by Elin Peer
“Are you saying that you’re never afraid?”
“Of course not. When I was a child, I fell from a tree and broke my arm. I’m happy my dad forced me up that same tree as soon as I was healed. It’s how we do things here.”
“Still…”
“I’m not saying it’s easy, but remember how I insisted that you and Mila walk in the park the day after you were attacked? It’s the same thing. Fear will paralyze you if you let it. When I was twenty-three, I followed a lead on a group trying to overthrow my father. I walked into a trap and was tortured for five days before Khan and the Huntsmen saved me. My mom begged my dad to reassign me to something less dangerous, but I forced myself back out on patrol a week after the attack. Not going would have destroyed me.”
My eyes widened. “You were tortured. Geez, Magni, I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t even imagine. You must have been terrified going back out there.”
Magni nodded. “The fear that was created from the attack was beyond measure, but I had to face it and I did.”
“You’re so brave!”
“Ha.” Magni looked ahead and lowered his voice. “I wouldn’t admit this to just anyone, but the truth is that I shook and threw up every time I was getting ready to go out.”
“And you still went?”
“I had to. After a few days I managed the fear, then overcame it. Any combat soldier can tell you that courage isn’t living without fear, it’s overcoming it.”
“I can’t even imagine,” I repeated.
“I’m not expecting you to.” After a few moments, Magni asked me, “Do you fear death?”
“No, but I fear missing out.” I nodded ahead to where Mila was walking with Laura. From behind the bump on her belly didn’t show, but just this morning I had kissed it ten times.
We were expecting a younger sibling to our first, Faith, who was a year and a half and sleeping in her hover- carrier next to Mila.
“Me too, and I’m grateful for each day I get with my family.”
When I first met Magni he had resented talking about his emotions. I was proud of how much he had opened up to me over the last few years. “There was a time when even your family wasn’t enough to cheer you up.”
Magni gave me a sideways glance like he didn’t appreciate my bringing that up. “You’re talking about the time after the accident when they put me on suicide watch, aren’t you?”
“You know I would never judge. You were grieving the loss of your old identity. I get that.”
“I never feared death. My dad had this famous author that he always quoted, Lee Rineheart, do you know him?”
“Yes, Freya shared one of his books with me.”
“Anyway, he said that being alive is only a temporary state and to fear its end is like fearing the sunrise. In my experience, people who fear death forget to live and it’s fucking sad because we’re all going to move on at some point.”
“You talk a big talk, Magni, but don’t you think that all the trauma of your past might explain the issues you had with explosive anger in the past?”
“It’s possible. I’m more alert, jumpy at times, and I get very irritable in certain situations, but you know what? For every year we have peace and I get to go on nice hikes like today, I heal a little.”
I gave a single nod. “Nature will do that to you. What about nightmares, do you have those still?”
“It’s been a long time since I dreamt about the crash. After I got back to flying, it’s almost gone.”
“Interesting.”
“I think nightmares, a racing heart, and paranoia are symptoms of a failure to face one’s fears, and as I said, that will destroy a person.”
We walked on in silence for a while, before I asked. “Can I see your tattoo?”
Magni showed me the arm that looked so real that I sometimes forgot it was robotic. “Mason is right, it’s not as impressive as the roaring bear you had, but I like it.” I studied the sea squirt on his skin.
“This fucker can regenerate its entire body from just tiny blood vessel fragments. After losing my arm and both legs, I find that far more impressive than long teeth and big claws.”
“I was impressed when you told Mason that true strength isn’t about being lethal, but now I’m curious. How would you describe it then?”
Magni shrugged. “Truth be told, it can be boiled down to resilience and persistence. You know, the sheer ability to overcome whatever shit life throws at you and go on.”
“Like I was saying about Raven and her indomitable spirit.”
“Yeah, exactly, I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for her. Many men underestimate her because of her gender.”
“It’s something I can relate to.”
Magni frowned at me. “Why? You’re not a woman.”
“But I’m a Motlander man and according to many Nmen that’s almost the same thing.”
Magni slammed my shoulder and laughed. “You’re right. We do think of you Motlander men as feminine, but you’re different, Jonah. There’s a protective warrior in you. You’ve even packed on a lot more muscle from all the workouts with me and Mason. Now we just need to teach you how to fight.”
“I’m not different. There are many like me. You just need to open your eyes and see that men in the Motherlands are just as much men as you are.”
Magni gave a snort. “Right. Except they’re not.”
“Just because we don’t care for violence doesn’t make us any less manly.”
“Ah, come on, you people are way too soft and that’s why the Northlands will never fully integrate with the Motherlands. We’re bringing some fucking balance to all the kindness shit you have going on.”
When I opened my mouth to speak, Magni held up a hand. “I’m warning you, if you’re going to lecture me about human rights again, don’t!”
I stopped and stared at him. “Magni, for all the growth you’ve done as a man and human being, don’t you ever feel guilty about all the men you’ve killed?”
“No. And neither should you. We do what we have to in order to protect our loved ones. We talked about that.”
“Yes, I know, but what about the men who weren’t pointing a gun at someone you loved. The men you killed without a trial because you suspected them of treason? Do you feel remorse about that?”
Magni stopped too and crossed his arms. “What would that help? Didn’t you hear Pearl in her speech that night Khan won the democratic election?”
“Which part?”
“She said, you can’t judge the past through the lens of new morals.”
I let the words sink in. “Yes, I remember, but it’s impossible not to. For instance, now, with all the regained freedom in the Motherlands it’s hard to understand why we didn’t rebel against the rigid laws sooner.”
“Are you coming?” Dina came running back to us. “Mom and Mila are setting up the picnic and Mason is being rude.”
“Tell your brother that I’ll kick his butt if he isn’t nice to his mother and sisters.”
“That’s what Aubri said.” Dina, who was tall for a seven-year-old, gave a grin that revealed she was missing a few teeth, and then she sprinted back to the meadow up ahead where Mila and Laura had stopped.
Magni and I were carrying the majority of the food and cold drinks in our backpacks. By the time we got there, the sun had half cooked us and it was nice to sit in the shadow of a big tree.
“Did you hear about Willow’s new role?” Aubri asked me.
“No?”
“They are making the forbidden book into a movie and Willow might be playing the leading role. She’s so excited about it.”
“But what about Nora and Jackson? Does she have time for that with two young kids?” Magni reached for a large tuna salad sandwich.
“Dad, she’s not their only parent. They have a father too, you know.”
“But Solo is busy.”
“So is Jonah, but he’s still there for Faith.” Mila gave me a soft smile.
; I smiled back at her. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“I’m just saying that children need their mother,” my father-in-law muttered and it made Laura caress his face.
“Mila is right, Solo and Willow are good at working together. And they have us if they need help.”
Aubri was peeling an orange. “I hope she gets the role as Deidra. I want to see that movie so bad.”
“Me too, I love that book.” Mila sighed. “I’ve read Forbidden Letters from the North at least four times – well, seven if I count the times, I’ve listened to Jonah’s recording of it.”
“Oh, wow. Then you must know it all by heart. What’s your favorite passage in it?” Laura asked while Magni handed me a beer and took one for himself.
Mila’s eyes looked up to the sky as she thought about it. “Hmm, obviously, I love all the letters and the love scenes, but there’s a part that says, ‘For decades we’ve villainized our neighbor for being different from us. Each side of the border has felt superior to the other and shown no interest in listening or trying to understand. Like two stubborn giants with our feet tied together, we’ve been leaning away from each other and have fallen to the ground. It’s time to realize that the only way to get back up is to link our hands and work together.’”
Laura nodded. “I like that. The thought of a world with men and women at war with each other is depressing.”
Magni leaned in and kissed her. “I agree.”
“Seriously, do you two ever stop kissing? It’s disgusting.” Mason, who was sitting on the edge of the large picnic blanket, rolled his eyes and looked away, but Laura was quick to pull her large son in and plant kisses on his hair, which made us all laugh.
Mason was scrunching up his face, but he didn’t fight it. It made me think that maybe he didn’t mind as much as he wanted us to think.
“One day you’ll learn that kissing is a secret super power that holds magical healing properties.”
“I don’t need any girls to kiss me.”
“That’s what I used to think, Mason.” I gave the boy a sympathetic smile. “But then I met Mila, and things changed.”
“Take it from us old and wise people,” Laura said with a mock serious tone. “Men and women need each other, and one should never be above the other.”
Magni held his beer to his lips and chuckled. “Ha, that’s some weird shit to say when we both know how much you like me on top of you.”
“Dad!” Mila rolled her eyes and Laura threw some grass at Magni.
“You knew what I meant.”
“I thought you were talking about positions in front of our kids, which is unusual.” He winked at Laura.
Mason’s twin, Aubri, spoke up. “I think what Mom meant was that everything is better if there’s balance.”
“That’s right, Aubri. Thank you.” Laura gave her daughter a proud smile.
I lifted my beer with a satisfied nod. “Isn’t that the simple truth? Balance is key!”
“To balance,” Mila shouted.
“And beers,” I chimed in.
Magni raised his own beer up high, “Fuck yeah, and freedom!”
“And kissing,” Laura shouted and elbowed Mason with a grin, which only made the boy roll his eyes even more.
“Seriously, Mom.”
Clinking our glasses together, we all erupted in laughter knowing full well that one day he would agree.
“I want to drink to friendship,” Aubri said.
“Me too,” Mason added. “Friends are better than family.”
“Oh, come on, Mason, why not pick something important like world peace?” I asked but he just scoffed at the idea.
“And how about you, Dina darling?” Laura turned to her youngest. “What do you want to drink to?”
The girl thought for a second, before she gave a sad shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You can do it,” Mila encouraged her sister and let a finger play with a lock of Dina’s hair. “It’s like saying what you wish for.”
“Okay.” She looked cute with her small front teeth that were growing out. “In that case I wish Mason would love me.”
The teenage boy stiffened. “What did you say?”
Dina leaned against Mila’s shoulder. “You said that your friends are better than your family. I’m family, but you never want to hang out with me anymore.”
Mason looked pressured. “That doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Of course I love you. You’re my sister.”
“But you love your friends more.”
Swallowing hard, Mason took her hand. “Dina, you are my friend.”
The seven-year-old lit up. “Then… now I don’t know what to drink to.”
“You can still drink to love,” Mila said and I was quick to support that idea.
“That’s right. Love is the most powerful thing in the whole world, Dina.”
“More powerful than my dad?”
Magni caressed her hair with a proud smile. “More powerful than any man.”
“Or woman,” Laura added.
With another round of clinking glasses, we all cheered out loud, “To love.”
This concludes The Pacifist – Men of the North #10
It also concludes this series.
Thank you so much for coming with me into the future. Writing Men of the North began as a thought experiment and developed into something more.
I hope you liked Mila’s and Jonah’s story and it would truly mean the world to me if you took a second to review the book. Here are links to make it easy for you.
Amazon.com – Amazon.uk – Amazon.ca
Goodreads
What’s next?
The Pacifist was my 20th book.
Check out my website for a full overview.
www.elinpeer.com
Now, before we leave the Northlands for good, there’s one last thing, I want to share with you.
We’ve heard a lot about the Forbidden Book, and I for one, would like to know the story behind it. Wouldn’t you?
My next book, Forbidden Letters will be a prequel to Men of the North. It will take place 200 years before The Protector.
You can read the blurb on the next page.
Forbidden Letters
Curiosity has the ability to turn the smartest person into a reckless fool.
Few dared live as close to the border as us. Not even the long-standing peace treaty between our two nations could make people forget how the savage Men of the North used to hunt down and kidnap women here.
If only Devina hadn’t been so damned curious by nature, she would have never picked up that letter thrown across the Northern wall. Now, she is horrified to see that it’s from a teenage girl who is only weeks away from being auctioned off in a bridal tournament. With no time to waste, Devina is determined to help the girl escape, even if it means putting herself in danger.
Forbidden Letters is a stand-alone prequel to Elin Peer’s wildly popular dystopian romance series, Men of the North.
Buy this book on pre-sale today and see why readers are raving about the masterful dialogue and unexpected plotline.
About the author
With a back ground in life coaching, Elin is easy to talk to and her fans rave about her unique writing style that has subtle elements of coaching mixed into fictional love stories with happy endings.
Elin is curious by nature. She likes to explore and can tell you about riding elephants through the Asian jungle, watching the sunset in the Sahara Desert from the back of a camel, sailing down the Nile in Egypt, kayaking in Alaska, river rafting in Indonesia, and flying over Greenland in a helicopter.
After traveling the world and living in different countries, Elin is currently residing outside Seattle in the US with her husband, daughters, and her black Labrador, Lucky, who follows her everywhere.
Want to connect with Elin? Great, she loves to hear from her readers and you can find her here: Facebook, Goodread, Amazon, or simply send an email to: [email protected]
