others will see you that way because you’re married.”
She wrinkled her nose up. “Why should I care what others think?”
“You shouldn’t, but Jonah was chosen by the people and their opinion of him matters. Especially now that his family is under scrutiny.”
Raven leaned back again. “I still can’t believe his sister said those things. We saw some of it at the academy.”
“Yeah? How did people react?”
Raven snorted. “Everyone was shaking their heads over the fact that drinking beer is illegal,
but to be honest they kind of lost their shit when the News showed a background story on Anne with pictures of her modeling.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Nothing, except the News stations have been showing pictures of her in swimwear morning, noon, and night. It’s a big deal for everyone here that there’s finally a man on the Council, and now the people are nervous that Jonah could be kicked out. Do you think that could happen?”
I fiddled with my hair. “I know he’s afraid of it. Many Motlanders still think men are power hungry and easily corrupted, but he’s nothing like that.”
“Of course not. And what a bunch of bullshit. I would like to meet the sister, although I’m not so sure she would like the things I want to say to her. What the hell is wrong with her? Why would she make such a big deal out of some beer and booze?”
“Hmm, I’ve been wondering the same thing, and something Jonah’s mom told me has me thinking that it’s not really about the illegal stuff to Anne.”
Raven straightened up. “What’s it about then?”
“I’m not sure yet, but Lilly told me that Anne used to love racing herself. It’s weird that she suddenly has a problem with it after being estranged for almost five years.”
“Huh! Yes, that’s weird.”
“Something must have happened to provoke this. I wish I knew what.”
Raven shrugged. “I’m just tired of my colleagues drooling over her. It’s like they’re willing to forgive what she did to Jonah just because she’s gorgeous. How fucked up is that?”
“I wonder if Anne knows that she’s a celebrity up here.”
“Let’s hope not.” Raven tapped my shoulder. “But you still have a decision to make about that tournament. Don’t think I didn’t see how you stiffened when I said the word spring. You don’t want to do it. Admit it!”
I hid my face in my hands. “No, I don’t want to do it, but I promised my parents.”
“Then un-promise.”
“Raven, it’s not that easy and I’m not strong like you. That’s why I needed Jonah to stand with me.”
“No no no… you don’t need any man to fight your battles.” Raven was staring into my eyes and her hands clasped around my shoulders. “You are much stronger than you think. Do you hear me?”
