“Yes, I guess so.” Like must marry like, Vicki thought, remembering what the ghost had told her before. It might be true, but it didn’t make the hurt go away.
Antonio appeared at sundown. He looked incredibly sexy in a pair of tight black jeans and a black sweatshirt. Just looking at him make her heart race and her insides tingle. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life making him happy.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
She nodded, too close to tears to speak.
She closed her eyes when he put his arm around her. Once again, she experienced that sense of flying swiftly through the air, a sudden queasiness, like being seasick, followed by a familiar feeling of weightlessness, as if her soul had left her body behind.
The next thing she knew, she was standing in the middle of her living room. “I guess you’ll be going now,” she said, blinking rapidly to keep from crying.
“The danger is past.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Victoria…”
“I want you to stay.” The word forever hovered unspoken in the air between them. “Will you stay, at least for a little while?”
He nodded. Dragging it out would not make it easier for either of them, but he couldn’t bear the sadness in her eyes. Another week, perhaps two. What harm could it do? She was young. Perhaps she would come to realize that what she felt for him was no more than infatuation for a creature unlike anything she had ever known. Perhaps when she realized how little she had in common with a vampire, it would make leaving her easier. If he was lucky, maybe she would ask him to leave.
She smiled when he agreed to stay. It warmed the cold places in his heart. He would do anything she wished just to see that smile.
Vicki glanced around her house. Except for a fine layer of dust on everything, the house looked the same as always. Odd, that it no longer felt like home.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “My fish!” How could she have forgotten about them?
They were dead, of course. Looking at them, she burst into tears.
“Victoria.” Antonio had followed her into the den. Drawing her into his arms, he held her close. He knew she wasn’t crying for the fish, at least not entirely. It was a natural reaction to everything she had been through in the past few weeks, a release of tension and fear and the horror of Falco’s death.
He stroked her back, his whole body attuned to her every breath, her every heartbeat. The fragrance of her hair and skin teased his nostrils, the scent of her blood spoke to his hunger.
Gradually, her tears subsided and she stood, unmoving, in his arms, her cheek pillowed on his chest. Awareness sparked between them.
Antonio rested his chin on the top of her head. How long could he refuse to take what he so desperately wanted? How could he take her innocence knowing he was going to leave her?
He groaned low in his throat as his body warred with his conscience.
She leaned into him, her arms sliding up around his neck. “You want me,” she said, “I know you do.” Drawing his head down, she pressed her lips to his.
He crushed her body to his, his mouth devouring hers as if he could never get enough, as if he would never let her go. She was every dream he had refused to acknowledge, every hope for a future he could never have.
His hands caressed her, memorizing every soft, sweet curve, the silky-smooth texture of her hair, the line of her back, the way her body so perfectly molded itself to his.
He closed his eyes, imprinting the way her hands felt on his body as she began a slow exploration of her own, the way her breath caught in her throat when she felt his arousal, the way her tongue dueled with his.
“Antonio, please…”
He looked into her eyes, eyes filled with love and trust and yearning, and knew he would never be able to forgive himself if he took what she was offering. Making love to her, stealing her virginity, would prove he was as much a monster as Dimitri Falco, but instead of taking Victoria’s life, he would be taking her innocence, something he had no right to take and nothing to give in return.
“Victoria, listen to me—”
“No! I don’t want to hear it. Not now. Not ever.”
“There can be no future for us, sweeting. You must know that.”
“I don’t believe that!” But there it was again, Lady Kathryn’s voice telling her that like must marry like.
She opened her mouth to argue, but found herself unable to speak when his gaze caught and held hers.
“You will hear me,” he said. “I cannot be what you want or what you need. I cannot be a husband or a father. I cannot share your life, and you cannot share mine. In time you would come to hate me for the sacrifices you would have to make to stay with me. I told you before, a vampire’s existence is a life against nature. I could not bear your hatred. I could not bear to watch you grow old, knowing I had cheated you of the chance to live a normal life, to have a family. I love you. You must never doubt that. I love you as I have never loved anyone else. I know I told you I would stay for a while, but I think it is best for both of us if I go now. Prolonging our good-bye will not make it easier for either of us.”
He kissed her then, pouring all his love and his longing into that one soul-deep kiss.
“I love you, Victoria Cavendish,” he said fervently. “Please forgive me.”
Unable to speak or to move, she could only stand there while tears dripped down her cheeks.
“Buono notte, my sweet one,” he whispered, and disappeared in a swirling gray mist.
Released from his spell, she sank down on the floor. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she rocked back and forth while silent tears rained down her cheeks.
He was gone, and she would never fall in love again.
She grieved for a week and then she pulled herself together and went back to work. Gus welcomed her with a bear hug and a smile, and after the first hour or so, it was as if she had never been away.
When people asked where she had been for so long, she shrugged and said she had been on a much-needed vacation.
Bobbie Sue was glowing with happiness, eager to show Vicki her engagement ring, properly outraged at the way Antonio had behaved.
“I can’t believe he would just leave you like that!” Bobbie Sue said during one of their breaks. “I mean, really, after all you did for him! Why, you saved his life, the ungrateful…man!”
“Oh, Bobbie Sue,” Vicki had said, fighting tears. “If he’d been a man, he’d still be here.”
It stormed on Thanksgiving, reminding Vicki of the night she had first seen Antonio. But then, it seemed that everything reminded her of Antonio.
Bobbie Sue had invited Vicki to have dinner at her house, but it was too painful to be around Bobbie Sue and Tom, to see how happy they were together.
Instead, Vicki spent the holiday with Mrs. Heath. The older woman listened intently as Vicki told her everything that had happened since she left Pear Blossom Creek.
“He’s dead,” Mrs. Heath exclaimed softly. “I can scarcely believe it. Do you know what this means? It means I don’t have to be afraid anymore. I can sit outside at night and watch the fireflies. Bless you, child!”
Time passed. Days turned to weeks. Christmas came and Vicki went to visit her mother and her sister for a few days, but she was glad to get back home, glad to get back to work.
She accepted a date with Arnie for New Year’s Eve and they went to a party at Bobbie Sue’s house. She tried to have a good time. She danced with Arnie and laughed at his jokes; she even let him take her outside, where they stood in the shadows and necked like a couple of teenagers, but her heart wasn’t in it. His kisses, while pleasant, didn’t make her heart pound or send her blood racing.
With a sigh, he let her go. “I keep hoping I can light some sparks between us,” he said glumly. “But I guess the fire’s just on my side.”
“I’m sorry, Arnie, really I am, but…”
“It’s that guy, isn’t it? That stranger tha
t was hanging around for a while?”
She nodded, afraid to mention Antonio’s name for fear she would burst into tears.
“Well, you can’t blame a guy for tryin’ one more time,” Arnie said with a wistful smile. “But if you’ve got it bad for the guy, why didn’t you let him know?”
“I did, but we had a few problems we couldn’t work out.”
“I’m sorry, Vicki. If there’s anything I can do to help…?”
“Thanks, Arnie.”
The blaring of horns and a few distant gunshots announced the arrival of the new year.
Arnie held out his arms and waited, letting the decision be hers. She hesitated only a moment, then moved into his embrace and let him kiss her. There were no bells, no skyrockets. It was just a friendly kiss. A few minutes later, she pleaded a headache and asked Arnie to take her home.
After getting ready for bed and making sure all the doors and windows were locked, she sat in front of her bedroom window and stared into the darkness, wondering where Antonio was. Had he spent the evening at the castle with Lady Kathryn? Or had he spent it with another woman? Had he kissed her at midnight and wished her a happy new year?
She let the tears come then because it was too painful to hold them back any longer. Later, lying in bed feeling sorry for herself, she resolved to put Antonio Battista out of her mind once and for all.
And it worked, too, until she woke up the next morning.
Trying to forget Antonio was like trying to give up chocolate. No matter how good her intentions were, sooner or later she had to give in. The longest she had ever gone without chocolate was a day and a half. The longest she managed to go without thinking of Antonio was an hour and a half, while she took a nap. And then, even though she wasn’t consciously thinking of him, he was there, in her dreams, his dark eyes filled with a yearning that matched her own. In her dreams, she could be with him. Never before had she had dreams that were so realistic. She could taste him and touch him, hear his voice, inhale his heady masculine scent. He beckoned to her and she obeyed, surrendering her body to his touch, fulfilling his every desire as he fulfilled hers. She went to bed earlier each night, eager to be in the arms of her phantom lover, to hear his voice whispering that he loved her.
It was pathetic, she thought as she went to bed that night, that her dreams were happier and more fulfilling than her current reality. But if she couldn’t have Antonio in the flesh, she would settle for whatever she could get.
Antonio lay on his back in the bed she had slept in, her pillow beneath his head. Her scent filled his nostrils; her image was constantly in his mind. Try as he might, there was no escaping her.
Soon after he had returned to the castle, he had gone in search of female companionship. The girl, Steffie, had been about Victoria’s age, but that was where the similarity ended. Steffie had lived a hard life. The knowledge was there, in her eyes, in the harsh lines around her eyes and mouth, in her cynical expression when she told him what it would cost him to have her spend the night.
He had taken her to an expensive hotel, fully intending to bed her and hopefully ease his ache for Victoria. But nothing had happened. He had looked at her and felt nothing but disgust, not for her, but for himself. He had slipped her an extra fifty, told her to stay and enjoy the room, and left her there.
Now, he closed his eyes, courting sleep. He was a vampire, a creature who was alive only during the hours of darkness, yet these nights he sought sleep at the time when he was usually the most active. Sleep. He stalked it relentlessly, needing it as he needed blood to survive. In sleep, he could walk in her dreams. He could hold her and love her as he so longed to do. In her dreams, she did not resist him. In dreams, she was his, only his, eager for his touch, for his kisses. In sleep, her inhibitions were few and easily overcome. It was wrong, and he knew it, but he could no more resist invading her dreams than he could resist the need to quench his unholy thirst. He had let her go. Surely, he deserved some kind of reward for such an unselfish act. If he could not have her in the flesh, he would settle for whatever he could get.
February came, and with it, a flurry of activity. There was a wedding shower for Bobbie Sue and wedding rehearsals and suddenly it was Valentine’s Day. Vicki had been surprised to learn that Bobbie Sue and Duncan had decided to be married at night so Ramsey and his wife could attend. But maybe it wasn’t so surprising at that. After all, Duncan and Ramsey had been best friends for years before Ramsey was turned.
Vicki cried as she watched Bobbie Sue and Tom kiss after they had exchanged their vows. She wept because she was truly happy for her best friend. She wept because she was green with envy for the happiness she saw in Bobbie Sue’s eyes. She wept because she missed Antonio. Her heart ached for him, constantly yearning for something she could never have. She knew he had left her because he thought it was the right thing to do, because he didn’t want to deprive her of the chance to live a normal life, have children and grandchildren. But what good was a normal life if she couldn’t share it with the man she loved?
After the wedding, she met Edward Ramsey’s wife. Kelly Ramsey was lovely. Tall and slender, she had long, wavy black hair and brown eyes. Vicki also met Grigori Chiavari and his wife, Marisa. She wondered what the other guests would think if they knew there were vampires in their midst.
Later, standing quietly beside Bobbie Sue while Duncan and his vampire friends reminisced, Vicki studied the vampires. If she hadn’t known differently, she would never have guessed that Duncan’s friends were vampires and yet…Vicki studied Edward and Kelly and Grigori and Marisa. There was something about them, something elusive that they shared with Antonio. After a time, she realized it was the allure of the vampire, that innate charisma that allowed the Undead to seduce their prey so easily.
Grigori Chiavari reminded her a great deal of Antonio. They were both handsome and charming, with smiles that few women could resist. They had the same rugged athletic build, the same long black hair, though Antonio’s eyes were dark blue and Grigori’s were black.
Marisa Chiavari was petite, with shoulder-length dark brown hair and green eyes. She and Grigori looked good together, she small and feminine, he the epitome of male perfection. Grigori never missed a chance to touch his wife. It was obvious that he adored her, as she adored him.
Jealousy streaked through Vicki when she saw the way Grigori and Marisa looked at each other.
Only when like marries like. The words repeated themselves in Vicki’s mind as the night wore on.
Grigori had brought Marisa across.
Ramsey had brought Kelly across.
Vicki frowned. Why couldn’t Antonio bring her across? Deep inside, hadn’t she always known that was the only answer? Why hadn’t Antonio suggested it? Why hadn’t she?
Because, like it or not, a small part of her was repulsed by the mere idea of becoming what he was.
It was a truth she didn’t want to acknowledge, but the truth nevertheless.
She studied the vampire couples during the rest of the evening, wondering if it would be rude to take Kelly and Marisa aside and ask them the hundreds of questions running through her mind. Did they miss being mortal? Were they ever sorry they had accepted the Dark Gift? Would they do it again? Did they ever miss the daylight world? Did they miss eating and drinking, walks in the park, bright summer days, watching the beauty of a sunset, the promise of a sunrise? Did they regret giving up the chance to have children? If given the chance, would they return to mortality?
On the outside, Kelly and Marisa seemed perfectly happy with their vampire state and hopelessly in love with their husbands.
Vicki blew out a sigh. Did she love Antonio enough to take the step Marisa and Kelly had taken to be with the men they loved?
It was a thought that preyed on Vicki’s mind long after the reception was over.
Did she want to be a vampire? Did she want to give up the sun and drink blood to survive? Did she want to give up all hope of having a family?
D
id she want to spend the rest of her life without Antonio?
No!
Day after day, she weighed the pros and cons. And every night when she lay in bed, alone and lonely, she asked herself if she was making the right decision, a decision that, once made, could not be unmade. It wasn’t like a bad haircut that would eventually grow out. It wasn’t like picking out the wrong shade of lipstick or the wrong pair of shoes. This was a life-altering event. If she wasn’t happy with the fit, she couldn’t take it back.
In the eight days it took her to make up her mind, Vicki bought a disposable camera and had Bobbie Sue take her picture from every possible angle so that she wouldn’t forget what she looked like when looking in a mirror was no longer possible. She had her eyebrows tattooed so that she would never have to mess with applying eyebrow pencil again. She indulged her passion for chocolate. She had always tanned quickly and she spent hours sunbathing in the nude until she was a nice golden shade of brown, all over. She got up early to watch the sun rise. She stopped in at the Curl and Dye for a trim and got a manicure and a pedicure while she was at it. She went to lunch with Bobbie Sue a couple of times, called her mother and her sister and told them she was going on a long vacation and not to worry if they didn’t hear from her for a while.
She spent time with Mrs. Heath. The woman was amazing, Vicki thought. Now that she was no longer afraid to leave the house after dark, Mrs. Heath had become quite a gadabout. She played bingo at the church on Monday night, went to the monthly midnight sidewalk sales and the late movie, and sat out in her garden in the evening.
After eight days and nights of “should I or shouldn’t I,” Vickie called Gus and quit her job. She withdrew her savings from the bank. She called the utility companies and turned off the gas, water, electricity, and the phone. She didn’t tell Bobbie Sue where she was going for fear that her friend might talk her out of it.
Desire After Dark Page 26
