His face blanched as he winced, “Darlin’, I didn’t—” he started softly, but I was done.
Looking to Linc, I gave it to him straight. “I had no intention of letting what happened between me and Xander interfere with work, and I’m so sorry it did. That wasn’t cool. What just happened was totally unprofessional, and I’ll understand if you have to let me go because of it.”
His face grew gentle, his voice soft as he said, “Your job’s safe, sweetheart.”
Relief flooded through me. “Thank you. Since that’s the case, if it’s okay with you, I’ll be working from home for the rest of the day.”
At Linc’s nod, I turned and started for the door.
“Sage, wait—” Xander called out.
I turned before he could reach me and pinned him with an ugly glare that brought him up short. “Don’t,” was all I said before I jerked back around and stormed out.
I stomped to my baby, unlocked the door, and climbed in, wishing it had been warm enough for me to put the top down.
Because the only thing that would work to calm the fire I had raging inside was the wind in my hair and the sun on my face.
Chapter Twenty
Sage
I did what I’d promised Linc I’d do and finished my work for the day from the comforts of my home, but seeing as I was still pissed, tequila was out of the question. A drunk Sage could be a wildcard, but a drunk and pissed Sage spelled disaster for everyone.
So I had to go with option B.
I changed into a comfy, slouchy sweater and yoga pants, brought up my DVR so I could binge on the episodes of Vikings I’d fallen behind on, secured my hair at the top of my head, and slathered my face with the honey and cucumber mask I’d gotten from Eden.
I laid sprawled out on my couch, watching Bjorn be hot and Lagertha be a badass, waiting for my calm to kick in when my cell rang.
Seeing the name on the screen, I answered and brought it to my ear. “Hey, babe. What’s up?”
“You slept with Xander Caine?”
At Danika’s shrill cry, I pulled the phone back and winced, hoping she hadn’t burst my eardrum.
Once the ringing in my ear stopped, I brought the phone back and asked, “How the hell did you know about that?”
“So it’s true?”
I let out a breath and reached for the remote to pause the show. A battle scene was about to start, and I didn’t want to miss it. “Yes, it’s true.”
“Oh my god,” she breathed through the line, and I could only imagine what her face looked like just then. “I want to know everything!”
“Spill how you heard about it, first.”
“Well, Rory came in this morning for a coffee and told me you’d been at the bar last night and left all kinds of pissed because Xander was supposed to be your teammate for the trivia competition, and he didn’t show. She said the last she saw of you, you’d been gearing up to track him down and tear him a new one. I was gonna call to ask you about that, but before I had the chance Eden called me and told me there was some kind of big bust-up at Alpha Omega earlier. She said that Gypsy said that Marco said something had gone down with Bryce that set Xander off. He announced to everyone you two had hooked up, and some things were said that pissed you off enough that you told off everyone involved and bailed, saying you’d be working from home the rest of the day.” By the time she finished her rant, she was breathless.
“So, what you’re telling me is that basically everyone in town now knows everything that’s happened in my life for the past day and a half.”
She paused for a moment then confirmed, “Yeah, pretty much.”
“For the love of god,” I groaned, flopping to my back on the couch. “Those freaking guys. They gossip worse than teenage girls.”
Danika’s laughter hit my ears. “You’ve been working there a month. I can’t imagine this surprises you. It’s local lore the badasses at Alpha Omega can’t keep their traps shut.”
“This is true,” I grumbled. “So does this call mean I can expect the rest of the girls to blow up my phone tonight?”
“Nah, they’re sweet. I’m sure they’ll wait to let the dust settle before making their approach, but I’m not that nice. My biker-chick bestie hooked up with the sexy and totally mysterious Xander Caine, and I want to know what happened.”
An annoying ache started building behind my eyes. “There’s really not a lot to tell that you haven’t already heard. I tracked him down at Rebels and we had it out.”
“Babe, please tell me you didn’t go inside. That place is rough.”
“Uh, yeah,” I answered carefully. “I did, and it totally is. I kind of started a bar fight that Xander had to finish. Afterward, he dragged me out, and then we had it out in the parking lot.”
“Holy shit! You started a barfight at Rebels?”
“It wasn’t my fault,” I cried defensively. “I’d already told the jerkoff twice not to touch me. I can’t be held accountable for what happened after that.”
I heard the humor in her voice as she asked, “What exactly did happen after that?”
“Well . . .” I looked down and started tugging at a loose thread on the hem of my sweater. “Like I said, the guy wouldn’t let go, so I . . . smashed a beer bottle over his head.” Danika let out a hoot of laughter. “It’s not that funny,” I said, even though my own lips were twitching. “After I did that, Xander took out the guy’s buds, and we got the hell out of there.”
“I have a feeling there’s a lot more you’re leaving out. Spill it, babe, and I’ll give you free coffee for a week.”
That was an offer I couldn’t possibly refuse, so I did as she’d requested. “I already told you, we got into a fight in the parking lot. It was bad, Dani. Like, ugly. He said some things and I ended up slapping him, really freaking hard.”
She sucked in a gasp. “How the hell did that lead to you guys hooking up?”
“I went off, called him on all of his shit, and when I tried to walk away he grabbed me and . . . well, kissed me.” I thought back to that first kiss and felt my chest depress on a sigh. “And it was a really good kiss, Dani. I’m talking cosmic. Things just sort of took off from there. He put me on his bike and took me back to his place. And . . . you know the rest.”
“Does this mean you guys are a couple now?”
I deflated at the excitement in her tone. “I don’t know what the hell we are. He’s got some stuff from his past he won’t talk about. And when I say that, I mean he keeps whatever it is locked tight. We agreed to take it one day at a time, but then he acted like a jealous asshole at work. He lost his shit when he saw Bryce’s arm around my shoulders and things spiraled out of control. I haven’t spoken to him since I left the office.”
She didn’t say anything for several seconds, and the silence eventually became too much for me. “Say something, Dani. What are you thinking?”
“I just . . . I mean, wow. That’s a lot. And in a really short period of time.”
“I know,” I moaned, reaching up to rub my temple, careful not to smear the goop on my face. “Believe me, I’ve questioned myself about a million times, and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”
I felt like I was floundering. I’d gone with my gut earlier this morning, but with everything that had happened since, I couldn’t seem to tread water fast enough. I needed someone to open up to, a girlfriend I could dump everything on so she could help me navigate my way through. I hadn’t had a friend I could do that with in years, but now with Dani, I finally had that. So I gave it to her. Every single bit.
I lay there on my couch, pouring out everything that had occurred since the night before. By the time I was done, I felt like a load had been lifted from my chest. Unfortunately, it was only half. The other half still remained, weighing me down.
“Okay,” she finally said after taking everything in. “I thought I got the gist of it when I said it was a lot before, but babe, this is a lot.”
“I don’t know what
I’m doing,” I admitted quietly. “God, Dani. I can’t imagine what happened to him to make him the way he is, and it’s not like I can ask. He made that clear. But whatever it was, it’s still screwing with him in a very big way. I mean, I knew he had demons, you can see them in his eyes just by looking at him, but this is something else.”
“Everyone has demons, honey,” she replied, her voice just as quiet as mine. “Some are just way bigger than others. I’m no expert, but I imagine if he found the right person, someone he can trust, he’d eventually hand that burden over.”
“I don’t know.” I gave my head a shake even though she couldn’t see me. “I can’t read this guy. You should have seen his face when I tried to leave. I don’t know how to explain it. He looked . . .”
“Ravaged?”
“Yes,” I said in quick agreement. “It was like the thought of me leaving terrified him. He goes from hot to cold in a blink. He jumped out of that bed like his ass was on fire as soon as he came, then practically begged me not to go. I got this sweet, playful side of him this morning, then he flips again and turns into a jealous ass. I don’t have a clue how he’s going to be from one minute to the next.”
“I’m sensing a but coming here.”
She wasn’t wrong. “But,” I added slowly, “when I’m not with him, I miss him. Like now. Even though I saw him a few hours ago, and even though he pissed me off, I miss him. And what I feel when I’m with him . . . it’s so intense it scares the hell out of me. My stomach flips whenever he grins, but when he smiles . . . I can’t even describe it. I’ve gotten two smiles from him, Dani. Two. That’s it, but after each one I felt this nagging need to do everything in my power to earn another. And when he told me he liked my outfit because it was me, I wanted to cry. He’s under my skin. A part of me knows that isn’t healthy, and it’s going to go very badly, but the other part of me just doesn’t care. How twisted is that?”
“I don’t think it’s twisted, honey. I think you saw the good in him from the very beginning, even when he was doing everything in his power to hide it from you, and maybe that’s why you’re so drawn to him. You said it yourself, he’s gone through something bad, and whatever it was, he’s been hiding behind it for a long time. You saw through it, and that scared him. That said, being scared isn’t an excuse to treat someone badly. He’s said some awful things to you, and it’s good he’s apologized, but apologies stop meaning anything when you have to give them constantly.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that, if it’s clear by his actions that he’s learned his lesson and starts treating you the way you deserve to be treated all the time and not just some of it, give him a shot. Do what you agreed to and take this one day at a time. But if he keeps being cruel because that’s his gut reaction to fear, or he thinks he can get away with it by saying he’s sorry, you get rid of his ass, plain and simple.”
It was good advice.
No . . . it was great advice, the same thing I’d say if the roles were reversed, but there was still one thing bothering me.
“I feel like I could get lost in him,” I confessed on a whisper. “I’m terrified of letting that happen. I made that mistake once, and I promised myself I’d never make it again, but I feel myself going down a familiar path.”
She remained quiet for a while, then asked a question that hadn’t once thought of asking myself. “Is Xander anything like this other guy?”
I sat up quickly, my eyes going wide. “No. No, he’s nothing like him. Not at all. The only time that guy was ever sweet was when he wanted something. Xander isn’t exactly sweet, but he’s thoughtful and considerate in a way my ex never was. I was young and stupid, so I didn’t see the signs, but looking back, they were obvious. He wasn’t a good man, not at all. Xander’s nothing like him.”
“Then you can’t compare the two, Sage.” Then she said something that proved she was just as incredible as I already knew her to be. “I won’t ask about this other guy, babe. If you want me to have that, you’ll give it to me. And if you don’t, we’ll just keep on keepin’ on. But I’ll tell you this. Be smart, learn from your mistakes, but don’t put the sins he committed on someone else’s shoulders. You’re smart, you’re brave, and you’re incredibly strong. Don’t question yourself. That’s something that asshole put in your head. You know what’s best for you, so don’t start doubting your instincts.”
It took me a moment before I was able to speak past the lump in my throat. “You know, this might be a first for me. I can’t recall ever having a friend I could talk to the way I can with you.”
“Well then, let me just tell you how honored I am to be able to give you that.”
I sniffled and looked up at the ceiling in an effort to fight back the burn of tears. “Okay, you have to stop now or I’m gonna cry. And I’m wearing one of Eden’s face masks.”
Danika’s light laugh rang through the line, and just like that the other half of that load slipped right off my chest. “Then I’ll let you go so you don’t turn into a big sissy and start bawling your eyes out.”
“Thanks, honey,” I whispered, my voice reflecting everything I was feeling in that moment.
“No thanks necessary. You’d do the same for me.”
“In a heartbeat. And I’m holding you to that free coffee for a week gig you promised earlier.”
“Then I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yeah, Dani. See you then.”
We both rang off, and I looked at my remote, feeling a million times better. I was just about to restart my show when I heard the growl of a large engine and a set of headlights shined through the windows into my living room.
Turning to look over the back of the couch out my front window, my breath caught in my lungs as I watched Xander’s truck come to a stop in my driveway right behind my baby.
His big body alighted from the cab, and I had just enough time to wonder which Xander I’d get this time before a knock sounded on my door.
Chapter Twenty-One
Xander
She opened the door with an angry scowl beneath the green, crusty stuff she had slathered over her face.
“Jesus, Shortcake. What’s all over your face?”
“It’s a mask,” she answered bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s supposed to exfoliate while helping me to relax.”
I figured by her expression and the tone of her voice it wasn’t doing its job on the second front, but I didn’t point that out. Instead, I held up the bag in my hand and said, “Chinese. Since I wrecked your lunch plans, I thought I’d try and fix it with dinner.”
Her only response was to arch an eyebrow, which made the mask crack along her forehead.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I said quietly as my gut clenched. “I was an asshole.”
I wasn’t sure what to expect when it came to her response, but I’d hoped an apology would at least get me through the door.
It didn’t.
“You know, by my count you’ve treated me like shit four times and had to apologize to me twice in the past twenty-four hours. Have to say, Xander, I’m not thrilled with that pattern.”
The twisting stopped and my stomach went hollow, which felt about a million times worse. Being so close to her and not being able to touch her was a special kind of torture, so I moved in and whispered, “It’s not gonna happen again, Sage. I swear. I lost my shit earlier, and that never should’ve happened. I’m so sorry.”
She went quiet for a beat, looking down at her feet in contemplation before returning her eyes back to me. “Someone told me that apologies stop meaning anything when you have to give them constantly.”
“I’ll do better,” I replied quickly. “Just let me come in, baby. Please.”
I could see the hesitance on her face, and each second that ticked by was excruciating, but she finally blew out a long breath and stepped aside so I could enter, closing the door behind me.
“Dishes are in the cabinet above the
toaster. Silverware’s in the drawer by the fridge. Plate that up while I go wash this off my face. Then we’re gonna talk while we eat.”
What she’d just said wasn’t exactly promising, but at least I was inside. Unable to help myself any longer, when she moved to pass by me, I looped my arms around her waist and pulled her back. “I know I’m already on shaky ground here, but could I at least kiss you first?”
Her eyes warmed, and some of the hardness moved out of her features. “This isn’t really conducive to kissing,” she said, waving a hand around her face.
It wasn’t a hard and fast no, so I decided to chance it. Since the crap on her face got in the way of her mouth, I bent lower and brushed my lips again the pulse in her neck, inhaling the scent of lilies and something else.
Pulling back, I looked down at her and lifted my brows. “I don’t know if that shit’s exfoliating your skin or not, but it smells fuckin’ fantastic.”
“I-it’s uh . . .” She cleared her throat, that one little kiss leaving her flustered. “It’s cucumber and honey. Eden made it for me.” I let out a low, appreciative hum and leaned back in, pulling in a deeper breath. “Don’t lick it,” she blurted. “Eden was very clear about that. Apparently Nona made mention once that it smelled good enough to eat, so she stressed that it isn’t.”
I stood tall and chuckled, my lips tipping into a grin as I looked down at her. “Don’t worry, baby. Had no intention of licking it. Go wash it off so we can eat and talk, yeah?”
She nodded and started to walk away when I tagged her hand and stopped her. “I mean it, Sage,” I started when she looked back at me. “I’m gonna do better. You have my word.”
Then I let her go, and as she disappeared down the hall, all I could do was hope she’d give me a chance to prove it.
Because I couldn’t give her up. Not when I’d just gotten her.
Out of the Darkness: a Hope Valley novel Page 16
